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Date: October 1, 2022
AmateurPub
You have missed the point of what I was saying. I was saying that people's past behaviors should be taken into account when dealing with them. Saying that a person's previous actions are not worth considering is foolish.
I wouldn't want to date someone who has a history of behaviors I feel I am incompatible with, sexual or not.
Maybe talk with a therapist to process those emotions.
For me something would just click when I was able to admit to myself it wasn’t working and that I couldn’t see a future with them anymore. Yeah it’s sad and it hurts but they’re just feelings and I don’t let feelings control my life. I acknowledge them. I process them. But I also acknowledge they’re often rooted in irrational anxieties and not wanting to deal with change. Just know your goals Busying yourself with others things, blocking them everywhere so you’re not reminded of them or able look them up live, spending time with friends, rewarding experiences, giving back, and after a bit of moping getting out there and dating again helped me move on. It’s crass but getting under someone to get over someone is surprisingly effective. Like it doesn’t undo everything but it helps your brain accept your moving on.
Just think how far you’ve come. After that first break up you felt like the world was ending. But you held on and pushed through. The man you are today is nothing like the one you were the day after your last breakup. You can and will get through. You just need some time to heal, distractions, and all of the space from her to avoid going backwards.
Eh, I'm in a good place now. And I've learned that the moment you talk about violence, I'm done. Currently dating a man who hasn't even raised his voice in 5 months. It's peaceful but I spent some time looking for the chaos tbh
“You are right , I should have looked ahead about the possibility of getting a side girl pregnant but I didn’t unfortunately”
He just said this to me via pm… Yeah, we were right.
I’ll try to go with the flow then thank you
No. Not even close. Bodily autonomy is in relation to everything that is done with your body. You wouldn’t randomly kiss a stranger right? What makes it ok to randomly kiss your girlfriend if she tells you to ask for permission?
Everyone should be allowed to say what they do and do not want done with their body & where their boundaries are
Why do you automatically assume that I haven't? I'm perfectly happy to hang out with my kids while she has a weekend to herself or goes on a girls trip. She does the same for me.
Being a dad is a full time job just like being a mom is a full time job. The only reason I work and she stays home is because I had the higher salary when we made the decision to have one of us stay home.
My question was about how to approach the topic with her, but men are automatically assumed to be lazy and entitled. You don't think maybe, just maaaybe things might be a little out of balance after we made a decision to do things differently than we had before in our 10 year marriage? I feel like you're projecting here. Are you ok?
Run
Don’t believe everything everyone tells you on here. Suboxone is used for many different things not just for opioid with drawls. It’s stupid how people on here are so quick to assume shit without even knowing anything. If your bf is on disability for his headaches, his meds are also viewed by social security. And you all are dumb asf her bf is only taking Suboxone with ibuprofen because he can not take any form of illegal drug while on Suboxone because his body will refuse it making him extremely sick!! So no hun he’s not on drugs.
You tell a member of her family or one of her friends so they can check in on her. Do not contact her yourself.
She is your ex, so this is manipulative behaviour on her part.
I believe you meant cheating
I read this twice and I’m still unsure what the question is. You had ”really good” sex on the second date, he asked you the stay over. Just plan the next date and forget about this.
You could stoke the flames a little and say that he's a local celebrity, but that doesn't mean he's a real celebrity. And that celebrity crushes don't count for people who aren't actually famous.
Or you could just deflect and say it's creeping you out how she's acting towards someone who's coming up.
Start the detachment thing. Do your own thing without her. Stop giving her your undivided attention or including her in anything and analyze her reaction. This should give you some answers to make a decision on the future. Focus your energies on a plan to better your personal situation for any eventuality.
You don’t “attract”, you literally picked this dude and all of your other relationships too.
“Attract” makes it sound like its out of your control. It’s not. It is literally you who pick these men.
There no way to answer that without know what it was. For example- if my husband told me he accidentally hit a dog with the car and fled- I could see trying to forgive that- if he said he murdered someone or raped someone that would be unforgivable (regardless if he’s done time for it)
I find sex to be pretty easy, however every day affection such as a kiss or a hug etc is very difficult for me and that’s what he needs
I got married late 2022, I would not have cared if my friend scheduled 2 weeks before mine. You get one day, not a month, not two weeks. You don’t own the month
She’s being kind of selfish and I would drop out if you don’t want to salvage the relationship at all
Some lessons can only be learned the very hot way
Bro. If she wasn’t getting paid then you’re just being played. She will do it again. Probably already is.
