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im love “control her”
Date: September 25, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
im love “control her”
why does an apology even matter? it doesn’t fix things. she shouldn’t have done it in the first place and she cannot undo it by apologising. just block her and go no contact. it’s what’s best for u
i don't know why no one believes you. I do. it hit you what you were about to do or might happen and in a split second you realized that's not what I want. arguably a bit late, but I see no reason why this is so unbelievable. anyway, how about telling your husband nothing. you did after all not cheat, and that you almost did, with the guilt and what it does to your self image, you have to come to terms with. and online with. I personally would tell him about the social media. that you had unresolved issues, and were trying to find out why he broke up with you for not wanting to get married and than turned around and did it with someone else. that it hurt your ego, but that it was stupid in the end, because you have him and a happy marriage and that is all that matters. and you blocked him now, it's just stirring up old shit and that you will leave it in the past now. In the end, I am firmly against cheating.and lying for that matter. but I think I wouldn't leave my husband if he did what you did, but I would be furious why I wasn't enough and what this ego trip was. would your husband believe you that you didn't sleep with the ex? I think yes, people deserve the truth. but would he actually hear you or make up his own story, that you must have had a sexual affair. I guess, the question really is, how good is your relationship. how much do you talk. maybe work on that. how could you even keep this secret from the start. I would have spilled it directly to my partner. are you really happy with your marriage? I might get down voted to hell with this, but I would delete all evidence, and take it to my grave. pray the universe gives you one(!) pass. and fucking do better in the future. girl, really, this was a terrible idea. you need to ask yourself some very nude questions. and hopefully never do anything this stupid ever again. either you love your husband or you don't and he deserves better. be better.
that's so awful doe. darn you're right. I feel like he already kinda won though.
Here's my full story if you're interested that I made in another post that the mods deleted for some reason.
A man took me out on a “date”. He had invited me. I was really excited, blew off a work project, got new heels, a dress, and was excited to be wined and dined. I really did put in a lot of time, money, and energy trying to impress him and be good company.
I didn't ask him about whether he was paying and expected him to pay since he asked me out. When the bill came, he just gave me a blank stare. I asked him if he was taking care of it and he just said “No”.
I got visibly upset and he started bragging about other women that wanted him, then threatened to get up and leave if I didn't pay when I started crying. I panicked about being left with the whole bill. I also was honestly extremely insulted because I had invested a lot getting ready to impress him and was excited to see this guy, and this felt like a massive smack in the face.
He said we could split it and we both put in our cards. Turns out, he had actually LOCKED his card. The waitress came back and said “I'm really sorry, his card didn't work” and she told me my card got charged for BOTH meals.
Wanting to be “nice”, I didn't complain, I just said that's okay and signed the check, but I'm wondering if this was my legal obligation. Can I complain to the restaurant?
I feel as though it was not fair he bullied me into paying for him and I got screwed over for trying to be a good person and pay my share out of respect for the restaurant, even though it was a date HE asked me on. But then the restaurant charged me for BOTH meals because this guy locked his card.
The guy also seemed very, very pleased with himself that he didn't need to pay and wouldn't leave a tip either, so I had to put down the little cash I had (20) too. It was 100 for both plus tip and this guy refused to pay anything and bullied me into paying for him by locking his card. I'm not sure what else I could have done and feel really bad about the whole thing. Could I have asked to only pay for myself?
ALSO: since my house was down the street from the restaurant, I stupidly let him talk me into “walking me home” and then when we got to my door, he said he had to use the bathroom so I stupidly let him inside. He then took his shoes off and tried to stay, and I had to kick him out. Thankfully my 30 year old roommate was there, so the guy sheepishly left when he realized another man was in the house, but I'm worried something terrible could have happened. I'm kind of shocked at my naivety looking back. Could he have bullied me into segs too if my roommate wasn't there?
TLDR: Guy bullied me into paying and I was really really shocked and unsure how to handle it. How do I avoid this happening again? my mom said it would have been rude to ask upfront if he was paying and i wasted my time and feel terrible and traumatized. I also feel as thought I was unintelligent, thoughts? i feel so “soft” and foolish for crying, letting him bully me, and paying the WHOLE bill for this privilege. plenty of women are saying i'm really dumb and they would have just walked out.
