Out of interest, what parts of your body do you trade for money? Your muscles? Your brain? Your time? Your ability to be available to your family? We all use our body to earn money. Why shouldn't she use one of her physical assets to earn money just like anyone else. I bet you go to see sex workers and insist on bbbj and treat them like shit. Typical behaviour that goes with that mindset.
Why are you bringing a dish to his family gathering. If he goes without you does he ho empty-handed? In other words, is it only the female attendees who are required to provide food?? Because that's fucked up if so. Tell him he needs to provide the dish that you guys – as a couple – agreed to bring because you are not well from a severe lack of sleep followed by having to work.
That's what we think we are going to do. The only problem is SIL will already be there this entire week so we can't avoid her even if we go another day.
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These comments are kinda weird. I think you should think about why you felt weird, do you wonder if he’ll ever hurt you if you guys fight? Does it make you feel insecure about your strength? Was he purposely going full strength? Things like that. Real honest questions in the privacy of your own mind. Not these dumb ass fuck around and find out comments, like, go hate women somewhere else ?. He sounds remorseful honestly. It’s good that he let go and I think you were just stunned to find out your partner is strong. Understandable. It’s a weird feeling. I personally love play fighting but then again I’m a lesbian so the playing field is generally pretty level and depending on the girl I’ll take it easy or get my ass kicked but it’s all jokes. Wish you the best.
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You're right about the scholarship, it's something I'd really like to keep and not postpone, especially for something I love doing. I don't blame my parents at all, they haven't really asked us to do anything yet other than babysit the first night. Other than that my mom has been helping out as well, and they've even lent me some money for textbooks and when I got overcharged for rent this month. They're really great. I don't think they're going to want me to stay home, it's just a matter of is that something that I should decide to do as the oldest sister who loves my family. Thank you so much for your considerate advice, I definitely agree about my sister picking up some of the slack too 😉 haha
Move out or he moves out. Living together is most likely a toxic and unhealthy situation that delays healing and progression. Not to mention you'll never find another person when you live! woth your ex. If my gf lived with her ex when we started dating I'd have noped right out, because it's too big a red flag, even if it's due to unavoidable circumstance.
This is such a small thing for you to ask for. The fact he is unwilling to do such a little thing, even as much as it means to you, says a lot. It says that he is the sort of guy who is unwilling to consider your feelings and even make tiny concessions for you. This relationship is thus not going to survive.
So you met this middle aged man (I presume in the middle of the day when moms take their kids out to the park)-in the park, jamming with his guitar—Does he have a job or is guitar playing for change his job? His forgetfulness sounds a lot like recreational drug induced “Oooopises at best, and laziness, at worst. He is not—reliable, responsible, stable, trustworthy. He is not not doing stuff the “right way” just bc he lacks belief in himself that he he smart and responsible. He is not doing things bc he doesn’t want to and bc he doesn’t care And while he may not be able to find someone in his age range to be his “mommy,” (bc no grown-ass woman would put up with this shit), he is able to lure you—young, impressionable, eager, a child still. Now, he can “mold” and “teach” you to do things for him. Hopefully, u don’t read all these comments from everyone and still think -“Oh, he would be a good person to make family with.”
Tell her you prefer her being natural and that you would prefer for her not to get implants and ruin her natural beauty but that if she does you will still love her and still find her beautiful. Basically, what you wrote. But to her, not us.
I’ve definitely blocked toxic ex-boyfriend’s from everything. Some people need to be left behind and just take the lessons you learn from that relationship. Life is too short to spend any time with abusive, insulting people. I like a drama free lifestyle.
Ugghh this guy sounds like a loser and You’re already falling into a mommy role. You’ve got to stop this shit. It will only end up in your severe resentment and him sucking you dry of self worth. Been there, done that. Wise up now for your own mental health.
How would you feel if, every time you had to have a difficult conversation with your partner, he broke down in tears and made you feel so guilty that you had to drop whatever you wanted to talk about and comfort him instead? Would you feel sidelined? Dismissed? Frustrated that you're going unheard yet again? Because he is most likely feeling all of those things at once when this happens.
I get that you're not trying to be manipulative or exhausting, but thats exactly what you're being, and you owe it to your partner to actually put serious work into this, not just continue to cry because you made him sad.
