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Date: September 21, 2022

715 thoughts on “ the hard on-line sex chat with hottest babes with a hd cam

  1. Love is blind? It's been a long time together.

    At first I thought maybe they were just a little lazy. But as times gone on, yer 100% they arent playing with a full deck of cards.

    I love them so much but they just can't seem to function at a level I know most others function at.

  2. I don't necessarily see a problem with the age. He is 41 and does not have any money? Why? That would be a little concerning particularly if you see a future with him. Does he work? Is he responsible?

  3. Have you tried communicating with her?

    My husband when he first started having sex he would try to last longer by focusing on foreplay with the girl. He usually would end up cumming while eating her out then was able to last longer. This worked to build up endurance. He’s honestly really great at sex.

    I would try communicating with her. Ask her what she likes or what parts of her are the most sensitive. Maybe have a session where you just focus on her and you can even incorporate toys. A lot of women’s needs are ignored during sex

  4. Yeah he is a piece of work. That subreddit scared me. Innocent woman out there totally clueless about these men obsessing about them.

  5. Unless she's spoofing her GPS tracking (which is quite unlikely) then shes lying to you. Spot the red flags honey.

  6. Not her responsibility, OP. You’re old enough to understand responsibility and consequences. What if there was a fire, a burglary, someone had gotten seriously sick, then what? Unfair of you to expect others to take care of you in a way, just because you can’t handle drinking.

  7. You’re too old for this ridiculous drama. She is a mess, and you need to cut this off for good. Why do you even want to continue to be jerked around by someone you already know is a liar and cheater?

  8. Tell him the truth!

    It was nice seeing you all. You all look here at, your fiancé seems super sweet; but I am sorry I do prefer to keep my past in the past.

  9. I said “your” when I should have said “the op”. The “prob fake cuz nazi name” thing is hilariously ignorant though.

  10. I really don’t understand how people think being single is worse than a relationship like this.

    You have to catch him trying to cheat on you and call him out and work through it? It is just unimaginable to me that people would put up with that.

  11. Do you know what he likes to do for self-care? Watch funny movies? Eat chocolate? Exercise? Whatever it is, do it. Now. Make it an event, and do whatever he likes to do for a couple of days. He needs all the love rn. Be there for him. This kind of trauma is lifelong, when he's ready you might broach therapy to help deal with this. Don't push the family issue again.

  12. Block, unfollow and ignore for good. Some of us need a lot of time to get over someone and its fine. You will, too. Stop the growing obsession before it gets out of hand and do not let her come back into your life.

    She made a choice. A concious choice NOT to be with you and that is all you need to know. This fact will forever be true and as much as it hurts, its okay. You will be alright and find new love eventually.

  13. I would be worried that your gf joyfully sent nudes and continued to flirt with this guy while knowing that he was married. Joking about his wife not finding out? These are not things that someone who has an issue with cheating or respects monogamous relationships would do. I wouldn't be ok with her continued relationship with him and I wouldn't trust her not to cheat on you if I were you.

  14. I've been a family lawyer for nearly 20 years I say this with the experience of hundreds of divorces.

    You need to butt out.

    Your parents are adults. They are in a completely disfunctional, abusive marriage. They need to get out of it NOW. Unless you are an seer you do not know how they will react separately.

    Additionally, it is not your mother's or your responsibility to care for your father. Pressuring your mother to remain in this marriage for your father sake/so you don't feel like need to care for your father is enormously selfish. If he dies a miserable death that is due to his own choices. You cannot load this responsibility on your mother nor should you take it upon yourself. You cannot save ppl from themselves.

  15. First is just first cuz it's first. You may assign special meaning to it due to its placement, but it has no inherent positive or negative benefit or value. AKA “first” doesn't make it good, better, or best. Find best. Find, at minimum, not reproductive coercion? Find second, find 15th! Going by numbers is arbitrary. Go by treatment. Go by values. Go by uplifting.

  16. Only a few things will make a guy act like this.

    A. He’s cheating on you. B. You’re cheating on him or being shady and he found evidence of it. C. He’s caught up on his ex or the one that got away.

    You should dump him now. Doesn’t matter the reason behind it…he’s treating you like shit. Like he’s on a daily basis showing disgust for your presence and your affection. Don’t put yourself through anymore pain girl.

  17. Just enjoyed your time together, don’t get all caught up in expectations of what you can and cannot provide vs. her rich family.

    Filthy rich or dirt poor I doubt she’s thinking about any guy providing for her at 21.

  18. Dude I'm willing to bet she's actually overall pretty average herself and she just has an inflated ego. You have fallen for her illusion and that's why you feel like she's on top of the scale here, but in truth she's likely just barely above average. She seems like a narcissist with here standard of only the best will do. When they weather gets bad and life isn't sunny anymore she'll ditch you if I had to guess.

    Ask yourself if you could spend the rest of you life with her.

  19. You need to stop playing the blame game about who is “worse” and take some responsibility. This relationship is incredibly unhealthy when clearly you both want different things from each other – also you sound very controlling; you can’t just mould a person into the one you want them to be.

    You will both do well to end the relationship for good this time and work on yourselves before you even consider dating.

  20. He is doing smart recovery which is based on cognitive behavioral therapy. It deals more with his way of thinking than the relationships. Hopefully he has a good therapist that can help him begin to mend his relationships.

  21. i would suggest mentioning it only once you notice some visible thinning, more scalp visibility. also you're 20, so don't worry so much. mention if the relationship makes past 5-6 years as adults. these same people shitting on you would have no problem telling their spouses to lose weight or fix acne or go on hormonal bc just to not wear condoms etc etc. attraction matters. if you do end up outside this relationship, best way to tell if a guy will go bald is pay attention to male family members of his. lesser odds.

  22. She simply fell out of love with me. A few weeks after, I found out she had been talking to another guy behind my back for about 3 months before the breakup.

    yep, falling for someone else, usually gives us options, so we can fall out of love from our current one.

    but you haven't been robbed, specifically. it's part of your life and love experiences that will define you for the next person in your life.

    look out the signs that she likes you or not, and stay strong.

  23. I dont know if shut down is the right term, but Im frequently anxious about it all. Most of my married friends dont help in easing my anxiety about this either.

    We discussed our status before choosing to relocate. I even had another offer where we could stay put and figure it out, but she wanted to try this and doing so also allowed me to stay with my company.

    Accurate assessment of my relationship history. Its almost like I just comply to a point, but put the brakes on when its too late, if that makes sense. I know im doing something wrong.

  24. He doesnt trust you. You cant change that. You know that you didnt cheat. Stop calling him. He needs to get over himself.

    He is trying to ruin your trip because he cannot control you being far away. Think of other ways he controls you when you are together.

  25. I think that your problem is that you feel like your identity isn't there anymore. For 22+ years, your life was being a SAHM, and now your youngest is about to leave the nest.

    I'd suggest finding a part time job or a hobby, just so that you get out of the house and become instead of .

  26. So you're now openly lying to your husband about your emotional affair……just leave him. He doesn't deserve someone as heartless and selfish as you.

  27. Even if I didn't have to worry about any of that…FFS, if I am traveling on company business, I want my own room.

  28. yes that's a good example right there and it's not healthy. I just find it hot ending it especially after being there for each other a lot and spending a lot of time together. I would rather classify it as an unhealthy addiction at this point

  29. Yeah she’s been deeply apologizing since she came out and told the truth (2 days ago). I told her the worst part was it’s not like during that time we were just going on dates, we were having deep convos and there’s a good chance she was in someone else’s bed during those convos. She pleaded for a second chance and I told her I’d do my best but if this sick nasty feeling I have doesn’t go away then I can’t stay.

  30. Seriously! Some massive record scratch moment when he mentioned he's a father. Who needs that kind of drama in their life when they're 21, living with same age college friends and has to imagine she'd be at least a part time step mother within the next year.

  31. I’m sorry this happened to you. Posting your nudes without your permission is such a violation of privacy, that alone is a huge red flag. I’m glad to hear that you were strong enough to walk away.

