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https://twitter.com/milablvck https://onlyfans.com/milablvck, 24 y.o.
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Date: September 21, 2022
Love is blind? It's been a long time together.
At first I thought maybe they were just a little lazy. But as times gone on, yer 100% they arent playing with a full deck of cards.
I love them so much but they just can't seem to function at a level I know most others function at.
An issue she was having? Or an issue her friend invented?
Sounds more like the friend playing a game.
I don't necessarily see a problem with the age. He is 41 and does not have any money? Why? That would be a little concerning particularly if you see a future with him. Does he work? Is he responsible?
Have you tried communicating with her?
My husband when he first started having sex he would try to last longer by focusing on foreplay with the girl. He usually would end up cumming while eating her out then was able to last longer. This worked to build up endurance. He’s honestly really great at sex.
I would try communicating with her. Ask her what she likes or what parts of her are the most sensitive. Maybe have a session where you just focus on her and you can even incorporate toys. A lot of women’s needs are ignored during sex
But I feel incredibly guilty for doing that after we lost two children together
Yeah he is a piece of work. That subreddit scared me. Innocent woman out there totally clueless about these men obsessing about them.
You don't spend months in jail for pushing someone
Erm….no.
Unless she's spoofing her GPS tracking (which is quite unlikely) then shes lying to you. Spot the red flags honey.
It's not to force her to stay with him, but it gives her more leverage for the house.
Not her responsibility, OP. You’re old enough to understand responsibility and consequences. What if there was a fire, a burglary, someone had gotten seriously sick, then what? Unfair of you to expect others to take care of you in a way, just because you can’t handle drinking.
You’re too old for this ridiculous drama. She is a mess, and you need to cut this off for good. Why do you even want to continue to be jerked around by someone you already know is a liar and cheater?
Tell him the truth!
It was nice seeing you all. You all look here at, your fiancé seems super sweet; but I am sorry I do prefer to keep my past in the past.
I said “your” when I should have said “the op”. The “prob fake cuz nazi name” thing is hilariously ignorant though.
I really don’t understand how people think being single is worse than a relationship like this.
You have to catch him trying to cheat on you and call him out and work through it? It is just unimaginable to me that people would put up with that.
Do you know what he likes to do for self-care? Watch funny movies? Eat chocolate? Exercise? Whatever it is, do it. Now. Make it an event, and do whatever he likes to do for a couple of days. He needs all the love rn. Be there for him. This kind of trauma is lifelong, when he's ready you might broach therapy to help deal with this. Don't push the family issue again.
Block, unfollow and ignore for good. Some of us need a lot of time to get over someone and its fine. You will, too. Stop the growing obsession before it gets out of hand and do not let her come back into your life.
She made a choice. A concious choice NOT to be with you and that is all you need to know. This fact will forever be true and as much as it hurts, its okay. You will be alright and find new love eventually.
Find a better girlfriend.
I would be worried that your gf joyfully sent nudes and continued to flirt with this guy while knowing that he was married. Joking about his wife not finding out? These are not things that someone who has an issue with cheating or respects monogamous relationships would do. I wouldn't be ok with her continued relationship with him and I wouldn't trust her not to cheat on you if I were you.
I've been a family lawyer for nearly 20 years I say this with the experience of hundreds of divorces.
You need to butt out.
Your parents are adults. They are in a completely disfunctional, abusive marriage. They need to get out of it NOW. Unless you are an seer you do not know how they will react separately.
Additionally, it is not your mother's or your responsibility to care for your father. Pressuring your mother to remain in this marriage for your father sake/so you don't feel like need to care for your father is enormously selfish. If he dies a miserable death that is due to his own choices. You cannot load this responsibility on your mother nor should you take it upon yourself. You cannot save ppl from themselves.
First is just first cuz it's first. You may assign special meaning to it due to its placement, but it has no inherent positive or negative benefit or value. AKA “first” doesn't make it good, better, or best. Find best. Find, at minimum, not reproductive coercion? Find second, find 15th! Going by numbers is arbitrary. Go by treatment. Go by values. Go by uplifting.
Only a few things will make a guy act like this.
A. He’s cheating on you. B. You’re cheating on him or being shady and he found evidence of it. C. He’s caught up on his ex or the one that got away.
You should dump him now. Doesn’t matter the reason behind it…he’s treating you like shit. Like he’s on a daily basis showing disgust for your presence and your affection. Don’t put yourself through anymore pain girl.
Just enjoyed your time together, don’t get all caught up in expectations of what you can and cannot provide vs. her rich family.
Filthy rich or dirt poor I doubt she’s thinking about any guy providing for her at 21.
Dude I'm willing to bet she's actually overall pretty average herself and she just has an inflated ego. You have fallen for her illusion and that's why you feel like she's on top of the scale here, but in truth she's likely just barely above average. She seems like a narcissist with here standard of only the best will do. When they weather gets bad and life isn't sunny anymore she'll ditch you if I had to guess.
Ask yourself if you could spend the rest of you life with her.
You need to stop playing the blame game about who is “worse” and take some responsibility. This relationship is incredibly unhealthy when clearly you both want different things from each other – also you sound very controlling; you can’t just mould a person into the one you want them to be.
You will both do well to end the relationship for good this time and work on yourselves before you even consider dating.
He is doing smart recovery which is based on cognitive behavioral therapy. It deals more with his way of thinking than the relationships. Hopefully he has a good therapist that can help him begin to mend his relationships.
i would suggest mentioning it only once you notice some visible thinning, more scalp visibility. also you're 20, so don't worry so much. mention if the relationship makes past 5-6 years as adults. these same people shitting on you would have no problem telling their spouses to lose weight or fix acne or go on hormonal bc just to not wear condoms etc etc. attraction matters. if you do end up outside this relationship, best way to tell if a guy will go bald is pay attention to male family members of his. lesser odds.
She simply fell out of love with me. A few weeks after, I found out she had been talking to another guy behind my back for about 3 months before the breakup.
yep, falling for someone else, usually gives us options, so we can fall out of love from our current one.
but you haven't been robbed, specifically. it's part of your life and love experiences that will define you for the next person in your life.
look out the signs that she likes you or not, and stay strong.
I dont know if shut down is the right term, but Im frequently anxious about it all. Most of my married friends dont help in easing my anxiety about this either.
We discussed our status before choosing to relocate. I even had another offer where we could stay put and figure it out, but she wanted to try this and doing so also allowed me to stay with my company.
Accurate assessment of my relationship history. Its almost like I just comply to a point, but put the brakes on when its too late, if that makes sense. I know im doing something wrong.
Introverted guys generally don't want a “party girl”.
He doesnt trust you. You cant change that. You know that you didnt cheat. Stop calling him. He needs to get over himself.
He is trying to ruin your trip because he cannot control you being far away. Think of other ways he controls you when you are together.
I think that your problem is that you feel like your identity isn't there anymore. For 22+ years, your life was being a SAHM, and now your youngest is about to leave the nest.
I'd suggest finding a part time job or a hobby, just so that you get out of the house and become instead of .
So you're now openly lying to your husband about your emotional affair……just leave him. He doesn't deserve someone as heartless and selfish as you.
Don't leave us hanging mate, did she end up telling the SOs?
Even if I didn't have to worry about any of that…FFS, if I am traveling on company business, I want my own room.
Doesn’t seem to be the case
yes that's a good example right there and it's not healthy. I just find it hot ending it especially after being there for each other a lot and spending a lot of time together. I would rather classify it as an unhealthy addiction at this point
Yeah she’s been deeply apologizing since she came out and told the truth (2 days ago). I told her the worst part was it’s not like during that time we were just going on dates, we were having deep convos and there’s a good chance she was in someone else’s bed during those convos. She pleaded for a second chance and I told her I’d do my best but if this sick nasty feeling I have doesn’t go away then I can’t stay.
Unconditional love, hah. You must not know many adoptees.
Seriously! Some massive record scratch moment when he mentioned he's a father. Who needs that kind of drama in their life when they're 21, living with same age college friends and has to imagine she'd be at least a part time step mother within the next year.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Posting your nudes without your permission is such a violation of privacy, that alone is a huge red flag. I’m glad to hear that you were strong enough to walk away.
I’ve been cheated on before and was able to walk away, and I felt bad for women who couldn’t. But back then I was 20 and with an asshole abusive man that didn’t love me. Now I’m 30 and this is my husband and baby daddy, things are so much more complicated, and i realize that everyone’s situation is different, and why people would choose to forgive and stay with the cheater.
I'm afraid if I stay I will end up resenting/hating her
You sound like you already resent/hate her so there's not really anywhere else to go.
You can try discussing the job topic with her. Setting up financial goals and creating a plan for how the 2 of you get to those goals together.
Clothes/style? She isn't going to suddenly dress like a corporate drone. Why would she?
Going out 1 – 2 times/month and having 4 drinks in total? So?
These are all you problems TBH. What have you done to shine that bright light on yourself and look at what is wrong with you?
First, break up with her and block her in all ways you can. Second, block her parents the same way and anyone else who thinks they get to vote on your choices. Third, self-reflection time. Ask yourself why you think you don't deserve respect, love, faithfulness, and kindness. Finally, take some time to put yourself and your own needs first in your mind and in your actions. You may be surprised how lovely life can be when you surround yourself with positive activities and people. You absolutely do not deserve to tie your future to someone who has an agenda to keep you serving her regardless of her actions to hurt you.
Yeah the guy sounds like a player. She should block him.
You’re seeking them out like a trophy? As an alt girl I vomit at the idea. Also my love youre almost 30 we should be focused on his career and such not necessarily the way he dresses. That means nothing . Sure it’s cute but seeking them out is something we see a mile away.
I hope this is a troll.
If not, you are having delusions and everything you said is not true. Please talk to a psychologist and get help because this is how stalkers talk. Don’t be a stalker.
Its not necessary to be so fixated on creating perfect romantic scenarios for every step of your relationship. All you're doing is putting pressure on yourselves.
She said it when it started to feel natural, and thats perfectly fine. That can be hot to accept if you're young and trying to have a fairytale romance, but sometimes things just dont go the way you envisioned in your head and there's no reason to get in the way of your own happiness because of it.
Good luck explaining that to your gf of course.
I think you’re right that you’re not long term compatible. It will be much easier for you if you find somebody who is more your equal in terms of career.
He broke your trust just by going into the club what makes you think he's honest about what happened there?
It makes sense he would lie just to have chance to get back with you.
She has every right to her body but you have every right for your boundaries. There are plenty of girls that won’t dress like that and will align with your ideas. But only pushing the issue further might make you seem controlling.
If she has not done anything wrong and has not really posted nudes, then bikini pictures are quite normal. You have to tell her how you feel but also accept the answer she gives.
Sounds like you're demonstrating macro-aggressions and he's doing micro-aggressions.
While there are clear and valid reasonings for why you were short with the shopkeepers and others, it does sound like a rather awkward situation to be in and he may be dealing with that awkwardness by trying to smooth things over (instead of just letting you handle it).
I would say that it is good that you recognize that you're both being difficult in your own ways, and that you have valuable elements of a relationship here.
I think you're both under different kinds of stress and should set a mutual goal of doing something fun. I think you can both recognize your flaws and still love each other. Don't let some minor stressors snowball into a huge deal, just try to blow off some steam and communicate how you'd appreciate it if he let you fight your own battles.
Damn you took a solid 10 minutes to type up a whole lot of fucking nothing.
A choice is a choice. But when you remove a choice or shame someone for a choice, you are participating in manipulative and controlling behaviour.
No matter how you slice it, OP and you by extension are both in the wrong.
I'm gonna just address what you want to see.
There are no magical words that will change this man to be the boyfriend you want him to be. No one will be able to give you what you are looking for here because he fucking sucks.
He likes who he is and making you feel bad about yourself is how he keeps you from walking away. It is how he keeps control of you.
Im not saying this to hurt your feelings. I'm saying this because most people have absolutely horrible partners at least once in their life. The important lesson to grasp from those relationships is to learn to walk away from someone/something you love if they are bad for you.
Again, look at your post history. This guy fucking sucks. You love him, and he constantly treats you like shit. He will get worse. If you don't choose to walk for your own peace of mind, then when he finally does, the next guy is significantly more likely to just be him but worse.
Life's going to keep throwing learning opportunities at you until the lesson sticks. Bad man? Walk away. Everyone here is telling you the short version of this.
Dump him.
We’ve both started full time jobs since traveling
Could it be that there's confidential stuff on the phone? I know a few people who aren't supposed to talk about their jobs to anyone.
You're right, he might leave. But I don't want to have sex or be FWB. That's part of what I no longer want to feel pressured to do. I really feel like I want to know him a lot deeper before continuing to share my body and life with him. He definitely has the right to say “no thanks” and find someone else
He disappears communication-wise every now and then and says there’s various reasons for these (work,life,etc)
I read this as (work, wife, etc). Hmmmm…
Yikes this is a terrible comment
Not sure what advice you’re after. You’re an adult and she doesn’t get to tell you what you can or cannot do. She can end a relationship if she is unhappy with things but she doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your free time.
It’s dancing. No one is going to slip and fall on a dick during a dance class.
Awk. Don’t be a parrot. Don’t be a parrot.
How long did you guys date? Did you think he was the one before things ended? How long did it take you to get over the breakup?
Can he actually cook? If so ask when he’s going to express his love by taking his turn. If not try doing it together so he learns and cohabitates equitably. And I’ve known electricians and their labor is not as physically demanding as other construction jobs but can be very mentally taxing along with physical. You can also get easy to throw together meals at the store to quicken time in the kitchen for both. In our house she’s the cook and I’m the chef so daily meals are simple and weekends are feasts. And occasionally we we order pick up.
Aside from what other people have mentioned regarding this potentially impacting you breast-feeding, this is entirely a problem of your wife’s body dysphoria. Of course she can be upset that she isn’t able to breastfeed your son, but making him suffer for it (sucking on nipple, expecting milk and not getting any) isn’t the way to work through it. Many (cis) mothers who can’t breastfeed due to not producing enough milk or the child not latching or various other reason manage to bond through feeding with their children without making them suck a dry nipple. If someone has a child by a surrogate, they don’t force the child to suck on their nipple even though they don’t produce milk. There are more than enough cis mothers who don’t/can’t breastfeed their children and still don’t force them to suck on a dry nipple. This is not a problem of you being transphobic but of your wife having dysphoria.
Here's the lesson your partner gets to learn of womens' experience: not all moms get to breastfeed. Deal with it.
As the parent of a child who went through feeding aversion, you do NOT want to deal with that. This kind of activity is the type of thing that leads to nipple confusion and feeding problems. Cis mothers have this issue too, and they have to learn to come to terms with just pumping, with formula feeding, etc. But it's about getting the baby fed. Not about satisfying a desire to have the baby latched onto your chest.
If you are having unprotected sex with your boyfriend, then he knows there is a possibility of getting pregnant. You need to decide how to proceed with the pregnancy, but you need to tell him. Stick by your guns no matter how he reacts.
Should’ve cleared things up a bit, I’m heterosexual and she’s bi
All good! Not the only person who was confused by the wording.
My apologises.
BPD is treatable. I have a family member with BPD and before treatment they were absolutely a nightmare, after medication, therapy, and DBT classes they became better people.
You may be able to get her to apply for disability and assistance and get her to see mental health professionals that can treat her.
You did the right thing by telling the woman he’s with. And it’s good you recognize that’s what you would have wanted if you were in the opposite situation. Doing the right thing is hard and unrewarding, punishing even. Don’t die out of spite. Even if you don’t care about yourself there’s others that you have to live for that cannot be without you. This time is confusing but as it all grows distant it will clarify. It’s very hot to see your first love go on to other people as there will always be those moments you shared. But unfortunately they’re gone now, and by the sounds of it that person you shared those moments with is too. I hope time heals this for you. It may the only thing that does.
i acknowledge his talents frequently. he has a lot of them! really smart guy and super hot worker. hell, he's a biomedical engineer. that takes some serious skill. i give him complements all the time.
he just sings…a lot…and very off pitch. even sometimes when i'm trying to have a conversation with him he'll just start and once he's done, he looks at me expecting me to say something. again, i'm autistic, so i have an incredibly hard time sugarcoating or lying about things.
I don’t blame you for having the issue.
Yes they decided to cancel your relationship. The real question what are going to do about it?
The bare minimum is spendung with your gf as much time as before, but since she won't come to your house (and you should not try to make her) you will spend much more time out of home.
I assume you are financially dependent on your parents. You should consider what you are going to do when they inevitably decide to use this as a leverage to control you. On that note, if you want your relationship to survive you should promise your gf, once you will be independent you will leave our family home and live with her and not force her to interact with your family (well unless they apologise and start acting with proper respect).
Dude, you’re nuts.
Oh my gosh, honey- break up. He is cheating.
You absolutely CAN cut him off completely. Don't engage with him. Don't spend time around him. Block him on all social media and every messaging app. Maintain solid boundaries.
sure, not everyone cares about this, but some people do care about friends even if it’s just a few months and cherish their friendship
I don't care what you think.
Your off-colour remark at the end provides me all the context I need for why I will completely disregard your comment, and wear your criticism as a badge of pride.
I don't care what you think.
Your off-colour remark at the end provides me all the context I need for why I will completely disregard your comment, and wear your criticism as a badge of pride.
Got it – so you're not exactly visiting, you're returning home from college.
It sounds like this has gone poorly before. I don't think you're going to avoid a conflict entirely, but here are some ideas to improve matters.
Be sure to buy your own food, and when you do you should offer to pick things up for the house as well. Show your mom a formal eating plan from the team. (Yes, it is fine to compose this yourself and just print it out.) Talk through the importance of your training regimen so she knows why you're doing it. It can help to explain that you would rather eat her food but you've resolved to follow the eating plan to maximize your performance. Pick a cheat day, and let her know when it will be. If you can manage one dinner a week of hers (you should be able to) that is the best but if it needs to be every two weeks, so be it. Be sure that your lifestyle reflects that you are in training. In other words, you can't refuse to eat your family's food while you're home and then go out and have beers after work. Same goes for drugs.
I hope that helps a bit!
Don't like it don't marry him.
This is not a sudden shock to you. If you do not like the traditional family set up by this family please do not marry into it.
You decide that when you get married this family dynamic has to change?
Not a good move Doomed before I do
So a gambler lost someone else’s money?
Tale as old as time
Fuck that’s too much for me to handle
The mentality and life stages, maturity, and experience of a 17 year old is completely different from a 21 year old. 17 is still a teenager.
But okay pedo
No, I feel that it is best to know now. He literally turned on me when I disagreed with him and especially on wanting to sue the company
The only thing you can do to change your situation is make changes yourself.
Decide on the boundaries you need to feel comfortable enough to stay. Be prepared with all your points before you sit down to talk. Choose a time beforehand where you won't be interrupted. Sit at the table facing each other, not on the couch where you're facing the same direction. Set the scene with respect to the gravity of the issue.
Focus on the facts: he lies consistently, and you don't believe he will change. You want to stay married, and to do so you need to feel safe. Whether that's having financial oversight to prevent him from coke binges over a certain dollar amount, or a location sharing app, or access to his social media, or simply committing to not asking him any questions and operating as an independent agent within your marriage, state your terms.
I understand that you feel stuck right now, and maybe you are…for now. For now is not forever, and this is not a relationship you want your child to settle for. Make getting out your long term goal.
Hey man, youre young so I know its probably really tough. This is a good opportunity for you to learn. A person who loves you won't do this to you.
she’s easily aggravated and gets mad easily
If shes mad she got caught lying to you about not deleting her and her ex's sex tape, she for the streets.
And jeez, with friends like these…
You got what you wanted. Why do you care what the internet thinks??
i do think that’s up with me, i’m working on detaching but the attachment i have is very powerful so it’s taking some time
Brother.
You've been taken advantage of and now you're being abused.
I know you're scared, I know you think you can just ignore it.
But you should not.
You should never render yourself powerless.
Tell the police. Tell social media, tell your friends.
Tell them how Pete not only raped you.
Tell them how he tried time and time again.
Tell them how he began abusing you, all these things he's done to you.
Do not let him walk away, do not le him do to somebody else.
You know these types, you know who they are.
It's no longer their world, they can't just hush the internet away, they can't hide the shame forever.
