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get hard [Multi Goal]
Date: October 31, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
get hard [Multi Goal]
fair enough, but you know that you deserve better
I’d leave to be honest because he lied about it and didn’t give you the proper information to make an informed decision about whether to date him. A key part of becoming non-abusive is taking accountability and he failed to do that by lying to you (his actions match that of an abuser rather than someone who’s changed). This also suggests he’s done no work to unpick his thought patterns and behaviours that enabled him to abusive in the first place, as all resources geared towards stopping abuse state the abuser should own up to their actions so either he’s not seeking out resources on how to stop abusing or won’t follow the advice if it doesn’t benefit him.
To even consider staying I’d want to see concrete examples of things he’s done to change, i.e. has he committed to regular therapy? Or taken anger management classes? Has he read books/ blogs that help unpack abusive behaviours, and is doing so on an ongoing basis? I’d also want to know their titles, what he learned from them and insight that gave him into his own behaviour? You should ask how he knows he won’t do it again and if his answer is something like he’s changed and he loves you then leave as he’s not done the work to be a safe person. I bet he wasn’t abusing his ex in the first year of their relationship either, but that didn’t mean she was safe. If he’s made no effort then you’re relying on him being magically better and that’s a huge gamble to take with your safety. And, tbh, even if he has taken steps you may decide that you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone you’ll feel nervous with whenever you get into a disagreement and that’s ok too. Personally I would leave.
There is something there that has nothing to do with him, and more to do with what he represents that you haven't resolved for yourself. The answer isn't him, it's healing whatever part of you that feels drawn to him. That's when we truly heal, friend. I wish you the best and please know that a stranger is out here rooting for you to grow into the love that's truly made for you. Peace and blessings to you.