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  1. I am writing this out for me to see it all written out too. So I’m sorry if it feels at all unhelpful.

    Well maybe you react poorly to his yelling… but that’s not really the issue. i am sort of the opposite. I am an incredibly patient person. Very level most of the time and very slow to express anger. I often start by trying to understand why the other person is upset. I might cry a little while talking but I will always be rational. And i will always repeat back their hurt feelings so they feel heard. And I’ll try to talk him down… but this is also emotionally exhausting. I don’t say “I’m patient” as a good thing. This comes from a toxic codependency I have. That’s bad in this situation because it will keep me accepting poor treatment. I will always be able to “rationalize” why he yelled at me. Why he wasn’t empathetic in that moment.

    What I’m saying to you is… YOU cannot change him. YOU cannot ‘react correctly’ to someone else’s abuse in order to stop it. If you are exhausted and it feels like you are walking on eggshells then it will just keep happening unless he chooses to get help or acknowledge the problem. It will only stop when you leave or HE acknowledges the problem. And even after he knows he reacts poorly… it can take years to deprogram that behavior in himself. It’s not overnight.

    To really answer your question. How do I deal with the bad days? I journal to figure out how I feel and if I can handle him behaving this way for the rest of my life. I love him. He’s a great partner other than these weird splits, but, I am tired too. I cannot change him. I can love him and at the same time, we can be wrong for each other. That’s how I handle the bad days. Remembering I am choosing this relationship. I can unchoose it if it hurts too much.

    One last note: the phrase “walking on eggshells” is something people who are partnered with a person who has BPD often say. You also described him throwing old wounds at you… which is also common for BPD. Im not saying he has it because there are a myriad of other symptoms, but this is a complex mental health issue and maybe he should see someone if he’s not already. Aside from that he should still see someone because he needs help dealing with his anger. He should never blow up at someone he loves over something so small.

    Sorry for the novel. We all behave poorly at times with our partners but patterns matter.

  2. My bf is insecure too. You just gotta show him some love to make him feel better about himself. I wouldn’t say you are the red flag for pressuring him. CUZ LETS BE HONEST — usually the roles are reversed and it’s a guy asking the girl. But in this case, your bf should feel comfortable around you. Just reassure him and make him feel good ab himself

  3. WOW she not how to hurt A guy..I d of asked if she got off..Or lest made sure she did thats what counts..Maybe than said what A big pussy she had.Told het I use to small tight ones or like that??

  4. Hello /u/Juiceunderthetable,

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  5. I started T when I was 24, I have not had any surgery. My wife and I have been together for 15 years. We talk it out. Is it easy? No. However, the conversation starts and ends with respect.

  6. This is more that just being an asshole. Your boyfriend is a horrible human being, he is a POS, what he is doing in not okay and you should absolutely break up with him it's not ypur responsability to teach someone with the emotional intelligence of a rock that bullying someone who suffered an eating disorder is extremely dangerous and abusive, probably he already knows the posible consequences of his actions, but he would rather keep hurting you even if you relapse. There is no way of fixing this, you deserve better and he deserves something i would rather keep to myself instead of getting banned

  7. There’s a difference between want to help someone get on their feet, and a hero complex. You’re either wanting to play hero, are targeting single mothers-paying their way to put yourself in “nice guy” position or you’re that desperate for love you’ll do anything… my guess-it’s the first or last option-you’ve already said marriage is happening sooner rather than later, so either you want a damsel in distress or afraid you won’t find love

  8. The problem here is not that your sister chose to sleep with your husband – it sounds like she was far too drunk to consent to sex and it sounds like that is a pattern with her.

    The problem is that your husband sounds like a rapist who took advantage of an incapacitated person.

    Did she make good choices? No. Did she deserve to be assaulted? No. Are you mad at the wrong party? Yes.

    (Also even if they were both dead sober and both actively consented to sex, which didn't happen – your husband would be the one choosing to break his marriage vows, not your sister).

