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Ok… without rehashing what everyone else has already said, let me share my personal experience and a couple little tidbits of knowledge.
This is not meant to be condescending or infantilizing, this is a fact. Your brain does not finish developing (no matter how “mature” you are) until you're roughly 25. She, being 24, is probably close to being the same person she's going to be for life, but you, my friend, are not. You have 6 years left for your brain, your personality, your character, your decision making processes to finish developing. You are NOT going to be the same person in 5 or 6 years as you are now, and you will likely have much stronger opinions, and possibly different things you want out of life than you do now. This is NOT the time to get married. It's ok that your gf wants to get married (ok for her) but it's not ok for her to pressure you in to that. I say that not just because you're still developing mentally, but also because of my lived experience.
I got married when I was 21. He was 28. We started dating when I was 19. Over the next 5 years, I CHANGED. I learned how to find my voice, how to express myself, how to stand up for myself. What my (ex) husband wanted was someone that (because I was younger and less assertive) he could control. Someone who he could bully into things. Getting married that young was the worst choice I ever made, getting out was the best.
Don't be with people who have to talk you into marrying them. Wait until marrying your partner is something that you're deeply passionate about (and not out of fear of losing them)
If she wants to get married, but cannot respect that you want to wait until you've lived together for some time before taking that step, this is a problem. She can seek marriage, that's fine, but you're not ready for that and you should let her seek it elsewhere. Stand up for yourself. Enjoy your youth. Give yourself the grace and time you need to finish developing before you tie yourself to another person for life. Future you will thank current you.
He’s going to always feel like you is missing out I think and probably keep doing this
I’m so sorry this is so awful I cannot fathom the depths of your despair. Please remind each other, that you’ve seen what such trauma can do, and try to stop the cycle of despair. You began with only the two of you, now your kids are all together, which is what they wanted. You two are now on your own, to create your new normal. It will be very hot, but being together is your core. Do things you both used to like to do. Things that not only fill the days and moments, but can bring happiness back. It will always be different and filled with a sense of loss, but the two of you need to try to help each other, and yourselves through this. I’m so sorry again
Possibly. If there's something he could do that turns you on…typical examples are where he owns a room through (e.g.) comedy or music. If that's a thing for you (and he's potentially got it) then yes. Otherwise? No.
We’ve been together for 2 years now. Time line for marriage is summer of next year and kids right after marriage.
Add lying and gastlighting to the list of things he is doing (cheating is there too btw)
might
There is no “might” here when he has declared his wedding. Quit that bs advice
You both need to stop and have a serious sit-down talk about what you both what in your own lives, in your life together, and expectations for each other. It sounds like you’re just having 3-sentence “conversations” when things pop up but never actually discuss the bigger picture.
Hey OP, I realize this is eath shattering news for you but putting up security cameras outside your mom's house so you can see if she sees John still is an unhealthy way to cope with it. You are not your mother's keeper nor her warden, you don't get to decide who she does and doesn't get to see.
You need to trust that she listened to you when you set your boundary about you not wanting to be around her if she's still seeing John. If you found out she broke your boundary then go NC or Low contact, for either a bit or permanently depending on what you decide you need to be happy and healthy.
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This level of anger at a mindless habit is worrying, have you tried talking to a professional about it? I’d suggest staying broken up to deal with this.
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Where dem letters at?
'My partner might find other people attractive' is a pretty universal problem, and you handle it the same way regardless of you or your partner's gender and sexual orientation: Your partner is with you, not with those other people. Attraction doesn't mean they want to be in a relationship with other people.
Exactly. Rents are more than mortgages
Plenty of people want exactly that. If you're positive it's over with your ex, take that step, get divorced and make a little time for yourself to meet new people. There are tons of single moms out there who love hanging on the couch watching anime. Your odds are good if you get out of your own way.
The way you have phrased it certainly suggests that if he steps up and does 50% of the housework then he is entitled to sex. And since this is Reddit, I assumed the worst!
What is up with all these disgusting men and predatory age gaps?!?! Sorry I don't have advice. I'm too shook that a 36 year old went after a teen. I'm 33 and 25 is too young for me!
Lol that’s funny because as a guy I don’t feel that and i am pretty sure 99% of us don’t feel that way it’s the shitty 1% humans beings who doesn’t deserve anything good are the ones who will say these types of things
Not on this occasion. But it is given the situation that MIL inserts herself in OP's relationship and since OP/DIL had just had a fight it would be normal to not want to have her over for a visit.
I don't think any 'conversations' need to be had this time around about entering the home, it just wasn't a good time and wifey should have simply stayed in the bedroom knowing that MIL was bringing stuff over and likely to pop her head in. Nothing wrong with that either.
What OP needs to address however is that MIL snoops through their private stuff and is taking sides in sexist ways. That is a reason for OP to have a discussion, but mixing it up with this instance here would be a big mistake and not achieve anything.
He's open to individual therapy but not couples therapy? Do you have any funds available to consult with a lawyer specialising in real estate to figure out an equitable way to sell the house and split the proceeds? You may need to look into this.
Don't actually bust her as soon as she gets home
Wait and see if she takes the ring off at any time , maybe for a shower then get it then let her know you are done
It doesn't matter what story she comes up with , the trust is gone and now you are done
„She‘s so pretty“ is literally your only argument why you‘d stay with her. She is abusive, and covered a pedophile, and still engages with a pedophile.
Ya, we all get that. It's a non factor. You are lying to your husband, you are married to someone you can't have a conversation with, someone you don't trust.
I'm gonna raise it when we meet on Monday of next week and if he says “that's who I am though”, then yeah you're right this is the only avenue.
He seems confused by the meaning of respect and the meaning of subservient. Therapy is not going to change him. Run,do not walk,to the nearest exit.
Ew, girl, leave and find someone better. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, but there IS something wrong with him. It sounds like he just wants someone that he can treat as if they're below him (so basically, a pet). He wants someone he can control, and judging by your comment about the kinds of videos that he's been watching, he's at a point where there's no changing him on this.
Trust me, you can easily find someone better. Do not change yourself. Find someone that likes you for you, not you for your looks
Yeah I just don’t know how to move on. I’ve never loved someone the way I loved her. I truly felt like these were the best 7 months of my life since I was a kid and now it’s all over
… you sleep in the same room??
Not a psychologist but the way I understand it, beliefs -> thoughts -> feelings -> behaviour.
When you do therapy and peel back the layers, there's usually one simple belief underneath that's driving everything, probably a simple negative statement about yourself that you reasoned as a small child (like 'mum didn't come when I fell down because I'm not good enough', when maybe mum had a new baby and couldn't do two things at once). If you reframe that, everything gets better.
Looking at the here and now, think about the other attributes you bring to the relationship. Maybe you're kind, funny, caring, laid back, clever, a good listener or have similar tastes. I've seen very attractive men and lost interest the moment they opened their mouth.
How do you know she hasn't cheated more times? Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Maybe in six years she'll confess the times she cheated around this date. Good luck.
Oh honey. You don’t even know this guy. You have been together a year which was LDR (he could have told you anything) and now you are married!
His bad habits -assuming drugs or gambling. Either way you are in a canoe up shit creek. I would make it your mission to keep yourself safe before losing your paddles.
I hope you don’t treat other victims like this, and I hope you don’t become a victim yourself one day. Since you’re mad I “ignored” your other comments let me respond here: if I used a card for Uber he would know, I never said I couldn’t leave I said it’s honestly harder for me than the dog.