When I was 35ish, a 19 year old tried really very hot to get me to date him. While flattering, I'm not here to bring men into full adulthood. I like them fully formed before they get to me.
It’s genuinely not too much to want/need time to yourself!! Your girlfriend does not seem healthy and her expectations are unreasonable. If she cannot respect your request for alone time (without guilt tripping), then I don’t think this is a good relationship. You don’t need our permission to break up with her.
Well said!
I've been in very serious relationships
Several “serious” relationships as a 22 year old? How long were these “serious” relationships? Most people consider something 2+ years longterm, other's 3+ years…. and most people don't consider “teenage” relationships on the same level as relationships as financially independent adults.
I don't think just because they had sex at one point she can't stay in contact with him. Your insecurity is also understandable however. You should talk to her about your insecurity and ask if you could agree to show you their messages regularly and if she wants to meet him let you tag along with her. Of course if their texting is excessive or too intimate you should be upset about it. The same if she would delete their messages to hide them from you.
I know it's controlling, but it is less controlling then asking her to completely abandon her friendship.
Ya, like they are encouraging it by not shutting it down.
Noted. Thank you for the advice!
Yes this…there's no other explanation
Unless you are a fantastic actress, he probably already has suspicions. Maybe that is part of the problem? He senses things are awkward, but doesn't know what to do about it.
Just talk to him about what you want to do differently.
Most men would not continue to hang out with one pedophile upon learning that he was a pedophile. And here there is a pattern. This seems weird.
You're too old for this shit.
Still a question to ask. But thar is something you need to ask yourself. Sounds like you were getting married!
That’s exactly what was happening, and if it was about the sex and not the characters sexuality I don’t see anything homophobic about this. Maybe apologize for coming off homophobic but tell them it was about the sex and nothing else
Do you regret breaking up with your ex for him?
Go right ahead and tell your BF everything his mom said to you.
You didn't probe her to divulge secrets to you. She just blabbed it all out and then said “please don't tell anyone.” Well, that's not legitimate. You should not let anyone force you to keep secrets from your SO.
I am a forgetful person. A baby shower is not one of those things that stay forgotten when someone reminds you unless there’s something else going on affecting your memory.
I think you should dump him. I know that response gets a lot of hate but it’s true. Your partner should be there for you, support you, make you feel good, build you up. It should be you both against the world. What kind of partner will intentionally tear down your self esteem like that? The fact that he said it at all is a red flag but the fact that it’s no where near the truth proves that he’s only doing it to make himself feel better or to neg you into having such low self esteem that he can treat you like shit and you’ll stick around. Don’t fall for this. Know you deserve to be treated better and leave.
That's a brilliant term. Never heard of vacation roulette before.
Is your lease under your name or his?
Regardless, there are no amount of material things or money that could replace mental health. You'll have to accept that the money you used is gone. You could sell everything and move on. Do you have friends in germany? Is there a way for you to get out of the place and stay somewhere safe?
Don't send nudes. This is your boyfriend at 18. Just don't send them, trust me.
imagine her getting ploughed by a train of jerks in her personal life, and enjoying it, because that's probably what she's actually doing
keep seeing other girls, and give them time and opportunities to grow on you
associate her with pain in your head
At this point it’s a legal relationship and nothing can be done. Don’t alienate your son by blowing this up. He will realize soon enough that it’s not a great idea and I’m sure they are not ganna get married lol try to just ignore it.
Obviously- ick on behalf of your boss but again, what can YOU do? Your son is a legal adult; there’s nothing anyone can do so to push back will only push him away.
I was going to comment, but he deleted his account like a coward
Raves. The houses are rave locations. This is the best theory.
Congrats? I guess.
This is going to be harsh but you just don't want to try very hot enough.
I use to be like you. I never speak before I speak and my husband and I would have huge blow up argument because I'm mean when I'm angry. After having kids and getting feedback from my husband about how miserable he was, I realized I had a serious anger problem. I didn't want to keep having huge fights because I made everything worse so I did a lot of self help. Therapists make me uncomfortable/are expensive so I did research live about how to control your anger. I did a lot reflection on what triggered me and why. Most importantly I worked on having a different reaction. I also talked to my husband about what I learned and he changed how he reacted when I got mad as well. It took a year or so to stop reacting as harsh. I had to constantly remind myself to have a different reaction until one day it became natural.