Tell your therapist directly that this is an issue. “I can't help crying whenever i feel I've upset my partner, which causes him to have to sideline his own feelings to comfort me. This is creating strain on our relationship and i need help building strategies that help me be able to keep my emotions under control during conflict/difficult conversations and actually accept accountability for whatever i may have done”. They will be able to help you, you just need to ask for the specific help you need first.
Interesting. Has she ever gone to the doctor about her smell – and they said everything is fine? What is her daily hygiene routine? Does she have incontinence? Maybe her underwear is wet from urine and long contact makes it smell/taste like it.
From your first paragraph I reckon you do. This guy/stranger is calling you “cute” he's touching you up inappropriately, taking pictures…. who even does that? This person is a stranger, how is getting handsy and taking random pics, a potential friend?
Someone doesn't need to ask if you have a BF for you to assert that you do. In fact you shouldn't have to assert that to get someone to stop touching you. However, treat it as a “get out of jail free card” if you will. You can use that card at any point with people like that, don't even need a BF to use it either.
From your first paragraph I reckon you do. This guy/stranger is calling you “cute” he's touching you up inappropriately, taking pictures…. who even does that? This person is a stranger, how is getting handsy and taking random pics, a potential friend?
Someone doesn't need to ask if you have a BF for you to assert that you do. In fact you shouldn't have to assert that to get someone to stop touching you. However, treat it as a “get out of jail free card” if you will. You can use that card at any point with people like that, don't even need a BF to use it either.
He will get help when he feels the need to. You need help now because you feel the need. The only thing you can do is what you wish he would do: take care of yourself and what you need to deal with for yourself and you own health. Best to you.
This is just gross. Just reading this made me want to puke. He was a 34 year old man who groomed you (as a teenager I imagine) and married you at 20. Now 10 years later he’s telling you that you are no longer physically attractive enough for him and your body is ruined. cause he’s a predator and likes younger girls. Sorry to put it bluntly, but he’s gross….and wrong. Being 5’-4 and 145 is totally normal. Don’t let him tear you down. Please don’t continue being emotionally and verbally abused by this asshat.
But one mate said it’ll be hard to keep the attraction when you’re say 32 and she’s 39
Yeah, 39 year olds are so gross. How could anyone be attracted to someone like that? Everyone knows that sex stops after 35, and no one is sexually attractive after that. Except men, probably, according to your mate. I'm sure he has a very healthy attitude towards women and relationships.
I’m truly, truly shocked that people are telling her to tell him, to RiP OfF ThE BaNdAiD.
??? NO! You don’t tell your secrets to strangers. You tell them your non-negotiables (children, goals, lifestyle, etc.)! Idk if it’s just this “chronically online” age or what, but people don’t NEED to know your trauma and secrets right away.
His actions after the fact don't paint him in good light. And yes he was raped so he needs to break up with the 21 year old. His ex is allowed her feelings and if she has chosen to move on, that's ok too.
I don’t think he necessarily feels like he “shouldn’t” have emotions because of the military, but I guess it doesn’t help being in a very non-emotional work environment.
I think he genuinely does feel bad about slightly missing the mark, but I think it’s his natural way of being. We’ve discussed it before and he’s really tried for a bit, but then it slips back into the old way.
I promise. Just do it for two whole days.
Women do love attention, don't they?
How old are you?
Out of interest, what parts of your body do you trade for money? Your muscles? Your brain? Your time? Your ability to be available to your family? We all use our body to earn money. Why shouldn't she use one of her physical assets to earn money just like anyone else. I bet you go to see sex workers and insist on bbbj and treat them like shit. Typical behaviour that goes with that mindset.
anything that effects those around you can have an effect on you
I support what they did i think it was fine not one got hurt the art wasnt damaged and they got attention
Why are you bringing a dish to his family gathering. If he goes without you does he ho empty-handed? In other words, is it only the female attendees who are required to provide food?? Because that's fucked up if so. Tell him he needs to provide the dish that you guys – as a couple – agreed to bring because you are not well from a severe lack of sleep followed by having to work.
That's what we think we are going to do. The only problem is SIL will already be there this entire week so we can't avoid her even if we go another day.
