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take something off every goal/oil at 6/BG Vid 111 tkns// 98 Snap Sale/ #bigbooty [838 tokens remaining]
Date: September 25, 2022
AmateurPub
Reddit likes to jump to conclusions based on limited information so I’ll provide a counterpoint. We don’t know the dynamic of their relationship other than a couple paragraphs and we haven’t seen how discussions and problem-solving go for them.
My husband would tell you I’m a control freak who needs everything done my way, and for years he had me convinced he was right. Until I stepped back and thought about it. When we have a problem to solve, I do a ton of research and bring in multiple ideas to discuss. He does nothing and usually either has some wild idea that he’s put no thought into and is very obviously not going to work or he actively refuses to try my ideas.
An example: when our daughter was a newborn, she had awful gas pain that kept us all up at night. I researched it and brought several solutions to the table (gas drops, paced feeding, holding her upright for 20 mins after feeding, bicycle legs). My husband did no research (not just about this, but about anything baby related) and refused to try the ideas I’d found. Instead, he insisted on holding her flat on her back during feedings with the bottle vertical. A quick google search tells you that’s horrible for gas and it can cause ear infections. For two months, he did this every time he fed her. I asked him to stop. I showed him it was harmful. I eventually snapped and yelled. And at that point, he decided I was a control freak who wouldn’t let him try things his way and I’m just a nag. And I believed him because I was insisting he do it my way. But now I know he was wrong. I didn’t want to do it my way because it was my way, I wanted to do it my way because I actually was right. Our pediatrician even suggested the same things.
Cut them off entirely.
Tbf I think not dating people with a significant mental illnesses because you can't be the support person they need is valid, body attraction aside. (There is obviously a range here)
I mean again, objectively sucks but fair, and I say that as someone with a chronic mental illness.
Pink, you're describing a BF who seems to have a very strong abandonment fear. That would explain why he started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other men — and has tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members. He would view your spending time with your friends/family as your choosing them over him. It also would explain why he's unable to trust you — and why he probably hates being alone by himself.
This strong abandonment fear — as well as his very controlling behaviors — may be due to his having very weak control over his own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills he had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your BF, Pink, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.
First, you would be seeing him rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein he tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because he also uses B-W thinking in judging HIMSELF, he would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in his mind, he is “all bad.” He thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view himself as “The Victim.”
Further, to validate his “victim” status, he would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend himself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in his frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Second, you would not see him expressing his anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. He usually gets along fine with them. Rather, his temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, his sibling, or his parents).
Third, you are convinced he truly loves you. But you often see him flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you), frequently making you feel like you're “walking on eggshells.” Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.
Pink, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?
Where do you think you are going with this thinking?
Do you have any friends in school?