But you can choose to do what must be done.
You can choose to make the world a lighter brighter by bringing a monster to the light.
I wont judge you if you end up simply leaving, I don't know what'll happen then.
I understand how hot it is to do such a thing
Yet I believe that no decent man could see what has been unleashed and try not to contain it.
Be at peace brother, and good luck.
Maybe you're aromantic, or maybe you're romantic but your feelings for her faded. Either way if you only want to stay in a relationship because shes funny and is part of the group then it really isn't a relationship.
Get rid of him, honestly. He aint gonna stop and youre wasting your precious time on him.
Hmmm I'm torn.
For one, we all have characteristics that we couldn't help but find attractive. I have a thing for redheads myself.
But he also might be cheating on you. I hope he isn't and it's just your insecurities messing with your brain.
Some part of you can still have a certain love for people in your past and the memories you share. That doesn’t mean you have to express that and exchange that information with them.
Can you have a standard? Not even standards, just like.. one fucking standard? Please? Just one. Just have a single standard for you who date. This can be the standard. Like not having a sexual relationship with a dog is a perfectly reasonable standard to set.
And yet, here you are. Wondering what to do.
Don’t ever stay with someone you’ve found out has a history of cheating. I just found out that the mother of my child who I provide EVERYTHING for has been cheating on me — with the guy she has cheated with in the past over 10 years ago now in a prior relationship. I thought people could change. 8 years into the relationship and I find photo evidence of cheating. I’m physically sick. I feel so angry and upset, but at the same time I feel totally nothing, like it’s not even worth putting energy into. anyone reading this, learn from my mistake so you don’t waste years of your life and have a kid with a garbage excuse of a human being. If they have cheated in the past, THEY WILL NOT CHANGE
Either end the relationship or stop bringing it up like that. You’re not making things better for either of you.
So… she’s a cheater and you’re passive-aggressive. Could you just be a match made in heaven?
He’s a porn addict. If he won’t go to therapy for it he’s not worth your time.
By that point in a relationship, emotionally I would need the other person to love me back. He’s saying it could realistically be another year before he’s ready to say it?? Me, I wouldn’t be able to wait for that. I’d break up and find someone who does love me.
Are you serious, why do you need to cut back when you didn't ask for this? Help me understand, why are you still around these people? You need to realise they are a couple now, you're just the extra baggage they got saddled with. The fact that they don't give a rats ass about how you feel is more than enough reason to cut your losses and move on from this. Stop worrying more about her than your own self worth and health.
That is really weird OP. Why is that?
How fo you reply?
If in a nasty mood:
“Tanks a lot. Your wife may appreciate this infornation just as much as I did.”
If not: find his wherabouts. Gather all the proof you have. Hand it over to his wife after some months.
And don't ever reply! Keep the message. Store it somewhere, from where you can reproduce this. (pdf or jpg formate)
Then eraze it from your phone. Block him everywhere.
You are not the first.
You are not the only one.
Yta. You don't ask her to stop that.
As a fully grown adult and seemingly somewhat well adjusted, you should know that comprimises are part of it.
From both sides, sometimes they're unfair for one more than the other but that's just how it is, give and take in different aspects.
This is one of those times I feel, he wants and is doing what he likes and is his passion. I feel you should support that while letting him know your concerns, which you have done.
Any attempt to force him to stop or manipulate it in any way will end up with resentment.
If he does not want to change for your wishes; you will have to accept that. he is free to choose and do what he likes with his life, you don't have to accept them, but voicing that disagreement and doing anything about it may have further undesireable consequences.
Why I don’t see any comments?
So you’re going to tell a wkman to go up against a physically superior attacker with what, mace or a taser?
Both things that, if the attacker is mad enough or determined enough, don’t work. Whereas a bullet to the chest has a far better chance of deterring.
Also, brandishing involves waving the thing around like an idiot. If you’re trained, that’s not what you will be doing.
And by training I meant taking multiple classes a year and doing things like putting yourself through stress-training. Not just going to the range every once in awhile.
“Sounds like the person you need to talk to about this is your wife, not me. Have a nice life.”
Dang… he does use my problems against me. This past weekend he even did. Like I am so blinded I didn't even notice that?!?! I want someone who if they don't know how to help/deal with me to do research.. he never did.
She knew. She even talked with him about it. It's in the post.
If she’s still into me. I’m not worried ab the sex I’m just worried if she still likes me yk. I never pressured her to do anything
At all? Like ever?
It's not like I'm getting any fancy show of affection either. I'm trying to react to what she has asked of me. We have gone on dates, I do make compliments that are authentic. Do you have kids? There's not a lot of time for “the chase.” If we're lucky, we go on a date twice a month.
You tell your husband. You made this bed, be an adult and lay in it. He has the right to decide if he wants to stay. You get a paternity test. And you get a job.
Thank you
Honestly you can play a joke right back. Whenever he enters a room play that clown song that “dadadadada dot dot dadada” I don’t know how to spell it. He walks out and back in ask them Dj to play it. I would also allow him pictures because it would look really cool in black and white. And maybe even surprise him if you got yourself a red adorable clown nose. And say “ love you anyway”
Can’t beat em, join him. He won’t get the reaction he wanted. He will see your family and you love him. Or at least understand him.
It’s none of your exes business. If they have an issue with it, they need to sort it out with a therapist. You can’t live your life based on how it will make your ex feel. That’s not fair to your current partner.
I'm so sorry and my heart breaks for you. You are a amazing young man. And look around you OP you have a family. Sometimes a family isn't one of blood but a family that you create. And it sounds like you have a amazing family around you.
As far as your EX goes thank her for showing her true colors now instead of latter.
I wish you the best.
What a DICK. Find his wife.
Yeah, these were my thoughts exactly. There’s a lack of information here… such as, was the guys she was kissing challenges etc on the Hens night, or were they random hook ups over time with random guys?
I think they're saying that you can have a “sexy” bachelorette party without actually having to have sex with anyone
Just pray to the lord Jesus and he will come help theee
This is not excellent, this is a terrible idea that will only result in him doing other stupid shit at your wedding. If your fiance can't set a boundary that no one is allowed to wear a clown suit to a wedding I hope you know your life's gunna be fucked when your married.
Oh, then you have studies to back up YOUR position?
Cough em up
Who’s money did he use to get you that gift? Expensive gifts mean nothing for someone who didn’t actually pay for it. You’ve been long distance for so long with this guy, you grew from a teenager to a young adult and he seems totally stagnant. This is the perfect time to cut the fat and go after what you really want out of life. Is it really being 2nd/3rd priority to a dude you almost never see, who has no forward momentum?
Go to the party and say goodbye to his fam. Tell them you love them but bf cheated and you need to move on. It will be cathartic and he will get what he deserves.
Sit down with her parents and tell them that if he turns up in a clown suit you will be leaving the ceremony immediately and eloping instead. That the resulting fall out will be on them and you will sue him and them for the cost of the wedding.
this dude is not a keeper.
I would simply ignore them to be honest. A true friend wouldn’t be upset with me setting boundaries.
Not I, lol. I was a fly on the wall for that one. Watched the drama for him unfold in the comments
4 years? That's what you're mad about ? You got bigger problems dude.
Breakups are really hot, especially at your age. Tell your friends you don’t want updates on him, don’t peek at his social media, delete all your pics of him or put them in a folder where you won’t see them normally.
This is what I did to get over a really bad breakup at your age. It’s like an addiction in the beginning; keeping yourself busy and not talking to/thinking about him will help and if you slip up, it’ll set you back. Time will heal it. I was so goddamn inconsolable when I broke up with my ex at 19, and now I’m almost 25 and I’m getting married to my fiancé this October. Life goes on, and he will be a distant memory in your happy life
Ah yes, sabotage your rare healthy relationship, for your ex's convenience. I am sure he will be uncomfortable with your future partners as well. For one reason or another.
Id like to just point out not every southern or Christian is this way. I’m southern Baptist, don’t take the Bible literal (parts were written for a specific group in a specific time), and believe I’m a mix of evolution and the biblical story. I also never tell people they’re going to hell lol, that’s something little kids do ? but also, you are not compatible. Do you want future kids crying because daddy told them mommy is going to hell? I wouldn’t.
Ya gotta grow up mate
Sounds like he has some conflicting feelings around sex. From your post it sounds like you also used to have conflicting feelings around it.
Keep him as a friend if that’s fulfilling but don’t expect this to become more.
I wouldn‘t call this an assumption, I‘m just drawing a conclusion to very obvious implications.
I would love any advice you guys might have for me It sounds to me like he's told you exactly what he wants from you. Text first. Make plans. Be an active participant in the relationship, not just along for the ride.
I don't want to say or do the wrong thing. I wanted to send him a message tonight to let him know that I didn't mean to make him feel the way he is feeling and I do like him and care about him.
Did you say something like this last time he raised the subject? Without consistent actions, these words are meaningless.
You have zero recourse but to deeply apologize. It might not be repairable as your BF’s self esteem has been hurt. Never mind the fact that your bestie has also opened her big mouth to everyone in your world….you maybe can learn something for your next relationship
Him: well it would be nice to get a blowjob
Me: So you would want a blowjob from someone else? Someone other than me?
Him: With your permission yes, if someone offered it and the opportunity arose.
You responded as if you give him blowjob's…
He isn't talking to other girls. Isn't seeking out blowjob's. Didn't try to pressure you to give him one. He made an offhand comment while talking about dreams and hypotheticals that s blowjob would be nice….
But since you've never given him one and he presumably knows your opinion/feelings he isn't expecting one from you and doesn't intend to pressure you for one either
You mean your girlfriend is just cheating on you lol.
When they deny to the very last second, still lie to your face, without a shred of guilt on their face….how can you ever trust her again? How often did she qish she was with him when she was lying by your side? Take your life back into your hands! She is not a worthy partner, you deserve better! Stand up for yourself and don't wait till there are kids involved, probably from another man!
I say this with kindness: this is a you problem. Changing the style of dance isn't going to make you less insecure, it's just going to manifest somewhere else. This is something she loves doing and doesn't view as sexual, asking her to change her behavior for your insecurities is controlling whether that's your intention or not.
I recommend finding a hobby of your own to do when she's at her dance class. Focus on things that make you happy rather than limiting the things that make her happy.
You sound extremely passive aggressive toward your spouse.
So you’re going to feed into negative stereotypes?
She needs to learn to laugh about things that go awry in a way that doesn't hurt anyone. You put a lot into this and THAT is what shows your love… her being sad is really rude. She needs to realize that.
Did she do anything for you for your anniversary?
He yells at you and calls you names? That's not getting “wound up”, that's being verbally abusive.
He's already told you that's how he is and that it's going to continue. I speak AH fluently and what he means is he's going to continue to yell at you and call you names because that's how he is and he's entitled enough to think you “have” to forgive him.
You can wait around as long as you like but this is who he is and he's told you that. He's not going to change because he doesn't want to.
LOL alright I've come to the conclusion that you're a troll.
You can't just go out for ice cream together because he'll find a way to twist the experience into an opportunity to bring up his poly fantasy in a spiteful, entitled way. It sounds like he's thinking “My girlfriend is holding me back from trying to bang every girl I see”.
And he's acting as if you're the unreasonable one?
He should be thankful that you didn't dump him the first time he suggested “sharing”. For a lot of couples, the idea is the end of it.
You'r'e not jealous. You're normal. It's normal to not want your SO to sleep with other people. It's NOT normal to bully you into submission so you'll give him permission to do it when you clearly don't feel comfortable with that. He's treating you like dirt.
If he wants these other girls so badly he can go be single and do whatever he wants.
Is he okay with your relationship being open on your end?
You’re almost 30 years old and can’t handle that your mid 30s bf may have a friend of the opposite sex that he knew long before you existed in his life? Your reaction to his friend leads me to believe you’re more of the cheater type as they tend to be the ones who are the most paranoid about everyone else absolutely having ulterior motives. He had to cut off a good friendship for stupid reasons to accommodate your overrreaction, and now you’re mad because he misses his friend? You sound immensely selfish, and are so paranoid that you are hung up about the existence of about someone who does not even live in the same part of the country but clearly makes the man you claim to be so in love with happy. What’s your end game? To vet who he talks to, and approve of any conversation he has as long as it is always about you (and only you) and get daily affirmations that you’re super special? Perhaps you want him to cut ties with anything in his life that ever existed because you strolled in a year and a half ago and just want it?
The problem in your relationship, frankly, is you. As for resolving it, talk to a therapist and get a handle on yourself, because what you’re doing is unnatural, toxic, manipulative, and borderline abusive.
i really feel like mom is calling OP, saying – we're doing such and such, can you come? and OP is saying – i'll come – so they buy one ticket for her.
but mom is actually asking about the whole family, op just doesn't get it.
this absolutely explains why sister's boyfriend is 'invited' sister sees him as invited whenever she is and she is bringing him.
this really is on OP
How often do you go out?
sorry u dont get ur cuddle and foot rub and emotional support when shes caring for a child 24/7. maybe if you were helping she wouldnt feel so incredibly burdened…
Oh what a load of nonsense. Who is “sharing” by allowing someone to have a friend? Normal, mature adults don’t act like possessive freaks, and your bizarre attack on the OP shows you have a pretty unhealthy perspective on what a successful relationship looks like. She’s not the queen of the world and she certainly does not own him, so you can drop that absurdity.
We have a newborn at home – husband is agonizing over going to see a wrestling show in April. He loves wrestling! It’s a special event! It’s nearby! It’s 2 months from now! And yet, he’s still agonizing over leaving me without help for the night.
You just have to own what happened, if someone brings it up just say yes I mis-read the situation and yes I also feel stupid about making her feel uncomfortable. It will die down, girls gossip for comfort sometimes. If she was upset she was most likely venting about how you in a tacky fashion brought up being sex buddies. Online and learn.
You are not committed and you don't really want her. You are just too lazy to find another girlfriend and she is there. That's all. Get your dream job and move away. Free her to find someone who actually cares about her.
I thought she would be open to being fwb
No, you’re not crazy. It’s weird that these men are low-key hitting on him. And that phone conversation? It sounded like his friend was trying to get him to leave you behind. And this friend seems so calculating that moving into his apartment seems like madness. Not only would you be at his mercy, but he might just…show up. If he insists on Atlanta, he can choose a different apartment. You’re not being unreasonable.
Could you start the date saying that you have been thinking about her a lot & you’d like to kiss her? It might set the tone for the “real date” to keep you from being nervous the whole time. Flowers are nice if she likes that kind of thing.
Alcohol + LSD.
That's like, you're a mental grapefruit at that point.
This one. He’s not your concern anymore. Tell his family he seems to be in a bad place so they can look out for him. You don’t have to tell them how exactly (or you can I suppose) but pass the buck to them, it’s not your burden to carry now. Then block and move on.
This is rape? Hahah I’m gonna resign from this conversation as I can see we’re on different planets regarding the reality of this situation. Have a good night.
He’s 100% cheating on you and made up those debts. He was emotional because you implied that cheating is pathetic and you’re bigger than that (which is true) and he knows that he’s cheating and it hurt his little feelings.
Get him to admit it through a text or phone call (recording it depends on the state) and go straight to a lawyer.
Omg no , I just know he wouldn’t hide experimenting with makeup ! I’ve literally done his makeup . It isn’t a logical explanation here
I see in your comments that you have kids. Please don’t make the mistake to think kids need parents who stay together. Kids need role models of honesty and mutual respect in relationships, else they may grow up to either abuse or be abused.
If you divorce now you are teaching them many important life lessons: actions have consequences, someone who lies to you and who can’t take responsibility is NOT worth your time/effort/mental health. If you divorce now, your kids will have one role model of what standing for yourself looks like.
If on the other hand, you don’t divorce now, your kids will learn that it is normal to cheat and give half-asses apologies, that they should not stand up for themselves, that they should not expect respect or honesty from a life partner and that it is not expected of them.
Do your kids a favor (and yourself) and go to a lawyer RIGHT NOW
He got pulled out because of his own actions.
Do you live together?
Thanks! I appreciate the response, you're right but I don't really know how to communicate this without sounding like an absolute asshole.
We've had a conversation kinda similar to this, she knows I'm insecure about stuff like this but still disregards them.
LMAO “Don’t mind me, I am so immature, dense and out of control. A girl can’t help it.”
thump thump thump
?♀️
And I can go and do the exact same thing lol this subreddit is all about are divorces, cheating, open relationships those are the 3 main topics that gets spammed. This is not an exception to the rule, imo before I blow up someone life I need to make sure I have proof of what I am talking about. I have 0 stake in this story, that why I clearly asked does he have proof to prove she was with him, because how many other stories on here have you read were people are getting gaslighted and are basic doormats in these relationships. You acting like we have any knowledge of what’s going on or like we know the intent of this person or even if this story is remotely real. We don’t even know if this guy is telling the truth for all we know he can be some crazy mf who in in love with his ex still. I base my opinion and comment on here I try to be as unbiased as possible and give a reasonable answer and decision a normal person would do. I don’t try to sit here and just say break up or divorce because we don’t know the full stories 99% of the time
They are married to each other as well, and they aren’t jerks. I think they are just desirable enough that other friends want to try the experience with one or the other of them, and it’s been 100% the kiss of death for their relationships.
If you have ever watched porn, forget everything you saw. Porn films what looks good not what feels good. It’s not really pleasurable sex.
Bring condoms. Be upfront that is your first time. Ask her to tell you how to pleasure her. If she doesn’t orgasm it will be ok
Don’t marry him
maybe incorporate sexy body lotion application into foreplay? i had a partner who used to put on my lotion for me and it was great. sounds like a fun compromise
From what you just wrote, this guy really has a good head on his shoulders. You'll see what he meant in time and with distance.
As for why he would care, it's possible to care about you as a person without wanting to be romantically involved, or even friends. You can care about a stranger you only met for a few minutes, who really helped you when you needed it; you can care about a childhood friend you never see anymore; you can care for a good friend or family that you ended on bad terms with. You can care about all of those people and more, without really ever needing to see them again or necessarily reconnect. You can wish them well and go their seperate ways, just like your boyfriend has done.
It's an acknowledgement of the good times and the positive effect you had on each other while things were still good. It's a testiment to the happy memories you've made and how they changed you for the better as a person. And it's just what parting from someone you were close with looks like.
He blocked you because you you were critical of his Instagram post. He doesn’t never want you to be able to following his life & pass judgement.
You dodged a bullet is what.
I don't get this sort of thinking.
People deserve to know if they've been cheating on. OP wouldn't be doing anything wrong, actually, just something really right.. although I do have doubts only because of the fact they have a baby now. But it's really bizarre to me when people are against bringing justice to the other partner.
My lawyer is drawing up a postnup. AP's wife has been informed.
You may not be compatible. It's never a good sign if you think your partner is in need of repairs.
He was WARNING her! Duh
Don't go ruining careers, ok?
Just keep quiet dude. They have a kid. He isn’t like a close friend or anything. Id just leave it be and keep to yourself. In situations like this I always consider the child first. If the decision to speak up can significantly alter the child’s life for the worst, I’ll just keep quiet. Don’t interject yourself onto their lives.
Wow. This is sad. I honestly don't believe the guy was gaslighting you. For some reason I actually find him refreshingly honest and sincere. Dating currently is so much different than it was when I was dating. I can't even imagine. Based on what you've shared, you seemed to genuinely be attracted to him. Which is a shame because it seems like you two were on your way to developing a genuinely good friendship. How much and how often did you share the traumatic experiences you had with your ex boyfriend with him? I can honestly see that causing him to want to take things slow because he genuinely really liked you and didn't want you to ever associate anything he did with the horrible experiences you had with your ex.
If I'm reading this right, you come across as sincerely liking this person and wanting to take things further. Please let me know if I'm not reading this right. If that's the case it seems like the worst thing that would happen is that you two would become good friends. I think it's always good to have truly good and genuine friends. Because of that I would encourage you not to just break off all contact with him. I would encourage you to see if he would be interested in maybe seeing a therapist to help him deal with these issues and insecurities. Like I said, if it doesn't advance into a more serious relationship it does seem like it will evolve into a genuinely good friendship and those are worth their weight in gold as far as I'm concerned. I wish I had more good decent friends quite frankly. Unfortunately for me, it seems like everybody wants to use me to get something from me because most people consider me to be fairly successful and affluent. Everything seems superficial sadly.
