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ALL GOALS MET [Multi Goal]
Date: September 28, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
ALL GOALS MET [Multi Goal]
It sounds like you and your girlfriend have a very serious conversation inhead of you. You need to be honest with her about where you stand. In a relationship, it is important to respect each other’s beliefs or lack of and come to an understanding. If she can't understand that then there is a problem. You should be able to talk openly and honestly about your beliefs without feeling pressured.
You should explain to her why you are uncomfortable and that you still respect her beliefs and want to be supportive of her journey.
But if she makes it an ultimatum then it may be the beginning of the end.
Your dog also licks its own ass.
Says who?
I've never seen a shorter person and thought “Wow, what a loser”
I think you're putting things in your own way that are much less significant than they actually are
what is wrong with u?
So this came only up after this guy showed up? She doesn't want an open relationship but to cheat without feeling guilty
You want to take a homie on an intimate date? I’d said homie a female ? Maybe you should just sell the tickets and go bring your GF some soup and chocolate.
Because the guys a sociopath???
There not related, let them fuck
I’d ask her why she didn’t tell you to begin with. Did she think you’d get mad and not want her to go? If that is the case it seems she doesn’t trust you to treat her properly. Have you been overly possessive in the past or done anything that would make her think you wouldn’t want her to go? Based on what you’ve said it seems you wouldn’t have cared if she had just been honest.
If she can’t communicate her feelings on this topic honestly, she clearly had nefarious intentions.
The recent messages are equally troubling, both due to their existence and the uncertainty about their contents. Why is she still communicating with him? I would suggest you contact him directly and find out what is going on now. That will tell you about the veracity of your girl friend.
This
Emotional affairs are really really nude to disconnect from since there’s a feeling of needing to push forward to physical that is powerful. (I know having been there.)At this point, he should accept that if he wants to save your marriage, both of you should be working on your own relationship, free of interruptions from this person. Meaning he needs to create distance between him and her as you both work through what the root cause of this was, and fully address it.
I understand the feeling. I did it for reassurance and to make sure what I am seeing is correct. Abusive builds slowly and once you see it it is too late.
What do you mean one night you guys got a bit over the top, if you don’t mind me asking? Just curious.
It’s a mixed drink by the bartender. Shots are shots, but a bartender being tipped well often makes your drink a double for the price of a single.
You ARE making things worse.
When two horse are pulling nude against each other,
you don't lash one to make it pull “harder”.
Instead you settle both horses down and
sooth them so that they stand quietly.
This “I'll show Him/I'll show her” shit will get you nowhere.
Tell your SO you want to call a “truce” until you are both together and then
talk it through about where you both see this Bond going.
I'm not saying it will come out one way or another, but that feeling
of being respected has been know to mend a lot of rickety bridges.
Just sayin……
Cool beans
Yeah… Last time a man suggested pushing that after a No I reminded him I have teeth…
Well I have those. He’s great.
There's nothing wrong with you OP. There is something wrong with your partner. I hope you realize he is the one that has a problem and you can be with someone who loves you for who you are.
If she wants it badly enough (and loves you enough) she won’t ask you to mitigate yourself to marry her. Wait her out.
Yeah, I'd take custody of that vacation in the break-up so fast.
Yeah , he would just ask my immediately after sex and I didn’t want to say I hadn’t cuz then he would feel bad .
Came to say exactly this! Why are you about 30 dating someone who was in high school presumably last year? She probably realized that was weird and blocked you. It’s over.
Around one and a half years
It only took you four months to figure it out. Time to dump her.
But I cannot see a trick here. I may be able to get my money back this way
Have you talked with her about this? since you are both young she might not have realize that she should tell you if she changes plans, it's easy for her to not see your POV. Also there is a world where she might think you wouldnt want her to come over if she wasnt going to stay until night so she lies so you cant refuse.
It is posts like this that remind me how lucky i am that I found a woman who did not want children and it has worked out for 25 years. I am so sorry this happened to you. I know you are hurting, but this is what you want for your life. I say want as opposed to do not want due to the connotation that the latter minimizes you.
You don't have to post to be able to chat to people privately. Just like Messenger.
Being married gives you more rights because some countries don't recognize common in law. Something to think about. Also if nothing will change for you then get married because it will make him happy and seal the deal for him.
When I was your age, I had been married and had started going through my divorce triggered by my ex wife… who I discovered was cheating.
When I was ready to start seriously dating again, one of the nude and fast rules I had was that if she had an ex in the picture, I was out. Instantly. For any reason beyond running into them randomly.
When I had been dating around and tried to bend that rule, it always ended in drama. Usually cheating (with the ex), but even if not just “you don't trust me” or “why can't I have my ex come to your birthday party” or weird conversations at parties about what kind of sex life they used to have together.
It just got tiresome, so I made the rule and stuck to it. And I'm so glad I did. The drama in my dating life went down significantly. And I hate drama.