If it matters enough to you, you will change. If not you will continue to make excuses until your partner leaves you. You can control your reactions. You can be less impulsive in certain areas of your life if you want to. You just need to take some responsibility.
No need to be polite about it. Be coldly rational, explain how disrespectful and entitled he's asking, then leave him.
Looking for advice on how to heal.
Don’t need to get into the weeds as it is a long story. An analogy works better.
Wow, fuck both of them. I’m really sorry OP. Best of luck moving forward
I did meant incest – He said that my relationship with my father looks to him like we have incest relationship. And this is exactly why I was so hurt and shocked – I love my father and we are close, I grew up only with him by my side as a parent figure, I think it's natural to be close and talk to him regularly, but there is nothing out of the ordinary father-daughter relationship between me and him but how did my boyfriend came up with this conclusion I don't know and he didn't want to talk about it after he apologized the first time.
Also sorry, I didn't write that clearly : the group therapy with the husband and the wife is with other patients too. But he goes to his own sessions only with the woman. Anyway they do have non-therapy relationship and he visits them for lunch regularly which is weird for me.
Thank you for your advice really, I appreciate it
Sweetheart, this is exactly why he targets a 22 year old. It’s all manipulation, what’s really stopping you from just blocking him? Fear probably. That’s not how phones or relationships work.
You get to say we are over, do not contact me again.
The reality is you may have to ask for help to accomplish it. I have had to ask for police intervention 2 times in my life and threaten it several others. I should have called police a few more times but I felt differently in the moment (because of fear).
Him doing anything besides leaving you alone is an escalation. Ask for help, friends, family, police, a lawyer. Some men will only respond to other men or male authority figures. Do what you need to do to feel safe and get away from him.
Good on you for sticking to your personal convictions. He’s absolutely after you this hot for one thing, he’s invested 7 months+ and is feeling entitled to you. Not ok. That will always bring to you and you alone, women are not possessions we are people.
Thanks for your answer, gives me some hope.
You are right. I respect her choice, and if she might change her mind we should really talk about communication and how to avoid that discussions on text..
The romanticism of this whole predatory story just reminds me of that Mary Kay Letourneau case from back in the day.
Idk but I feel like its very hot to bond with people nowadays. If youre different and don't follow the trend/what everyone else is doing then you will be excluded. Its harder to make friends. It was the same for me during university, most kids used social media all the time whereas I didnt use it much, they went to parties/clubs but I didnt enjoy it, they drank alcohol, smoke weed or other drugs but I dont enjoy that. I didn't have much in common with people so I understand why I couldn't make any friends. Only people I could befriend were weirdos and gays because they are more “open minded” so it was easier to hang out with them and just talk about anything. Its just my experience though.
Its possible that your bf is neurodivergent or other men just dont consider him “man enough” to hang out with him.
This would be about the point I do the old Homer Simpson “putting my foot down” routine.
Go and speak to several divorce attorneys, pick one. Give them all of the evidence of his cheating and ask them what your entitled to, house, savings etc. Have them sort out a custody arrangements, child support and alimony. If you live in an at fault State sue his AP.
Start divorce proceedings, tell him that the divorce proceedings will continue until he has gone to marriage counselling with you, and proved that he wants this marriage to work out. You are not remaining in limbo whilst he decides if he loves you enough to completely cut his AP out of his life. He needs to agree to an open phone, electronics and email policy with no deleting.
He and his AP have been having an emotional affair for a long time, and it’s most definitely turned into a physical one. You could reach out to her ex partner to find out what they know about the affair.
Get yourself checked out for STD’s. Lock down your credit and that of your children. Separate your finances. If you want him to remain in the house he can stay I a spare room or sleep on the settee. He does not get your bedroom, that is now your safe place.
Let him read this post. It should sort itself out.
You have entirely different life goals and it doesn’t seem like they’re compatible right now. Only you can decide if conforming to her preferences (or an unknown compromise option) is more important than keeping her.
Show hwr what youve written here