With all that said, I wish you all the best. I just hope that I have given you a different perspective to consider. Good luck.
You refuse to answer questions regarding your role in the family.
What advice do you expect?
Based on your one-sided views?
Wrong sub.
Oh, Sweetheart.
Talk to him, tell him what you feel and what you want, ask him to teach you and learn what you like and don't like. Se were your bounderys are.
Last time you tried you were very young, you were both inexperienced, didn't know eachother and had a lot of pressure from your parents.
For me it sounds like he have very strong feelings for you, maby even love.
I have only loved once and that is still the best sex I have ever had even if it was with my first boyfriend and more than 30 years agoe…. just because we loved eachother, because of our emotional connection.
I have had sex with men far more experienced and technically better but still not even close to how it helt with the one I loved.
So, talk to him. Good luck girl!
Look at Amazon or your local post office.
Just ask if she had a visitor while you were gone. That the neighbors reported seeing someone visiting.
Don't say who and don't admit to how much you know.
Do you bring your wife flowers ? or just your mother ?
So everyone is saying that if someone crosses your boundaries psychical violence is acceptable?
So when my wife attempts a finger in the ass i can punch her in the face?
His gross teeth are offending you. So asking him to get a cleaning should not offend him.
Plus, it's good for his dental health in general. He might have some additional serious oral health concerns that he really needs to address just for himself.
Nah You a ho You all hos Shes inviting them to picture her hot You dont know men Fr
I’m right brain….. can design and be creative…but man…my left side of the brain is mushy…. I’m sure your right side of your brain has helped the business tremendously!
My boyfriend broke up with me and I had met a guy after about a month. I've been with him for 13 and a half years. Sometimes, things just go a certain way and you figure out what you need. It doesn't mean it is done at you, and it doesn't mean they were cheating. It also doesn't mean he never cared about you. Things were not quite right, it had to end… but that doesn't mean it was all fake. It doesn't mean he never cared. It just wasn't right. It is never just one thing. People are complicated.
You two have been broken up for a year. I think you should ask your friends not to give you any more info about this guy or his girlfriend. You need to actually move on. Feeling this invested after a year apart, without contact, sounds like you are not healed. I am not trying to be harsh, I just think you need to completely separate yourself from what he is doing. It is not helping you.
I was in a similar position many years ago, and it was absolutely for the best. It is hot to see in the thick of things. Take care of you.
Making your fianceés mother the butt of the joke is not acceptable. Under any circumstances. She is right to doubt your relationship and rethink the engagement as a result because you treated her mother disrespectfully. It shows what you think is humour so irrespective of how much you apologise it isn't going to change that she knows this. Since you haven't asked a question I'm guessing you want to know whose side everyone is on? I'm on her side.
I live on the North Carolina coast. The coast guard uses color coded flags on the beaches to indicate how safe it is to swim. A red flag means no swimming. The current is too dangerous.
Then there is a hurricane flag. It is two separate red square flags, one flying above the other, with a black square inside each. She is past the red do not swim flag, she is on the Hurricane flag at this point. OP needs to run!
Leave her alone till she decides… she is monkey branching… if things don’t go the way she fantasizes in her brain… she could always turn around and say you manípulo her during her Tim l time of doubt. Highest chance you have to be with her is not to offer any outside help to end her relationship
Turn him in and run.
honestly I'd dump him he sounds like a condescending git
Great men don't rape.
That's what I told him. I told him that it's inappropriate and he said that they were just talking. It doesn't matter because I told him the same thing, it's wrong and disrespectful to me. I can't understand why he's treating me like this if I'm supposedly so good for him.
Leave her.
Oh love, it exists and it’s wonderful. Just go slow and pay attention to what you need. Don’t be too nice and don’t be too selfish. I got clean and sober. As I sobered up, I realize that I wanted something more substantial. So I didn’t date for a year and then when I started dating, I did it the old fashion way or we went for coffee or we talked for a little while, and got to know each other before we ever did anything. I move slowly I married him and then had a baby with him at 41. And he died when my baby was six years old. And I have somebody I love now who is better than anything I’ve ever imagined, but it’s different. It’s like he’s stoic it’s got a sense of humor but it’s sort of old fashion and he’s kind of like a Dr. Spock kind of guy. Except he’s not at all he’s a I’ll be with you no matter what I’ll come to you when you’re sick there’s real love just keeps going.
Stop it. She's your cousin's wife. Find someone who is not married or a family member.
Difference between being overweight long-term or just during pregnancy
Please walk away. This all sounds so snake-bit, and all over the place, and and and.
Oh and I really like this part: he again tried to tell me how he maybe wants to explore his own country's women if he could get what he needs from there. So I guess he'd be good with you doing the same with guys in your country? No? Thought not.
You are only 20, OP. There are eleventy-billion other guys in the world. Date some of them.
Having hoe friends like Hannah is a red flag.
Going on a trip with bunch of dudes including guy who cheated on his wife is another red flag.
If you would have some common sense and respect to your bf you wouldn't even have stupid ideas like going on this trip. It's like slitting in his face.
You are 28 years old. If you want to have some future with your bf how about you actually thing about what you are doing.
In what light it puts you in and if what you are doing is considering your partner.
In place of your boyfriend I would serisuly question if you are right person to be in relationship with just because you considered going there and put yourself in situation that is really big challanger for his trust to you.
Well… If she's the type of person that will destroy his marriage, maybe she they type of person you shouldn't trust…
Talk to him and tell you can't imagine living about it. That you want to feel comfortable in a place where you live and ask if he can do something about it.
He’s a bully. He doesn’t respect or love you. It doesn’t even sound like he likes you. He likes hurting you because it makes him feel superior and powerful. He also likes it when you ask him to stop because he knows he’s hurt you and he feels powerful because you can’t stop him.
But you can stop him. Dump him and block him.
And she only uses it when she travels. Mostly when she visits her parents home city in Bosnia because she doesn't know anyone bedsides family there. I asked her why she has it hidden and she says it's embarrassing to have tinder on her phone.
But she's really defensive, I asked why she didn't tell me and she just said “we're dating we didn't merge our identities into one persona, you don't need to know everything, if you don't trust me break up idk what to tell you”
She pretty much admits that when she's abroad she's hooking up with other dudes.
I wouldn't say it's petty, but if your relationship is wonderful in all other sorts of ways, then maybe making this such a sticking point is not worth the frustration.
Sure, it's a very nice gesture and you've communicated to your boyfriend that it would make you feel cared for if he texted good morning. But obviously this isn't a natural for him. It would be considerate if he did this now, but doing it 'robotically' may really take away the meaning anyway.
Ask yourself if he has other ways he shows you he appreciates and thinks of you. Maybe saying 'good night' is easier for him?
The best way is to say to her exactly what you wrote here and invite her to lunch or a bbq at your new house. It may take a few invites to make it happen, but being straight up that you would like to get to know her more is the way to go.
I would ask her to make a choice as you won't lie or hide things if – when – the conversation comes up.
“none of my business” family friend and when he finds out after the fact it'll be your business when he's like “why didn't you tell me?”. He works with your dad and it's not something that you'll be able to ignore if/when shit hits the fan.
At the very least she needs to keep it away from near you. Not wake you up on the wrong side of the bed, so to speak.
(Because op's bf wants to be open and honest and live his truth? It doesn't matter if you “get it”. You just respect it and move on. Not your life, not your place to question it.)
We don't even know how long they're together, she could be bringing up marriage in a 3 month relationship which would explain why he answered the way he did.
We regularly have very emotional conflicts that I feel are related to her insecurities.
Brataffe, your GF's abusive and unstable behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained by the psychotherapist you're seeing. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Brataffe, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
If I were you I’d honestly leave. This dynamic though probably has a lot of layers to it and I don’t know any of your history but it feels like maybe he was in over his head with this plan. Personally, there are so many things you can do in a month and wasting them away waiting for him to spend time with you and otherwise just spending time alone because you don’t know his friends just doesn’t seem that great. Two weeks would’ve been the right amount of time to not need to depend on him being around so much. Because you’re going through a tough time this time is vital for your mental and emotional health and I can’t see how this arrangement would benefit you
We have a baby so she has to stay home :/
No, don't listen to this nonsense.
I've never gone wrong trusting my gut, and have always regretted the times I ignored it.
Is he annoyed at you, or just annoyed?
If he's just annoyed at something else, I recommend holding hands.
When my fiance gets upset because something happened during our time out, he tends to walk faster as well. I think it's just nervous energy. But we hold hands, so he never leaves me behind. Sometimes he pulls too fast, and I have to tell him to slow down. Sometimes I have to say it multiple times, if his head is somewhere else. I think it's just something people do, walk faster when they're aggravated.
So try holding hands.
If you understood why you fucked up and how disrespectful you were, you wouldn't keep commenting on every post about how you acknowledge you fucked up, but. Stop putting a “but” in there and trying to get people to see your point.
As a side note, the fact that you, as a virgin, who has also never been in a relationship before, thought there would be a mutually beneficial sexual relationship with a girl who may actually have sexual experience is the biggest fucking ego trip ever.
Did you think she would just be grateful to play with your dick? What “benefit” in this FWB relationship was she going to get when you've never even been with another woman?
Your update is even more troubling. You don't come across as remorseful, despite your constant commenting here that you are. You seem more worried that this incident will affect your future “game.” Listen, player, you have no game. Humble yourself and try to form a meaningful relationship with a woman before you jump into the game. You have no clue what you're doing and you're hurting people.
Lastly, there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix this. You just can't. You fucked up and sometimes, you just can't fix it. Eventually, it will probably all die down, but take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself why you thought so little of your first sexual experience that you'd want it to be with a casual hook up and not someone you love. Ask yourself why you feel you feel entitled to use someone's body for your gratification.
Additionally, you really need to work on your social skills, and if you're unable to do that, you need to stop hitting on women and just work on being a friend.
So what if they are dating? Yea, it’s kinda weird if YOUR siblings to date, but THEY are not siblings or even related.
3 months but have never called, facetimed, done virtual dates etc. We have a 15 hour time
You aren't dating by any normal definition.
You're friends with extra steps.
Don't give up the dog for a woman.
That is cruel and unusual.
Sounds smart except 1 point: do not under any circumstances make it appear you are initiating in text or sound like you actually want him. That is entrapment (not in the legal sense, but in the moral/ethical manner)
If he asks you to coffee, ask him to text you the details, then ask him over text who all would be there. Then you can reply, seeing 1 person alone at a coffee shop sounds too similar to a first date and the more I think on it, the more I want to keep work/ free time separated.
Looking through a phone is a shitty way to run a relationship. But it’s a first-rate way to terminate a relationship for cause.
Do you have photographic proof of your friend and this man together? Otherwise, why would the wife believe you?
Why do you want to stay with someone you fight constantly? It’s exhausting. Love isn’t enough of a reason. You can’t love your way through incompatibility.
Seems like you're okay with failing, just not being told you're failing. Your partner could help you, but you'd rather go displease someone new?
Hes too old for you and he wants to knock you up and trap you with him. He's grooming you for pregnancy and laying the foundation for convincing you to do it.
Also, hes fucking gross and creepy.
You should resign from being senor reboundo.
I wouldn't think aynthing of it. In your age bracket, age differences hardly come with any power imbalances and I don't think 15 years is a scandalous difference at that point. If you are into each other and he makes you happy, that's all that matters. Judgy people will judge, no matter what. The rest will be happy for you.
Literally calling people disagreeing with you hoes? Man that's pathetic behavior, do what you want in this relationship and have your boundaries and expectations, but don't shame people for having more trusting and secure relationships.
How is me breaking up with her over her leaning on a coworker like this insecure???
Dude, you sound insufferable. You did the right thing breaking up with her, maybe now she'll get some peace.
Do not get drunk. You will either whine and cry to him that he’s “looking” at her or you’ll insult her.
That WILL make him think “what if”.
Go, be confident that YOU are the one he chose as the best person to bear his children, not her.
Smile and enjoy yourself.
I appreciate everyone’s input. I think some of you are getting the wrong idea here but your entitled here. What is bothering me about the situation is that her FIL intends us to use the money to make money. Which is great but what I don’t think is entirely fair is that I am the one who will have to do all the leg work work. I’ve always made double the money if not triple in some cases than my wife and it’s always been what’s mine is hers and visa versa. As an example let’s say we buy 3 investment homes with the money he provides and I’d have to furnish them and rehab them with our own funds. Not to mention the maintenance will come out of our own pocket. If that’s the situation I would think I would be entitled to some of it. I’m not arguing that I want her initial inheritance but if I have to work it and invest my own time and money into it and she decides we need a divorce then and she gets everything I’d feel like I was taken advantage of. I think that’s what rubs me the right way. As far as the business situation again, I decided to shadow him and learn from him I never expected or wanted him to give me the business I thought he would sell personally. I even took a pay cut to take advantage and learn from someone who has been in the business because I think it would be smart long term. He has been the one implanted the idea that that’s mine to run. Idk about you guys but if someone says it’s yours I’d feel like you’d think some sort of ownership is involved, but now it’s I’m giving it to her sister and me run it for her?
I don’t think he is a bad guy for wanting to take care of her daughters but to do it at my expense I think doesn’t feel good.
Ultimately I think having him buy our a bigger personal home maybe best. In an off chance we divorce I would let her have that home anyways for the kids. And we can use our own funds and current home to rent and invest.
As for the business I do agree with a lot of you and I’ll talk to him, and will do my own after a bit more of experience
There could be a multitude of reasons why your period is late. Please go and get a test.
You’re overthinking this. You know how easy it is to find someone on the internet? I do this shit for fun. I have a co worker who is having an affair that we found about, all I knew was a first name and a place of employment (not my work obviously), and I found her in less than 5 minutes.
If it’s live it’s public record, she’s not “snooping”. If it bothers you that much that she might find something out, then leave her.
Just call the police.
lmao at your account getting banned already. even the mods know you suck
This is the way.
You need therapy, not a gf. Like usuallywrite2 said you're using her as an emotional support animal and for sex. End it for good with her.
No
She has plenty of friends, but she just loves to be in our business and know what we're doing all the time. She also does the same thing to his brothers.
She did, thankfully. The worst part is that she was definitely earnest and not saying it as a way to get excused.
11 years in prison definitely sounds like he fucked over someone/something with money
Not an issue we had some issues between us. She solved pretty quickly
Lmao the downvote. Go vote against your own rights, dumbass
I'm sorry, OP, but your GF even demanding to discuss your therapy sessions is totally inappropriate. Therapy is supposed to be a safe haven and isn't up for discussion unless YOU bring it up.
Her demand that you change a therapist that you are comfortable with and go to someone she prefers is also extremely inappropriate.
She is currently undergoing pharmacological therapy, has BPD and is followed by a psychiatrist.
The fact that she is seeking treatment for her BPD does NOT mean she has it under control. I think you should consider that her anger about your therapist could absolutely be a symptom of her own mental health issues. I was in a relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD, and they were never able to get to the point where we could have a loving, trusting relationship. It was a pretty terrible experience, to be honest with you.
Oh my god can you just read what I said? I said yeah maybe it was disproportionate. But you were trying to equate it to the father slapping his daughter. The father slapped her for no reason. Just casual, unprovoked assault. The husband responded to it. You can argue about where he should have stopped but the reality is that it’s not remotely the same.
Yeah legally it might fall outside of self defence. Would depend on the jury. But that man needed to be taught a lesson. And no one else was going to do it. What would you have had them do? Get him arrested? Give him a stern talking to?
I know if someone did that to my partner, or anyone else I love, i would also see red. I couldn’t do that because I’m tiny but the reaction was pretty human. Since OP describes that her husband is not violent or abusive to her or in random situations, i don’t see this as such a horrible thing. I’m not saying you’re wrong necessarily, just that it’s not the only reasonable way of viewing this.
Your husband did the right thing. It sounds like he effectively taught your father a lesson, a lesson he should have been taught a long time ago. Some people need to be brutalized before they will learn, it sounded like your dad was one of them.
Good for him. He did the right thing.
IMHO the reconciliation should be attempted by dialog between OP's father and her Husband's father. I'll explain why.
This story is Culture Gap at its widest. I have lived and worked in Islamic countries – an outsider on the inside – and what I have is an informed but imperfect understanding.
A bride in OP's native land leaves her family at marriage, and joins her groom's. My impression is that the disciplinary authority over the bride passes to the receiving family – except that a Father's authority within his own home would not be challenged. By disciplining OP while a guest in Husband's family home, Father crossed a line.
My impression is that there is a standard of honor accorded to guests and elders that is higher in OP's native country than in the West. It doesn't change the fact that Father crossed a line, but it requires far greater delicacy than Husband thought it did – although I can well understand Husband's fury.
Finally, an elder in OP's native land cannot be addressed as an equal by his child's generation. It was improper for Husband to confront OP's father. This was her FIL's business – although I can well understand why her FIL thought it was Husband's business.
Lawyer up.
Your entire comment was using your experience to compare to hers. You then said “I didn’t want to be the 50 year old trying to keep up with the 21 year old”, implying that her current behavior is leading her to become a 50 year old who parties like a 21 year old.
And honestly, it feels like your suggesting women should change their behavior and habits for their husband just because you did
You put up a whole thread because you didn’t know if she was flirting and almost everyone told you no. So weird how you are arguing now.
I think you’re fully justified in your feelings right now. Plus, and you may not realize it at this moment because THIS MOMENT IS SO BAD, but it was really bad before, too. You were just able to keep going daily without being in the pain you’re in now. I don’t think it clouds your judgment; I think it clarifies it, tbh. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.
Exactly… you are there so it's not cheating but she wants him only.
She seems desperate. Anyone you can set her up with? Foist her on? Preferably someone you don't particularly like?
I’ve also given him a list before (has very simple stuff in these like books) but he’s never gotten anything from there… and seems quite clueless with what gift to give every time there’s an occasion 🙁 how did u effectively communicate (?) the list to ur husband?
Good that you had an honest bf. Sexual incompatibility is a perfectly good reason to break up over.
I mean, i know it's not the right thing in the situation but..
I'd fuck her best friend soo good! And then send the video to her ?
Oh man. That's rough. Have you tried talking to her? What's the average amount of times you have sex in what time span? Are you meeting her needs such as love languages, having intimate moments/time that doesn't involve sex? How are you treating her? Is she stressed from work?
There are so many factors that can contribute to her low libido, but not allowing you or at least getting mad at you for masturbating, but not sexually pleasing you is a losing battle for you on both ends. There's an incompatibility. My fiance and I had this talk and although it was difficult, it was necessary and we've come to a happy medium that pleases both of us. I'm short, I'm undoing years of trauma for her that she now understand is rooted from previous relationships. My best advice: seek professional help.
Will he not just do it in secret? I think you’ll look back on this relationship and wonder what on earth you were doing to put up with this nonsense.
Is there literally no one else on the planet that could prioritise you and your very valid feelings instead? He’s allowing this obsessed ex-girlfriend/ex-FWB/ex-fling (I don’t believe the level of sex they haven’t had btw, especially how she’s acting) over you time and again. Please want better for yourself, take care.
Don't socialize with him outside of the group. He asks why tell him since he can't take a hint and wants to repeatedly ask you out after having said no then he doesn't respect you. And you're not interested in friendships where you're not respected.
yes exactly that I did get upset over her not taking accountability she’ll say she was at fault and apologizes but then when it was brought up again she tells me that it was just a vape and that I’m over reacting makes me feel like she isn’t actually sorry
Sometimes, people unfortunately fall in love with their friends. Perhaps, he’ll seek out friendship with you again once he’s sorted out his feelings.
Same impact to the listener, my friend. You're playing semantics in order to deflect attention from the real issues.
Common abuser tactic, by the way.
Do you really want to be part of this drama? He is not going to stop.
If this really happened your father sexually assaulted you.
If this is completely out of character your dad needs an urgent brain scan because he’s either a sexual predator or he has brain damage or a tumour on his frontal lobe.
He hurt you and your girlfriend should end things with you because you’re under-reacting. Your father shouldn’t be around any children – especially your own because he sexually assaulted you.
Why are you posting this repeatedly?