Update: He texted me a week after this ordeal, says he was really excited to get to know me, he “doesn't see not paying as undervaluing me at all”, he wishes we could have kissed, and really wants to meet again. In this case, should I ask him to send me the cash back or just ignore him?
Even though he always says he’s scared of not supporting “him and I” and now it’s just “his future family” which doesn’t seem to include me as it once did
Contacting your ex, and telling him that you cheated on him only makes you look bad don’t do it. You can’t make your brother break up with her but you might be able to prove to him that it’s really going on. If you can find some evidence ultimately hast to make it sound choices, and he will eventually find out and break up with her.
he has said it to me, he said that he doesnt see me as highly as he used to, and when i asked how he sees me, he said , “not good”
Op very simple. Give him examples on how fucked up his statement was and tell him since you put in those terms I have a confession as one of my previous exes has a bigger junk than his and was more satisfying. This will devastate him completely and then finish off by saying critiques work both ways.
Honestly, the sooner you contact the better IMO. However, you should take the space to get yourself grounded and resourced.
I asked her!
Unless there's more to go off of? What's the issue? Just a picture? An old school picture with something saying “he's awesome”? They've worked together for years and are friends?
Advice? Ignore it unless it's connected to other inappropriate actions by either/both of them. Just a picture on a wall is… nothing by itself.
The child is autistic and no child understands a smack. Stop justifying abuse. A child doesn’t understand why their parent who says they love them would cause them physical pain, there’s literally studies that prove this is counterproductive.
A SMACK even just ONE is traumatic. I don’t look soft or stupid, hence why everyone agrees with me and you look like a sad old man that believes physical pain is education. How stupid do you have to be to have to use your hands to educate and not use your words? Intelligent people can discuss things without getting so emotional that they can only express their frustration with hitting their child. If you don’t know how to speak to ANYONE let alone a child without turning to smacking them, don’t reproduce. You wouldn’t smack someone in the street to “educate” them so you certainly shouldn’t be doing it to a defenceless child.
This…I watched a narcissistic abuser punch the wall beside my best friend. It is a way to condition you to accept the physical abuse when it happens because you get use to the violent outbursts first. He is conditioning you. After that he almost strangled her and she had to fight him.get out before he gets the nutsack to hit you please.
Are you guys willing to see a counselor? Do you want to try to save the marriage or feel like it’s forever broken?
there were a LOT of dudes in a Facebook group I'm in who were mad bc of a meme saying they're creeps for finding the character attractive ? like, even if you wanna claim you're thirsting over the actress and not the underage character….most of the dudes are pretty much your boyfriend's age. still fucking creepy even if the actress is legal. but that's all they care about – LeGaL.
It was ONE date and she’s doing that months later?? You dodged a rocket launcher my dude.
So, let's look at what you know. She married a man for, at the very least, really screwed up reasons, brought a child into the world, and “realizes” she made a mistake and is trying to hedge her bets by setting you up as a potential place to land when she leaves him and takes half his money with her.
Or what likely happened: she had dollar signs in her eyes and now she's bored. Either way, people are playthings to her and you are not going to be the exception to that rule. (Even so, do you want to be with someone that shallow?)
No matter what, it is always a good rule to never get involved with someone who isn't disentangled from a prior relationship. That will just end up in drama, and really, who needs that? I promise you, someone more worthy will look at you that way if you hold out for more worthy!!
Genetics are a hell of a thing. My parents and sister had dark hair and brown eyes. I have red hair and blue eyes. My mother endured a lot of “milkman” jokes when I was growing up. You can get your daughter genetically tested to be sure, but it is possible for people to have children who don't resemble them.
Yeah, just keep blocking her. Do NOT let her come over or talk to you. She sounds cruel.
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I echo this sentiment, but also a partner who not only wont acknowledge your main concern let alone talk about it sounds like a future ex partner to me.
Weight is absolutely fair game when discussed as the important topic it is and not weaponised as an insult or put down.
You destroyed your own life.
ah thank you!
