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Location: Departamento de Norte de Santander, Colombia
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Date: September 21, 2022
Look I don’t disagree with you. I’d either talk first and see what’s the situation and then act or avoid it all together. I know how fights can escalate quickly. I’d rather be alive and plan a counter measure later, then have my life end or my loved one’s be hurt because of my unchecked ego.
I have anger issues, but I control them very well, and never have I started a fight preemptively or decided to harm someone and did. Angry thoughts and angry intrusive thoughts are part of life, well at least of mine, I just learned to handle them.
However I can also understand some situations were people won’t be able to control themselves even if I can.
Unfortunately I know in the west it’s always better to just run away, because of safety issues but in other countries, you either have to handle or deescalate or finish the fight quickly otherwise you’re going to end up in the ER. However running is also good, but then there’s other things that accompany that.
In the bf’s situation I can only say that I can understand his perspective. OP just skimmed over the situation so i don’t think anyone will be able to give good advice as in most of the posts on this reddit.
There must’ve been some other words saids, touching going or some unnecessary reactions. Otherwise if none of this happened and OP is being truthful about the bf going off of just the i remember you part, then it can debates that that was not manly. Otherwise the suspicion of the bf is valid and sounds rational.
If the roles were reversed you all would jump on the guy and say he’s a cheater and that he should be dumped.
in 20 years she will see it.
Is asking someone to cut down on drug consumption during social events really akin to asking someone to change their lifestyle to suit me?
I'm not convinced it's inapropriate to set those kinds of boundaries as a former addict, while still wanting to maintain historically positive friendships
So if a partner comes to me asking if maybe we should break up 100% I will say yes and peace out. Even if I didn't really want to break up I am not going to fight to keep a partner interested in me.
I would send one text. “Hey hanging out the other night really made me realize I still feel the spark with you , would you want to ty this again?”
tbh my gf would probably react the same way if I did that every morning. I’ve done small gestures and she always gets happy over them. Its just that I can’t find time for things rn and am always on the run
She was on BC at the beginning. It's not the BC
Comparing watching porn to particpating in actual prostitution is like comparing call of duty to combat experience
She does NOT sound like a good person. A good person would hate that you're working yourself to the bone and would look for a job. Where is her help and support for you? It goes both ways.
You should tell her and be prepared to hand over all the evidence. He doesn't love either of you. You both provided something to him. You were the sex and ego boost; her contribution to him is she is probably the suppotive, “takes care of the house” and him one. Maybe there is something else but his is/was using both of you. Tell her so she can make a decision for herself. You are probably not his only side piece. Do you really think the times you took a break he was playing happy house with her? He was likely giving another side piece some attention. So do her a favor after knowingly helping her fiance cheat.
This is not fair nor is it okay. He is being absurdly controlling and insecure. I’d strongly caution against getting back together with him.
Be a neutral party and stay out of it.
He's a selfish asshole who doesn't like you. You're not going to turn him into a better person or a better husband. All you can do is decide you don't want to spend your life being insulted by a selfish asshole who doesn't like you.
I'm not embarrassed I don't care about that I just don't want my wife to find it because I know she'll flip out
It’s not uncommon for controlling, insecure partners to become jealous over any positive interaction that isn’t with them, even if it’s with an animal or something that isn’t even alive. It’s not healthy nor is it okay for her to take that out on you.
You are on different paths. Offers do expire, and your prime child bearing years are quickly running out, at 35 you will be considered a geriatric pregnancy.
Don’t look at it as a threat or an ultimatum. Instead you have come to a fork in the road and are taking different paths.
Is this something one sends over a text or shares over a phone call? Do I wait till she gets back? I feel telling her in person would be much easier.
What age do they think is appropriate to date?
So you're not actually talking to him. He doesn't know you exist.
If you're not trolling then you have some really big problems. I hope your parents can afford psychotherapy.
That's ok. Start talking about the fabulous bachelorette party you will have after the baby is born. He gets to look after baby on his own while you and the girls go to your own resort and have a lot of husband-and-baby-free fun.
Seriously reconsider this marriage. If this guy is so inconsiderate during pregnancy there's no way he's going to be a good husband or father. The bachelor party experience he wants will not be one a married man with a baby should be partaking in.
