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make me your cumslut da.ddy / fav patterns 76, 123, 321, 567, 777 / CONTROL ME ONLY 69TKN!! [38 tokens remaining]
Date: October 3, 2022
Actors: Stacy
AmateurPub
Yes he is. He's also in the know of everything that has transpired this year.
you guys are both right in your own values and beliefs. You think it's ok to be around when you're not officially in a relationship but he expects that once the first date goes well then it should be exclusive right away. You are both not wrong, and your feelings are both valid. My sincere advice is if you have real, genuine feelings for this guy, you’ll have to both sit down and explain these differences. If the talk can't solve it, you guys can't agree on letting this sleep, then leave, because these types of differences if not discussed properly will lead to many other underlying problems.
No present is worth opening a door to more abuse
No, she is empathetic, not an empath.
There's no trust because there is no relationship.
Well said.
Definately sounds like you're goals are not aligned and the way you both view money might not be compatable
Are you also concerned about her travel destinations and travel partners
Seems like something bigger is bothering you
Oil the hinges, and why are you marrying someone who treats you like this?
Ok. I asked because when I had been drinking it was impossible for me to finish. Have you thought about seeing a doctor? Don’t know if this has been suggested.
I agree it’s a huge accusation and I totally need to do more digging. The rumour started not just cause they’re so close but the way in which they’re close, they do typical “date” activities together which I know is a pretty surface level judgement but he pays for her meals and they go out to the bars and dance together, stuff like that. Everyone that doesn’t know they’re cousins immediately assumes they are romantically together and with time the people that do know they’re related have also started to assume they’re a couple. I used to think that was really funny until I just sat there and considered all the odd stuff they do.
Could be frecuent, but is not the same as normal
Advice….I would remind myself…because I also have Christian beliefs…that God loves all His children and it’s in His plan. We may not understand that plan, only you can control your soul and actions. I pray you have strength for you and your family?
When my husband has a bad day at work, he comes home and hugs me. He doesn’t scream at me or find things to blame me for.
I feel this could be a good trend of how a good/healthy significant other behaves even in very hot moments—if anybody wants to keep it going
Listen, some people just forget to reply messages or wait till the other person is offline, he simply is like this, maybe you should communicate this he'll tell you
It sounds like he's actively demeaning you while using you to make himself feel good about himself and denying any part in your declining mental state. It sounds like he's incredibly ableist and living in some hero fantasy that strips you of autonomy and softens the harsh reality of your health. It also sounds like he's trying to convince you that you're pushing him away/not rational? So many red flags.
Please reach out to friends and family and explain that you need to get out of the house as soon as you can, that you're ill and need care, and that he will not let you leave. If he's making you feel unsafe you can also call a domestic abuse hotline and look up shelters in your area and talk to a professional about an exit strategy.
Okay but how much of the housework/mental load are YOU doing? Yeah my husband spent time with the kids when he got home, but that didn't mean I could take a break. It just meant I had to do the things I couldn't do with the kids. By the time we went to bed the last thing I wanted to do was be touched by someone else, or have to give more attention to anyone. Best way for my husband to get laid was for him to sort dinner, or do the dishes/laundry/vacuuming while I went for a walk, or send me to bed on a weekend and take the boys out so it was QUIET. If she has no time to be herself, and is just mom, cook, house cleaner, social manager, etc., then there's nothing left for sex.
I would suggest to write a card to him implying the rest of the gift is for his birthday. I will say that just 2 energy drinks comes across bad, or maybe wrap his headset you got him and write “Do not open until Birthday!”
That way it is sort of a two in one gift. 3 months I wouldn't expect much, but would hope for more than a 6 dollar gift that I could pick up going for gasoline.
Giving the wrapped gift shows that you did get him something and thoughtful. Would assume to be a pricier gift and is a two for 1 type of gift. That would be acceptable.
Maybe make a joke about him needing the energy drinks for later that night.
That's my thoughts and opinions on it. Obviously your boyfriend, and you know him better. I would just be careful you aren't insulting him by giving just the energy drinks. (Maybe buy more a dozen total so he has a small supply of them.)
Either way, good luck and Merry Christmas
Do you and your husband not talk about your common plans at all?
It sounds like your husband tends to plan things on your behalf, but without discussing said plans with you beforehand, and that your problem is not just about the amount of upcoming events but about not having had much of a say in whether you're attending.
You need to get into the habit of checking in with each other and planning things together. There is no one point or another where you say no, there is just what you and your husband agree on when you talk about your shared and individual plans.