Thank you, yes i idealize the idea of her. I think the rejection did a lot in making me desire her alot more, because i couldn't have her. So weird. I'll try focus on other things, my mind keeps replaying every scenario so it's hot to focus at times.
Thank you, yes i idealize the idea of her. I think the rejection did a lot in making me desire her alot more, because i couldn't have her. So weird. I'll try focus on other things, my mind keeps replaying every scenario so it's hot to focus at times.
You’re describing sexual predation. As in this is sexual abuse. This is going to end badly. Please tell someone and contact some abuse services in your area. Please take this seriously! Sending my love.
I would suggest professional help at this point. Yelling isn't productive. You can talk at normal volumes and express your feelings without raising your voice to some one.
If neither of you can remember these fights or sort out what you are even fighting about, I would say neither of you are really ready to be someone's partner.
She's the one that wanted this move. That's acting like it's nothing. It's not as simple as ignoring it when I'm CONSTANTLY hearing it. I want to be a father and husband in peace. I don't need that bullshit when I'm trying to be there for my daughter. Or daring to have a nice night with my wife.
I doubt it would be so easy if you constantly heard the shit people were saying if it was about you. Id never hurt a child.
She's the one that wanted this move. That's acting like it's nothing. It's not as simple as ignoring it when I'm CONSTANTLY hearing it. I want to be a father and husband in peace. I don't need that bullshit when I'm trying to be there for my daughter. Or daring to have a nice night with my wife.
I doubt it would be so easy if you constantly heard the shit people were saying if it was about you. Id never hurt a child.
Scream at her then. At this point she needs to just get shit through her skull. He ain’t her boyfriend.
He needs to block her. Call the cops if she shows up again
I think the issue isn't that they don't believe she is her age, but that he is attracted to someone who looks that young and are extrapolating that he must be some kind of pedophile groomer type of person no matter how old his partber actually is.
My coworkers started asking less once they realized how truthful I was. Hit my hand on my desk and I had a large black bruise five minutes later. Once they get to know him, they realize my partner isn't an angry guy, just has resting bitch face.
Putting the blame on her is a ??you agreed to this and you married your wife, for better or worse.
How does she look 15 at 29?
Wait
That’s ridiculous she chose a relationship with him when she didn’t have to- and your comment is what won’t help OP.
She was in college and he was her first sexual relationship. This was just a general statement that she made when she was telling me things about her past relationship. I just didn't know if it was normal for her to tell me that he used to pay her rent
I do get therapy already and I’m not pushing my beliefs on him. Plus, I think I’m owed an apology because he told me to shut up when I didn’t even say anything
It took you 3 years to have this deal breaker discussion?
Why could you keep putting up with it before but now you can’t?
Listen to your friends, man. They are looking at this situation with clearer eyes than you. Dump this girl, and leave her dumped.
OP, I'm serious, get out of this relationship. He's just consistently gaslighting you and making it out like you're in the wrong here. You are not. LEAVE HIM. You CAN find better and be happier.
Your husband has SHOWN you that he IS putting EFFORT into cheating on you by going on dating apps and having affairs. THAT is all the proof that you need. Stop listening to pastors and other people that are trying to tell you that you're wrong. You have literal, real proof that your husband is a cheater and will put effort into cheating. You aren't imagining this. He is a cheater. Please, for your own well-being, leave him. He's trying to put blame onto you so that he can seem like the victim here. He is not a victim here. Again, leave him. He's a cheater and is gaslighting you.
That’s something he absolutely DESERVES to know.
OP, you sound like a well-emotionally regulated person who knows how to be a boyfriend. You need to date another well-emotionally regulated person who also knows how to be a girlfriend.
The relationship is a commitment, and your girlfriend isn't emotionally in shape for a mature and healthy relationship which isn't fair for you.
I don’t know if she’s cheating, but I do think her behavior is inappropriate. Does she speak the language he speaks? How do they communicate? Also, ask her how she’d feel if you did this with another girl?
I think maybe you don't realize how traumatic it is to be assaulted by someone you love and trust, because it shows you they are unworthy of that trust and cannot prioritize your safety.
Has he always been like this? Could he be depressed.
From my perspective… your relationship was rushed.
Its like sitting down together at a restaurant together and inhaling your meals in the first 5 minutes… now you both are wondering where the waiter is at because your plates empty… unsatisfied.
Now, you need to decide if you want the bill, or order another dish and savour it this time.
Your relationship has nothing its working towards because you've hit all the milestones rapidly.
Its not a secret that the honey money spark dwindles, however… as time goes on you add new layers of depth to the relationship that keeps it feeling alive. Really should be falling deeper in love, not out of it.
One way to revitalize the spark… Reduce the time spent together, but boost the quality of it.
Sitting at home everyday together… that shit is boring as hell. That is just existing together.
Go back to dating each-other. Go out and have fun. And if you can't go out to have genuine fun anymore, then yeah… the relationship might be dead. But I cannot stress this enough… couples that survive, are ones who still go on dates.
You both work from home… You need space and independence. If you share the same office, change that.
You eat, sleep, drink, work, together… there is no space. You're dissolving into the same person. There is no differences anymore. That is a good way to dull the relationship.
So, decide if you want to fix this… if you do. Shake things up. Time to be spontaneous again. Go out for drinks. Plan a fun date night. Just do something different than your routine.
Well you showed your son who was more important didn’t you? And the fact that you stayed with him knowing how much it hurt your son. That’s not even mentioning the grooming aspect. Max was still essentially a kid but you should have known better. Shame on you.
Gawd, the insecurity in this sub is rampant! The idea that you can reasonably “forbid” someone from doing anything is laughable! People are free to do what they want. Her wanting to maintain conract with anyone is not “disrespectful” but your thinking that you can set a “boundary” that she has to abide by certainly is. You cannot control people! You trust them or you don’t. Trust no one, and you’ll wind up alone. What are you afraid of? That she’ll leave you for the other guy? Nothing you do will prevent that! And “forbidding” contact will only accelerate that outcome. What are you guys going to do, put your women in burkas so no man ever sees her?
Jeez, they should rename this sub r/insecurity_central.
No this can’t be real. The birthday dinner?
The dude is his barber. Not some super important relative you have to get their blessing from in order to get married.
Let the guy have his space and you can have yours too when you get your hair done. It's healthy to do things independantly in a relationship. Not everything needs to be done as a tag team.
When do you tell your daughter your a child predator? Before or after she turns 18?
Yeah… This sounds scary. I would have a serious talk with her about this, mentioning a medical evaluation.
This is not about her toxic past OP.
This is most definitely about her toxic present!
Your love for her is leading you into a very bad place and is keeping you in this relationship, a relationship that is just so incredibly bad for you. If you took away your emotional feeling for her, what exactly is there here to keep?
She is like everyone and yes, she has the capacity to heal and be great etc, etc, but why should she do at your expense?
You are quite literally setting yourself on fire to keep her warm and what's worse, she is barely acknowledging the burning smell.
So sorry OP, she is still incredibly toxic and it is slowly killing you.
Not at all.
I understand how you feel but you don’t even live together. It’s his right to have a gun if he feels the need for it.
I dunno… your post sort of comes across as if you both think he should automatically be included in things, and if he isn’t included then that means he’s being rejected? I wouldn’t say that’s true.
Maybe he, and possibly you, expect too much from others. There’s more to friendships than saying “I like this thing, I expect you to let me partake in everything related to that thing”. That’s moving way too fast, especially with something as personal as a weekend away. There’s no way I’d expect people from work to invite me on a trip, unless I was really good friends with them already.
My advice to your partner would be to start slow. Build bonds first. Start with just one person he can make friends with. Do casual things like hang out at a bar or cafe or whatever. Don’t make grand gestures like doing engineering works or expecting to go on mini vacations. Those things come with time and trust.
I would advise him not to get disheartened and not to throw away potential friendships because of his feelings of rejection. Instead he should be patient and slow. Don’t force things.
Finally, because of his senior position at work it’s best for him to focus on making friends outside of work, because in reality most people don’t want to hang around with their boss.
That's because it was yesterday!
Big dicks have little to do with women orgasming. Only 27% of women can orgasm through penetration alone, majority of women orgasm only through clitoral stimulation.
Let’s see if OP would agree to a prenup
That friend would not be my friend anymore. I would really think about ending the marriage.
It's a trap. The prize is a one way trip to prison.
?
The opposing opinion could be confirmation bias too. That’s a useless argument.
Do you think she's bipolar ?
That could explain why she's fine and nice one minute but then paranoid and down the next.
I think technically bipolar makes you down not paranoid. But if she's really down she might get paranoid. I did when I was depressed. Paranoid no one wanted me around no matter what they said etc.
She might just be crazy and batshjt.
But she might be bipolar ?
Do you think she's bipolar ?
That could explain why she's fine and nice one minute but then paranoid and down the next.
I think technically bipolar makes you down not paranoid. But if she's really down she might get paranoid. I did when I was depressed. Paranoid no one wanted me around no matter what they said etc.
She might just be crazy and batshjt.
But she might be bipolar ?
what are the jokes?
Wrong sub, but NTA lol.
This is something you never joke about. She said what she said and was completely serious until she saw her words had consequences. She can't un-ring that bell. You'll never trust her again.
Take notes about this threat on something that records the date (i.e. notepad or a rod document) and break up with her. If you live in a 1-party consent jurisdiction, consider recording the breakup conversation and specifically mention the threat in the process to get her to implicate herself in the lie. This way you have evidence of it in case she follows through on the threat as retaliation for the breakup.
I'm sorry you're going through this dude. Good luck.
There’s enough warnings that she is either in love with him or intensely jealous of anyone that comes between her and him that would make me not interested in pursuing him any more.
The fact that he dismisses ALL his exes as being “jealous” implies that he is blinkered to her manipulation and thinks it can’t possibly be her fault.
The fact is, that it IS all her fault. She deliberately gave the WRONG advice to make things worse? Of course she did. She wants to spit you two up. Nothing less will do for her.
You’re never going to convince him she’s toxic. He will always take her side and if you dare to criticise her, he will blame you for being jealous and spiteful.
Honestly, you’re 30. You’re too old to be in this high school triangle. If you want a serious loving husband and father for your kids, HE IS NOT IT.
Why are you still with her? She's a hypocrite and prone to guilt tripping.
I've had a free consultation (UK) my parents & his know what's going on & are all supportive. I have spoken to my parents & we can live with them until my son's free childcare kicks in. So I can save & then buy a house
What do folks get for making up these nonsense stories? This one isn't even well done.
Just get tested,.drop his worthless ass, and move on hon.
He is trash. Don't waste, time, energy, effort, or extend the opportunity for him to gaslight you.
A man worth being with won't go looking elsewhere. He's garbage. Dump it and live healthier knowing you're not being mistreated.
I think its perfect. So sorry, and hope your heart mends soon ?
A teenager’s brain isn’t fully developed. Our brains fully mature mid to late 20’s. Her husband is 22, so it’s still not developed.
Do not pay for the ring. It needs to be between the couple. Maybe give a generous wedding or even engagement gift to the couple but don't buy the ring.
Nah, anyone starting bar fights because they assume they have blindly loyal backup is for the streets.
We had a Kevin Hart sized friend in college that would always seem to mouth off and get into shit when there were 4-6 of us around to help… Until we let him catch a beating one night. Funny enough, he learned to just shut the fuck up after that.
Not to mention you still have a mortgage (usually) and bills haha.
A lot of this sounds like it can be summed up by critiquing this sentence:
“Our plans, albeit idealistic, seemed solid.“
So much of what OP wrote seems idealistic and not solid. People change, people don’t know what they want…it doesn’t make them a manipulator. Part of being in a mature relationship is having difficult convos and being realistic. Not planning your children’s en-suites and galavanting around the world, which are two massively incompatible things as noted by OP when he joked around about their theoretical children’s education.
I dunno this is one of those posts I can’t wrap my head around because it feels written by someone I have nothing in common with and would personally judge as unrealistic and naive.
People are allowed to change their minds. That doesn’t make her a manipulator.
I’m sorry; it appears you’ve broken the irony meter.
Don't worry, he made it clear that he's not.
To me, kids are either a full yes or a full no. If you're unsure, it should be a no. Check out the regretfulparents subreddit. So many people resent their kids and their spouses but feel trapped. I would much rather regret not having a kid than have one and regret it!
You could have a kid that is disabled. You could have your wife die from birth complications. You could have an otherwise healthy kid turn out to be a sociopath who tortures you and your family for years. It's so risky all around and it does not just work out for the best like so many people assume!
Yep. End the relationship so she can find someone who wants kids and you can find someone who doesn’t. Not fair to make her stay in a relationship where you know you won’t give her something she really wants.
I think her reasons are all really valid. If you have such a problem with them not having the same last name as you, why don't you just change your last name to hers?
She needs more therapy. And that’s coming from someone who is in a very similar situation to your girlfriend and has decided it’s finally time to go to therapy to get my self-image in order. It’s really difficult tbh, especially when you’re constantly bombarded with judgement, but as an adult you need to face the mistakes and regret of the past and find inside yourself to let it go and forgive yourself (not saying I’ve done this; hence the upcoming therapy).
I spend most of my time working on the farm so that we aren’t speaking non-stop. But I’ll come in for coffee in the morning and suddenly it’s 2 hours later and I’m agitated and overwhelmed and we are STILL talking.
For this, specifically? Set a timer. “I am giving myself 30 minutes for a break and then I have to get back to it.” And then when the timer goes, GO.
I also second the Grey Rock Method that /u/no_more_hiding/ mentioned. See how many “hmmmm” and “huh” you can get away with. And if it's a criticism or suggestion you know is nonsense? “OK I'll think about that.” (And you will, for two seconds before you think about something else. If she casts it up to you later, you get to say, “you know, I thought about what you said, but then decided to do [thing that was right for you]”. Or say nothing at all.)
Mine is full of makeup videos and.. I don’t follow it like any makeup. My feed is mostly hamsters and Guinea pigs and my friends. The discover page confuses the crap out of me
this all sounds sus af, especially when combined together. He's downplaying your relationship bc he doesnt want ppl to ask questions? Wtf does that even mean?!
I think you shouldnt ignore your gut. You know somethings off. Time to steal yourself against what that may be and decide how/when you want to find out.
She’s been watching Billions too much
Info: in your culture is it normal for 22 year olds to be getting married? Are all your friends married?
A person's sexual past has 0 impact on the dynamics of the relationship. The only reason why people care about how promiscuous their partner has been in the past is due to insecurities.
If you are insecure, don't ask. Don't tell. If your relationship is perfect in your eyes and you both are happy, I can't imagine why you'd sabotage it by bringing up shit that is literally irrelevant in the present day.
I mean, it would be nice.
You can't make someone fall in love with you.
Try to be better than you were before. If she's into you, she'll be into you. If not, it wasn't meant to be.
I wish I made that money. That’s like almost 4x what I make and I am making a couple bucks more than most people with the same/similar jobs in my area.
If you don't “see” mess you never will. What one person sees as messy another sees as comfy. I'd suggest with your higher household income, you get a once-a-week housekeeper.
Why on earth would he assume youre cheating?
Unless he has fidelity problems or you do in your past…
you being pregnant with your 4th kid in the prime fertile years whilst having sex alot – vasectomy or no vasectomy – is not beyond super surprising.
Your fear that he will accuse you of cheating is slightly worrisome. Are you okay? Is he normally an angry or unreasonable guy? Are you often scared of him?
Im no medic – but i socially know lots of obstetricians and gynaecologists who all have “funny(?)” stories of vasectomies not working and surprise babies popping up.
Your husband would have been told this when he had the procedure – hence his double-up pregnancy protection of condoms. (unless he is protecting you against something else with his condom use?)
I think you're either a) overthinking this, and your husband who loves you and raises 4 kids and his whole life with you – will be horrified you thought this thought, and will want to help plan/explore what you guys want to do next.
or b) i am slightly scared for you and your relationship dynamic if you being pregnant by your husband fills you with such dread.
There are DNA test you can take whilst pregnant if this is an irrational fear you want to over-prove for your own anxiety. But likely this wont be an issue op. A good husband will jkust want to support you and help plan what you guys want to do with your final surprise pregnancy.
good luck:)
I had my Vasectomy nine years ago. If it suddenly didn’t work, I would literally be shocked, but I wouldn’t accuse my partner of lying. As a white guy, if the baby came out, black or Asian… I might have a few follow up questions.?
boyfriend (24M) ignored my boundary/saying no
what to do
Bye bye boyfriend.
isn’t the first time that something like this has happened
And that goes at least double.
he’s really my only friend
He's not your friend – friends also respect boundaries.
which hole lmao
You not happy with how much you are making for what you’re doing?
You’re going to have to get comfortable with saying no, because this is hurting yourself and her.
I suggest sitting down together at a time where you aren’t about to have sex and telling her “I really enjoy our time together, but I’m finding that I’m forcing myself to say yes when I’m not feeling comfortable. This isn’t your fault and I don’t blame you for it, but could we discuss ways to make me feel more comfortable and enthusiastic about sex?”
Hear out her feelings on the topic. I also suggest discussing if there are any particular acts that you aren’t comfortable with.
I suggest as a way forward that you set “practice rounds” where you set up a time for her to initiate and for you to refuse. As in, you sit down together and say “alright, tonight, I’m going to refuse your advances to practice saying no” and then do it. It’ll help you get over the initial awkwardness without having to deal with her feelings of rejection.
Eventually, start saying no when you feel uncomfortable. You’ll like find that you sex life when you are eager to consent will get better.
If she refuses to hear you out or guilts you about wanting to set boundaries and say no, this isn’t a healthy relationship.
I wish you all the best!
And this one!
I didn’t bleed either, it didn’t hurt as much as it was uncomfortable really. No one believed me either when I said I didn’t bleed or cry from pain. My hymen broke when I was 7 cause I was always riding bikes.
I really wish you left right after you learned he was an alcoholic. Why are woment taught love can fix anything and anyone?
Leave this man asap. You don't deserve this, you're too kind for him. He's too selfish to be in a relationship.
There are many sources/ repeated use going back, as far as I can tell, to the early 12 century in writings from the Germanic tribes. It's also in the Bible, Leviticus 12:1-8
Friendly tip,if people don't like you despite you saying you're nice, you're probably not that nice,and a nice person would never do that to someone they consider a friend
IT'S NO EXECUSE. NONE.
It's perfectly fine to have preferences as to what you're attracted to. Not being sexually attracted to obese people with bad skin doesn't make you a bad person, nor does being attracted to people who are in shape.
But trying to manipulate him into bed with you does. Either just ask him out openly and prepare to be rejected in turn if he isn't into you any more, or just give up the idea altogether.
Pretending to be friends while booking a getaway with one bed to set up a sleeping together situation is creepy.
I do this everytime I move into a new place! Thought I was the only person crazy enough lol
Just put some pictures of you two together in her letterbox. Choose the pictures well so it’s clear it wasn’t a one-time mistake on his part.
Make sure they’re pictures that can be seen by anyone on your social media.
Alternatively, get a friend to give them to his wife’s neighbour. That way, there will be a face associated with this that won’t be yours.
Please for the LOVE OF GOD DO NOT TELL HER. If you value your life, sanity, dignity… you wont do it. Its not safe for you or for her if you tell her. It could go a few ways, A: She doesnt believe you, and he is left to be able to retaliate against you. B: She does believe you and leaves and he now has it out for you AND possibly his wife for leaving with their child. C: she does believe you, but is too beaten and broken to do anything, and now he is out for you for interfering.
In all of those situations you lose help from the police because his “buddies” will back him 110% and cross lines you never would have thought possible.
In none of these situations would it be safe for you.
Your best bet would be to THINK RATIONALLY and avoid avoid avoid. And potentially move if youre able to.
Agreed. Also seem to be horrified by someone crying in public. It’s really not that unusual. I’d probably cry in public if I found out my ex was getting married even though I’m no longer in love with him. OP seems invalidating af
Too late they have a kid
Yeah sure but not everyone wants to marry someone who cries over everything and is emotionally immature and can’t process feelings without bursting into tears like a baby.
“We” didn’t break shit. YOU made a string of poor choices and some of them more than once. You’ve hurt her deeply many times.