    I’ve been cheated on before and was able to walk away, and I felt bad for women who couldn’t. But back then I was 20 and with an asshole abusive man that didn’t love me. Now I’m 30 and this is my husband and baby daddy, things are so much more complicated, and i realize that everyone’s situation is different, and why people would choose to forgive and stay with the cheater.

  32. I'm afraid if I stay I will end up resenting/hating her

    You sound like you already resent/hate her so there's not really anywhere else to go.

    You can try discussing the job topic with her. Setting up financial goals and creating a plan for how the 2 of you get to those goals together.

    Clothes/style? She isn't going to suddenly dress like a corporate drone. Why would she?

    Going out 1 – 2 times/month and having 4 drinks in total? So?

    These are all you problems TBH. What have you done to shine that bright light on yourself and look at what is wrong with you?

  33. First, break up with her and block her in all ways you can. Second, block her parents the same way and anyone else who thinks they get to vote on your choices. Third, self-reflection time. Ask yourself why you think you don't deserve respect, love, faithfulness, and kindness. Finally, take some time to put yourself and your own needs first in your mind and in your actions. You may be surprised how lovely life can be when you surround yourself with positive activities and people. You absolutely do not deserve to tie your future to someone who has an agenda to keep you serving her regardless of her actions to hurt you.

  34. You’re seeking them out like a trophy? As an alt girl I vomit at the idea. Also my love youre almost 30 we should be focused on his career and such not necessarily the way he dresses. That means nothing . Sure it’s cute but seeking them out is something we see a mile away.

  35. I hope this is a troll.

    If not, you are having delusions and everything you said is not true. Please talk to a psychologist and get help because this is how stalkers talk. Don’t be a stalker.

  36. Its not necessary to be so fixated on creating perfect romantic scenarios for every step of your relationship. All you're doing is putting pressure on yourselves.

    She said it when it started to feel natural, and thats perfectly fine. That can be hot to accept if you're young and trying to have a fairytale romance, but sometimes things just dont go the way you envisioned in your head and there's no reason to get in the way of your own happiness because of it.

    Good luck explaining that to your gf of course.

  37. I think you’re right that you’re not long term compatible. It will be much easier for you if you find somebody who is more your equal in terms of career.

  38. He broke your trust just by going into the club what makes you think he's honest about what happened there?

    It makes sense he would lie just to have chance to get back with you.

  39. She has every right to her body but you have every right for your boundaries. There are plenty of girls that won’t dress like that and will align with your ideas. But only pushing the issue further might make you seem controlling.

    If she has not done anything wrong and has not really posted nudes, then bikini pictures are quite normal. You have to tell her how you feel but also accept the answer she gives.

  40. Sounds like you're demonstrating macro-aggressions and he's doing micro-aggressions.

    While there are clear and valid reasonings for why you were short with the shopkeepers and others, it does sound like a rather awkward situation to be in and he may be dealing with that awkwardness by trying to smooth things over (instead of just letting you handle it).

    I would say that it is good that you recognize that you're both being difficult in your own ways, and that you have valuable elements of a relationship here.

    I think you're both under different kinds of stress and should set a mutual goal of doing something fun. I think you can both recognize your flaws and still love each other. Don't let some minor stressors snowball into a huge deal, just try to blow off some steam and communicate how you'd appreciate it if he let you fight your own battles.

  41. Damn you took a solid 10 minutes to type up a whole lot of fucking nothing.

    A choice is a choice. But when you remove a choice or shame someone for a choice, you are participating in manipulative and controlling behaviour.

    No matter how you slice it, OP and you by extension are both in the wrong.

  42. I'm gonna just address what you want to see.

    There are no magical words that will change this man to be the boyfriend you want him to be. No one will be able to give you what you are looking for here because he fucking sucks.

    He likes who he is and making you feel bad about yourself is how he keeps you from walking away. It is how he keeps control of you.

    Im not saying this to hurt your feelings. I'm saying this because most people have absolutely horrible partners at least once in their life. The important lesson to grasp from those relationships is to learn to walk away from someone/something you love if they are bad for you.

    Again, look at your post history. This guy fucking sucks. You love him, and he constantly treats you like shit. He will get worse. If you don't choose to walk for your own peace of mind, then when he finally does, the next guy is significantly more likely to just be him but worse.

    Life's going to keep throwing learning opportunities at you until the lesson sticks. Bad man? Walk away. Everyone here is telling you the short version of this.

    Dump him.

  43. We’ve both started full time jobs since traveling

    Could it be that there's confidential stuff on the phone? I know a few people who aren't supposed to talk about their jobs to anyone.

  44. You're right, he might leave. But I don't want to have sex or be FWB. That's part of what I no longer want to feel pressured to do. I really feel like I want to know him a lot deeper before continuing to share my body and life with him. He definitely has the right to say “no thanks” and find someone else

  45. He disappears communication-wise every now and then and says there’s various reasons for these (work,life,etc)

    I read this as (work, wife, etc). Hmmmm…

  46. Not sure what advice you’re after. You’re an adult and she doesn’t get to tell you what you can or cannot do. She can end a relationship if she is unhappy with things but she doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your free time.

    It’s dancing. No one is going to slip and fall on a dick during a dance class.

  47. How long did you guys date? Did you think he was the one before things ended? How long did it take you to get over the breakup?

  48. Can he actually cook? If so ask when he’s going to express his love by taking his turn. If not try doing it together so he learns and cohabitates equitably. And I’ve known electricians and their labor is not as physically demanding as other construction jobs but can be very mentally taxing along with physical. You can also get easy to throw together meals at the store to quicken time in the kitchen for both. In our house she’s the cook and I’m the chef so daily meals are simple and weekends are feasts. And occasionally we we order pick up.

  49. Aside from what other people have mentioned regarding this potentially impacting you breast-feeding, this is entirely a problem of your wife’s body dysphoria. Of course she can be upset that she isn’t able to breastfeed your son, but making him suffer for it (sucking on nipple, expecting milk and not getting any) isn’t the way to work through it. Many (cis) mothers who can’t breastfeed due to not producing enough milk or the child not latching or various other reason manage to bond through feeding with their children without making them suck a dry nipple. If someone has a child by a surrogate, they don’t force the child to suck on their nipple even though they don’t produce milk. There are more than enough cis mothers who don’t/can’t breastfeed their children and still don’t force them to suck on a dry nipple. This is not a problem of you being transphobic but of your wife having dysphoria.

  50. Here's the lesson your partner gets to learn of womens' experience: not all moms get to breastfeed. Deal with it.

    As the parent of a child who went through feeding aversion, you do NOT want to deal with that. This kind of activity is the type of thing that leads to nipple confusion and feeding problems. Cis mothers have this issue too, and they have to learn to come to terms with just pumping, with formula feeding, etc. But it's about getting the baby fed. Not about satisfying a desire to have the baby latched onto your chest.

  51. If you are having unprotected sex with your boyfriend, then he knows there is a possibility of getting pregnant. You need to decide how to proceed with the pregnancy, but you need to tell him. Stick by your guns no matter how he reacts.

  52. BPD is treatable. I have a family member with BPD and before treatment they were absolutely a nightmare, after medication, therapy, and DBT classes they became better people.

    You may be able to get her to apply for disability and assistance and get her to see mental health professionals that can treat her.

  53. You did the right thing by telling the woman he’s with. And it’s good you recognize that’s what you would have wanted if you were in the opposite situation. Doing the right thing is hard and unrewarding, punishing even. Don’t die out of spite. Even if you don’t care about yourself there’s others that you have to live for that cannot be without you. This time is confusing but as it all grows distant it will clarify. It’s very hot to see your first love go on to other people as there will always be those moments you shared. But unfortunately they’re gone now, and by the sounds of it that person you shared those moments with is too. I hope time heals this for you. It may the only thing that does.

  54. i acknowledge his talents frequently. he has a lot of them! really smart guy and super hot worker. hell, he's a biomedical engineer. that takes some serious skill. i give him complements all the time.

    he just sings…a lot…and very off pitch. even sometimes when i'm trying to have a conversation with him he'll just start and once he's done, he looks at me expecting me to say something. again, i'm autistic, so i have an incredibly hard time sugarcoating or lying about things.