You'll get used to it
Yes, tell his wife and block him.
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If she told you to stop bringing it up, stop bringing it up
These comments are kinda weird. I think you should think about why you felt weird, do you wonder if he’ll ever hurt you if you guys fight? Does it make you feel insecure about your strength? Was he purposely going full strength? Things like that. Real honest questions in the privacy of your own mind. Not these dumb ass fuck around and find out comments, like, go hate women somewhere else ?. He sounds remorseful honestly. It’s good that he let go and I think you were just stunned to find out your partner is strong. Understandable. It’s a weird feeling. I personally love play fighting but then again I’m a lesbian so the playing field is generally pretty level and depending on the girl I’ll take it easy or get my ass kicked but it’s all jokes. Wish you the best.
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If I were you I'd start making an exit plan.
You're right about the scholarship, it's something I'd really like to keep and not postpone, especially for something I love doing. I don't blame my parents at all, they haven't really asked us to do anything yet other than babysit the first night. Other than that my mom has been helping out as well, and they've even lent me some money for textbooks and when I got overcharged for rent this month. They're really great. I don't think they're going to want me to stay home, it's just a matter of is that something that I should decide to do as the oldest sister who loves my family. Thank you so much for your considerate advice, I definitely agree about my sister picking up some of the slack too 😉 haha
I’m not saying he should be prohibited. I’m saying she will have had reason to be jealous and insecure because he obviously fancied the girl.
Learn to read!! He met her as a child. Not a 21 year old.
That is someone who is not that into you
Move out or he moves out. Living together is most likely a toxic and unhealthy situation that delays healing and progression. Not to mention you'll never find another person when you live! woth your ex. If my gf lived with her ex when we started dating I'd have noped right out, because it's too big a red flag, even if it's due to unavoidable circumstance.
Thanks everyone for the replies, he broke up with me! I have updated the post with my final thoughts.
Any touching is a sure fire sign. Women don’t touch random men on their arm if they’re not interested.
Thanks for your answer, clear and straight. Thinking about this is so painful…
She didn’t want to go back if you rest the OP fully.
… and you expect him not to be a misogynist?
This is such a small thing for you to ask for. The fact he is unwilling to do such a little thing, even as much as it means to you, says a lot. It says that he is the sort of guy who is unwilling to consider your feelings and even make tiny concessions for you. This relationship is thus not going to survive.
So you met this middle aged man (I presume in the middle of the day when moms take their kids out to the park)-in the park, jamming with his guitar—Does he have a job or is guitar playing for change his job? His forgetfulness sounds a lot like recreational drug induced “Oooopises at best, and laziness, at worst. He is not—reliable, responsible, stable, trustworthy. He is not not doing stuff the “right way” just bc he lacks belief in himself that he he smart and responsible. He is not doing things bc he doesn’t want to and bc he doesn’t care And while he may not be able to find someone in his age range to be his “mommy,” (bc no grown-ass woman would put up with this shit), he is able to lure you—young, impressionable, eager, a child still. Now, he can “mold” and “teach” you to do things for him. Hopefully, u don’t read all these comments from everyone and still think -“Oh, he would be a good person to make family with.”
Tell her you prefer her being natural and that you would prefer for her not to get implants and ruin her natural beauty but that if she does you will still love her and still find her beautiful. Basically, what you wrote. But to her, not us.
I’ve definitely blocked toxic ex-boyfriend’s from everything. Some people need to be left behind and just take the lessons you learn from that relationship. Life is too short to spend any time with abusive, insulting people. I like a drama free lifestyle.
Ugghh this guy sounds like a loser and You’re already falling into a mommy role. You’ve got to stop this shit. It will only end up in your severe resentment and him sucking you dry of self worth. Been there, done that. Wise up now for your own mental health.
How would you feel if, every time you had to have a difficult conversation with your partner, he broke down in tears and made you feel so guilty that you had to drop whatever you wanted to talk about and comfort him instead? Would you feel sidelined? Dismissed? Frustrated that you're going unheard yet again? Because he is most likely feeling all of those things at once when this happens.
I get that you're not trying to be manipulative or exhausting, but thats exactly what you're being, and you owe it to your partner to actually put serious work into this, not just continue to cry because you made him sad.