What you'll need to consider is… will you be able to online with this betrayal… or won't you. Some people can work through it and stay together… others will always have that nagging feeling, “she did this once, why wouldn't she do it again?” Will your feelings turn to anger? Self loathing if you stay with her?
For many, this would be a deal breaker and there is no comingback from this. So you have to have a long conversation with your wife and then a good period of time to work out your feelings to decide what's next for you…
Either way, don't sleep together until you've made your mind up.
No.
But I'm curious about your position, since it seems to be so black and white.
My uncle was falsely accused by my aunt of attempted murder on her. He was a trucker. Spent his time on the road, put my aunt through college, supported his 4 kids with her by being on the road.
He went to jail for a year where the guards starved and beat him. She divorced him and took his children, his raison detre.
Would his life have been better if he would have taken your advice and believed in those around him without any limits?
I bet he tells you he loves you too, huh? Still strangled you.
Sweetheart you are already doing such an amazing job of knowing who you are and what you need. In the course of your comments; you have gone from i wasn't groomed, to oh crap I was how do i move forward. Seriously you are a superstar!!
I personally wouldn't worry about a therapist now. Make your exit plan, get a new apt, job and friends. Breathe. Grieve all you are having to change.
Hugs!!
?
Using religion as a “not controlling” example makes it a moot point ??♀️
They also just had a break, I'm wondering maybe she is pregnant but it's not his.
So you have posted about this for a week now, again and again and again. I'd say that you got all the advice you need and posting the same thing over and over just makes you look like either a troll or a walking red, obsessed flag. Please get some therapy, if you are not a troll, then you are clearly spiralling so much that you need professional help.
He should consider going for a physical. Certain issues , like low testosterone levels, can cause sex drive to suddenly diminish. It could also be something psychological like depression.
This depressed ex sounds like a quite a loser.
That is all.
You shouldn’t be getting downvoted.
Good for her. She sounds like she's been a great mom, beginning to end and still is. She has no obligation to keep an ignorant bigot in her life, or get children's lives.
Tell him you'll come sit when he moves them. Then don't budge.
I think the other reason that men tend to be so in favour of prenups is that they by and large do not see domestic labour as valuable. They do not appreciate how much of an advantage their wives confer when they give up their careers to care for his children, to cook his meals, and wash his clothes. As such, men tend to believe that any money earned during the marriage is theirs and theirs alone.
I feel the crux of the issue is less about what he's saying vs that he's overtly and intentionally not respecting your boundaries. If you tell him you're not comfortable with something, then he needs to respect that and the two of your need to come to some sort of agreement.
It sounds like he doesn't care about how he makes you feel and is more concerned about being a comedian/being right than taking your feelings into account. To me this is a red flag to his core personality and that this kind of behavior will extend to other things in life.
Human trafficking 101
Definitely stay with him if you want to catch more (potentially lifelong) STD's in the future.
LMAO ?, love it!
Except, again, nothing in this post indicates that she will be unable to care for the child. Will it be a rough transition? Absolutely. Is it impossible? Absolutely not.
If the kid is born and she's not feeding or bathing it then OP can be concerned. As of right now, if he tried to take the case to court, he would not win. At least not unless he's trying for 50/50 custody. He's not getting full custody because she's being lazy in the home she has while working at a job that provides her income. Come on.
It does. He loves what he does.
Well as a fellow near-30s guy, I don't know what to talk about with a 21yo either
I don’t really know how it works, but if someone used cocaine every week, wouldn’t they get addicted and want it more than once a week?
I'm not sure if im overrecting. If i should just laught hahaha funny photos. So that why i came here to see what other things. I don't just wanna go to him whit all my emtions before coming here to see other peoples comments.
She got there because throughout our fighting during the last year she felt an emotional void from me and this guy is making her feel amazing.
Girl you have it all and this guy is a loser. Find you a man who is your partner, who respects and cherishes you. I promise there are out there. Staying with a guy like this is dragging you down. Don’t waste any more of your precious life with a guy like this.
They worried more about their lives and their careers than him.
They were teenagers
If you were going to buy himself and his girlfriend a takeaway anyway, wouldn’t this go a long way to pay for a taxi?