  55. Yes they decided to cancel your relationship. The real question what are going to do about it?

    The bare minimum is spendung with your gf as much time as before, but since she won't come to your house (and you should not try to make her) you will spend much more time out of home.

    I assume you are financially dependent on your parents. You should consider what you are going to do when they inevitably decide to use this as a leverage to control you. On that note, if you want your relationship to survive you should promise your gf, once you will be independent you will leave our family home and live with her and not force her to interact with your family (well unless they apologise and start acting with proper respect).

  56. You absolutely CAN cut him off completely. Don't engage with him. Don't spend time around him. Block him on all social media and every messaging app. Maintain solid boundaries.

  57. sure, not everyone cares about this, but some people do care about friends even if it’s just a few months and cherish their friendship

  58. I don't care what you think.

    Your off-colour remark at the end provides me all the context I need for why I will completely disregard your comment, and wear your criticism as a badge of pride.

  59. I don't care what you think.

    Your off-colour remark at the end provides me all the context I need for why I will completely disregard your comment, and wear your criticism as a badge of pride.

  60. Got it – so you're not exactly visiting, you're returning home from college.

    It sounds like this has gone poorly before. I don't think you're going to avoid a conflict entirely, but here are some ideas to improve matters.

    Be sure to buy your own food, and when you do you should offer to pick things up for the house as well. Show your mom a formal eating plan from the team. (Yes, it is fine to compose this yourself and just print it out.) Talk through the importance of your training regimen so she knows why you're doing it. It can help to explain that you would rather eat her food but you've resolved to follow the eating plan to maximize your performance. Pick a cheat day, and let her know when it will be. If you can manage one dinner a week of hers (you should be able to) that is the best but if it needs to be every two weeks, so be it. Be sure that your lifestyle reflects that you are in training. In other words, you can't refuse to eat your family's food while you're home and then go out and have beers after work. Same goes for drugs.

    I hope that helps a bit!

  61. Don't like it don't marry him.

    This is not a sudden shock to you. If you do not like the traditional family set up by this family please do not marry into it.

    You decide that when you get married this family dynamic has to change?

    Not a good move Doomed before I do

  62. The mentality and life stages, maturity, and experience of a 17 year old is completely different from a 21 year old. 17 is still a teenager.

    But okay pedo

  63. No, I feel that it is best to know now. He literally turned on me when I disagreed with him and especially on wanting to sue the company

  64. The only thing you can do to change your situation is make changes yourself.

    Decide on the boundaries you need to feel comfortable enough to stay. Be prepared with all your points before you sit down to talk. Choose a time beforehand where you won't be interrupted. Sit at the table facing each other, not on the couch where you're facing the same direction. Set the scene with respect to the gravity of the issue.

    Focus on the facts: he lies consistently, and you don't believe he will change. You want to stay married, and to do so you need to feel safe. Whether that's having financial oversight to prevent him from coke binges over a certain dollar amount, or a location sharing app, or access to his social media, or simply committing to not asking him any questions and operating as an independent agent within your marriage, state your terms.

    I understand that you feel stuck right now, and maybe you are…for now. For now is not forever, and this is not a relationship you want your child to settle for. Make getting out your long term goal.

  65. Hey man, youre young so I know its probably really tough. This is a good opportunity for you to learn. A person who loves you won't do this to you.

    she’s easily aggravated and gets mad easily

    If shes mad she got caught lying to you about not deleting her and her ex's sex tape, she for the streets.

  66. i do think that’s up with me, i’m working on detaching but the attachment i have is very powerful so it’s taking some time

  67. Brother.

    You've been taken advantage of and now you're being abused.

    I know you're scared, I know you think you can just ignore it.

    But you should not.

    You should never render yourself powerless.

    Tell the police. Tell social media, tell your friends.

    Tell them how Pete not only raped you.

    Tell them how he tried time and time again.

    Tell them how he began abusing you, all these things he's done to you.

    Do not let him walk away, do not le him do to somebody else.

    You know these types, you know who they are.

    It's no longer their world, they can't just hush the internet away, they can't hide the shame forever.

    But you can choose to do what must be done.

    You can choose to make the world a lighter brighter by bringing a monster to the light.

    I wont judge you if you end up simply leaving, I don't know what'll happen then.

    I understand how hot it is to do such a thing

    Yet I believe that no decent man could see what has been unleashed and try not to contain it.

    Be at peace brother, and good luck.

  68. Maybe you're aromantic, or maybe you're romantic but your feelings for her faded. Either way if you only want to stay in a relationship because shes funny and is part of the group then it really isn't a relationship.

  69. Hmmm I'm torn.

    For one, we all have characteristics that we couldn't help but find attractive. I have a thing for redheads myself.

    But he also might be cheating on you. I hope he isn't and it's just your insecurities messing with your brain.

  70. Some part of you can still have a certain love for people in your past and the memories you share. That doesn’t mean you have to express that and exchange that information with them.

  71. Can you have a standard? Not even standards, just like.. one fucking standard? Please? Just one. Just have a single standard for you who date. This can be the standard. Like not having a sexual relationship with a dog is a perfectly reasonable standard to set.

    And yet, here you are. Wondering what to do.

  72. Don’t ever stay with someone you’ve found out has a history of cheating. I just found out that the mother of my child who I provide EVERYTHING for has been cheating on me — with the guy she has cheated with in the past over 10 years ago now in a prior relationship. I thought people could change. 8 years into the relationship and I find photo evidence of cheating. I’m physically sick. I feel so angry and upset, but at the same time I feel totally nothing, like it’s not even worth putting energy into. anyone reading this, learn from my mistake so you don’t waste years of your life and have a kid with a garbage excuse of a human being. If they have cheated in the past, THEY WILL NOT CHANGE

  73. Either end the relationship or stop bringing it up like that. You’re not making things better for either of you.

  74. So… she’s a cheater and you’re passive-aggressive. Could you just be a match made in heaven?

  75. By that point in a relationship, emotionally I would need the other person to love me back. He’s saying it could realistically be another year before he’s ready to say it?? Me, I wouldn’t be able to wait for that. I’d break up and find someone who does love me.

  76. Are you serious, why do you need to cut back when you didn't ask for this? Help me understand, why are you still around these people? You need to realise they are a couple now, you're just the extra baggage they got saddled with. The fact that they don't give a rats ass about how you feel is more than enough reason to cut your losses and move on from this. Stop worrying more about her than your own self worth and health.

  77. How fo you reply?

    If in a nasty mood:

    “Tanks a lot. Your wife may appreciate this infornation just as much as I did.”

    If not: find his wherabouts. Gather all the proof you have. Hand it over to his wife after some months.

    And don't ever reply! Keep the message. Store it somewhere, from where you can reproduce this. (pdf or jpg formate)

    Then eraze it from your phone. Block him everywhere.

    You are not the first.

    You are not the only one.

  78. As a fully grown adult and seemingly somewhat well adjusted, you should know that comprimises are part of it.

    From both sides, sometimes they're unfair for one more than the other but that's just how it is, give and take in different aspects.

    This is one of those times I feel, he wants and is doing what he likes and is his passion. I feel you should support that while letting him know your concerns, which you have done.

    Any attempt to force him to stop or manipulate it in any way will end up with resentment.

    If he does not want to change for your wishes; you will have to accept that. he is free to choose and do what he likes with his life, you don't have to accept them, but voicing that disagreement and doing anything about it may have further undesireable consequences.

  79. So you’re going to tell a wkman to go up against a physically superior attacker with what, mace or a taser?

    Both things that, if the attacker is mad enough or determined enough, don’t work. Whereas a bullet to the chest has a far better chance of deterring.

    Also, brandishing involves waving the thing around like an idiot. If you’re trained, that’s not what you will be doing.

    And by training I meant taking multiple classes a year and doing things like putting yourself through stress-training. Not just going to the range every once in awhile.

  80. “Sounds like the person you need to talk to about this is your wife, not me. Have a nice life.”

  81. Dang… he does use my problems against me. This past weekend he even did. Like I am so blinded I didn't even notice that?!?! I want someone who if they don't know how to help/deal with me to do research.. he never did.