Tell your therapist directly that this is an issue. “I can't help crying whenever i feel I've upset my partner, which causes him to have to sideline his own feelings to comfort me. This is creating strain on our relationship and i need help building strategies that help me be able to keep my emotions under control during conflict/difficult conversations and actually accept accountability for whatever i may have done”. They will be able to help you, you just need to ask for the specific help you need first.
I think your boyfriend is not as into this relationship as you.
Interesting. Has she ever gone to the doctor about her smell – and they said everything is fine? What is her daily hygiene routine? Does she have incontinence? Maybe her underwear is wet from urine and long contact makes it smell/taste like it.
I do not understand the situation at all.
From your first paragraph I reckon you do. This guy/stranger is calling you “cute” he's touching you up inappropriately, taking pictures…. who even does that? This person is a stranger, how is getting handsy and taking random pics, a potential friend?
Someone doesn't need to ask if you have a BF for you to assert that you do. In fact you shouldn't have to assert that to get someone to stop touching you. However, treat it as a “get out of jail free card” if you will. You can use that card at any point with people like that, don't even need a BF to use it either.
I do not understand the situation at all.
From your first paragraph I reckon you do. This guy/stranger is calling you “cute” he's touching you up inappropriately, taking pictures…. who even does that? This person is a stranger, how is getting handsy and taking random pics, a potential friend?
Someone doesn't need to ask if you have a BF for you to assert that you do. In fact you shouldn't have to assert that to get someone to stop touching you. However, treat it as a “get out of jail free card” if you will. You can use that card at any point with people like that, don't even need a BF to use it either.
He will get help when he feels the need to. You need help now because you feel the need. The only thing you can do is what you wish he would do: take care of yourself and what you need to deal with for yourself and you own health. Best to you.
This is just gross. Just reading this made me want to puke. He was a 34 year old man who groomed you (as a teenager I imagine) and married you at 20. Now 10 years later he’s telling you that you are no longer physically attractive enough for him and your body is ruined. cause he’s a predator and likes younger girls. Sorry to put it bluntly, but he’s gross….and wrong. Being 5’-4 and 145 is totally normal. Don’t let him tear you down. Please don’t continue being emotionally and verbally abused by this asshat.
But one mate said it’ll be hard to keep the attraction when you’re say 32 and she’s 39
Yeah, 39 year olds are so gross. How could anyone be attracted to someone like that? Everyone knows that sex stops after 35, and no one is sexually attractive after that. Except men, probably, according to your mate. I'm sure he has a very healthy attitude towards women and relationships.
I’m truly, truly shocked that people are telling her to tell him, to RiP OfF ThE BaNdAiD.
??? NO! You don’t tell your secrets to strangers. You tell them your non-negotiables (children, goals, lifestyle, etc.)! Idk if it’s just this “chronically online” age or what, but people don’t NEED to know your trauma and secrets right away.
This would make her day. People like her thrive on knowing they hurt and damaged people.
His actions after the fact don't paint him in good light. And yes he was raped so he needs to break up with the 21 year old. His ex is allowed her feelings and if she has chosen to move on, that's ok too.
ig·no·rance
/ˈiɡnərəns/
noun
lack of knowledge or information.
“he acted in ignorance of basic procedures”
ad·vice
/ədˈvīs/
noun
1.
guidance or recommendations offered with regard to prudent future action.
“she visited the island on her doctor's advice”
Shut up bitch lol
Ok this gives me pause.
I think he gave a self-fulfilling prophecy here.
Guess he gets to not be bored with the next 50 years with you OP. Is that not what he wanted?
If he thinks it’s Not sexual……give him a hand job or oral and NO ORGASM, just to make SURE it’s not sexual.
Of course it’s sexual. And don’t forget to get “yours”.
I don’t think he necessarily feels like he “shouldn’t” have emotions because of the military, but I guess it doesn’t help being in a very non-emotional work environment.
I think he genuinely does feel bad about slightly missing the mark, but I think it’s his natural way of being. We’ve discussed it before and he’s really tried for a bit, but then it slips back into the old way.
Yeah, if your BF doesn’t believe you, the situation isn’t going to improve, and you need to bail ASAP.