I can be in whatever watchlist no problem. Nothing to hide. Yeah you got your point on the libertarian part at least regarding freedom of choice in adulthood.
Give it time. This one fades to nothing really quickly if you let it.
It's so naked to tell what is bull crap and not bull crap on this sub. You sleep in the same bed as your roommate?
I like this reply. Why judge others set ups when you still have control over your actions.
Aaaand the Oscar goes to… My dude I am so sorry you've found yourself in this situation. I know its rough hell most of us have been down that road. So take this how you want. You need to absolutely cut her out of your life. I know it is recent and there still lots of love and pain and anger and frustration, but you will be unable to move forward and heal until you remove the issue from your life. I wish you luck dude.
he sounds mentally ill, I’d block and move on, nothing in this relationship sounds healthy and he’s seriously deranged
Well, dude, “they” aren't going to be married to her, are they? Look, people love to give their opinion about things that won't actually personally affect them. Why the hell are you even listening to them?
Lots of people see it as a red flag for men too.
He might be demi, and she's the one for him? And may vibe more with the queer community due to that? Pure speculation on my part ofc. The ND part resonates with me, as well, as I am, too, and I definitely get on better with others who are, and don't tend to get on well with normies for very long ?
It’s pictures for you. Wow.
Unfortunately this is simply a part of life. Many people are stuck in situations where they have to make less than ideal financial decisions.
Maybe try talking to her to understand more of her thinking, just don’t talk down to her.
She has some serious issues she needs to work through. How can she seriously yearn to be in a relationship with two gay men? What sane woman thinks she can convince two gay men to be in a relationship with her?
You’re being very kind and gentle with her… I honestly don’t know how you have a brave face to continue to be so close with her. I think it’s best to distance yourself from her, if anything to save her own emotional health.
Buddy. I’m really sorry. There was no pregnancy. Or miscarriage. You were raped or sexually assaulted (it’s possible she just set it up to appear like you had sex) because this psycho was in love with you and wanted to break up your relationship and have you to herself.
So the alternative is to continue to let her stomp all over you? Yes. Make a list. Yes give it to her. If she reacts badly then you know she has no intention of ever listening to anything you say regarding your child.
If I had to guess, he probably still isn't over her entirely.
Don’t use that word for trans people.
Your boyfriend has anger issues and you should leave him, but don’t use that word.
thank you for responding, this is one thing i want to ask her in person or maybe if even the idea of someone who will be ther immediately is more appealing than working through the time left apart. If this is the case i will be crushed but am trying to be positive
It's understandable that your fear of her leaving is rising. However that shouldn't be your main concern, your goal is to online in a healthy, fulfilling relationship (I assume) and not talking about it will get you nowhere.
I know those types of conversation are scary af and they need preparation and bravery. Your partner turns your conversation arround and starts pointing fingers? That's not healthy at all, remember you are trying to work against the problem and not against each other.
Try to get her to sit down with you when there is a quiet moment and try something like this: “Hey can I talk to you for a moment? There is something on my mind that's bugging me a lot and I need to talk to you about it, do you have time right now? … Okay thank you, I want you to listen to me first before answering so we can avoid misunderstandings. I've noticed you were not honest about where you are in some situations. I've looked at your location and called you and you were dishonest. I know it's not okay to keep track of where you are, that's controlling and I try to better myself and not do that anymore. However now I know that you were lying to me about your location, I cant unknow it. Can you explain why please? I trust you but because of these incidents I start to get anxious about you having an affair so I want to get things sorted out. Whatever you answer I want us both to be more honest. I tracked you, you lied, we both need some work here. So please explain your side.”
Either she explains that she is throwing you a suprise party/something normal or she lies again or she admits being a cheater.
That's what I keep trying to tell myself, I'm just having difficulty with it right now
I tend to agree that without more context, it sounds like you're not in a good relationship. But regardless of that, your mother certainly betrayed your trust. It is one thing to offer advice you do not want to hear, but it was wrong of her to talk to other family members about the private conversation you had with her.
Your husband is a disturbing creep. I'd speak to a lawyer in private and continue to collect evidence against him. Please be safe and good luck OP ?