  82. If she’s still into me. I’m not worried ab the sex I’m just worried if she still likes me yk. I never pressured her to do anything

  83. It's not like I'm getting any fancy show of affection either. I'm trying to react to what she has asked of me. We have gone on dates, I do make compliments that are authentic. Do you have kids? There's not a lot of time for “the chase.” If we're lucky, we go on a date twice a month.

  84. You tell your husband. You made this bed, be an adult and lay in it. He has the right to decide if he wants to stay. You get a paternity test. And you get a job.

  85. Honestly you can play a joke right back. Whenever he enters a room play that clown song that “dadadadada dot dot dadada” I don’t know how to spell it. He walks out and back in ask them Dj to play it. I would also allow him pictures because it would look really cool in black and white. And maybe even surprise him if you got yourself a red adorable clown nose. And say “ love you anyway”

    Can’t beat em, join him. He won’t get the reaction he wanted. He will see your family and you love him. Or at least understand him.

  86. It’s none of your exes business. If they have an issue with it, they need to sort it out with a therapist. You can’t live your life based on how it will make your ex feel. That’s not fair to your current partner.

  87. I'm so sorry and my heart breaks for you. You are a amazing young man. And look around you OP you have a family. Sometimes a family isn't one of blood but a family that you create. And it sounds like you have a amazing family around you.

    As far as your EX goes thank her for showing her true colors now instead of latter.

    I wish you the best.

  88. Yeah, these were my thoughts exactly. There’s a lack of information here… such as, was the guys she was kissing challenges etc on the Hens night, or were they random hook ups over time with random guys?

  89. I think they're saying that you can have a “sexy” bachelorette party without actually having to have sex with anyone

  90. This is not excellent, this is a terrible idea that will only result in him doing other stupid shit at your wedding. If your fiance can't set a boundary that no one is allowed to wear a clown suit to a wedding I hope you know your life's gunna be fucked when your married.

  91. Who’s money did he use to get you that gift? Expensive gifts mean nothing for someone who didn’t actually pay for it. You’ve been long distance for so long with this guy, you grew from a teenager to a young adult and he seems totally stagnant. This is the perfect time to cut the fat and go after what you really want out of life. Is it really being 2nd/3rd priority to a dude you almost never see, who has no forward momentum?

  92. Go to the party and say goodbye to his fam. Tell them you love them but bf cheated and you need to move on. It will be cathartic and he will get what he deserves.

  93. Sit down with her parents and tell them that if he turns up in a clown suit you will be leaving the ceremony immediately and eloping instead. That the resulting fall out will be on them and you will sue him and them for the cost of the wedding.

  94. I would simply ignore them to be honest. A true friend wouldn’t be upset with me setting boundaries.

  95. Not I, lol. I was a fly on the wall for that one. Watched the drama for him unfold in the comments

  96. Breakups are really hot, especially at your age. Tell your friends you don’t want updates on him, don’t peek at his social media, delete all your pics of him or put them in a folder where you won’t see them normally.

    This is what I did to get over a really bad breakup at your age. It’s like an addiction in the beginning; keeping yourself busy and not talking to/thinking about him will help and if you slip up, it’ll set you back. Time will heal it. I was so goddamn inconsolable when I broke up with my ex at 19, and now I’m almost 25 and I’m getting married to my fiancé this October. Life goes on, and he will be a distant memory in your happy life

  97. Ah yes, sabotage your rare healthy relationship, for your ex's convenience. I am sure he will be uncomfortable with your future partners as well. For one reason or another.

  98. Id like to just point out not every southern or Christian is this way. I’m southern Baptist, don’t take the Bible literal (parts were written for a specific group in a specific time), and believe I’m a mix of evolution and the biblical story. I also never tell people they’re going to hell lol, that’s something little kids do ? but also, you are not compatible. Do you want future kids crying because daddy told them mommy is going to hell? I wouldn’t.

  99. Sounds like he has some conflicting feelings around sex. From your post it sounds like you also used to have conflicting feelings around it.

    Keep him as a friend if that’s fulfilling but don’t expect this to become more.

  100. I wouldn‘t call this an assumption, I‘m just drawing a conclusion to very obvious implications.

  101. I would love any advice you guys might have for me It sounds to me like he's told you exactly what he wants from you. Text first. Make plans. Be an active participant in the relationship, not just along for the ride.

    I don't want to say or do the wrong thing. I wanted to send him a message tonight to let him know that I didn't mean to make him feel the way he is feeling and I do like him and care about him.

    Did you say something like this last time he raised the subject? Without consistent actions, these words are meaningless.

  102. You have zero recourse but to deeply apologize. It might not be repairable as your BF’s self esteem has been hurt. Never mind the fact that your bestie has also opened her big mouth to everyone in your world….you maybe can learn something for your next relationship

  103. Him: well it would be nice to get a blowjob

    Me: So you would want a blowjob from someone else? Someone other than me?

    Him: With your permission yes, if someone offered it and the opportunity arose.

    You responded as if you give him blowjob's…

    He isn't talking to other girls. Isn't seeking out blowjob's. Didn't try to pressure you to give him one. He made an offhand comment while talking about dreams and hypotheticals that s blowjob would be nice….

    But since you've never given him one and he presumably knows your opinion/feelings he isn't expecting one from you and doesn't intend to pressure you for one either

  104. When they deny to the very last second, still lie to your face, without a shred of guilt on their face….how can you ever trust her again? How often did she qish she was with him when she was lying by your side? Take your life back into your hands! She is not a worthy partner, you deserve better! Stand up for yourself and don't wait till there are kids involved, probably from another man!

  105. I say this with kindness: this is a you problem. Changing the style of dance isn't going to make you less insecure, it's just going to manifest somewhere else. This is something she loves doing and doesn't view as sexual, asking her to change her behavior for your insecurities is controlling whether that's your intention or not.

    I recommend finding a hobby of your own to do when she's at her dance class. Focus on things that make you happy rather than limiting the things that make her happy.

  106. She needs to learn to laugh about things that go awry in a way that doesn't hurt anyone. You put a lot into this and THAT is what shows your love… her being sad is really rude. She needs to realize that.

    Did she do anything for you for your anniversary?

  107. He yells at you and calls you names? That's not getting “wound up”, that's being verbally abusive.

    He's already told you that's how he is and that it's going to continue. I speak AH fluently and what he means is he's going to continue to yell at you and call you names because that's how he is and he's entitled enough to think you “have” to forgive him.

    You can wait around as long as you like but this is who he is and he's told you that. He's not going to change because he doesn't want to.

  108. You can't just go out for ice cream together because he'll find a way to twist the experience into an opportunity to bring up his poly fantasy in a spiteful, entitled way. It sounds like he's thinking “My girlfriend is holding me back from trying to bang every girl I see”.

    And he's acting as if you're the unreasonable one?

    He should be thankful that you didn't dump him the first time he suggested “sharing”. For a lot of couples, the idea is the end of it.

    You'r'e not jealous. You're normal. It's normal to not want your SO to sleep with other people. It's NOT normal to bully you into submission so you'll give him permission to do it when you clearly don't feel comfortable with that. He's treating you like dirt.

    If he wants these other girls so badly he can go be single and do whatever he wants.

  109. You’re almost 30 years old and can’t handle that your mid 30s bf may have a friend of the opposite sex that he knew long before you existed in his life? Your reaction to his friend leads me to believe you’re more of the cheater type as they tend to be the ones who are the most paranoid about everyone else absolutely having ulterior motives. He had to cut off a good friendship for stupid reasons to accommodate your overrreaction, and now you’re mad because he misses his friend? You sound immensely selfish, and are so paranoid that you are hung up about the existence of about someone who does not even live in the same part of the country but clearly makes the man you claim to be so in love with happy. What’s your end game? To vet who he talks to, and approve of any conversation he has as long as it is always about you (and only you) and get daily affirmations that you’re super special? Perhaps you want him to cut ties with anything in his life that ever existed because you strolled in a year and a half ago and just want it?

    The problem in your relationship, frankly, is you. As for resolving it, talk to a therapist and get a handle on yourself, because what you’re doing is unnatural, toxic, manipulative, and borderline abusive.