  9. He doesn't love you, doesn't care about you, don't find you attractive and because of this he doesn't want to have sex with you. I don't know what exactly is wrong with you but advice here won't going to change. You don't want to leave him, so drown because of him (not with him). You will be homeless, unemployed and out of use for him, then he will leave. You have any idea what you are doing to yourself? If you don't throw him out of your life, you deserve every fucking thing that will happen to you. If nice words don't reach you, maybe harsh truth will. You are a useful idiot and as long as you are said idiot he will stick around to mooch out of you destroying you in the process. He stole your rent money, because he doesn't give af. And you can't even name it for what it is. You don't have a partner, you have a freeloader but don't want to acknowledge it. There are men who would love to form supportive relationship with you, where both parties care and wants best for the other person. He doesn't care what will happen with you. He doesn't even want to sleep with you, that's pathetic. He has fully free ride. You really don't have any self respect?

    Oh, and no, it's not depression speaking. He doesn't have a problem with drinking beer, finding stuff to smoke and smoking it (of course you are paying for both), playing games and living comfy life on your cost. Did he got actual diagnosis from an actual psychiatrist? You saw it on paper, signed by a doc? He got prescribed meds if he is so depressed? You can't be this desperate to hold on to this train wreck of a human.

    You want advice and count on people saying something different than they already did, ok. Stay with him, you deserve everything that's coming.

  10. He's the first guy that's ever been nice to me and stayed talking to me for this long

    That is a really low bar that you've set for yourself.

    I feel like I should feel honored by this


    You start by getting yourself into therapy. The way you are talking reminds me of someone who has low self-esteem, some maturity issues and no real sense of self.

  11. I read that one about 10 years ago. Why the mustache is making a comeback is beyond me. I have seen exactly one guy in my life it looked good on.

    I once shaved my beard off and just as a test I left the stache. I looked at myself for 3 like seconds before I shaved it off.

  12. Well you didnt only lie by omission, you changed some facts too. Its great you came clean about what you did, and also great he is willing to be a part of it for you. Now i think that you can only wait for him to decide if he can trust you or not. Chances are good since you came clean right away. Just make sure you never lie again , and be with him the next time you abuse people's trust live for pleasure. Now i might sound judgmental here, but its simply a description of what you're doing.

  13. I did therapy and I’m looking for a new therapist while still doing live therapy sessions every other week when I’m not working and I’ve done addicts anonymous counseling also, she’s expressed that she still loves me and wants the situation to get better but is really hurt and still needs time to heal and see change

  14. Since it’s an arranged, married and reputation is important, I would tell him he hast to stop sleeping with his girlfriend and bring his love back to the marriage or you will divorce and bring shame to both of you

  15. Hahahaha wow that's crazy. And gross too. Idk why straight women see it as harmless just cause they're a woman. If a guy asked her that she'd be grossed out.

    I agree he jumping to conclusions but i think asking “hey is that guy gay?” (Cause otherwise wtf) is kinda inappropriate too. It basically comes down to comfort levels, like op can say I don't feel comfortable with you leaning that close to male friends, and she can say too bad and they aren't meant for each other. If OPs gf wouldn't mind op doing that with other girls then it's not hypocritical at least.

    I'd say you could also incorporate advice from poly people, where you assess if there is an actual need for your jealous. Like is op missing security in other places of the relationship which is leading him to insecurity? Or like you said previously is he just looking for reasons to distrust her?

    Although I will say I did a double take at the ages in this post. If you keep breaking up every couple months just give it a rest

  16. Yes, I can't imagine writing “I love him with all my heart” and then following up with a paragraph about how aggressively he is telling her that she's not trying hot enough to fit his dick in her ass.

    OP Honey, this isn't love. This is a man who is punishing you for your discomfort. He's punishing you for not being able to do something that not everyone can do.

    What happens if you never succeed? Does that mean he gets to treat you this way for the rest of your life?

    I also have IBS, my husband listens when I tell him things hurt and he stops immediately. He does not push me to continue. He does not blame me for feeling pain. He treats me with love and care, no matter how blue his balls might get.

    You deserve a partner who treats you with love and compassion at all times, you are worthy.

  17. Exactly. Maybe he should also think about why a 41yo man isn’t with someone around his own age. Probably because they all know better.

  18. If not the side piece, at least the rebound and now he’s ready to go back to the ex…. I’m sure he appreciated the place to stay.

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