I never ultimatumed anyone. I never set boundaries. I never asked anyone not to be friends with anyone. I just noped right out of the relationship and moved on right away.
And that's what I suggest you do. Your “girlfriend” is so hung up on her ex it hurts. You're just a minor character in their play, man.
I can see why you’d come up with this conclusion. Yes, we actually do have a pretty great relationship. It’s not about him showing approval for things he approves of. He’s like that about stuff in his life too. Just a negative scenario kind of person. He doesn’t tell me what I need to do or how I should handle things. He doesn’t think he knows better than I do. He indeed is considerate in all other areas of the relationship, recently I got sick and went to the urgent care. He spent all night there with me then went to work all day immediately after. Then he came and cleaned my house because I wasn’t feeling up to it. He shows love and care in many different ways. Even when he makes the negative comments about something he still doesn’t shut it down, like we still do it and we usually have a good time. It’s more about him having that initial negative reaction to things. That’s what’s draining for me sometimes.
We have an amazing relationship outside of this. I don't feel like this issue outweighs everything else we have together.
Tell him “Absolutely fucking NOT.”
You didn’t do anything wrong reaching out to her. What you’re seeing is a narcissist melting down over being exposed. None of what he’s demanding falls under the definition of “closure”. What it is, is a demand for you to participate in his “(false) image management”, and maintaining a crafted image to people is supremely important to narcissists. What people think and believe about them is the false reality they survive on like oxygen.
Do NONE of that. You’re allowed to talk to his ex. That’s not a boundary. If it was, he can break up with you. But it isn’t. Boundaries aren’t things used to control other people, only yourself.
i’m so sorry. you shouldn’t have to go through something so incredibly horrible and violating.
I don't think you understand the whole situation.
You tried dating him and you found out that this isn't the right relationship for you, so you should move on.
This will only get worse. It's a 5 month relationship. Just cut ties.
Why are you getting so upset? Are you suggesting the Abolition movement and Women’s rights are extreme in comparison? Because those were the first things listed.
I can’t imagine the mindset it takes to just willingly ignore all context to and argument so you can get worked up about a non-point. Stand down officer. No one is saying vegetarianism is extreme today.
And to say vegetarianism has no historical links to religion is just…lol.
I agree with you. Check out OPs history. There a ton of posts about buying new cars from quite a while ago and more recently. I think there’s more to this whole thing than states in the post.
Can we please stop with this “most people just don't have the level of trust and communication required to have a non-monogamous relationship”. The superiority complex is nauseating. I say this as someone who has in the past happily practiced ethical non monogamy.
You can have a deeply trusting, loving and incredibly communicative relationship and still not want to be part of “the lifestyle” because it's simply not for you. Can we please stop acting like poly people are somehow more evolved and superior and have greater levels of trust and abilities to communicate than mono people? It's ridiculous and untrue. It's a different lifestyle choice, not a better one.
Also calling it “The Lifestyle” repeatedly like that is super culty and weird.
You need therapy ASAP. Do it for yourself and for your future relationships. This relationship will not last. I can see you being the toxic trash that your boyfriend will take out of his life soon enough.
You’re less than a year in and only 22. Are you dating for fun or for a relationship? If you want a long term partner, is this what you want the rest of your life to look like?
Be prepared to break up, and don't let it get you down. You're really young. Your 20s are a time of personal growth and self-discovery. You'll likely have a couple more failed relationships before finding the person you're meant to be with. You'll be okay.
He’s nude, physically – amazing body, and features. We have some interesting conversations. I admire that he is an artist.
He lied to me about being back on tinder when we were going to call it off. We’ve been kind of off and on. I knew he was back on tinder because I checked and he flat out lied to my face. He finally ended up admitting it.
I think he’s still leaving the door open to her too but he says he’s not. I know her cheating on him had to of hurt but I don’t think he’s over her. I think they officially broke up about a year ago at this point, but they were still hooking up until I think July 2022 ish. He wouldn’t have even responded to her text if he was over her, right?
Your fiance spent decades abusing her sisters, hasn't apologized, and is now claiming their trauma as her own.
Why are you still engaged to her again?
That makes it EVEN WORSE that he somehow can’t respect you. I can’t imagine he isn’t doing this on purpose at this point, outside of him feeling like he has some sort of authority or status above you that makes him qualified to basically mansplain stuff to you. Seriously, I’d sit him down and cut right through his bs. Get it straight from his mouth why he keeps doing this when you keep telling him not to. His answer will tell you all you need to know
So you gifted something and expected a gift in return? That's what I call “strings attached”.
“Keep better company” ah yes the solution to all women’s problems. Fuck off
Doesn’t matter what he did while he was there in those 2.5 hours. He lied to you. He overstepped a boundary.
does anyone else not trust that he didn't actually…hook up with a dancer? sounds like this guy will never tell the full truth, because he doesn't respect her on any level.