That's just sad and you probably aren't ready for a relationship then. Learn to live alone and then have a relationship be the frosting on your cake. People who NEED to constantly be in a relationship are doomed to have them fail. At this point I don't even think you should be dating let alone married. Go figure your own problems out instead of just hopping from one dick to the next so you don't feel lonely enough to face your problems.
Forget about this girl, she is just drama and headaches, let her be. You'll find someone more compatible later on.
This can’t be real. Shitpost right ?
When he does something appropriate praise him. When he is being inconsiderate (he thinks funny) ignore him 100%.
Do not give him attention at your wedding for being a spectacle. Hire an outside security. Give them instructions ahead of time. Do not give him attention.
If he has special needs, then take those needs into account.
No idea about what $138 will get at a strip club but he lied, then tried trickle truth, until you got (maybe) some story about something that probably happened. Either would be reason to strongly consider the status of the relationship but to me the storytelling would be more troubling than the actual strip club trip because you know what happens at strips clubs. Who knows what else he’s lying about, not counting the nudie show. (FWIW, if $138 would cover 2 lap dances, I’d bet 100-1 that he got one.)
Good luck!
Please !UpdateMe about how you’re doing..
Yeah that’s for sure cause I’m just so worried and it’s putting a strain on our relationship too. I’ll have to do it tomorrow morning maybe find a right moment..
I agree with you that real trust means you don’t have to constantly check on each other. I could never tolerate constant suspicion, not because I’m hiding cheating, but because it feels intrusive, controlling, and disrespectful. And even if I’m not cheating, I still appreciate some amount of privacy.
My partner has my passcodes. Not hiding anything if he really wanted to snoop. But I’d be deeply uncomfortable if he did that much, as it would suggest he thinks I’m dishonorable. With your partner, I’d be wondering: How much evidence does it take, and at what point will you relax and trust that I’m not your ex?
It’s great that you’re trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he’s not doing that with you. He’s saying if you object, it’s because you have something to hide. That benefit-of-the-doubt thing has to go both ways.
If he’s traumatized from a past relationship, he needs to heal before he can be a healthy partner in a healthy relationship.
What do you think I should do and when?
There's nothing wrong with wanting your partner also be a virgin. I'll say this though it's unlikely nowadays that you'll always find a girl who's one. Not impossible cause my fiance was a virgin when we met and she was 22. Her body count isn't high and good thing she was honest and told you before hand. When I was 19 first girl I was with didn't tell me till after we had sex I was 65th guy she slept with.
Maybe look into a therapist for why you accept this type of behavior from men.
WE are all cheering you on OP.
See? You are not alone.
We will all be there in spirit.
Go and celebrate with us, with your head held high.
That's not the kind of touching I was talking about. I was not trying to be explicit because I didn't want my comment removed by the mods.
Text the fiancé – “if he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you.”
See if she still wants you there
If any man talked to me that way, he would be my ex since yesterday.
Or trying to…
If you’re not in an official relationship, what is the distinction for you between talking stage and dating?
Use of the terms vary across cultures and from person to person. Some would say dating means in a relationship.
So did she tell you what she was doing? Or was it a vague ‘I’ve got stuff to do’.
And did she (and if yes when) actually tell you that she couldn’t make Thursday?
Now as for her excuses. You may not have used the word important, but based on your post, she should have been able to imply the importance of it all.
That you didn’t tell her what time to be there Friday – well as you say the plan was for everyone to be there Thursday, and (this is where my question above is important) depending on when she told you that she was not going to make Thursday, but traveling up Friday, the onus was actually on her to give you a time she would be finished her tasks and leaving.
And finally – that there was no clear plan for Friday evening, and that you’d probably be giving the newly engaged some space…. Ffs is she stupid? Yes you’d be giving them space unless they decided otherwise, so the chance of a romantic evening for the two of you was there. But as she isn’t going to get there until mid evening at the earliest, that’s gone now.
Tbh you probably should have told her not to bother coming.
Told her that the evening you were hoping for can’t happen now, and her presence is not required anymore.
Then you should drive home tomorrow, and when you get back seriously reconsider your relationship with her.
Not everyone has a raging libido. If he is closer to asexual, then you're simply not compatible if frequent sex is a need for you.
Why don't you try talking about how often each of you is interested in having sex?