  110. i really feel like mom is calling OP, saying – we're doing such and such, can you come? and OP is saying – i'll come – so they buy one ticket for her.

    but mom is actually asking about the whole family, op just doesn't get it.

    this absolutely explains why sister's boyfriend is 'invited' sister sees him as invited whenever she is and she is bringing him.

    this really is on OP

  111. sorry u dont get ur cuddle and foot rub and emotional support when shes caring for a child 24/7. maybe if you were helping she wouldnt feel so incredibly burdened…

  112. Oh what a load of nonsense. Who is “sharing” by allowing someone to have a friend? Normal, mature adults don’t act like possessive freaks, and your bizarre attack on the OP shows you have a pretty unhealthy perspective on what a successful relationship looks like. She’s not the queen of the world and she certainly does not own him, so you can drop that absurdity.

  113. We have a newborn at home – husband is agonizing over going to see a wrestling show in April. He loves wrestling! It’s a special event! It’s nearby! It’s 2 months from now! And yet, he’s still agonizing over leaving me without help for the night.

  114. You just have to own what happened, if someone brings it up just say yes I mis-read the situation and yes I also feel stupid about making her feel uncomfortable. It will die down, girls gossip for comfort sometimes. If she was upset she was most likely venting about how you in a tacky fashion brought up being sex buddies. Online and learn.

  115. You are not committed and you don't really want her. You are just too lazy to find another girlfriend and she is there. That's all. Get your dream job and move away. Free her to find someone who actually cares about her.

  116. No, you’re not crazy. It’s weird that these men are low-key hitting on him. And that phone conversation? It sounded like his friend was trying to get him to leave you behind. And this friend seems so calculating that moving into his apartment seems like madness. Not only would you be at his mercy, but he might just…show up. If he insists on Atlanta, he can choose a different apartment. You’re not being unreasonable.

  117. Could you start the date saying that you have been thinking about her a lot & you’d like to kiss her? It might set the tone for the “real date” to keep you from being nervous the whole time. Flowers are nice if she likes that kind of thing.

  118. This one. He’s not your concern anymore. Tell his family he seems to be in a bad place so they can look out for him. You don’t have to tell them how exactly (or you can I suppose) but pass the buck to them, it’s not your burden to carry now. Then block and move on.

  119. This is rape? Hahah I’m gonna resign from this conversation as I can see we’re on different planets regarding the reality of this situation. Have a good night.

  120. He’s 100% cheating on you and made up those debts. He was emotional because you implied that cheating is pathetic and you’re bigger than that (which is true) and he knows that he’s cheating and it hurt his little feelings.

  121. Get him to admit it through a text or phone call (recording it depends on the state) and go straight to a lawyer.

  122. Omg no , I just know he wouldn’t hide experimenting with makeup ! I’ve literally done his makeup . It isn’t a logical explanation here

  123. I see in your comments that you have kids. Please don’t make the mistake to think kids need parents who stay together. Kids need role models of honesty and mutual respect in relationships, else they may grow up to either abuse or be abused.

    If you divorce now you are teaching them many important life lessons: actions have consequences, someone who lies to you and who can’t take responsibility is NOT worth your time/effort/mental health. If you divorce now, your kids will have one role model of what standing for yourself looks like.

    If on the other hand, you don’t divorce now, your kids will learn that it is normal to cheat and give half-asses apologies, that they should not stand up for themselves, that they should not expect respect or honesty from a life partner and that it is not expected of them.

    Do your kids a favor (and yourself) and go to a lawyer RIGHT NOW

  124. Thanks! I appreciate the response, you're right but I don't really know how to communicate this without sounding like an absolute asshole.

    We've had a conversation kinda similar to this, she knows I'm insecure about stuff like this but still disregards them.

  125. LMAO “Don’t mind me, I am so immature, dense and out of control. A girl can’t help it.”

    thump thump thump


  126. And I can go and do the exact same thing lol this subreddit is all about are divorces, cheating, open relationships those are the 3 main topics that gets spammed. This is not an exception to the rule, imo before I blow up someone life I need to make sure I have proof of what I am talking about. I have 0 stake in this story, that why I clearly asked does he have proof to prove she was with him, because how many other stories on here have you read were people are getting gaslighted and are basic doormats in these relationships. You acting like we have any knowledge of what’s going on or like we know the intent of this person or even if this story is remotely real. We don’t even know if this guy is telling the truth for all we know he can be some crazy mf who in in love with his ex still. I base my opinion and comment on here I try to be as unbiased as possible and give a reasonable answer and decision a normal person would do. I don’t try to sit here and just say break up or divorce because we don’t know the full stories 99% of the time

  127. They are married to each other as well, and they aren’t jerks. I think they are just desirable enough that other friends want to try the experience with one or the other of them, and it’s been 100% the kiss of death for their relationships.

  128. If you have ever watched porn, forget everything you saw. Porn films what looks good not what feels good. It’s not really pleasurable sex.

    Bring condoms. Be upfront that is your first time. Ask her to tell you how to pleasure her. If she doesn’t orgasm it will be ok

  129. maybe incorporate sexy body lotion application into foreplay? i had a partner who used to put on my lotion for me and it was great. sounds like a fun compromise

  130. From what you just wrote, this guy really has a good head on his shoulders. You'll see what he meant in time and with distance.

    As for why he would care, it's possible to care about you as a person without wanting to be romantically involved, or even friends. You can care about a stranger you only met for a few minutes, who really helped you when you needed it; you can care about a childhood friend you never see anymore; you can care for a good friend or family that you ended on bad terms with. You can care about all of those people and more, without really ever needing to see them again or necessarily reconnect. You can wish them well and go their seperate ways, just like your boyfriend has done.

    It's an acknowledgement of the good times and the positive effect you had on each other while things were still good. It's a testiment to the happy memories you've made and how they changed you for the better as a person. And it's just what parting from someone you were close with looks like.

  131. He blocked you because you you were critical of his Instagram post. He doesn’t never want you to be able to following his life & pass judgement.

  132. I don't get this sort of thinking.

    People deserve to know if they've been cheating on. OP wouldn't be doing anything wrong, actually, just something really right.. although I do have doubts only because of the fact they have a baby now. But it's really bizarre to me when people are against bringing justice to the other partner.

  133. You may not be compatible. It's never a good sign if you think your partner is in need of repairs.

  134. Just keep quiet dude. They have a kid. He isn’t like a close friend or anything. Id just leave it be and keep to yourself. In situations like this I always consider the child first. If the decision to speak up can significantly alter the child’s life for the worst, I’ll just keep quiet. Don’t interject yourself onto their lives.

  135. Wow. This is sad. I honestly don't believe the guy was gaslighting you. For some reason I actually find him refreshingly honest and sincere. Dating currently is so much different than it was when I was dating. I can't even imagine. Based on what you've shared, you seemed to genuinely be attracted to him. Which is a shame because it seems like you two were on your way to developing a genuinely good friendship. How much and how often did you share the traumatic experiences you had with your ex boyfriend with him? I can honestly see that causing him to want to take things slow because he genuinely really liked you and didn't want you to ever associate anything he did with the horrible experiences you had with your ex.

    If I'm reading this right, you come across as sincerely liking this person and wanting to take things further. Please let me know if I'm not reading this right. If that's the case it seems like the worst thing that would happen is that you two would become good friends. I think it's always good to have truly good and genuine friends. Because of that I would encourage you not to just break off all contact with him. I would encourage you to see if he would be interested in maybe seeing a therapist to help him deal with these issues and insecurities. Like I said, if it doesn't advance into a more serious relationship it does seem like it will evolve into a genuinely good friendship and those are worth their weight in gold as far as I'm concerned. I wish I had more good decent friends quite frankly. Unfortunately for me, it seems like everybody wants to use me to get something from me because most people consider me to be fairly successful and affluent. Everything seems superficial sadly.

    With all that said, I wish you all the best. I just hope that I have given you a different perspective to consider. Good luck.

  136. You refuse to answer questions regarding your role in the family.

    What advice do you expect?

    Based on your one-sided views?

    Wrong sub.

  137. Oh, Sweetheart.

    Talk to him, tell him what you feel and what you want, ask him to teach you and learn what you like and don't like. Se were your bounderys are.

