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My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 4 years now (1.5 years together, 2.5 years long-distance). We're currently still in a long-distance relationship (about 4-5 hours drive for me), which was of my choosing. I had a horrible experience moving in with her during COVID and decided we needed time apart. Still, my goal has been to find a job in her city and move there so we can be closer together.
You know how sometimes you open the refrigerator and realize the milk has gone sour? Do you put it back in the fridge and think “maybe it will be better tomorrow”, because that sounds like your plan here.
This girl wants to play head games and pretend you're some sort of mid reader, good luck with that.
I never really found it productive to share my relationship issues with friends and family, since I know their advice can be biased. More than just validation, I was more interested in advice from people that have dealt with this in their own relationships. I know it’s not unusual for there to be financial disparities in long term relationships. I didn’t expect to be piled on opinions from people that have not dealt with this firsthand. I am in therapy and have a therapist I trust, but in a moment of feeling weak and dealing with heightened anxiety I wanted to know that I wasn’t going crazy and that I was in fact recognizing it for what it was – gaslighting. I can’t disagree with what people are commenting. They’re reading about a snippet of my relationship and don’t know anything else. I only asked that people practised kindness and empathy when posting these comments. I’ve beat myself up about it, I didn’t need the extra emotional beatdown
The two times I have experienced opening a relationship it did not work out as intended, both in not-so good ways that eventually lead to the downfall of the relationship. There were other factors at play you didn’t mention so I know they are different situations but things like this have a way of having a ton of unintended consequences that you and even her can’t predict. Some of the related jealousy issues can’t really be understood until their felt, and often by then it might be too late. If you do this, understand that it may very well lead to a negative outcome… that is at least as likely as it actually working out, if not more so. Truly examine your motivation and reasoning for wanting to go forward with this, might just accepting your sexual incompatibility and just leaving be a better option for both of you?
Just an update that I have removed him from social media now and can now start to get my life back to normal again without all that stress ?❤️
Sounds like you've already “communicated” enough on this subject. You may need to learn to live with never knowing all her “secrets”. If she seems emotionally bogged down you can find a friendly way to suggest she get into therapy to talk about this stuff. But you're right, she doesn't owe it to you to tell you everything that's going on inside her head. To be fair, unless you're a practicing psychologist there's nothing you could do about it anyway. Respecting someone's “boundaries” means accepting that there are limitations to what you'll ever know about them. If you can only feel bonded in a relationship that's a totally open book you may have to consider that you and she aren't in sync on that. But six months is nothing in a lifetime, so she may someday be willing to talk more about this.
Oh yea, you can bet he'd lay the guilt trip on really thick with her if that were the case.
I know he masturbates, and regularly watches porn, so I can only assume he gets his release that way, and he’s told me he’s had sex in the past years ago.
I can see myself with him for the rest of my life, and we’ve talked about our future and stuff, but I fear this intimacy he says we will “someday” have is just to spare my feelings
Yea this sounds like some enmeshment, emotional incest thing. This is going to be a shitshow.