If you really care about her, disappear and leave her alone. Work on yourself and try to be a better human before you consider dating anyone else. But leave this poor woman alone. Forever. Let her grieve the loss of the future she thought she had with you and let her move on and be happy with someone who treats her well.
I don’t think you like her dude.
Thank you. I do want more open communication, I don’t want to be left guessing or be told after its too late that I messed up. I’m not perfect and am sometimes oblivious, but it’s something I’m working on. To be told I’m denied the little bridge in communication of “hey, I’m feeling anxious can you talk about something?” is difficult to hear. Because it would, in my mind, kick start the cold engine that is my brain. I’m not a magic robot for sure, but I want to do better.
Thank you and I wish the world for you
So he wanted a bang maid, not a life partner.
Divorce lawyer time
Good lord I hope she cuts you off and never looks back
it said he already tried therapy. But as one of my therapist said, you can't get help if you don't wan it.
The kid clearly needs it, but I don't think therapist can do miracles if the patiente doesn't coperate at least a tiny bit.
Withhold sex. Guaranteed to work.
Withhold sex. Guaranteed to work.
But how do I stop it from happening in the first place? The chances are given after the initial cheating
Why exactly does he want her to attend this sleepover? Is he just looking for an excuse to argue and be mean? He is creating an argument out of thin air because he wants to.
The sleepover is not more important than visiting her grandparents in another state. It doesn't matter how often she sees them, they live far away and you already had the trip scheduled. The obvious decision is that she cannot go to the sleepover since (a) you'll be far away and if something happens, you cannot come back immediately, (b) there was already a family trip planned.
Once my sister was at a friend's house and they were running, she fell and opened her skin right below her eye; my dad had to run to get her and take her to a hospital with a well known plastics department with on-call doctors, otherwise she would have been left with a scar on her face. It was not life or death, but she could have a scar if some random ER person had done the stitches. My dad is a doctor so he knows about this stuff.
How long have you guys been dating? Like how many dates have you been on? I wouldn’t be comfortable bringing anyone into my house until 3rd date or so at least. Maybe he has roommates that are very messy and he doesn’t want you to see that. Or could be that he is still living at his parents, and doesn’t want you to know
on a gap year from it which I have chosen not to work
And you think your husband is going to find that in any way attractive?
I listened to it earlier this afternoon driving home from the park with my three kids- i have two three year olds (twin boys) and a two year old (daughter.) My daughter started head banging for the first time ever. ?
No he didn’t. Lol.
Sounds like your roommates rather than husband and wife if he never wants to spend any time with you.
Seriously! What is your obsession with this?! We were sure because it’s almost ALWAYS the case. ??
I think it’s fucking telling that you are more concerned with sticking it to everyone about being wrong about the age gap rather than being concerned about a terrible dad throwing his kid out like a damn dog who peed on the carpet. What is wrong with you?
Do better.
2 moths isn’t long enough to be believing in marriage promises and swearing it was love. I’m guessing you’re probably just grieving the wound from the divorce that this thing tore back open. As for the white thing; I wouldn’t put too much weight on it. Being a person of colour in a white place is complicated. I wouldn’t take it personally and let her deal with her conflicting feelings. As for her quitting. That’s why you don’t date at work!!! Now just follow her lead and move on quickly. It was to months, you need to walk this one off for sure.
He actually aggressively raped you. You need to file a report against him let alone ghost him right out if your life permanently. What a POS.
Answer: you DONT forgive him. you DO report it to the police. OP, even if you don’t feel “raped”, he will absolutely do this again to another women who will likely feel differently. Stop him now.
My mom remarried 3 years after I got married. Legally and genetically, I could marry one of my step brothers. Anyone who is judging you isn’t worth listening to.
She’s already cheating on you. They don’t have to get physical to be called and affair and it’s clear to me that they’re in an emotional affair at least. Time to walk away.
I would tell him to come alone or watch it live. It is already stressful for you with the two parents attending – him bringing his girlfriend would be too much. Tell him you don’t need all that stress because you have to perform
You are 100% right. This guy is a serious POS. Waste of human flesh.
yeah thats ick and gross and feels dehumanising to me.
i definitely wouldn't be with a partner who did this. super ick:/
nb: but ick to the point that i wouldn't even try “changing” or explaining to him.
that's a hot no line to quite alot of people i think. you don't have to be with someone who does this, most guys wont.
Asking someone to immediately respond to texts while they’re studying for an extremely important exam otherwise they get the sadsies is really overbearing and clingy AF.
He needs to get a grip. And if he can’t, then you gotta let him go.
Hmmmm what else do you call it when you intentionally lead someone along for a period of time knowing full well that if you tell them the truth that it will end the relationship?
It was great! We were fucking for a few months and decided to part ways because she wanted to find something more serious. Turns out she was coming out of a LTR and just wanted something casual for a bit. Thanks for asking!
Im in my 40s and happily married, and I still have friends that do this. Mostly in group chats with guys I sometimes play golf or go fishing with. It's a bit cringey (did I use it right? Oh god, am I being cringey right now by asking?)
Anyways it's just guys being immature. Most of us still act like teenagers when we can get away with it. Usually, if it bothers someone that we care about its not a problem to cut it out.
Agreed
You just say you can’t get past it and that it’s over. Block out his voice and don’t let him speak over you. It might help to think and speak to him like he is a stranger who has pissed you off.
Did you tell your ex you cheated on her before you split up with her? You omitted that detail.
Dude, he was r@ped. He didn’t cheat and then the R@pist tried to baby trap him. He was blackout drunk and she was sober because she doesn’t drink according to op. And men have be so brainwashed by society into thinking they can’t be r@ped that they believe they cheated when they wher SA’ed. I’ve seen it so many times and it’s just swept away because he’s a guy.
Honestly, not even withstanding the cheating aspect, your relationship sounds toxic and exhausting. You've only been married 4 years, you've had several talks about separation in that short time, then you actually did separate. Then you read her diary, which is a huge invasion of privacy. People here will try to retroactively justify it because you found something, but the reality is you didn't know you would when you snooped. Now on top of that you don't trust her. This relationship is dead. Why bother keeping it on life support?
Divorce your cheating wife. Go to a lawyer and start the divorce process. Get a DNA test on the kids. She doesn’t love you. Look up sunk cost fallacy and understand how it applies to you.
I have two boyfriends who will spend as much time making me cum before sex as needed. 30-45 minutes sometimes.
And get this… sometimes I cum and then I don’t want to have sex…. and nobody bats an eye.
He thinks he's in a relationship with you. He will carry on being annoying in this way until you have a very frank conversation with him. You need to let him know that his behaviour is not ok.
Some men are very shy and introverted and scared to ask. This doesn't have to mean he doesn't like you.
If he doesn't ask you, the only way is getting active and doing so yourself. If he doesn't want to, he will tell you.
Yeah no. I’m Australian. The c-bomb might not be such a shocking word to casually hear but it is zero ok for my partner to call me that. Not as an insult and not as a “mates” nickname. It’s just not appropriate.
So. I know many things on reddit are made up, and there's an equal chance that this post, too, is fake. But what gives it away in your opinion?
This guy is not a veterinarian. He may work at a vet’s office but he is not one. Dude is a liar, let him go.
Your cousin sucks
I’m a marathon runner. What you’re going through sucks. Not having a spouse be supportive of a healthy life style and something that your passionate about isn’t fun. What distances are you running 5k, half marathons etc? Is there anything you can do to support his hobbies?
I’m also wondering if you have lost weight and are to him, not the same person who he married.
He is not a responsible pet owner. He doesn’t get to decide how to deal with the cats.
Eh, to each their own on this one. I've had friends and my girlfriend cheer at races but it was never make or break. Running NYC is not as much of an imposition for spectators because there's so much to do before and after the race, and the tracking app is decent enough that you shouldn't miss a runner when they go by. Whereas a smaller marathon is just a really long run with not very much to do. I'd hate for my girlfriend to sit around forever waiting for me to run by and then have nothing to do after.
So you have decided to actively destroy your relationship? That is how most open relationship convos end up. I guess if you were to break up otherwise, it is worth giving a shot, but you should be ready for likely consequences.
He doesn't have to be interested in “your” interests. If you're expecting him to come to all of your races this may be the problem. He should not feel obligated to partake in your interests they are yours and not his, he doesn't have to like what you like. It sounds like he doesn't care about you doing them but that he may dread it because you expect him to attend. I had a partner who loved to throw concerts at clubs/bars and coffee shops. It didn't bother me that he liked to do those things but I do not like to hang out in bars or clubs. It became a problem because he wanted to me to become absorbed in his hobbies. He wanted me to help him make flyers and attend every show. I did not want to go, I did not want to make flyers I had my own interests I wanted to spend my time on and it was unfair that he would guilt trip me and demand that I be involved in something I had no interest in being apart of. I was miserable. We broke up and that wasn't the main reason for why I left him but it was a part of it
Info: Do you have any other support system close by?
Your brother is a racist POS.
If you break up with you BF then racism wins.
Your brother can cry like the little bitch he is.
He stated it on the dating app, I haven’t met him or the gf no
He stated it on the dating app, I haven’t met him or the gf no
Yes, but it may be awkward since it is in the basement…….
Just kidding we have more than enough room for her. It is almost set up for her. I even gave her resources if she wanted to start sending me things or if she needed to get out sooner. The only problem is legal with her age.
It’s ok if our partners aren’t interested in all of our passions. I find baseball boring, but my husband loves it. I go to a game here and there, but mainly he goes solo (and trades his two tickets for one upgraded seat). I love making art and doing craft shows, but he would be bored to tears hanging out in a booth with me for several hours at a time. Then there are things we both enjoy, like hockey, or shows we like to binge together. It all works out in the end.
My best advice is to A) enjoy your own company, B) not try to force interest he simply doesn’t share, and C) work together with him to find things you can do that you both love.
I have a partner who ran for years, and loved competing in races. I probably sounded a lot like your spouse – early mornings, standing around waiting to see him finish, experiencing my lack of enthusiasm in the face of his runner’s high – and it was boring as hell to me. I can tell you that, for me, I did get frustrated when he put soooo many hours into running but was too tired to save any of that time or energy for me and the kids. Making family plans had to revolve around running and races often, and sometimes it felt a lot like running was more important than us. NOT his intention, by the way, but it was sometimes my perception.
Communicate with your husband. Find out the root reasons he doesn’t share your joy. Maybe he (like me) has physical limitations that prevent his from participating, and that makes him feel sad, frustrated, or even a little resentful because his body holds him back. Maybe he feels you get really excited about running, but don’t have that level of energy about him. Maybe you have races or running schedules that tend to interfere with weekend plans with him. Maybe he feels he’s pulling more weight around the house because your energy is spent more on running. Or maybe he simply doesn’t get the attraction for your passion for running. You won’t know until you invest time and energy into communicating with him.
That is the worst reason to move in with someone.
I am sure you have learned that there is nothing you can do to make someone feel less insecure. Insecurity like you describe has nothing to do with you or your actions and everything to do with how he feels about himself. That is why if you did absolutely everything he told you to do and always reacted exactly like he wanted you to, it would not be enough. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It had nothing to do with his girlfriend before you or the girlfriend he has after you. It is all about how he feels about himself.
Since it sounds like he is willing to go to therapy and try and heal, then maybe you guys have a chance. But not if you give in to his demands. You need to set parameters or ground rules. Things you do that you both realize are innocent, like side hugging a friend, but he still has a problem with? The answer isn’t that you stop doing it. It is that he figures out a way he can get over it. And you stop looking for ways to point out the discrepancies in behavior. If you ask where he met a friend and he says “Hooters” don’t point out to him he would have a problem if the tables were turned. That just draws attention to the issue., if you do something comparable and he gets upset – tell him you did nothing wrong and if he needs to leave and go get himself calmed down you will see him when he is over it and there will be no further discussion about it. Assuming you aren’t doing anything he is right to be upset about, give him the space he needs to adjust his thinking but don’t go along with him being irrational.
He’s also not modeling a healthy parent/child relationship if he is also refusing to talk to his son.
Dump friend and boyfriend. He’s too old to have such poor emotional regulation and you can’t be with his potential, only who he is right now. An adult who lashes out when distressed.
Get a partner who can deal with internal stress without humiliating you both.
Red flag
You have a long ass talk and go get help. I had something similar but not verbal abuse. I jaded walking on eggshells, to the Point I wanted to leave. We talked, went to get some couples help and it made a would of difference. We are still together and it helped in other ways also.
Your husband is 42 years old?! I would not be with a man that gave me the silent treatment as a “punishment” wtf is that?!? He needs to grow up and you need to remove you and your son from that toxic environment
You have a sexy girlfriend! what are you complaining about?
Who are these high school people and why are they communicating with people you meet?
Jfc, it was joke. Lighten up hun, take things with a grain of salt of you will, I highly doubt your vagene looke like two fucked up flapjacks,…. I swtg people of every aspect are getting way fucking softer.
Your free time. Not working. How many hours per week playing fifa? How many hours a week spent with her? Btw spent with her means doing things that aren’t watching tv or sleeping.
Her equating the two could be either insane or reasonable (albeit still extreme) depending on your behavior.
Sounds like he's getting pressure from somewhere to produce an heir. You've been married 3 years and no kids yet, my guess is his parents are up his ass about it. He's horny is also probably playing a big part. You are readily accessible due to the unfortunate forced marriage.
Get on birth control immediately.
Go slow with dating him. What you don't want is to get pregnant thinking you are both falling for each other only to find out his only interest was planting a baby in you to shut his family up and then he completely ignores you and the child, just playing superdad when the family come around for appearances.
Question whether or not what you are feeling is legitimate or is it more like a Stockholm Syndrome situation. You don't have to go back to hating him, but be cautious about what you are really feeling and whether he feels the same way or is love-bombing as a means to an end. Be very aware of if he diverts the conversations away from the topic, talks in circles, uses a lot of word salad. If you can't get straight answers to straight questions. Don't trust him.
Sounds like he's getting pressure from somewhere to produce an heir. You've been married 3 years and no kids yet, my guess is his parents are up his ass about it. He's horny is also probably playing a big part. You are readily accessible due to the unfortunate forced marriage.
Get on birth control immediately.
Go slow with dating him. What you don't want is to get pregnant thinking you are both falling for each other only to find out his only interest was planting a baby in you to shut his family up and then he completely ignores you and the child, just playing superdad when the family come around for appearances.
Question whether or not what you are feeling is legitimate or is it more like a Stockholm Syndrome situation. You don't have to go back to hating him, but be cautious about what you are really feeling and whether he feels the same way or is love-bombing as a means to an end. Be very aware of if he diverts the conversations away from the topic, talks in circles, uses a lot of word salad. If you can't get straight answers to straight questions. Don't trust him.
I don’t even know. He’s not acting crazy outside of what he did at his office but does still insist he did nothing wrong and can’t understand why the other job “took back” their offer (that they never made in the first place)
He's doing it to tie you up and keep tabs on you. If you're on FaceTime with him, you can't be going places and doing things without him.
Just be straight with him. “Hey, I'm not interested in being on FaceTime while you play with your friends as I have other things I can be doing so I'm going to hang up now. Talk to you later!” I bet you any money he will get angry. I'm 99.99% sure it's a control thing.
Also, just because a guy likes to FaceTime, text, chat or call a lot, doesn't mean you have to even if you don't mind. It's good to set the boundary at the very start that you have your own life and aren't going to be available to him every second of every day. Even if you aren't doing anything but reading a book or watching Netflix, time alone is essential for growth and self-discovery.
A former colleague of mine was informed of a management change impacting who he'd be reporting to. He proceeded to go on a rant saying how much of a f'ing idiot the new manager is, how incompetent the whole team is, listed off every person with all their alleged flaws, etc.
Needless to say, he was fired very quickly after that. Most teams have no interest in managing attitudes like that.
Guaranteed, someone definitely got a video or some other to the new company. He must’ve been bragging too. So the ex-job knew who to send the evidence to.
Read the book Cheating in a Nutshell. It describes what you are going through and is the best book on the subject. You can get a thorough understanding of biological effects of cheating you are experiencing and risk management for decisions you are facing.
I would recommend you to cut your losses and cut your tormentor out of your life. You need to heal but it’s hot to do when you are constantly triggered by her presence.
He's not going to miss his mortgage. What makes you think that? Op even noted they have savings and family they can talk to.
His credit rating isn't trashed and he's looking for a job at the best time in modern history.
Look at it from that lens, this is literally the best time to be looking. he's going to be working soon so he can keep paying his fair share.
Op really made him sound like a loser in the post so maybe that is where your opinion of him is coming from?
If it’s a tight enough industry and he mentioned where his new job is in the rant they absolutely would’ve told the new job
It's okay if she doesn't like me but what hurts me is she values her male friend more than that she can't even lift my phone.
I know right? My boyfriend and I have been looking at rings. Good thing I saw this or I was gonna make him my husband!
He plays Lost Ark and Rocket League on like… a daily basis.
I mean… she could also say that wearing socks is the same as cheating. Or using salt, or using a comb. The thing is, words mean things – no amount of crazy bull from her will change the fact that those things are not like cheating xD
What would you do if she told you wearing socks is like cheating? Would you ever discuss this further? I would not. I would consider her quite insane, and reasons are only for reasonable people. I dunno what you can do here, other than just disengage from the crazy.
I am just curious here. A lot of people says she needs to divorce him and run away.
Divorce is expensive, how would it make her situation better? She has a low income salary, struggle to keep herself a float. He has nothing, i guess no savings the way she made me think about it.
He made a stupid mistake, maybe his old job had him stressed and he hated his boss. He made a very poor call, he burned his bridges and now he got burned while doing it. No one here disagrees on that.
I just feel that he might need some support, hopefully someone can get through to him and help him understand that he made a stupid mistake.
He has to own up to this mistake and learn from it. Maybe he has some serious mental issues.
To immediately just divorce him for being this stupid, not the best move.
If he does not want to work on himself and try to improve his mental capacity and he does not realise he made a stupid mistake, sure, cut him lose before he sinks your ship too.
He honestly doesn’t sound worth your time. This is more than just about your birthday. He treats you like crap. You deserve better dump him and move on
So how fast do you want to be single and lose all contact to him?
You are being intentionally ignorant of her point.
Dump him coz he sounds, at the very least, rude as hell.
However, I do wonder what “dressing better” means to you? In a more fashionable way, finding out your style or what exactly and how does it relate to your dysmorphia? You might want to explore that on your own and it would be better to have someone a lot more caring accompany you in that journey.
“Rhythm method” is a flipping poor way of BC. You’re correct. I assume she just really wants to get pregnant.
Look, him and people around him have been calling me delusional for this decision.
I also think a relationship of 6 years shouldn't end from things that can be solved. Of course cheating is the break point but sometimes I believe maybe they're really really just friends? Or is he just testing the grounds? I'm confused
This guy is a selfish jerk.
Was nasty to you, but your life and others at risk by driving drunk and abandoned you to find your own way home…block his number and move on to a decent person.
I am so sorry for your loss. You lost someone you loved, too, and that's painful and hot on its own, but the added layer of supporting your parent makes it even harder. First and foremost, it's a kindness you're showing to your dad both at work and at home. Grief is overwhelming, and him not having to worry about the business right now is a gift that I'm sure he is incredibly grateful for. It's been one week, that's a drop in the bucket. If it continued at this level for several months your dad might need to talk with a professional, but one week is nothing. You're a good daughter and it sounds like you love your family who loves you back. Your girlfriend is being the asshole here. Partnerships are never 50/50. They ebb and flow. Sometimes 70/30 for one, then 80/20 for the other and back and forth. Right now, you need 80, and she's upset at only getting 20 for one week. You have doubled your work responsibilities and your family support and still managed to come home to her nightly and even thanked her and acknowledged this is hard on her. It's not unreasonable to expect her to be supportive right now while you navigate this challenge. And even if her family is not the same as yours, she should at least have empathy for you and yours, especially if otherwise she has always liked them. Maybe seeing your dad will bring up painful things for her and that's something she should be honest about, but picking a fight because you've been busy for a week after you lost your grandmother is really shitty. These things happen, and you should be able to count on one another for support. If the tables were turned, would you have picked a fight with her? Probably not. I would be reexamining my relationship over this. It's pretty significant.