Right I understand this aspect, but theres a spectrum of solitude right. I imagine that on the extreme of complete lifelong isolation you are only happy if you are an enlightened person… on the other hand you have those who cannot be alone with their thoughts.
Through spiritual experiences I came to terms with being by myself for extended periods, but I am of the view that interaction with others is an enriching experience.
I would also say that immersion in an active social environment will affect your baseline regardless of what you have reached throughout your spiritual practice. Be immersed in non stop society and you will experience withdrawal when your number of interactions per day goes down.
Anyway I guess what you’re saying is the best solution is to adapt to the circumstances instead of necessarily adapting the circumstances to you.
I’m actually not completely sure I agree because I am very extroverted.
Ignore the timing. Tell him now. He has a child and he needs to show up for that child and help support you both.
I think it if bothers you, and your gut says this is an issue, you know way more about him than we do, so trust your gut. At the very least, don't listen to people saying you're crazy or overreacting. This subreddit will do anything to defend porn, even if porn isn't the issue (which it isn't, here.) If you feel off about it, it's probably off.
You'll be very hot pressed finding a lasting relationship when you start out hiding an incredibly upsetting portion of who you are from your prospective partner. You'll spend the entire relationship unhappy and you'll put that partner through a lot of unfair hardship if you hide these aspects of yourself.
If you aren't willing to go to therapy and work to become the best version of you then stay single. Any partner deserves to have their other half be at their best or at least putting in the work to get there.
He's not into you.
I have been doing it for years. No kids but we have really built a life together. Several houses and a business and have helped her family with several immigration cases.
Classic sociopathic timing
I think you know the answer here. Be honest, he has the right to know and make his decision based on the truth. Don’t try to justify it or make yourself the victim here. You made a string of bad choices that led you to bed with the other guy, this wasn’t one oops in the evening and how did I end up here. If lacking the passion in your relationship led to this, deal with the problem in your relationship. If of course your bf doesn’t walk away which he has every right to do. No matter what his reaction, once the conversation is done give him space. You can tell him whenever he wants to talk you’ll be ready. Do not love bomb him after you did this to him. Finally, figure out what you need to change in yourself that you were willing to do this. There are going to be a lot of interesting “guys you met last month” in life. Learn how to deal with them without either dealing with your relationship first or learning how to navigate these guys without throwing away your relationship.
If you need to change a job for your partner to value you more, you have a crappy partner. Why would anyone put up with this? It's actually not normal.
is everyone diagnosed here ? cause all you're saying for him is “pretty clear that my brother shares the same mental health struggles as we do” so does that mean that he's not diagnosed with BPD ?
Then you need to keep your stories straight.
In this story you admit that he thinks you’re ugly and doesn’t get back to you for a few months, because you’re ugly (according to him [according to you])
You’re getting all of your accounts and stories comfused.
I know men can go through postpartum and I’ve given him brochures and websites if he ever needs them. He doesn’t think Men should show emotions or talk about them.
I’ve let him know if he ever wants to talk about things I’m always available.
This was going to be my suggestion exactly!
Tbh, reading this I actually went “awww, cute” xD
I have a friend that, dont ask me how I know but I know, has literally a huge dick, around the same size as op's husband. Trust me OP, is def. Not as you think. XD
This guy was her AP while she was married before. If I heard this bs story I wouldn't believe it either. Definitely some info missing from her side.
I'll be honest, it really, really sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of having feelings for her. The way you go on and on about her boyfriend, the way you insert your wife just to be sure every time you compliment her, the way you ask if she might secretly have feelings but it totally wouldn't change anything but you do still want to know…it all comes across as “the lady doth protest too much.”
You really need to actively take some distance and make sure you're not alone with her again. If I were her your statement would have creeped me out anyway. That's why you got a confused and awkward reaction from her, because she thought she was getting a hug from essentially her older brother and you had a boner while she was crying over another man.
Sorry to be harsh but I think you need a serious bucket of cold water here.
Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh….
I feel like OP is asking the wrong questions by opening with “Should I maintain this ‘risky’ friendship (my husband knows nothing about (to satisfy my need for attention and validation I admit I’m already offered in my great relationship with my great husband)????”
OP, I’m often pretty empathetic to some of the struggles and personal failings that can lead to cheating (not approving, just empathetic, and definitely not toward all the reasons). I’m also sometimes skeptical of how wide a net people cast for what counts as an “emotional affair”— they exist, but I don’t count as many things in the category as some people, even if the conduct is still breakup-worthy.