    Last time you tried you were very young, you were both inexperienced, didn't know eachother and had a lot of pressure from your parents.

    For me it sounds like he have very strong feelings for you, maby even love.

    I have only loved once and that is still the best sex I have ever had even if it was with my first boyfriend and more than 30 years agoe…. just because we loved eachother, because of our emotional connection.

    I have had sex with men far more experienced and technically better but still not even close to how it helt with the one I loved.

    So, talk to him. Good luck girl!

  138. Just ask if she had a visitor while you were gone. That the neighbors reported seeing someone visiting.

    Don't say who and don't admit to how much you know.

  139. So everyone is saying that if someone crosses your boundaries psychical violence is acceptable?

    So when my wife attempts a finger in the ass i can punch her in the face?

  140. His gross teeth are offending you. So asking him to get a cleaning should not offend him.

    Plus, it's good for his dental health in general. He might have some additional serious oral health concerns that he really needs to address just for himself.

  141. I’m right brain….. can design and be creative…but man…my left side of the brain is mushy…. I’m sure your right side of your brain has helped the business tremendously!

  142. My boyfriend broke up with me and I had met a guy after about a month. I've been with him for 13 and a half years. Sometimes, things just go a certain way and you figure out what you need. It doesn't mean it is done at you, and it doesn't mean they were cheating. It also doesn't mean he never cared about you. Things were not quite right, it had to end… but that doesn't mean it was all fake. It doesn't mean he never cared. It just wasn't right. It is never just one thing. People are complicated.

    You two have been broken up for a year. I think you should ask your friends not to give you any more info about this guy or his girlfriend. You need to actually move on. Feeling this invested after a year apart, without contact, sounds like you are not healed. I am not trying to be harsh, I just think you need to completely separate yourself from what he is doing. It is not helping you.

    I was in a similar position many years ago, and it was absolutely for the best. It is hot to see in the thick of things. Take care of you.

  143. Making your fianceés mother the butt of the joke is not acceptable. Under any circumstances. She is right to doubt your relationship and rethink the engagement as a result because you treated her mother disrespectfully. It shows what you think is humour so irrespective of how much you apologise it isn't going to change that she knows this. Since you haven't asked a question I'm guessing you want to know whose side everyone is on? I'm on her side.

  144. I live on the North Carolina coast. The coast guard uses color coded flags on the beaches to indicate how safe it is to swim. A red flag means no swimming. The current is too dangerous.

    Then there is a hurricane flag. It is two separate red square flags, one flying above the other, with a black square inside each. She is past the red do not swim flag, she is on the Hurricane flag at this point. OP needs to run!

  145. Leave her alone till she decides… she is monkey branching… if things don’t go the way she fantasizes in her brain… she could always turn around and say you manípulo her during her Tim l time of doubt. Highest chance you have to be with her is not to offer any outside help to end her relationship

  146. That's what I told him. I told him that it's inappropriate and he said that they were just talking. It doesn't matter because I told him the same thing, it's wrong and disrespectful to me. I can't understand why he's treating me like this if I'm supposedly so good for him.

  147. Oh love, it exists and it’s wonderful. Just go slow and pay attention to what you need. Don’t be too nice and don’t be too selfish. I got clean and sober. As I sobered up, I realize that I wanted something more substantial. So I didn’t date for a year and then when I started dating, I did it the old fashion way or we went for coffee or we talked for a little while, and got to know each other before we ever did anything. I move slowly I married him and then had a baby with him at 41. And he died when my baby was six years old. And I have somebody I love now who is better than anything I’ve ever imagined, but it’s different. It’s like he’s stoic it’s got a sense of humor but it’s sort of old fashion and he’s kind of like a Dr. Spock kind of guy. Except he’s not at all he’s a I’ll be with you no matter what I’ll come to you when you’re sick there’s real love just keeps going.

  148. Please walk away. This all sounds so snake-bit, and all over the place, and and and.

    Oh and I really like this part: he again tried to tell me how he maybe wants to explore his own country's women if he could get what he needs from there. So I guess he'd be good with you doing the same with guys in your country? No? Thought not.

    You are only 20, OP. There are eleventy-billion other guys in the world. Date some of them.

  149. Having hoe friends like Hannah is a red flag.

    Going on a trip with bunch of dudes including guy who cheated on his wife is another red flag.

    If you would have some common sense and respect to your bf you wouldn't even have stupid ideas like going on this trip. It's like slitting in his face.

    You are 28 years old. If you want to have some future with your bf how about you actually thing about what you are doing.

    In what light it puts you in and if what you are doing is considering your partner.

    In place of your boyfriend I would serisuly question if you are right person to be in relationship with just because you considered going there and put yourself in situation that is really big challanger for his trust to you.

  150. Well… If she's the type of person that will destroy his marriage, maybe she they type of person you shouldn't trust…

  151. Talk to him and tell you can't imagine living about it. That you want to feel comfortable in a place where you live and ask if he can do something about it.

  152. He’s a bully. He doesn’t respect or love you. It doesn’t even sound like he likes you. He likes hurting you because it makes him feel superior and powerful. He also likes it when you ask him to stop because he knows he’s hurt you and he feels powerful because you can’t stop him.

    But you can stop him. Dump him and block him.

  153. And she only uses it when she travels. Mostly when she visits her parents home city in Bosnia because she doesn't know anyone bedsides family there. I asked her why she has it hidden and she says it's embarrassing to have tinder on her phone.

    But she's really defensive, I asked why she didn't tell me and she just said “we're dating we didn't merge our identities into one persona, you don't need to know everything, if you don't trust me break up idk what to tell you”

    She pretty much admits that when she's abroad she's hooking up with other dudes.

  154. I wouldn't say it's petty, but if your relationship is wonderful in all other sorts of ways, then maybe making this such a sticking point is not worth the frustration.

    Sure, it's a very nice gesture and you've communicated to your boyfriend that it would make you feel cared for if he texted good morning. But obviously this isn't a natural for him. It would be considerate if he did this now, but doing it 'robotically' may really take away the meaning anyway.

    Ask yourself if he has other ways he shows you he appreciates and thinks of you. Maybe saying 'good night' is easier for him?

  155. The best way is to say to her exactly what you wrote here and invite her to lunch or a bbq at your new house. It may take a few invites to make it happen, but being straight up that you would like to get to know her more is the way to go.

  156. I would ask her to make a choice as you won't lie or hide things if – when – the conversation comes up.

    “none of my business” family friend and when he finds out after the fact it'll be your business when he's like “why didn't you tell me?”. He works with your dad and it's not something that you'll be able to ignore if/when shit hits the fan.

    At the very least she needs to keep it away from near you. Not wake you up on the wrong side of the bed, so to speak.

  157. (Because op's bf wants to be open and honest and live his truth? It doesn't matter if you “get it”. You just respect it and move on. Not your life, not your place to question it.)

  158. We don't even know how long they're together, she could be bringing up marriage in a 3 month relationship which would explain why he answered the way he did.

  159. We regularly have very emotional conflicts that I feel are related to her insecurities.

    Brataffe, your GF's abusive and unstable behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained by the psychotherapist you're seeing. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.

    The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.

    Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.

    Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”

    Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”

    Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).

    Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.

    Brataffe, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?

  160. If I were you I’d honestly leave. This dynamic though probably has a lot of layers to it and I don’t know any of your history but it feels like maybe he was in over his head with this plan. Personally, there are so many things you can do in a month and wasting them away waiting for him to spend time with you and otherwise just spending time alone because you don’t know his friends just doesn’t seem that great. Two weeks would’ve been the right amount of time to not need to depend on him being around so much. Because you’re going through a tough time this time is vital for your mental and emotional health and I can’t see how this arrangement would benefit you

  161. No, don't listen to this nonsense.

    I've never gone wrong trusting my gut, and have always regretted the times I ignored it.

  162. Is he annoyed at you, or just annoyed?

    If he's just annoyed at something else, I recommend holding hands.

    When my fiance gets upset because something happened during our time out, he tends to walk faster as well. I think it's just nervous energy. But we hold hands, so he never leaves me behind. Sometimes he pulls too fast, and I have to tell him to slow down. Sometimes I have to say it multiple times, if his head is somewhere else. I think it's just something people do, walk faster when they're aggravated.