Between cycle tracking, pull out, and a diaphragm, I only have 2 children. Both were planned.
What caused this limbo?
I agree he shouldn't have to “ask” for your permission. But he should at least be willing to notify and discuss it with you.
Why would anyone care if you’re wearing concealer? Good for you
It sounds like this relationship hasn’t been healthy for you two. I think you need to take some time dot yourself
You are looking for an excuse to save something, that she herself doesn’t want.
She’s not fighting to get you back. She wants a life that isn’t with you.
It’s self respect time. You misjudged a lot of things you thought about your life and relationship. Therapy would be wise.
Her lack of ambition to file a divorce is meaningless. Not a sign of hope.
It’s time for you to file and end it.
If he is self harming you need to tell his parents and if necessary (like he’s texting or calling you mid-harm), call 911. This is far beyond any normal person’s pay grade.
It happens a LOT (people saying they can’t break up with a partner bc that partner threatens suicide or self harm) – you can’t break up with him and have it be a calm and accepted experience because he is holding you emotionally hostage with these threats. You know this is how it’s gonna go, you have to do it anyway, so prepare for it and prepare his support system, and then get it done.
Thank you! This is truly inspiring. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately and people are noticing changes in me. Hopefully this helps my future relationships.
I’d say there needs to be a compromise. it sounds like she’s having some kind of burn out or mental health break, but it doesn’t mean she can just up and abandon her family. she needs an exact date of when she’ll return and she can’t just randomly decide she wants to stay longer.
Very wrong take. OP isn’t putting anyone at risk, only the creep is. She isn’t responsible for his actions and should be able to consider what is best for her. It’s not okay to put the actions of creeps on the people they victimize, as much as we can applaud the survivors who do have the support and ability to step forward to try and hold the creeps accountable.
Go on your own.
Women warn other women about men like you. Have done since the dawn of time.
Overall I say don’t reach out.
Nope. If he wants to save together, then the money needs to go into a joint account and not just an account he has access to.
Don’t do it. You could open a joint savings instead or just keep your half of the savings in your name, but under no circumstances should you just hand the money over to him unless you’re BOTH switching to a joint finance system where you have equal access to ALL the money. The second that money goes into his savings, it becomes his money and if something goes wrong between you, you will have no recourse to get any of it back. It’s a huge financial risk to take considering you’re not married, so in the eyes of the law all of your property is separate unless specifically jointly listed (like a joint bank account).
Those are the actions of a pimp. Contribute what you want to the house, but honestly, if he's going down the Tate road to assholism, an intervention may be required.
You have some reading comprehension issues my friend. It was clear that the immense risk and no benefit statement applies to MEN not women.
Prenups are regularly invalidated in court. Again, there is absolutely no doubt that women have every single advantage in marriage and use it to financially ruin men. Even the ones that don't deserve it.
Your basing your opinion on one example that wasn't even a first hand experience? Lol ok.
myself as a poly person, i hate interacting with others on reddit who are for the sole reason that they think everyone should do it; i understand that monogamy is very important to people, you should never have to put yourself in those situations because its unhealthy and can cause so much destruction
i hope you heal and know that youre doing good for yourself, i can see how strong you are and i really am rooting for your happiness in your life!
L post
I agree with you. She’s only sorry she got caught. Great liar I might add
Does she have issues with privacy and control ? I also unreasonably hide everything I do because I grew up with an abusive parent who gave me no privacy for anything and I’d get punished for writing something privately or not being willing to show that (even if there’s nothing shameful about that content)
Sudden reason? It’s an issue that OP has bc he did not think his wife would NOT accept his request.
Stupid fight, if you can't resolve this you have bigger issues
I agree…can’t be trusted again. Appreciate it
For clarification, I do trust my GF as she is irl. What my brain doesn’t seem to trust is the version of my gf that my anxiety makes up in my head. Whenever I have this anxiety, my brain imagines my gf saying, doing, and acting in ways that she doesn’t/never would, and that’s the version of her I seem to not trust/get upset over. I hate these feelings because I understand that it’s my fault, i just don’t understand what to do to stop
You weren’t together and you weren’t exclusive. She didn’t do anything wrong. Neither did your friend. The only possible wrong here is neither of them telling you about it until now. And that’s more so on the friend than the girlfriend.
Sage advice. Focus on yourself right now. Get that awesome grade on your exam. Celebrate with your girlfriends.
Dump the loser later.
Whoops – wine and Reddit isn’t typo free.
“I don't want to come out of this perceived as the young naive girl getting taken advantage of by the older guy.”
sorry too late
does this relationship make you happy? are you happy with her? i don’t have any real advice- just ask yourself if this is what you want to deal with the rest of your life.
You don’t bring it up lmao. It’s an absurd “renegotiation” of core values.
Whether folks want to admit it or not asking to be poly is akin to asking for a divorce.
I don’t know what you want to hear by posting in this sub. You’re obviously going to get told that the relationship isnt real, he doesnt respect you etc etc. they make up their own minds about the relationship without even knowing you or him. Of course everyone here WONT take you seriously either because your
That's not true. There are medical conditions that can cause it, such as acromegaly.
Monkey branching at its finest
Also wouldn't hurt to see his peniscologist, can't risk a chance something might be going on there
People who reject you for being who you are, looks and everything, have no place in your life or in your head. Good luck with therapy !
So talk to him about it. 1-2 years is a very short period of time and if you're expecting a proposal around then, he needs to be made aware.
Your ex is right for protecting her children. You have to understand that your own child saw an adult drink alcohol which can be a door opening for your own child to drink in her future and also get addicted on it. Because you normalised that behaviour in her life…. because having a glass is not a big deal right? Don't normalise drinking in front of your kids. You don't have them all the time so you can do that little action to protect them from future habits that you know how easy it is to loose control of! When they get older you can discuss things but until then you don't know what effect small habits like that have on their perception.
What result are you wanting?
I think breaking up isn't enough, you should start a condiment war. Take a cup of ketchup with your breakfast to assert dominance, spread mustard over his favourite t-shirt, invest all disposable income to fill your basement with ketchup bottles. There can be only one victor in a condiment war and it is time to make sure it will be you.
In all seriousness though, maybe there's some stressors on the relationship. When I notice myself or others getting hung up on small things it's usually just a sign that something isn't going well, maybe there's unspoken issues or someone is overworked and not themselves. It's helpful to sit down, apologize for getting annoyed over something to small and find out if either of you has something weighing on them. For me it's often that I am exhausted or overwhelmed and acknowledging that and moving to fix it, even if it just means I spend an evening on my own to recover a bit. 🙂
You were definitely your ex's punching bag, twice lol
Op I honestly think there is room to compromise easily. You may need some professional help to discuss it and narrow the gap the obvious answer to me would be for her to let you have a go in the mornings when you are more energetic and aroused. Also for her to let you pleasure her without expecting in return. I can appreciate she may see it as a chore for you and maybe something that you may grow to resent. What is very evident is how much you care about your wife and how much you want to make her happy. I don’t know if you have considered some light BDSM where you tie her up and pleasure her. If she sees you take a dominate position like that she may have less concern that it is a chore for you. Then perhaps once in a while she spends the days pleasuring you it doesn’t have to be equal return but may be once 4 – 6 weeks she treats you that would ease her guilt and something you can look forward to. There is loads of middle ground with this and completely solvable especially considering how much both of you want to make each other happy.
Best of luck Op
Ohhhhh the coworker’s husband knew what he was doing. And him leaving is kinda of the proof of that. This is a giant “fuck you” to his (soon to be ex) wife.
Girl, that man gave you great sex and showed you your husband’s hypocrisy. I would offer him a drink. But I’m a petty bitch.
Seems like you’re bragging lmao
Team meetings often include references to sex, detailed description of dates which often go into nsfw details and a lot of objectification of men, including men at the workplace and our clients. There are also references and a lot of talk about penises at which everyone giggles like we're in middle or high school.
This has hostile work environment written all over it. It’s unprofessional and can be considered sexual harassment. Does this company have an HR department ? And does this department ignore or participate in these inappropriate discussions ? Does your manager participate in these discussions ?
Objectifying people that work at that company is inexcusable. It’s sexual harassment, and it’s inappropriate in a work environment. As a woman in tech, who has witnessed what you are experiencing but against women, I’m angry on your behalf. No person – regardless of gender or gender presentation – should experience this.
a small company with about 25 employees. 80% of the team are women, which includes 100% of the managerial team and CEO.
Something tells me that these inappropriate discussions are the reason for this.
If I were you, I’d be looking for another job, even though the current economic environment makes job hunting difficult. You can bring your concerns to your manager, skip-level manager and HR department (if there is one), but if this is as ingrained in the culture as it seems, something tells me you won’t be safe there.
There are instances where people's attraction and love for their partner doesn't change after they come out, and instead they reconsider their sexuality or just go with “straight with an exception”. Sexuality can be fluid like that, even if it's not the most likely response. It's easy to understand why someone might hope for an outcome where their relationship won't be affected too much, even if that hope might be a bit naive.
I agree with you though, there's nothing transphobic about breaking up with a trans partner who figured out their identity after the relationship started. If OP isn't attracted to women, it's understandable she wouldn't be okay with dating one.
OP, talk about this with her. Break-ups suck, especially when it's people growing apart through change, but I'm sure she will understand and respect your decision. Be gentle but firm and explain your reasons. Don't make promises about a friendship if you don't think you can emotionally handle keeping your ex in your life.
A clean break is the kindest option for both of you.
OP isn't selfish for not wanting to terminate a pregnancy she feels happy about. It's 100% her decision and “her body, her choice” goes both ways. You wouldn't shame a woman for choosing to abort an unwanted pregnancy, so shaming somebody for deciding to keep hers is really not okay and you know that. What are you hoping to accomplish here?
Pregnant people get to decide what's best for them in regards to becoming a parent and yeah, it's a sucky situation if two people aren't in agreement over having a child but that's why responsible sex practices should be taken more seriously by men who choose to have sex with afab women. Nobody should be pressuring anyone to have an abortion against their will. That's sick. Men who decide to have sex with young women without considering the possible consequences have nobody but themselves to blame if they end up becoming a parent outside of their ideal scenario.
That’s a reasoned and measured response.
Wow, that's alot, thank you for sharing. ^
I am allowed to say I hate him?
Most men want sex. Most men don't want to be bad guys and break a vow to someone they care about. So the average guy doesn't want to cheat, but may want what the cheating offers : sex.
Reports of male marital infidelity vary wildly – from 20-50%, depending on your source.
Take that information and do with it what you like.
Probably because now he's gonna start the transition with hormones and all and OP likes men not trans people. Pretty simple to understand
OP has every right to end the relationship and if her fiance didn't see this as a highly possible, if not likely outcome, honestly she didn't think it through or there's a screw loose.
Idk your girlfriend like.. AT ALL obviously.
But me.. if I told someone about my trauma and they cried about it, I would probably check out of the relationship.
Not because man cry equals bad. But because people being sympathetic/ empathetic over my experiences makes me uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY when it's still ongoing.
Like ohh.. your sorry/ sad this is happening well good for you. I dont have time to be sad about it but it's great you get to have emotions because your not the one dealing with it I guess.
Some people brought up maybe it's because she thought she had to comfort you instead.. that's also a possibility.
None of this means you did anything wrong though
Yes, absolutely tell her.
It's really inconsiderate to stay with someone because it's convenient.
He won't apologize bc he's psycho, please leave before you are a victim to them
Oh fuck.. I'm sorry man.
In that case id suggest to just cut her off, move and maybe get a restraining order if that's possible? That way she still has to stay away from you.
Either he was cheating using that phone or he had child porn on it, nothing else should get such a strong reaction unless something we don't know is going on between you 2 like physical abuse, but assuming everything is normal between you 2, you should definitely be thinking about leaving after that cause it's not going to be even slightly ok, think about it like this, he was so scared of you finding whatever it was out that he would rather destroy it in front of you than get caught red handed so he can at least argue that you have no proof and make you feel like the bad guy for pressing too hot
I would hope he doesn't find out about this yet then cause this would be a deal breaker for me and I would no longer want to live together ?
We do all that quite frequently. Apart from the lack of sex, our relationship is like that of a freshly fallen in love couple. I complement her constantly, but my worry is that the frequency of my complimenting might take away the meaning for her.
Late comeback but maybe her holes might be too loose, rather than you being smol.
As someone who has experienced DV, it’s really not. People make excuses for everything. If you’re really not comfortable in your situation, you’d leave
To be honest, I couldn’t date someone who doesn’t have their license. I refuse to have the responsibility of driving everywhere on me causing wear and tear to my vehicle.
I’m not judging that he doesn’t have his license (I didn’t get mine until I was 19 and my sister was nearly 30 before she got hers) but I have dated guys who didn’t have their license and it sucked. They only used me for rides.
I wouldn’t waste my time driving all that way only to be told “I’m not ready yet”. It’s a waste of time and gas and I know that gas still hasn’t gone back down in a lot of places.
You left the jerk that cheated on you. I don’t see any mistakes made here.
I wish it was.
Maybe he’s worried about genetics on his side, maybe he’s carrying a genetic disorder that would negatively affect his future biological children.
Also I noticed he gets sexually aroused when I dress up looking youthful, looking like a teen.
Let me assure you that no 41 y/o woman looks like a teenager. Sorry to disappoint.
It means they look like the breasts of young teenagers not adults.
I've dealt with a lot of homophobic people in my life, and while there were certainly people who never came around – there were a great many who did. The problem with completely shutting them out is it confirms their world view – so there's NO hope.
I could see how being pregnant and having your own kid would make you want to try to fix things.
She’s not your friend
It might help if you confide the kind of mind warp that has happened to you earlier. I also recommend live therapy that doesn't require any transportation time and may be cheaper than standard. You have a lot of work to do.
You're still fairly young, so don't feel any rush to make a new permanent relationship. Maybe this one works out, maybe not. There's no rush.
Girl, please rethink this relationship. No 27 year old adult wants to date a teenager unless they’re a creep or a loser. He sounds like he’s both. I’m saying this as someone who dated a 27 year old at 19….it did not end well. He was using me (for drug money, incidentally), which your boyfriend is clearly doing too. I promise you, your life will be SO much better without him in it. Like, so much better.
So essentially she could get her name on your properties, work through the early years of her career until her loans are paid and she’s making a lot, and then leave you, take half your property, and still keep all of the money she makes as a doctor?
Nope. In the words of Hall and Oates, I can’t go for that. No can do. Your relationship has been too tumultuous for this, and the fact that she is so insistent on it seems problematic to me. You’ve been investing in these properties for nine years. You’ve been with her for two, and I assume she has not been paying toward them. They are yours.
I wouldn’t even consider putting her name on anything until the years you have been married is the same as the number of years you owned the houses prior to marriage.
That's pretty much exactly my point.
Your mother's criticisms of your relationship are probably very real to her in the sense that they reflect her values, but if they don't actually reflect your values too, then they shouldn't play any role in your relationship.
I can totally understand why your brother's message rattled you, but the same principle should apply here. If it turns out that your brother's issue with your boyfriend is very much his own issue and not something you have an issue with yourself, then your brother simply needs to accept your different preferences and make more of an effort to get to know your boyfriend and hopefully see his good sides
I would say it really casually, almost like a throwaway. Don't make a big production of it. “Hey, mom, was talking to dad the other day and he said he thing he wants most is to get you back. ”
Then to dad, ” hey dad, I told mom you wanted her back so you may want to chat with her about that. “
Do you want this for life?
He doesn't drink or smoke. He's always been clear about that. I've never tried to pressure him into anything either. I do want to drink occasionally I definitely don't feel that I need to to make friends though. I honestly don't want the type of friends I have to drink with. We have had many discussions on the topic of substance use and he's always told me where he stands and I've told him that I would like to socially drink occasionally. Our discussions never amount to much though he would always tell me if I drank he would leave. I'm not sure on his thought process on how using substances would bring me closer to someone. I tried to ask him more about what he was thinking but I don't think he really knows what he means.
Sounds like a shopping addiction. Tell her you’d like to go over money together to make smarter choices so she can get what she wants and needs without being short on money. There’s plenty of financial classes live or even in person. There’s no shame In not knowing
What an awful take, no one needs to have sex with their partner, and consent can be withdrawn at any point no matter what. But to rile up your partner to the extent the OP is describing, when you have no intent (again as he's describing she did not) for any sexual activity, is a withholding sex strategy which is absolutely abhorrent and wrong in any relationship. And that goes for relationships of between parties of any genders.
If I were the daughters, I’d feel creeped out that my father is dating someone my age. So you can expect the daughters to feel a certain way about the relationship.
Treat them how you would treat your own peers. Don’t expect them to warm up to you immediately, and definitely don’t expect them to want you in their lives. Aim for a polite and cordial relationship with them, and definitely don’t push them for more than they’re willing to give.
Oh i didn't register that part when reading , if so that's not right from the side of the boyfriend.. But that still doesn't mean that OP is right. She said she had flicked him once and he felt really uncomfortable after that , so pretending to punch him was never a good idea after that.
The age gap? They are 29 and 40. Not 21 and 40. I don't think the age gap is the problem in the relationship.
Does she enjoy sharing you with a young girl? Because if not, you don’t treat her amazingly.
She sounds 12, not 45.
Med school
Dated med student > married first year intern > divorced Specialist trainee . I'm 33F, and I spent 10 years around the medical world. Physician trainee blah blah.blah. You legit have NO life…..
A partner that cares about you wouldn't be getting mad at you for not having sex with him, it's likely he isn't doing it in a way that you even can enjoy him – it sounds like he only cares about what he is getting out of it.
You having to be worried about him being so mad at you for not wanting to be physically hurt by him even for sex IS physical and sexual abuse.
Don't be embarassed for not being compatible with a guy that treats you like his plaything.
Tell her.
I mean I get that she is moody after he fantasy of her has been crushed. But he absolutly didn't lie to her. Opinions can change. Consent can change.
And the real problem isn't her being in a bad mood but her still trying to make him do it after he cleary expressed how uncomfortable he is with all of that
While it might be better for her personal growth, you shouldn't be stuck in limbo waiting for her to “meet” other people and some day decide to get back with you.
Needless to say if you break, it might be better if you do maintain close contacts with her. After all in this case you too should be able to move on.
In the first place, you shouldn't make this decision unilaterly. Wait for what she says after a break, she might decide to discard those feelings and stay with you. It's not bad solution, as it is very much posdible for her to grow asva person while still being with you.
She won't get full “experience” with other people, but value if that is rather superficial.
My partner and I make almost the same and even we don't do 50/50, we do % of monthly take home.
So if your take home is $2k and his is $6k (for example) then combined you bring home $8k and it would be a 25/75 split.
She is “exploring her sexuality” and you shift your anger to guilting her for your living arrangement. (Which was fine before the porn, right?)
If you have two brain tumors, you’d think that would be the most important focus of your life right now.
Your priorities are a mess. You e got bigger problems than pornhub. Good luck.
I wonder, have you expressed this concern directly to your brother? I mean, yeah, he should know that it's your wedding and it's important to you. But depending on what “hyper focused on life and work” actually means, he may not. And as a general rule, people aren't psychic and can't be expected to know things you don't explicitly tell them. (Maybe there's spectrum stuff or other things he can't necessarily help preventing him from grasping the social norms or something). All you can really do is make sure you're clear with him about what you need from him. And then adjust your relationship with him according to his behavior after the fact.
I just want to remind you that your brother's presence at your wedding (or not) says a lot more about him than it does about you. You can't control what other people do. All you can control is yourself. You can't force him to make you a priority. But you can definitely adjust your expectations, and the amount of yourself that you're willing to invest, and set boundaries so that you aren't hurt or disappointed in the future. I hope that helps.
Maybe op has a porn addiction?
I’m not understanding how this is a concern in such an early relationship — you’re not married, you barely know each other, and I’m assuming you don’t know how much is in her bank account.
What makes you think it’s your responsibility to cover her bills, I’m not understanding? Do you two live together? Are you already sharing finances four months in?
This is not a subject you should bring up at all because it’s just going to sound like deliberate ‘what-about-me-ism’. Don’t bring it up, and if she starts asking you to borrow money just tell her you don’t feel comfortable for that and you haven’t been dating long enough for the financial commitment of a married couple.