This was definitely a full-blown emotional affair. Also, pretty sure by many people’s standards sexting crosses the regular old capital-A affair line, so, you did that too.
OP, you’ve already included the answers to all the questions you’re willing to ask in your question itself.
This has developed over a long period of time, has culminated in sexting and romantic declarations, and you know it was wrong.
You’ve “tried to end things” repeatedly and failed, repeatedly.
You never told your husband about this relationship even when you knew for months that you were abusing the “special secret” status while not telling him anything about this guy.
A better partner would’ve taken some accountability sooner and at least sheepishly copped to their flirty old-friend dynamic at some point before things got here. The only mitigating factor is this guy lives across the world and you haven’t flown out to see him yet, or vise versa. I can understand how you let your guard down a little too far in a compartmentalized relationship you feel like isn’t in your real life, but you didn’t do a little.
You trained for a full marathon deep into the bowels of as-much-affair-as-physically-possible-under-the-circumstances territory.
Also, you know your husband would leave you if he was aware the full scope of your emotional, romantic, and sexual steppings-out.
You know you can’t keep this sneaky little alternate-reality-husband and free-attention-and-excitement friend and keep your relationship.
The questions you need to ask are a lot harder to face than that one.
You need to figure out how you’re going to force yourself to take meaningful accountability for your behavior, and cutting off a friend who’s also indulged in this and has repeated disrespected your relationship (and disrespected your weak attempts to start respecting your relationship, yourself) has an obvious answer.
If you are in a location that permits you to legally record telephone calls I highly recommend doing that. They are free apps that make it easy. Otherwise, document every possible thing you can and make backups of that too.
Lol yes. Sorry I was falling asleep while I was writing that.
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I mean, I would leave him now. Something isn't adding up.
She lost me there. “You need to leave. Right now. Oh, I also put your Christmas presents in your car for you”. FTN. Talk about mixed messages.
It's not rare, it's impossible. Viruses can be dormant for years, not bacteria.
No, she shouldn’t go unless she wants to.
Why would you want anyone there who doesn’t want to be there?
The issue with answering a question like this is there is no winning if she is sensitive about it REGARDLESS of if he genuinely likes it or not.
If he doesn't like it then she's made a life altering change that if they do go their separate ways will be something she obsesses over as a mistake. And there's no way to tell her he doesn't like it without making he feel bad. (and as others have pointed out avoiding the question in this way will just have her convinced he hates it and just doesn't want to tell her because it's her own mind convincing her that something is wrong with her)
If he does then she might either feel like he isn't being truthful or that he didn't like her nose as it was before and that there are other parts of herself he doesn't like. She might start asking him about that and treat herself as a Barbie doll to be molded to an arbitrary standard of beauty.
As you said, what's important is how she feels about herself. And it's clear she doesn't feel good about herself, OP can't make her feel good about her insecurities. That's something she needs to come to a understanding of herself.
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With love and respect, your boyfriend is a childish moron.
Where I’m from houses are insanely expensive, averaging about 1.2 m. We purchased a house first with intentions for other stuff to come afterwards. We bought it so we were able to get into the market considering it’s nearly impossible to purchase a home.
Might be challenging now because he may have deleted the bot message.
You’ve never. Even. Seen. Your mum. Cry? And yet you hate, hate when women do that? Lol what the fuck? Gee, I wonder if your father also bullied your mum into closing herself off from her family!
Good question! When all this happened in the moment, I did not tell her how this was making me feel. Although I have definitely told her since it all happened. I like to think we’ve gotten better at communication since then so in the future I feel better about my ability to vocalize how I’m feeling.
This is meant nicely, but you need to understand she may never be at a point where she recovers and can support herself. Either your parents need to step up or if they aren’t in the picture, she can be turned in as a ward of the state, but I wouldn’t want to give up my life as a 23 year old to live! with someone like your sister either, and you’d honestly be nude pressed to find any partner that would. It’s a shitty situation, but you cannot provide the care your sister needs. Turn her over to those who can and don’t let both of your lives be ruined because you think it’s giving up on her to let those who actually can help her do so.
You're projecting what you want on her. You can trust her all you want but she will be a different person while traveling. Nothing you can do about it.
Break it off for your own sanity.
I do believe he hasn't cheated, and he insists nothing sexual happened, and they just watched tv. The guy that found them also couldn't say if they were dressed or not. But even if they were just cuddling in bed, without even asking if that was a boundary, still feels bad
Probably not since it’s so bad you won’t even say what happened. Move on and leave her alone.