There are good men and then there are… Children masquerading as men until it's not fun to play pretend anymore
This hit me like an absolute freight train. Not only have I not been dating for the past few years primarily because of this problem being so common, It's now cropping up in my guy friend's lives and many of them are just miserably unhappy because they're not equal partners in their relationships and they don't want to be. It is a lot of work and they've been supported and cared for by women their whole lives.
Like they've read all the books about how to be a good dads and how to be a good partners and all of the articles about emotional labor and then just decided…nahhhh, too much work, too much effort. I'd rather stay coasting, and not only that, I want to be appreciated as though I'm the sole breadwinner or the conquering hero. And their own hypocrisy is starting to eat away at them and their wives or girlfriends are starting to resent them.
If it were up to him, you’d never cum. Why is he okay with that?
The book is geared toward women because your pleasure is being neglected. He should care about your pleasure during sex, that’s bare minimum.
You aren't overreacting. I agree with the above comments about him finally revealing his authentic self now that you are actually needing him to be responsible. It is honestly easier dealing with pregnancy and post partum as a single mom than it is with a bad partner. I've done both.
As a mom myself, something that might be causing the fussiness is gas or difficulty moving bowels (really common first 4-8wks), gently massaging under the belly button and doing bicycle motions and “happy baby” pose usually helps a lot.
Stay away from your ex, you have caused hurt that will leave scars for the rest of his life. Stay away from everyone really. People like you suck .
They announced that they decided to become acesexual, this isn't any form of acephobia on my part. They specifically said they're choosing to do it.
I also didn't make any demands nor do I feel it is my place to do such things.
Thank you for your insight.
I’m definitely not going to budge on this. I love to do things myself. I grew up with all sisters. My dad didn’t have sons, he made us learn. And I love him for it. I love doing it and I even do my own mechanical work.. Shit I can post pics since everyone thinks it’s fake.
I can share a bit of a queer perspective on this I hope! My best friend and I are both bi and have been insanely close for almost a decade but have never (not even when absolutely wasted) done anything more than hug. Your wife’s friend being a lesbian doesn’t mean anything about the nature of their relationship (I am assuming youre a man and you and your wife are straight, but please correct me if not). Being attracted to all genders personally, it’s pretty clear cut whether or not I’m attracted to someone and, on top of that, if I am attracted to someone I’m friends with but can’t act on that, I’m able to just… not. Do you have any women friends? Does your wife have any men friends? Think about how it’s possible for you all to be friends with the opposite sex but never feel attraction or make a move. It’s just as possible for queer people to do that (and honestly, most of us have a decent grasp of that bc we’re used to our friends often being the same gender as our attraction).
This is really a trust/jealousy issue on your part to be blunt. It’ll take personal work that isn’t your wife’s or her friend’s responsibility. She’s right that, unless a line has been crossed (which it doesn’t sound like is happening), you shouldn’t ask her to choose. If it helps, I had to do the same thing when my first partner (also bi) started becoming friends with another bi man. It just took some intentional focus by saying to myself “that is irrational; he is allowed to have friends of the gender he’s attracted to” whenever the thought popped up. You can even involve your therapist if you have one, because chances are your wife will continue to make friends who might theoretically be attracted to her (ie straight men or other queer women).
You can do this! You’re the only person in this story who really needs to adjust anything but it is doable.
You’re right, OP should never let her out of his sight and accompany her everywhere because even tho she’s 26 she has no agency and it’s all society’s fault
From what I read, you gave her LOADS of chances to patch things up, and you tried many different ways, but she didn’t want to do any of them. Your conscience is clear in my opinion.
It WILL happen again. Everything he’s doing now means shit. He showed you who he really Is. Believe him. Otherwise you’ll be making another post on here in a few weeks or months.
I’m getting really frustrated with people saying this. What’s the point of responding to a post if you don’t understand it? I never tried to claim him. We agreed to fwb, he started to see it as something else and things got really messed up. At the end of the day, I’m not even the one who tried to go back on things, I was just willing to see where we ended up. Me expecting the basic humane decency of not recording me without my consent and simultaneously claiming to be my friend + not being weird and literally placing a phone with a picture of someone else he hooked up with right above my head as we were having sex is not the same thing as me wanting to “claim him” or be in a relationship with him
He's putting distance between you guys because he's trying to date her. He needs sufficient time to “poison the well” so she thinks you're at fault for the relationship ending before he tries to slide in one with her.
This strategy is a common strategy in this age range to try and date the friend. It's how people end up dating everyone in a friend group.
Good points, nice to see a little bit of variation on this post lol.
And what happens if she gives very eager and enthusiastic consent, while really intoxicated?
The honesty and maturity gap is a bigger concern than the age gap, which TBH isn’t great either. This isn’t a little white lie, it’s a fundamental one that wrecks the foundation of your relationship. You can’t trust her because she’s not trustworthy. It’s only 6 months, let her go.