    So try holding hands.

  163. If you understood why you fucked up and how disrespectful you were, you wouldn't keep commenting on every post about how you acknowledge you fucked up, but. Stop putting a “but” in there and trying to get people to see your point.

    As a side note, the fact that you, as a virgin, who has also never been in a relationship before, thought there would be a mutually beneficial sexual relationship with a girl who may actually have sexual experience is the biggest fucking ego trip ever.

    Did you think she would just be grateful to play with your dick? What “benefit” in this FWB relationship was she going to get when you've never even been with another woman?

    Your update is even more troubling. You don't come across as remorseful, despite your constant commenting here that you are. You seem more worried that this incident will affect your future “game.” Listen, player, you have no game. Humble yourself and try to form a meaningful relationship with a woman before you jump into the game. You have no clue what you're doing and you're hurting people.

    Lastly, there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix this. You just can't. You fucked up and sometimes, you just can't fix it. Eventually, it will probably all die down, but take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself why you thought so little of your first sexual experience that you'd want it to be with a casual hook up and not someone you love. Ask yourself why you feel you feel entitled to use someone's body for your gratification.

    Additionally, you really need to work on your social skills, and if you're unable to do that, you need to stop hitting on women and just work on being a friend.

  164. So what if they are dating? Yea, it’s kinda weird if YOUR siblings to date, but THEY are not siblings or even related.

  165. 3 months but have never called, facetimed, done virtual dates etc. We have a 15 hour time

    You aren't dating by any normal definition.

    You're friends with extra steps.

  166. Sounds smart except 1 point: do not under any circumstances make it appear you are initiating in text or sound like you actually want him. That is entrapment (not in the legal sense, but in the moral/ethical manner)

    If he asks you to coffee, ask him to text you the details, then ask him over text who all would be there. Then you can reply, seeing 1 person alone at a coffee shop sounds too similar to a first date and the more I think on it, the more I want to keep work/ free time separated.

  167. Looking through a phone is a shitty way to run a relationship. But it’s a first-rate way to terminate a relationship for cause.

  168. Do you have photographic proof of your friend and this man together? Otherwise, why would the wife believe you?

  169. Why do you want to stay with someone you fight constantly? It’s exhausting. Love isn’t enough of a reason. You can’t love your way through incompatibility.

  170. Seems like you're okay with failing, just not being told you're failing. Your partner could help you, but you'd rather go displease someone new?

  171. Hes too old for you and he wants to knock you up and trap you with him. He's grooming you for pregnancy and laying the foundation for convincing you to do it.

    Also, hes fucking gross and creepy.

  172. I wouldn't think aynthing of it. In your age bracket, age differences hardly come with any power imbalances and I don't think 15 years is a scandalous difference at that point. If you are into each other and he makes you happy, that's all that matters. Judgy people will judge, no matter what. The rest will be happy for you.

  173. Literally calling people disagreeing with you hoes? Man that's pathetic behavior, do what you want in this relationship and have your boundaries and expectations, but don't shame people for having more trusting and secure relationships.

  174. Dude, you sound insufferable. You did the right thing breaking up with her, maybe now she'll get some peace.

  175. Do not get drunk. You will either whine and cry to him that he’s “looking” at her or you’ll insult her.

    That WILL make him think “what if”.

    Go, be confident that YOU are the one he chose as the best person to bear his children, not her.

    Smile and enjoy yourself.

  176. I appreciate everyone’s input. I think some of you are getting the wrong idea here but your entitled here. What is bothering me about the situation is that her FIL intends us to use the money to make money. Which is great but what I don’t think is entirely fair is that I am the one who will have to do all the leg work work. I’ve always made double the money if not triple in some cases than my wife and it’s always been what’s mine is hers and visa versa. As an example let’s say we buy 3 investment homes with the money he provides and I’d have to furnish them and rehab them with our own funds. Not to mention the maintenance will come out of our own pocket. If that’s the situation I would think I would be entitled to some of it. I’m not arguing that I want her initial inheritance but if I have to work it and invest my own time and money into it and she decides we need a divorce then and she gets everything I’d feel like I was taken advantage of. I think that’s what rubs me the right way. As far as the business situation again, I decided to shadow him and learn from him I never expected or wanted him to give me the business I thought he would sell personally. I even took a pay cut to take advantage and learn from someone who has been in the business because I think it would be smart long term. He has been the one implanted the idea that that’s mine to run. Idk about you guys but if someone says it’s yours I’d feel like you’d think some sort of ownership is involved, but now it’s I’m giving it to her sister and me run it for her?

    I don’t think he is a bad guy for wanting to take care of her daughters but to do it at my expense I think doesn’t feel good.

    Ultimately I think having him buy our a bigger personal home maybe best. In an off chance we divorce I would let her have that home anyways for the kids. And we can use our own funds and current home to rent and invest.

    As for the business I do agree with a lot of you and I’ll talk to him, and will do my own after a bit more of experience

  177. You’re overthinking this. You know how easy it is to find someone on the internet? I do this shit for fun. I have a co worker who is having an affair that we found about, all I knew was a first name and a place of employment (not my work obviously), and I found her in less than 5 minutes.

    If it’s live it’s public record, she’s not “snooping”. If it bothers you that much that she might find something out, then leave her.

  178. You need therapy, not a gf. Like usuallywrite2 said you're using her as an emotional support animal and for sex. End it for good with her.

  179. She has plenty of friends, but she just loves to be in our business and know what we're doing all the time. She also does the same thing to his brothers.

  180. She did, thankfully. The worst part is that she was definitely earnest and not saying it as a way to get excused.

  181. I'm sorry, OP, but your GF even demanding to discuss your therapy sessions is totally inappropriate. Therapy is supposed to be a safe haven and isn't up for discussion unless YOU bring it up.

    Her demand that you change a therapist that you are comfortable with and go to someone she prefers is also extremely inappropriate.

    She is currently undergoing pharmacological therapy, has BPD and is followed by a psychiatrist.

    The fact that she is seeking treatment for her BPD does NOT mean she has it under control. I think you should consider that her anger about your therapist could absolutely be a symptom of her own mental health issues. I was in a relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD, and they were never able to get to the point where we could have a loving, trusting relationship. It was a pretty terrible experience, to be honest with you.

  182. Oh my god can you just read what I said? I said yeah maybe it was disproportionate. But you were trying to equate it to the father slapping his daughter. The father slapped her for no reason. Just casual, unprovoked assault. The husband responded to it. You can argue about where he should have stopped but the reality is that it’s not remotely the same.

    Yeah legally it might fall outside of self defence. Would depend on the jury. But that man needed to be taught a lesson. And no one else was going to do it. What would you have had them do? Get him arrested? Give him a stern talking to?

    I know if someone did that to my partner, or anyone else I love, i would also see red. I couldn’t do that because I’m tiny but the reaction was pretty human. Since OP describes that her husband is not violent or abusive to her or in random situations, i don’t see this as such a horrible thing. I’m not saying you’re wrong necessarily, just that it’s not the only reasonable way of viewing this.

  183. Your husband did the right thing. It sounds like he effectively taught your father a lesson, a lesson he should have been taught a long time ago. Some people need to be brutalized before they will learn, it sounded like your dad was one of them.

  184. IMHO the reconciliation should be attempted by dialog between OP's father and her Husband's father. I'll explain why.

    This story is Culture Gap at its widest. I have lived and worked in Islamic countries – an outsider on the inside – and what I have is an informed but imperfect understanding.

    A bride in OP's native land leaves her family at marriage, and joins her groom's. My impression is that the disciplinary authority over the bride passes to the receiving family – except that a Father's authority within his own home would not be challenged. By disciplining OP while a guest in Husband's family home, Father crossed a line.

    My impression is that there is a standard of honor accorded to guests and elders that is higher in OP's native country than in the West. It doesn't change the fact that Father crossed a line, but it requires far greater delicacy than Husband thought it did – although I can well understand Husband's fury.

    Finally, an elder in OP's native land cannot be addressed as an equal by his child's generation. It was improper for Husband to confront OP's father. This was her FIL's business – although I can well understand why her FIL thought it was Husband's business.