Your sister is an adult and had every right to make her own decisions.Your father chose to be controlling and petty and now suddenly wants to reconcile and you are all entertaining it.Just because he is getting older doesn't mean he gets a free pass after his crappy attitude towards your sister.
If she doesn't want contact,don't force her.Your father is simply facing the consequences of his own petty actions
the best time to plant a tree is 40 years ago. The second best time is now.
You're teaching this kid that threats of violence get him what he wants. And every time you do it, you reinforce that position more and more. So the longer you let it go on, the more violent he'll be when you try to break him of that habit. Or you never do and he ends up in jail because his only method of getting what he wants is beating people for it.
How can you be so shortsighted?
Have you heard of negging? Where men say cruel and mean shit to put you down to make you more susceptible to them? Yeah he’s a piece of shit.
I’m a man. This is wrong. Bodies are different. You’re doing intimate things with him…he shouldn’t treat you this way. Don’t alter your body…leave it alone. Find someone who loves every inch of you…Dump him…Seriously, this is abuse…
Sounds like you're looking for a way out by creating a situation no one can come back from. Do yourself a favor and just leave him. If you do this, you're no better than he is
Definitely lots to unpack here and the fact that you’re going into the dramatic, final statements (“I don’t care if I never travel again”) is only proof of that.
You two need to start talking like adults. He obviously failed in many ways, admitting to some, but frankly so did you. You found the tickets 5 months ago, started planning and noticed his disinterest. The smart thing to do them would have been to call it out then. This was the time (or rather before purchasing the tickets, tbh) to state that planning the trip and making arrangements and watching shows should be part of the fun because this isn’t a given. I love traveling myself but reading your hype was exhausting. Planning a few days trip doesn’t take months.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not excusing his procrastination, lack of communication and disinterest. That was a jackass move. However, you continued to mother him and try to subtly engage him instead of treating him like an adult and calling him out on his BS.
As I said at the beginning, there’s lots to unpack here and I have a feeling it’s not about the trip. I would venture a guess that it’s also about “the obstacles and bad things happening”, you giving up your job, comfort and passion for the “overall good relationship”. But I’m sensing from your post and some of your comments that you’re not ready or not in the mindset to face it yet. So I leave you with this.
Take the trip by yourself. Tell him calmly yet firmly, that you invested time and effort into planning and that you intend to go. And then go, take the time to reconnect with your passion and think about your relationship.
I think you should absolutely still go without him! Traveling is the absolute best way to prioritize and figure out what’s important to you. Several years ago, when I was deciding if I should leave my husband, move somewhere new, etc. I went on a trip to Europe. It really helped me put everything in perspective and get my priorities straight.
I’m not saying you should leave, like I did, but it will help you reconnect with yourself and what you really want in life.
Wow. I was coming here ready to make fun of him thinking you had gotten it done while with him, which is ridiculous enough. But he's upset about a male doctor touching you before y'all even met???? Girl. That's not a red flag, it's a screaming banner saying “RUN”
Sorry. You came here knowing what your relationship looks like to everyone else. The entire thing is gross. Your husband is a predator and a disgusting misogynist, so you should probably start looking for ways to get out and keep your children safe.
You’re right to be nervous because most people know that there is very often grooming and other inappropriate (or illegal) behavior behind these types of age gap relationships.
If you truly have nothing to apologize for, and you just happened to hit it off with a girl less than half your age when she was 18, then your best bet is to own it. “Yeah, I know how this looks. I’d have the same concerns if the situation were reversed.” Then be as normal and uncreepy as possible.
If there is any part of your situation that you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about, you’re better off not meeting her family.
Just so you know, those guides on how to spot X quality or trait are largely bunk. How people react is based on how they were raised, socialized, and, in many cases, abused. If you accuse someone who has been raped of raping someone else, you're far more likely to get explosive and destructive anger because now all their pain and hurt of being abused will be directed at you for even insinuating that they would do something that destroyed their life. Something they are still recovering from in a thousand little ways. It will make them viscerally disgusted that you could put them in the same category as their abuser.
Because of his history, it is far more likely that you cut him deep by thinking he's anything like his ex. That you could even accuse him of being like her.
It's far more useful to take how people react in the context of their lives.
I just can't understand why you made her take the day off work. Why didn't you plan this a day she didn't work? Because you work those days? Then you take off work. You don't impose on someone else when you want to surprise them.
But I am perfectly happy caring for my other sick friends and family. So why would my immaturity only show when my boyfriend is unwell?
