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Piper Fawn, y.o.
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Date: October 25, 2022
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This sounds toxic
You both have different desires? What about kids? Do you both want kids? It's time to have the tough conversation. Ask all the tough questions that will potentially change the course of your life. If you want to get married and he doesn't then, you need to make a decision.
One wonders how much more disinterest she's going to have to show before you recognize that this was probably just a flirting/oversharing situation that got a little out of control. People who lead with telling you all their problems are sending the signal that any “relationship” is going to be centered around them and (what they perceive as) their needs. So she wants to talk to you when she needs the specific thing you offer but when she doesn't need that she's not going to bother. You can't force a basically self-centered person to become reciprocal in giving. They're just too wrapped up in their own existence to be of service to anyone else. Maybe you can go back to just playing games with her, maybe not. But you're not wrong that she's not giving back. She may simply be incapable of it. Good luck.
No offense but maybe a little, date in your age range. You're almost 30 dating someone just barely out of their teens. If a guy posted this about his girlfriend with what you said he would be totally ripped apart. If he doesn't want to send nudes then you're nott entitled to it, he can ask for nudes and you choose that you want to send them. He gets the same choice. On top of that yes, he's scamming you.
Ok fair enough
When people tell you who they are by their actions, believe them. Time to move on from this one.
That's great news!!!
And yes baby steps are great. Maybe just start with going to the club and getting a feel for how yall both like your time there and what makes ya comfortable. Then work ya way up to more.
But yeah i know it can sound silly to put that on paper but I feel like it helps. Even if you both start with a sheet separately of 'wants' then come together to highlight the similarities. Communication is key. Especially good communication.
INFO: Do you see this behavior as “okay”?
I'm not trying to be facetious or sarcastic while asking.
You're willing to make excuses for him the person, and I'm sure he has some redeeming qualities, otherwise he likely couldn't keep other people around him, but do you generally view his behavior as “good”?
What do I mean by good? Let's start with a basic framework for a person's “goodness”.
Is the person in question: -Responsible -Respectful/Considerate -Communicative -Honest -Authentic* -Attentive -Team-player/Partner
(*May be in the development stage.)
And to be fair, the list could go on, but I hope you get the gist.
Is your boyfriend ticking off any of those boxes?– because you've just shared a different picture with us.
When you describe your boyfriend, (I don't know anything about him, perse, but through his behavior I can guess the sort of person he is, based on his behavior), this is what I see:
He's dishonest, deceitful, disrespectful, a thief, a liar, and a cheat.
(He may not have cheated on you in the conventional way, but he's cheating you out of a “good” relationship with a “good” partner.)
Here's what you do: Collect evidence and file a police report. Make sure you clue in a friend or trusted person about the situation, so you have someone for support, but also someone to be there if things go sour.
This part's important: You may think you know him, but you clearly don't. He's not who he purports to be and so looking at him from now on, you need to look at his as some random guy who's just stolen your money. You need to exile him from your life and get away from him. He's bad news.
The good news, however, is that you're young and you can look at this as a learning experience. You can process the situation through therapy and over time reflect on the red flags that were there that you ignored. Learn to trust yourself. Look back and see what other things you intuitively noticed.
All in all, just be honest with yourself about the nature of the whole situation and where you see yourself in a year. What do you want out of life? Focus on being your best person in the moment and work towards a six-month and year-long goal and leave this loser in the past, where he belongs.
My wife is vegetarian, I like meat…. we both cook our own meals but cook and eat together. Problem solved.
Actually we drive together. It affects me if he doesn't get up on time. You're right that it's only occasionally, but I have issues with that regardless… he could be going out every week but coming home at a decent time, and sober or getting an uber, and I would not care. Its just the fact that it's so late… idk… writing this post got me thinking about it more and I realize I probably am only right to be upset about the not so sober driving (pot).
Go with your gut feeling on this one. She hides things and lies to you as she's afraid you'll be jealous…well, I think that is because she's KNOWS what she's doing will cause problems. Can't lie and hide things and expect someone to trust you.
You may really like her, but if she's not willing to put in the effort and establish trust, then she's showing you that you should not put in any effort with her and find someone else that does want to.
I graduated college and they both reached out to congratulate me which actually was rather a slap to the face. No one reached out to clear the air when things were not so hot but they wanted to send me well wishes when it was convenient.
Slap in the face? Convenient? What is a slap or convenient about wishing you well? What an odd way to think of that.
I never received an apology
What apology?
Listen, obviously there are some dodgy dynamics. This is your bf's problem to deal with. What do you want advice on? How to not invite her to your wedding, knowing full well his friend will likely be your bf's best man? How to stick it to them for congratulating you when you wanted to remain pissed about how inelegantly the wife tried to (maybe) introduce your bf to someone else?
Have you considered that your bigger (super) power is to take her power away from her?
It is quite common for boys to do that. But what makes the difference is perhaps the circumstances around it.
For example, if he's using pictures of you for it, I wouldn't find that offensive at all.
And if he's masturbating to porn, well… there are women out there that do not want a partner to be like that. And in general, it's okay to set certain standards. Though to keep in mind it is likely you'll encounter it with many more men in the future if that is a dealbreaker.
Other than that… all you can do is communicate with him about how it makes you feel.
Cheating making people angry should be fine. But it being a “punishible crime”? That's a little extreme; I think if the people in this society are decent enough, they'll automatically look down on people who've committed such sins and that should be plenty.
Oh, ffs. Parents need outlets without their kids around. Thinking that parents are some kind of pure, perfect people is so stupidly toxic.
What is wrong with you? Why are you still with this girl? She’s cheated on you twice. No wonder you can’t trust a single thing that comes out of her goddamn mouth. She’s twisted your arm into an open relationship that you didn’t want and now fucks the guy she was cheating on you with. Is your partner for life, the potential mother to your children really going to be so untrustworthy?
Hun. Do not go back to her. Do not go back to someone who would throw away a 5 year relationship “to find themselves”. She is perfectly capable of finding herself and exploring her interests with you in her life and supporting her.
Bail. He’s a dirtbag.