If you’re the one paying for the dates multiple times in a row, tell her you understand she’s going through a rough time but your relationship preference revolves around equal financial effort in dating and you’re wondering what her expectations may be?
But these are discussions only for when it happens. Bringing it up before is just going to make yourself sound a little selfish of
Her: oh my god my dad is in the hospital. He almost died but his life is changed and he might die soon.
Him: hey! I’m not paying your way through life!!!
Kind of weird.
She needs therapy. People who are nice because they are decent people or are put in an awkward spot ( which is what your friend does (puts them in awkward positions to where they’re nice to get her to go away faster)) doesn’t mean they want her.
She needs serious therapy for her daddy issues.
This is why I cannot do fwb because I WILL catch feelings
Then an hr later we talked privately about it and she’s not sorry, she’s not apologizing , She’s right i’m wrong, then starts to blame me for other bullshit things we’ve argued about in the past and that we’re dead and gone already. Just like bringing something up so I can be at blame for SOMETHING. How do I help her see that she disrespected me? I feel disrespected as hell.
Why do you think she will listen to what you say?
Don't ignore the huge red flag. She went behind your back, hid your dog's medication, she didn't apologise. Why bother?
I adopted my daughter at birth. I love this little girl like she’s my own DNA.
She knows she has a “tummy mommy” and a “tummy daddy”. I send them photos frequently. They’ve FaceTimed before and have an open invitation to do it again.
Back in the day being adopted was treated like a shameful secret. We’re just open about it so she never feels blindsided or shame about it.
I’ll spend the night once a week and we hangout those two days. I always go home the following day. This time she asked why don’t I stay the extra night because I’m only going home to sleep. She didn’t understand this
What was the explanation? Why is she confused if she asked you?
How am I ruining his life. If Claire didn’t cheat with me it’d be with somone else. At least now he knows his wife doesn’t love him.
Step 1: care for yourself first. Step 2: breakup with him.. he’s not even trying to help himself so why would you?
Lock your computer and your phone. When she demands access simply say “no, we’re not doing that. That’s not the kind of relationship I’m going to be in. So, no.” And just stand your ground. Let her rant, rave, scream, cry, threaten to break up, leave, or actually break up or leave. Let it all happen. The only thing you don’t do is let her in your phone or computer.
odds are better at reversing a vasectomy.
That wasn't your statement at all
If you want to protect his estate-do a pre-nup… problem solved
Your brother regrets his decision.
You remove your name, then when your father does, all investments go to the estate, and are divided equally among heirs.
I am literally dealing with this right now with a family member who passed away last week. He intended to leave his investment assets to one person, but never got around to doing it, so now it's part of the estate and how investments are to be divided equally among the estate.
Your brother wants your name off, so that when your dad passes, as siblings, you will have joint shares of the estate.
If your name remains on, when your father passes, it will go to your and you alone.
Not only are they scum, but the chances of them attacking OP next are way higher. Something like 100% of guys in prison for any sort of violence started on animals, then progressed to women close to them.
It's like a gateway drug.
He had some good medical arguments
No, he didn't, he's just good at sounding plausible.
Vasectomies are a magnitude less serious/impactful/prone to complications than tubal ligations. Thats just fact.
No. Go home, and call a therapist.
At this point, your obsessing is much worse than any infidelity.
GO HOME.
Yeah, there is a zero percent chance that she doesn't know she's hurting you every time she's bragging about all these other guys. This girl is for the streets.
No but op needs to recognize and appreciate the sacrifice his wife made and consider how he can alleviate some burden from her.
And that was “years” ago so…. probably teenagers.
And they had a kid. Great mental prowess in this couple.
Fuck her tell the girl. You would want to know
Do you plan to check the phones of every woman you date? You should tell them up front and let them decide if they’re ok with it. It’s a boundary for most people.
this is not the answer lmao, dont jump the gun because of a rock in the long road
I mean, if you're just trying to understand your husbands position: In his mind, there's no reason that Henry would call you up out of the blue without intentions of trying to rekindle things. There may not have been flirting now, but there would be flirting down the road since that is the comfortable type of relationship you 2 would fall back into.
That being said, that position reeks of insecurity and your actions are nothing to apologize for.
No, it isn't. It's plain old stupid
but can someone help explain to me why exactly?
Because he wants to control you. That is the only reason, as you literally did nothing wrong.
Stop having sex. Period.
If you do not want a kid stop having sex with her no matter what protection you use.
If you want a kid, keep going and trick yourself into thinking a condom will do the trick.
Thank you so much for your response. What do you think I should do now? Confess to him that I've been looking into his files? He could see in his dropbox that I checked those files out.. I want to tell him but I'm scared he won't trust me no more, which I would get.. I feel like shit rn
A lot. Just like everyone else because humans are fallen creatures. However, I always strive to be the best Christian I can be. And not having sex before marriage is a pretty easy one.
I just disagree with that part. I have heard that point and I understand it, but I just don’t believe it’s important. Is sex a great part of marriage, of course. But that’s the point. So to save yourself for marriage makes it so much better. To know that both of you have only known each other in bed makes it mean so much more. Also, you can talk about sexual drive without doing it. In most cases you can even tell without asking point blank. If both of you like to make out and whatnot then you both will probably want to have sex a lot. But I digress. The point of the post wasn’t to get on a discussion about religion lol.
Stop asking for permission to move out. He's not your dad, stop acting like he is. Especially if he doesn't have the balls to evict an alcoholic 30 year old who is not a kid.
Why would he try and help? She was fat and icky. A mortal sin!
I thought I (we) were happy until October ther night I found him at some other woman’s house. Before we could even try to figure a thing about our relationship out his father fell …found out he had stage 4 everywhere and died 48 days later . No time to think about our marriage…..COMPLICATED!
Plenty of people don’t care if men cry. Anyone with any emotional intelligence would rather be with someone who is capable of processing emotions. Having to “control your feelings” in order to stay in your relationship is messed up
I am so happy for you.
Says herearlythatyou feel nervous and to excuse your clumsiness . Mistakes will be easier to address.
Why? Op obviously has the right intentions and wants to end the relationship and co parent? Being brought up by parents that aren't married or even dating would save a lot of kids a tremendous amount of emotional and mental hardship. Nobody gets a gold star because their parents are “together”, sometimes they just get shitty trauma and bad relationship examples that last a lifetime.
People can still want to be parents and not want to be in a relationship when their children are born. That's completely okay and should be normalized. As long as the child is taken care of and everyone does their part it isn't a bad situation at all. And OPs girlfriend right now doesn't seem like a bad person, they're just not happy together.
wtf! your bf is an as*h*l* ! where else can a gf go to for support & protection if not her own bf.
you should be glad you told him & he left as you just DODGED a bullet.
go find a better man as he is a useless coward prick.
It’s not unheard of, but it’s still fucking wrong. If you are 18, you have no busy dating or having sex with anyone under two years of yourself. I would even say 18 and 16 can be iffy.
Just break up with her.. the house is in your name and she brings nothing to your relationship except stress and Financial drainage. Your not the toxic one in this relationship. She is.
You are 19yo. Don’t waste time for bad sex
Married 20 years. Always had a problem. ADHD is a birch. Communication helps. A lot. (as always)
Lol. Great reading comprehension bro
Word of advice from someone who got fooled by an ex who was everything sweet, everything loving and kind, very affectionate:
1: if you haven't lived with him for more than 4 months 2: if you haven't fought within the month 3: if you both haven't had to help the other through a very hot time, or help the other through stress 4: if serious topics haven't been brought up between you both in person (ones that upset either one of you greatly)
-than you should definitely stop what you're doing and consider taking some time to be with your partner in the here and the now, getting to know him while he is in his element aka: his house.
Other redditors are right. It's giving military. But, my first thought was “it's definitely giving some red flags from his end.”
A lot of people tend to shrug off peoples warnings, maybe even tell themselves that it won't happen to them or “that's not (partners name), he wouldn't do that”. They see the good and only the good. But let me just say that with my ex, we didn't marry right away but we sure did move in together right away. And it wasn't in the best circumstances too. But, either way that's how it happened and my ex was loving and kind- at first. But, within 3-4 months he started showing small red flags that I waved off cause I figured we were just trying to get to know each other. But, 2 years later into the relationship I find myself literally running down a mountain trail while he chases me and causes me to faint from severe ptsd and anxiety. He also had a switchblade on him too, one that he always said that he religiously never used for anything other than fishing or simply putting it somewhere safe. He never used to take anything with him while hiking, but that day? He pulled it out to cut something from my shirt. But, while he was chasing after me? He was reaching into his pants pocket which held his knife. Before this mountain trail incident, he had threatened to hit or hurt me. He had physically raised a mug in his hand and the fact that I would have been his first to even hit had been the reason why he stopped.
You don't know people until you live within their space. Until you've seen how ugly they truly can get when they argue with you. You don't know anyone until some hurdle in their lives comes barreling down, and you witness how they handle themselves under the pressure. Will they break? Will they lash out at you and almost hit or throw something at you? Will they be verbally aggressive? Or will they ask for help? Will they encourage you to be there for them, to maybe even lift the weight of their problems just a little bit so they could breathe?
I'm 23f right now, and I dated my ex when I was 19y. The first red flag that I should've taken was my ex speeding up while we argued, getting really mad and saying he didn't care if I'd died with him. He gave a good excuse, cause he was just that conniving. But- I guess all I'm trying to say is:
Be careful. And just because you don't see any red flags right now, it doesn't mean you won't find any later on. There is still a silver lining, as my ex had been a guy I new since I was 5yo, but my current boyfriend who is so loving and kind, even after 5 months of being together, had met me live! over Xbox. Just be cautious.
Which country are you from may I ask? Cause I thought me paying almost $10000 a year(including apartment) was expensive and my university is one of the most expensive in South Africa, well that was about 9 years ago I guess university is now so expensive, feels like daylight robbery
Yes agree. For a woman with a child, she shouldn’t have acted that way but yes I shouldn’t have acted that way either. I was immature in the relationship, didn’t take her seriously on some issues. I was dumb and I also thought she enjoyed it but I never picked up on the clues. But I’m not that same person anymore.
What she did is the exact thing that is driving a wedge between them. Almost like that’s what she wants.
Take that to r/legaladvice
Intentions are what makes him a creep, and her justified in my mind.
Her intentions are only to have evidence of his disgusting actions should he try to delete the files and deny their existence.
Only thing that sucks about crab house is that you can’t take your leftovers ?
I respectfully believe it's reasonable to respond to a comment that could erroneously and unintentionally push a misconception that all women respond to non-consensual pornography the same way. I don't believe that helps anyone who experiences NCP.
I will respect your wishes and end our conversation here. I hope you have a lovely day/evening.
This.
How you're feeling, it's all normal for someone going through this kind of abuse.
My friend spent over 20years with someone like this. It was so hot for her to leave because when he was good, he would make her feel beautiful and loved, but you never knew when he would switch.
Please do some research on gaslighting different types of abuse in relationships, as well as the stages. The abuse doesn't start at once, especially the physical abuse, it starts slowly. So slow that coupled with the love bombing, you ignore it. You make excuses for it. And then, it becomes normal.
So he (by the opinion of most every one , except you????) cheated on you , and is now blaming you for an awkward dynamic in HIS work place , and you’re trying to figure out how to stay with this guy ?????
He's an atheist but thinks it's okay to mutilate his kids genitails for the jewish aesthetic?
No thanks.
What should I do?
No one’s guessing at anything sexual bc it doesn’t come off that way. Not everything that happens needs to be sexual in nature. The girlfriend isn’t giving off the vibe she was assaulted, and the father doesn’t give off that vibe either. Between the way GF is acting and the way father has behaved towards their relationship in the past is what’s leading everyone to believe he tried to break them up.
Go by yourself or do research and find places that have what you want and gluten free options.
My mom has been gluten free for a few years to help some diseases she has. My dad hated on gf for years, years! Guess who’s making gluten free cookies now? He does love when I visit because he has more of an excuse to have gluten things, but when going out with my mom he 100% only goes to places she can eat.
fool me once shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me…sounds like you are going back for more so, fool me thrice shame I cant learn a lesson the first time around and am willing to engage more toxic behavior cuz I like it.
Exactly ☝️☝️
And for that slimy b**ch to lie as well, instead of say OK I'm sorry we ha ing an affair, God poor OP
Definitely get a lawyer, I'd also go to there HR at work and expose them. So slimy
Thats awesome ❤❤ I hope it lasts ?
Ask to join the pool. Bang yourself, collect your winnings and buy yourself something nice.
It depends on a couple of things to me. First being what you lied about, and second being how he found out.
I get that being 100% honest isn’t always a good policy. But depending on what you lied about he may have lost less/more trust than you may think. For example, if I were dating someone and they lied about why they couldn’t see me for a bit because of something really personal that they weren’t ready to tell me about, I’d get that. If someone lied because they were doing things behind my back that would cause an issue, that’s completely different.
Secondly, how he found out is also important. You telling him and coming forward with it reflects better on you than him finding out from a third party.
Either way though, there really isn’t something you can do to build it back faster. The only way to build it back is to be honest with them going forward. I can’t really tell you how your relationship dynamics will change since I don’t know your relationship. I would emphasize that you’re really sorry and you want to stay with them, but how long it takes depends on those things I mentioned plus the other person and their past experiences.
She’s being an ungrateful brat. Wait for her to recognize her behavior wasn’t appropriate and she put you in a difficult position when she didn’t have to at all.
The betrayal of the cheating aside, it always astounds me how a so called parent who's legitimately loved and cared for this child for years can suddenly abandon them because of something completely out of their control.
Being a parent is so much deeper than who's DNA you share.
I don’t think that I demanded he does. I did want to have a conversation about how it made me feel, and he hung up and ignored me
Be aware that you may end up being her next target. I prefer not to have negative people in my life. I appreciate people who have a positive attitude and prefer to surround myself with people who are generally happy. Everyone has problems from time to time but it shouldn't be constant.
Yeah this right here. This isn’t normal, loving behavior. That comment plus the cheating is just straight sociopathic. OP is an awful human being
you can get back deleted pics with the right application. many IT professionnals have it because it is part of their job.
Make him destroyed it with your antivirus/security app. avast and mcaffe ha that option as standard.
She is deflecting the blame for her actions onto you.
So end the relationship.
Tell her that as she cheated, and doesn’t seem to think she did anything wrong, that you have decided that she’s not the person you thought she was, she has destroyed the trust and respect that you had for her. So the relationship is over.
Tell her that she needs to get her stuff and leave now. And then tell her family, your family, and all mutual friends that the relationship has ended due to her infidelity.
So she’s never stayed at a hotel?
His wife could have died, his infant daughter could have died – op is very much TA
So you’ve had continuing problems in your relationship due to your attitude?
And this latest is you having a go at her for not washing up due to getting a virus WHICH IS NOT HER FAULT and you have a backache from doing too much or doing something wrong in the gym?
No wonder she’s had enough. I wouldn’t stay with someone for even one year where there’s continuous issues.
Let her go. You’re obviously not compatible and neither of you should waste any more of each others lives in a relationship that sounds like it ran its course years ago.
Hm i cant say for sure, i guess I’d always choose the chance to spend some time with him over coming home on my own if the offer is there
I know a lot of people are saying you’re the problem, but I disagree. Not saying your boyfriend is the problem either. I think you just need to communicate your need for independence, and come to a compromise and the pick ups. But don’t let these comments make you feel like you’re invalid.
There are other options for having kids. If she wants to be pregnant, you could get a sperm donor. If she’s open to adoption, You could go that route. Either way, being honest about your results is essential to maintain trust and the health of your relationship.
I understand your viewpoint, but you are missing the motivation, which is not to dominate but shock the person out of NRE and back to reality.
The opposite behavior of being a doormat, begging for attention, almost certainly would have a lower probability of success.
I’ll agree there may be a middle road that could be successful where op maintains his self respect, and calls wife to account, but if that doesn’t work the shock approach is less likely to work and he will almost surely end up divorced.
But, if we are stuck with your words, I would say what powerful women understand is dominance.
This sounds a lot like bipolar disorder. No one can tell you what's actually going on except for a psychiatrist. She needs help, none of this is normal. I'm here to tell you that I wish someone had done something to help me when I was a kid growing up with a bipolar parent. You need to be that someone for your kids, man.
¡Hay güey!
You two are not compatible anymore.
while this is definitely likely, we don't know for sure yet. OP needs to come clean about it either way, but there is definitely a chance OP's wife will feel differently when she sees the child. maybe not though
Everything about this is incredibly fucked up. He's verbally abusive towards you, which for some reason you seem to be okay with, as well as excusing that he kept telling you he didn't want to be with you in the beginning of the relationship.
You also want to make yourself completely financially dependent on him because you don't want to work, but apparently neither does he.
Stop trying to find a man to financially support you and get therapy to figure out why you're fine with being verbally abused.
Let me guess, its a religious counselor.
You don't understand the meanness and yet your meanness/cruelty is how you got here in the first place. You say she could have emailed or facebooked as if she should have sought you out after you basically gut-punched her and then blocked her. Giving you a reality check is not us being mean. Stop whining and trying to make yourself the victim and take actionable steps to course-correct your life.
What's wrong with me??
Probably nothing is wrong with you. We live in a society that places priority on individualism. And we all have problems connecting. Your ex may be at home wondering why he can't find his forever person.
Just keep trying and don't give up. You will find that one guy, and it only has to be one guy. And you will connect with him. Hugs.
Your thoughts and feelings are all valid. You cannot force yourself to be attracted to anyone. Do not marry a woman of you do not find her attractive. You will more and more resent her. And you are effectively lying to her. She can find a partner who will find her attractive.
If her weight is a major obstacle you may gently talk to her in a loving manner. Ask her if you both can start taking a walk together, maybe she can join you in a gym. Ask her to switch to a healthier food.
How long had you dated?
So most of these comments are pretty ignorant. Someone with a personality disorder can, in fact, have a normal life and relationships. It's just harder. It takes work.
Only you can know if he is doing his best. He should be working on being empathic or compassionate to others and be under the care of a physician to continue to train that part of him.
I would listen to Laura Richards and Jim Clemente on Real Crime Profile. They talk about these conditions and how they do or do not affect people and why.
You should honestly record some of the abhorrent things this pig is saying. He’s disgusting. You are about to give him the second of two beautiful children, and he’s going to complain about your body after you gave birth to them. He’s honestly extremely appalling, and I think you should keep your cards close to your chest.
Once you serve him with divorce papers, send the audio files to his family. This piece of work may even have a mistress or something on the side, and that’s possibly why he’s so gleefully talking trash about his beautiful wife, and I’m sure they would love to hear exactly how kindly he’s talking about his faithful wife while he’s maybe even stepping out on her. Men that cheat on their wives love to talk about women like this while they’re in the affair fog. They justify their piggish behavior, saying their wives’ bodies jUsT aReN’t ThE sAMe AnYmOrE, and the saddest part is, women are heavily abused when they’re pregnant! OP is no different. She’s being verbally abused right now.
How is this his new secretary's fault. She could be in a whole ass monogamous happy relationship.
How is it her fault ur husband doesn't know how to be faithful.
My best friend is a gorgeous woman. Honestly tall, long hair, eloquent and very smart! She's also a very successful lawyer. She got hired to a firm and put with a partner who's wife kept staring daggers at her and being cold with her and making comments because she was traveling with her husband for cases or spending late nights together for work legit just researching!
And kept making comments about how she was so young and probably slept her way into the firm! Among the other female employees at events or the other wives.
My friend is a whole ass virgin, christian saving herself for marriage.
This woman didn't trust her husband and somehow that became another woman's problem for simply being in his presence.
Sort that shit out with ur husband if u have that much distrust with him. Go to therapy ffs.
I also graduated from an ivy league school. Want me to remind you one of the biggest issue with boys on campus? Many of the boys (including myself embarrassingly enough) had yet to deprogram years of stupid misogynistic beliefs that were taught to us by society and our parents. It took patient female friends (bless them, I cringe whenever I think back), a good education, and a lot of growing up for many of us to figure out just how stupid all of this shit was. How dumb it would be to expect our girlfriends to sacrifice their careers.