Marriage really doesn’t mean anything these days, loads of people just throw in the towel and get divorced, so what’s the point. Having a child is way more of a commitment as you’re going to be each other lives for a long time. It’s certainly nothing to be embarrassed about.
u seem very dense and give off doormat vibes…
Preaching to the depressed choir!
You can be friends without sex.
I'm reading some of these comments and I have no fucking clue how there is any division here at all.
You're in an abusive relationship and you need to get out of it so you can find someone who will treat you with dignity.
Imagine not knowing how to put a condom at 21….
Dump this loser.
He doesn't get to TELL you to get an abortion.
He doesn't get to make you feel stupid about what goes in your body (lotion; which you're absolutely right about not wanting in your vagina)
He doesn't get to tell you you smell bad and should shower because you have an infection… which HE probably gave you with his stupidity
He doesn't get to tell you what mop to buy for Christ's sake
And he certainly doesn't get to tell you to do all the dishes be he doesn't want a dishwasher
Let me say it again: dump this two-pump chump loser.
There's no shame in moving back home. It is no way a step back. It is not failure, it is recognition that you want to be around family/friends or you just want the comfort of home to start a new chapter in your life. If you have no savings then make a goal of what kind of money you want/need to go back home and do it. And if, in the meantime, you establish friends and not want to go back then there is no shame in that as well! Do what you want, not how you feel like others will perceive you.
Things will get better day after day. Let yourself grieve and move forward when you feel you can.
no…:/ our lease ends in August LMAO.
Why would your ex do such a thing?
Fwiw when I was looking into this I stumbled on a bunch of PUAs arguing about what is/isn't negging, whether a put down has to be part of it etc.
It's not an exact science lol.
You're welcome…your emotional connection was based on lies…he's also talking to another female and feeding her the same lines and lies. He sounds like a narcissist. Let him go.
That chick has ascended past toxic. She's radioactive.
This is not about the dream, bc dreams can be really weird (mine today was postapo scene caused by werewolfs) or “we can talk about everything”, this is about your dad's pushing you his erotic, deeply inapropriare fantasy. He was thrilled to say it to you no mather what, and bc he made absolutely sure your fiance couldn't hear it, he is very much aware how not ok his behaviour is. His huge urge to tell you was never “huh, weird dream, haha”, it is him testing your boundaries in way “let say it was a dream, so in case she is not into it a called me out for that, i could play it innocent”. IT WAS NOT INNOCENT. Your dad is a creep and the best way to handle is make him absolute sure you found it disgusting, want him keep these “dreams” to himself and not telling you and that your fiance knows about it, bc he is rely on you don't tell on him.
You should never let that man touch you again. He doesn't respect or value you.
You might feel like you wanna resolve this ASAP, but take some time to get handle of your feelings. I really think you should stay away from him for a couple of days at least so both of you have some time to take in what happened.
If you’re 20, and you’re asking this question, then the answer is yes.
He shouldn't be “helping.” He's a fully member of the family and should be doing a full share of the chores.
Good luck. I saw the comments are pretty harsh. I wouldn’t read too much into those.
NAH. What you really have is a difference in what you see as important. Your girlfriend had an image of a party in her head that you weren't willing to fulfill. That sucks for her that you couldn't be supportive. Even if your friends weren't supportive, you could have been. Even if it was as simple as getting a eye mask for $5 or $10. Your friends could have done the same.
You mention that you're more of an introvert which is completely fine. However, if you two are different from one another in that way, each of you needs to make some effort towards the middle. Maybe you do what she wants this time, she does what you want next time.
You have to take a good inventory and see if she's always bending to you or you're always bending to her. Every good relationship requires compromise. I know your friends didn't want to dress up either but it was probably in the way you framed it to them. If you acted excited for dressing nicely but putting on an eye mask, they may have gotten into it as well.
Even though I put NAH, it's predicated on you both compromising with each other.
I originally told her I was going to wear a suit in my closet but she wanted the suit to match her green dress. Which would require me to go out and buy a matching suit.
About the bed, yeah he's being too nice.
About your friend, he's being a “nice guy ” – he was putting up with her because he wanted to get with her. That's all. Regardless if he was bored or had nothing else to do his end goal with her was to get with her.
All I can say is ????
Why are you with this guy?!
How about something along the lines of.
I am not interested in a completely casual relationship or a FWB, but I am interested in getting to know you better and seeing if something is there. What do you think?
7 months is no time at all in the grand scheme of things. Weird thing to disagree about.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I’ve been in two abusive relationships, but thankfully kids and marriage weren’t involved. Is personal therapy an option? It’s not worth much, but you’ve got a hug from an internet stranger.