Difference is… most of us figured it out before we graduated college or at latest mid way though our 20s. Your husband is 44 and still hasnt figured it out. Wtf? Why did you marry him then?
Aww I hope he’s okay. As someone who struggles with IBS this is my worst nightmare 🙁 idk what you’re trying to do but if you’re into him I would hit him up and not make a big deal out of it. If not, let him recover ?
I don’t want to divorce him, but
You need to get into individual counseling. There's no point to couples' counseling because your conflicts are not a difference in interpreting what is 'fair' or 'equitable'. Your husband is an alcoholic. Period. You've stated that. He has not asked for help with his drinking, so solving that problem is completely off the table.
Since the birth of your child, your husband is completely unsupportive of you whereas before your child's birth, he was completely supportive.
Your husband desperately needs therapy but unless he decides to go and he decides to invest the time and energy into changing, healing, growing, then there is nothing you can do about that problem, either.
The only problem you can solve is whether remaining in this marriage with an abusive alcoholic is in the best interests of yourself and your child. Find a good counselor, do the work necessary, figure out your future (doesn't seem likely staying in this marriage will be healthy for you or your child), and move towards it. Your child will soon be old enough to begin understanding the BS your husband is spewing about her future as a gold-digger and will soon be old enough to start comprehending the tension between you and your husband over his perceptions of your failings as a mother. You and your husband are modelling adult behaviors, adult relationships, marriage for your child; make sure your modelling is healthy OR move her to an environment where it IS healthy.
Thank you so much for such thought-out advice, I was also considering therapy for this. I'll think over the situation more today and see how close I can get to a healthy solution.
I'll probably come back to this post to reread your advice a few times you've been incredibly helpful I can't thank you enough for taking the time to help. I hope you have a wonderful day! 🙂
So he meets men when he’s in a bad spot in life according to him. I mean… HELLO!!! This isn’t even a sign or a red flag. Being with you is a bad spot for him. He clearly states that.
That being said, I think you need to mercy end things. He needs to navigate his sexuality without taking advantage of committed partners.
1-ground rules. 2-not someone you'll likely see again.
He best friend is a terrible idea for several reasons.
Firstly she came to you with this idea, how likely is it that she isn't 100% straight and had been cheating with her friend.
Second, jealousy is so much worse when she knows the other girl and will see her often, for you too having to deal with it. The 3rd partner is always a novelty and often gets more attention or excitement, the coupled partners often get jealous/angry afterwards.
It would be best to keep this a fantasy or find a 3rd from the next town over that you don't know.
You cannot force some to be who he is not. You need either to accept this or part your ways.
I think the difference would be is this man thirsting in dms and is she giving him the time of day. If he’s some weirdo stalking her tweets to perma like her but has zero engagement else where like comments/dms etc then it’s really a you issue and you should try to evaluate why it bothers you on such a deep level.
You don't know how to be an adult and take care of you and your surroundings? Your wife has bigger problems than not trusting you. She married a man child.
Once YOU are safe maybe you can write her a letter with no return address or something else that is completely untraceable. But for right now just focus on getting yourself out of this relationship and safe.
I’m not dating him. We just reconnected and I found myself in his town recently and asked to see him.
Yep. Dating is a minefield today. Gotta play 3D chess.
I’ll just add an opposite pov. My friends didn’t know about my SO for over a year. They knew I was dating but didn’t realize I had a SO. It never came up, I never brought it up. I didn’t tell my family for a while because of a few reasons, but it eventually came up.
I’d ask him for a clear answer. If he can’t provide a good reason to keep things quiet then bounce
Sure you can say stop stalking or just hear them out, quell their furiosity?
The more likely scenario is indeed the more likely scenario. That’s how things like this work …. of course I’ll go with the more likely scenario, which I don’t like because it involves a stalked and (probably) a cheating girlfriend
well, it was fucked up from the start. your fuckbuddy doesn't want to be your second choice, moreover when you don't have common life project.
do as you please. but i think you should stop it all right now. it is not a wining scenario.
He's probably learned to block her like you should do.
He acted this way because he could, knowing there was zero chance of him having to commit to you. As soon as you broke up with Jerry, he saw the writing on the wall – that you'd be expecting him to commit to you. He has no interest. He was just using you.
The women is he doesn't look at all the time isn't Asian like her. She wants him to look at only Asian women that look like her. She is insecure. That's the story. The End.
No quality guys are attracted to this aggressive behaviour.
Be polite. Say you can’t date. Move on.
He’s allowed his views. Be as angry as you wish. It will only drive people away. He’s not making you date him and it won’t last anyway, with this anger.
Not a troll TPB
Yeah me neither. Good luck
Luckily she's channeling all her demonic energy on her husband alone so that's all well and good.
We are not in court though. Unfortunately due to how hard those cases are to prove, many rapes go unreported and even more go unprosecuted due to insufficient evidence. It's a case of “a crime happened but you might not be able to prove it in court”, which happens often with all kinds of crimes that are lacking sufficient evidence to prove that the perpetrator is guilty.
In the case of a sexually abusive long-term relationship, which sounds like OP is in considering how they describe being constantly pressured to have sex even after they've said no, it might be easier to get court-approved evidence from text messages or recordings to prove sexual misconduct, but even then many choose not to pursue any legal action. It's an arduous process and you might get discouraged in the reporting phase even if you have text messages from the rapist admitting to the rape.
The discussion of what counts as rape/sexual assault is mostly a vehicle to validate those who are experiencing some form of sexual violence so that they can recognize it and hopefully safely exit the situation. It's so that survivors who live with trauma have the courage to seek out hotlines, organizations and other resources to begin their healing process. It's also to explicitly support those whose rapes might not be legally recognized as such, even despite actual violence taking place, because of the genders or genitalia involved (again an example being a man being raped by being forced to penetrate a woman).
Depending on the specific laws different things count as legal definition of rape, but due to the psychological nature of having your bodily & sexual autonomy violated, where laws are lacking the organizations pick up the slack to provide support for victims not recognized by the legal system.
If the house isn’t as tidy you want it to be, then clean it. If she’s not making meals you like, then cook your own food and buy your own groceries.
You don’t even get up in the mornings until 10am. You have plenty of time to do housework.
Right now she’s taking on the bulk of the household expenses and all of the household management and work all while working almost full time plus going to school plus dealing with a life altering medical diagnosis.
From your own words and comments all you’re doing is making her life harder.
Just for a reality check when I was dealing with my own medical conditions last year my husband, who also works more hours than me and is the breadwinner of the family because his salary is much more than mine, took on almost all of the housework off my plate without me even asking.
In fact the weeks I was at my worst he would even cook dinner and bring me food in bed, all the while spending time with our child and doing the bulk of the housework.
And he never once complained that I wasn’t doing as much.
That’s what a partnership looks like. Looking out for the people you love because you love them and want to help them.
i can post pictures of convos if need be
STD check ASAP! End this.
Could you imagine all the issues that would appear if you proposed and the two got married?
Oh you’re so quippy like I need roller skates to keep up with your cleverness! Call it a May-December-Non-Sexual-Relationship-Tersely-Tolerated-By-His-No-Doubt-Long-Suffering-Wife. There , I’m out. That’s all the attention your trivial attention-getting will get from me. I feel sorry for your therapist. Cue the exit music Mr. De Ville
I use to fear dying when I was little but it’s nothing to be scared of. Of course you shouldn’t take life for granted but it’s a matter of enjoying the journey of your life and the people within it. It is upsetting to know people will pass on but, that’s okay as we all have our own separate journeys.
And for me (since I believe in an afterlife) death is not the end which is even more comforting because I know that this life won’t be the only time to see my loved ones. This is just a first experience. I hope this helped 🙂
Then with that said, I believe we will simply have to hold to our seperate views on this topic. Granted I fully understand where you are coming from, I fail to see how people on the average who are straight would not have a difficult time obtaining and securing a traditional relationship with someone who has identified and is living as bi or even homosexual, this also includes those who who keep it hidden from their spouses, this difficulty goes both ways not just on one end.
Perhaps if I saw relevant data on the average of flourishing traditional marriages where one partner is straight and the other is bi/homosexual it would make more sense, but the trend you mentioned shows the opposite to the point of the bi/homosexual tending to prefer open relationships. So again drawing things to it's logical conclusion what do I do with that information? To me, the end result seems very clear.
Regardless of the shiftiness of what he said, losing weight won’t help him feel anything during sex lol. That’s a HIM issue
The first thing she needs to do is not go on the trip – then you can take some time to decide when you reach out
There is a slight possibility she’s never done this before. Slim. She packed lingerie……
Yes & yes
I'm sorry to say that he is not over her. Are you sure you want to marry someone who has feelings for ex?
Did he hide your existence from these women too?
Very concerning. What else is he hiding?
People that appear to be sensitive are usually only sensitive to themselves. There is no regard for anyone else. This is what she is doing to you too. As long as you toe the line, you are on her side.
I can tell you why your libido is down the drain:
You don't feel desired anymore.
He has book you under “maid/ nurse” and has gone bumbeling along like a bull calf at spring during first turnout on the meadows.
Support: zero Being desired: zero Being respected: zero Being courted: -100 Being loved: – 500
Being yelled at: 500 Being disrespected: 500 Being lied to: 1000
I could go on like the next 3 hours.
The relationships gas tank is empty. He only drives, never puts in fuel.
What example would you want your son to grow up with with a father like that?
I asked her if she could come to a wedding as my plus 1 so should I ask about tht before the rsvp or just ask about her?
It worries me that his response to being wrong is to scream at you. Does this happen often?
Women are getting hot in his car. Random women are getting hard in a married man’s car. And he’s allowing it. He did betray you and you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to suggest leaving him but you should. Or at least separate and show him you don’t tolerate disrespect.
Reading your post and your comments only makes me dislike you more. You need to just let your wife go if you don't like spending time with her because choosing the 'bff' over her is never going to end well
Wow you got a garbage girlfriend there. Good you found out now before you went any farther.
Ur a piece of fucking work holy shit. No wonder u have no friends..
You married a shallow woman and live in a Stepford town. That's on you.
CLOROX WIPES on your junk!? AND HERS?!?!? That's just next level batshit insane, I don't think I can trust anything else she says.
(Always wash your junk in the shower though, some guys don't)
This sounds like a troll post, especially after she called him a mouth breather. If I am mistaken, OP you have my sincerest condolences that you had to endure such rudeness.
If a man wiped a girl down with Chlorox wipes she would have called the cops and reported it as an assault.
Well now the neighbors know he is your son and that your wife is a liar… I wonder if she’s saying what will the neighbors think now…
assure you son no one will make him not seem your son and you won’t tolerate him being disrespected…
Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge your conflicting feelings and desires. Wanting to experience single life and personal growth is a valid aspiration, but so is the desire for a committed relationship with someone you care about deeply. These desires do not have to be mutually exclusive, but it's crucial to determine which one you prioritize more at this point in your life.
Secondly, it would be helpful to talk to your girlfriend about your internal conflict. Communication is critical in any relationship, and it's better to be open and honest with her about your thoughts and feelings. If you're unsure how to express your thoughts, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor to help you articulate your emotions and thoughts better.
Lastly, it's worth considering how your decisions may affect your girlfriend's feelings and the future of your relationship. If you do decide to prioritize your personal growth, it's essential to discuss how that affects your relationship with your girlfriend, as it may change the dynamics of your relationship and her future plans.
And why is that? What's wrong with me specifically?
This is what I tell hubby all the time! Since he works half the amount of hours that I work.
This is what I tell hubby all the time! Since he works half the amount of hours that I work.
That was horrible to read. I can't advise you because I don't know your society. But you need to get away from that household as it is literally killing you.
Yeah, lol. There are lots of preparation for introduction, specially if they're from a different race or same gender. The thing with the norm is that: it's expected. The issue arises when it's not expected, and you have disgusting family members like that.
Comments are wild. His reaction was not great. The parents reacted horribly. The sister prob knew her parents views and could have been a bit for tactful in approach. I don’t think the busbsbd is wrong in the fact that for these parents maybe private softer conversation would have gone over well. Not saying these people weren’t assholes but this has not tact for a positive response to something they view a negative
Oh hell no. There’s no being “done” with talking about this. This needs to be figured out ASAP because, if it were me, there’d be no homophobe living in my house and sharing my bed. I’d suggest making an appointment with a marriage counsellor to figure out if there’s any possibility of a future with him.
sounds like that person should never be invited to game night anymore.
What would you do one day if your daughter is in your shoes. Will you tell her to stay?
Any possibility of moving to a location halfway between both?
By fubu do you fwb (friend with benefits)?
Besides, she has broken up with you, because you had not time for. This was inevitable after some time of neglect. Has your job situation changed? Why couldn't you online in the same city anyway?
As for sex, it is up to you how you feel about her being more casual about it. Assuming she was faithful in your relationship, it shouldn't matter, but I understand it might for you. I can't tell you how you feel about it.
I would not expect her to stay. I understand that 5 years is a long time. It’s just that we have known each other since long, and we consider each other as our soul mates. I would really want us to be together, but not at the expense of her mental health.
My main question after reading the first paragraph is: is your boyfriend a doctor? If not, why is he even suggesting you discontinue a medication that seemed to be working pretty well for you? That is a conversation between you and your doctor.
Second…if he's insisting on drinking before bed, perhaps he should switch to water since he's not a toddler.
Honestly, I probably would've been super pissed if someone woke me up any night, not just the night before an exam, but I wouldn't send a snarky text about it. There are much better ways to address the situation, so maybe sit him down and have a conversation about how his hydration needs are affecting your sleep and that you're going to follow your doctor's orders and take the prescribed medication, so you are able to sleep better.
All this reading through comments is going to do is make you more paranoid. You need to just sit and talk to your husband, reasonably/calmly and explain your exact feelings and concerns. That’s it. You talked to her, she said what she said. Leave it to your husband and you. Don’t snoop. Don’t have someone do searches for you, just be an adult and talk to your husband.
I understood I need to stay detached. But what’s it’s made me realise is that I can’t. Not when sex is involved. I literally cannot seperate my emotions from it
My boyfriend squeezed my thigh too naked so I said “ow, that hurts” and he said “that didn't hurt” and I said “yes it did?”
He's trying to overwrite your own experience of your body and it's pain with his opinion. I think this counts as gaslighting, as he's undermining and denying your thoughts and feelings.
Any advice on how I can get him to understand that im not mad or anything I just don't wanna be squeezed like that?
You should be mad. It's OK to be mad when someone hurts you. You told him 'no'. You told him 'stop, that hurts me'. And how does he react? He chooses to ignore your clearly stated boundary. He reacted very negatively to this. please pay attention to this.
A normal partner would apologise and never do it again.
I would suggest you might want to consider telling him directly to not squeeze you that very hot any more and especially not to grab your thighs like that. See how he reacts to that boundary. Any minimising or challenging of that boundary is a bright red flag.
So he doesn’t like how you fold his laundry, but still expects you to do it?
You also do the cooking and cleaning and other chores?
He doesn’t feel “respected”
Him Expressing his feelings escalates to arguments where he “rages” and you are walking on eggshells.
He “rages” at all with any regularity.
These are not healthy things, and combined pint a picture of a rather unhealthy relationship.
Under no circumstances should you reach out again to her. If she wants to be in touch, she’ll reach out to you.
Lack of personal hygiene is, to me, a complete 100% dealbreaker. I can on-line with differing standards of housecleaning (although after 43 years of marriage we long ago sorted out who was more likely to do what and it’s worked out well, my hubs is a gem), but personal grossness, absolutely not. And it will likely get worse once he no longer has to worry you’ll leave, since you married him as is, right?
Advice: find someone who values you and treats you with a modicum of respect. His treatment of you is disgraceful and toxic. Be kind to yourself and ditch this guy. Good luck!
Laugh in his face and get another bf. He is weird.
So I will assume you were honest and not being manipulative. But can't you see what a heavy burden this is to put on someone else? You need to find another emotional support system when you are that bad. Too much to put on an 18 year old.
Thank you ?
She told me something along the lines of “what are you not a man or something?”
She's garbage.
she's been a lot more critical, pointing out every flaw I have, from my appearance my personality, and getting upset at me for when I call her out on things she does.
Yup, double garbage at that.
You should relieve yourself of this toxic person. You just turned 21, you have so many experiences ahead of you. Don't let this person drag you down.
I assumed you were in the US, but I must be wrong because home ownership alone most certainly does not grant PR in the US (nor are citizenship oaths taken on-line, although you can start the application live).
Yeah my dude, take this as a learning lesson on “pranks”
Send her an heartfelt apology that you have learned that your prank was unacceptable and stupid and frankly your embarrassed by your behavior. Tell her you wish her the best of luck in her next relationship, and that you will respect her boundary and never speak to her again.
This will ensure that she doesn’t tell everyone she knows that your abusive (hopefully) and allow you better luck in your next relationship. But yeah that was pretty fucking stupid. Men are biologically stronger than woman, and we get the joy of spending every second outside our homes worried that if we’re alone with a man, they could r*pe murder us or both. You took that core fear and brought it inside the home. You fucked up. It will never be funny. Send the apology. Now.
I don’t have any place to go unfortunately. That’s why I’ve stayed with him for this past year .
I hate gyms so much. I've never been confident in my body, so public gyms to me feel like having to do one of the most embarrassing things possible on a stage in front of a bunch of people. Telling me that gym people mind their own business doesn't help. What does help is taking me on walks on pretty days, trying to keep the pace brisk, or encouraging me to do yoga, or other low-impact exercises. Make it fun and remember that positive reinforcement works wonders on humans too.
And, while staying active is incredibly important, always remember “you can't outrun the fork.” So healthy and tasty foods are very important to learn about and incorporate, and focusing on diet might be a good starting point to getting her more on top of her health.
Divorce isn’t something I take lightly. I see your perspective and tend to agree…I just have a very hot time with the thought of not being together…even if it might be the right thing.
if she lets you you guys should have a conversation just to clear the air and get everything off your chest
Your boyfriend is an ass. He insulted your fathers intelligence, he belittles your concerns, he is being selfish. Never put money into a property unless you have a contract or marriage.
u hookup with the vegas guy and in spite of that he still give you the best sex of your life.
if im in his shoes and im thinking about a relationship with you, then you sleep with someone else, im out.
i dunno about both of you but if he already has feelings for you and that's what happened, you should consider a relationship with him. not many guys are that accepting.
ask him to answer truthfully if he likes you as a person or he's just looking for sex.
differences in hobbies are not big deal. what's the most important is basic live! values. you gotta be in the same page.
So, if this is the sort of thing you are ok with in theory but just don’t like to be around then canceling your membership and going to a different gym is a perfect solution.
But IMO it should be within the ability of two people in a relationship to have a conversation about this without blame being cast on either side. And I would, because buried feelings tend to turn into resentment. Even if you find a workaround like going to a different gym.
To do this start with a bit of a disclaimer “I want to talk about something that’s been bugging me, but before we do I want you to know I’m not blaming you.” Follow it with an I-statement “I feel insecure at the gym, and a lot of it is because I see you looking at girls with really different bodies than me.” Reaffirm that this isn’t a blame thing but it’s about addressing your feelings “I know it’s natural to appreciate fit people, but it still hits me in a place where I have unresolved insecurities.” Follow with your solution “so I think we shouldn’t be gym buddies any longer, that way neither of us have to feel bad. I won’t have to see it and you won’t have to feel like I’m watching your every move.”
Mature communication is not about hiding all your inconvenient and unflattering emotions. It’s about being able to acknowledge them and address them without being ruled by them.
I know you don’t want to hear this, but you just have to be honest. At the very least you need to stop faking it ASAP. It’s just going to lead to resentment. No one wants to be performing all the time.
It’s not unusual for females to struggle finishing with penetration. I can’t either. You aren’t weird or messed up or anything. Can you finish with other things like oral ? I guess it all depends on how open and willing to try different things you 2 are. There are lots of other things you guys can do, but it’s probably not gonna happen unless it’s clear to your partner what you enjoy.
Good luck with this!
That. A big part of sex is communication, and honestly, you are responsible for your orgasms too.
That depends. Are you good at standung your ground? If yes, sure confront her before breaking up, if this what you need.
Personally I think there is no need for that though. Break up with her, using simply not loving her any more as a reason. Stick with it, and stay away from her from that point onwards.