  185. Your entire comment was using your experience to compare to hers. You then said “I didn’t want to be the 50 year old trying to keep up with the 21 year old”, implying that her current behavior is leading her to become a 50 year old who parties like a 21 year old.

    And honestly, it feels like your suggesting women should change their behavior and habits for their husband just because you did

  186. You put up a whole thread because you didn’t know if she was flirting and almost everyone told you no. So weird how you are arguing now.

  187. I think you’re fully justified in your feelings right now. Plus, and you may not realize it at this moment because THIS MOMENT IS SO BAD, but it was really bad before, too. You were just able to keep going daily without being in the pain you’re in now. I don’t think it clouds your judgment; I think it clarifies it, tbh. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.

  188. Exactly… you are there so it's not cheating but she wants him only.

    She seems desperate. Anyone you can set her up with? Foist her on? Preferably someone you don't particularly like?

  189. I’ve also given him a list before (has very simple stuff in these like books) but he’s never gotten anything from there… and seems quite clueless with what gift to give every time there’s an occasion 🙁 how did u effectively communicate (?) the list to ur husband?

  190. Good that you had an honest bf. Sexual incompatibility is a perfectly good reason to break up over.

  191. I mean, i know it's not the right thing in the situation but..

    I'd fuck her best friend soo good! And then send the video to her ?

  192. Oh man. That's rough. Have you tried talking to her? What's the average amount of times you have sex in what time span? Are you meeting her needs such as love languages, having intimate moments/time that doesn't involve sex? How are you treating her? Is she stressed from work?

    There are so many factors that can contribute to her low libido, but not allowing you or at least getting mad at you for masturbating, but not sexually pleasing you is a losing battle for you on both ends. There's an incompatibility. My fiance and I had this talk and although it was difficult, it was necessary and we've come to a happy medium that pleases both of us. I'm short, I'm undoing years of trauma for her that she now understand is rooted from previous relationships. My best advice: seek professional help.

  193. Will he not just do it in secret? I think you’ll look back on this relationship and wonder what on earth you were doing to put up with this nonsense.

    Is there literally no one else on the planet that could prioritise you and your very valid feelings instead? He’s allowing this obsessed ex-girlfriend/ex-FWB/ex-fling (I don’t believe the level of sex they haven’t had btw, especially how she’s acting) over you time and again. Please want better for yourself, take care.

  194. Don't socialize with him outside of the group. He asks why tell him since he can't take a hint and wants to repeatedly ask you out after having said no then he doesn't respect you. And you're not interested in friendships where you're not respected.

  195. yes exactly that I did get upset over her not taking accountability she’ll say she was at fault and apologizes but then when it was brought up again she tells me that it was just a vape and that I’m over reacting makes me feel like she isn’t actually sorry

  196. Sometimes, people unfortunately fall in love with their friends. Perhaps, he’ll seek out friendship with you again once he’s sorted out his feelings.

  197. Same impact to the listener, my friend. You're playing semantics in order to deflect attention from the real issues.

    Common abuser tactic, by the way.

  198. If this really happened your father sexually assaulted you.

    If this is completely out of character your dad needs an urgent brain scan because he’s either a sexual predator or he has brain damage or a tumour on his frontal lobe.

    He hurt you and your girlfriend should end things with you because you’re under-reacting. Your father shouldn’t be around any children – especially your own because he sexually assaulted you.

  199. Thank you, yes i idealize the idea of her. I think the rejection did a lot in making me desire her alot more, because i couldn't have her. So weird. I'll try focus on other things, my mind keeps replaying every scenario so it's hot to focus at times.

  200. Thank you, yes i idealize the idea of her. I think the rejection did a lot in making me desire her alot more, because i couldn't have her. So weird. I'll try focus on other things, my mind keeps replaying every scenario so it's hot to focus at times.

  201. You’re describing sexual predation. As in this is sexual abuse. This is going to end badly. Please tell someone and contact some abuse services in your area. Please take this seriously! Sending my love.

  202. I would suggest professional help at this point. Yelling isn't productive. You can talk at normal volumes and express your feelings without raising your voice to some one.

    If neither of you can remember these fights or sort out what you are even fighting about, I would say neither of you are really ready to be someone's partner.

  203. She's the one that wanted this move. That's acting like it's nothing. It's not as simple as ignoring it when I'm CONSTANTLY hearing it. I want to be a father and husband in peace. I don't need that bullshit when I'm trying to be there for my daughter. Or daring to have a nice night with my wife.

    I doubt it would be so easy if you constantly heard the shit people were saying if it was about you. Id never hurt a child.

  204. She's the one that wanted this move. That's acting like it's nothing. It's not as simple as ignoring it when I'm CONSTANTLY hearing it. I want to be a father and husband in peace. I don't need that bullshit when I'm trying to be there for my daughter. Or daring to have a nice night with my wife.

    I doubt it would be so easy if you constantly heard the shit people were saying if it was about you. Id never hurt a child.

  205. Scream at her then. At this point she needs to just get shit through her skull. He ain’t her boyfriend.

    He needs to block her. Call the cops if she shows up again

  206. I think the issue isn't that they don't believe she is her age, but that he is attracted to someone who looks that young and are extrapolating that he must be some kind of pedophile groomer type of person no matter how old his partber actually is.

  207. My coworkers started asking less once they realized how truthful I was. Hit my hand on my desk and I had a large black bruise five minutes later. Once they get to know him, they realize my partner isn't an angry guy, just has resting bitch face.

  208. Putting the blame on her is a ??you agreed to this and you married your wife, for better or worse.

  209. That’s ridiculous she chose a relationship with him when she didn’t have to- and your comment is what won’t help OP.

  210. She was in college and he was her first sexual relationship. This was just a general statement that she made when she was telling me things about her past relationship. I just didn't know if it was normal for her to tell me that he used to pay her rent

  211. I do get therapy already and I’m not pushing my beliefs on him. Plus, I think I’m owed an apology because he told me to shut up when I didn’t even say anything

  212. It took you 3 years to have this deal breaker discussion?

    Why could you keep putting up with it before but now you can’t?

  213. Listen to your friends, man. They are looking at this situation with clearer eyes than you. Dump this girl, and leave her dumped.

  214. OP, I'm serious, get out of this relationship. He's just consistently gaslighting you and making it out like you're in the wrong here. You are not. LEAVE HIM. You CAN find better and be happier.

    Your husband has SHOWN you that he IS putting EFFORT into cheating on you by going on dating apps and having affairs. THAT is all the proof that you need. Stop listening to pastors and other people that are trying to tell you that you're wrong. You have literal, real proof that your husband is a cheater and will put effort into cheating. You aren't imagining this. He is a cheater. Please, for your own well-being, leave him. He's trying to put blame onto you so that he can seem like the victim here. He is not a victim here. Again, leave him. He's a cheater and is gaslighting you.

  215. OP, you sound like a well-emotionally regulated person who knows how to be a boyfriend. You need to date another well-emotionally regulated person who also knows how to be a girlfriend.

    The relationship is a commitment, and your girlfriend isn't emotionally in shape for a mature and healthy relationship which isn't fair for you.

  216. I don’t know if she’s cheating, but I do think her behavior is inappropriate. Does she speak the language he speaks? How do they communicate? Also, ask her how she’d feel if you did this with another girl?

  217. I think maybe you don't realize how traumatic it is to be assaulted by someone you love and trust, because it shows you they are unworthy of that trust and cannot prioritize your safety.

  218. From my perspective… your relationship was rushed.

    Its like sitting down together at a restaurant together and inhaling your meals in the first 5 minutes… now you both are wondering where the waiter is at because your plates empty… unsatisfied.

    Now, you need to decide if you want the bill, or order another dish and savour it this time.

    Your relationship has nothing its working towards because you've hit all the milestones rapidly.

    Its not a secret that the honey money spark dwindles, however… as time goes on you add new layers of depth to the relationship that keeps it feeling alive. Really should be falling deeper in love, not out of it.

    One way to revitalize the spark… Reduce the time spent together, but boost the quality of it.

    Sitting at home everyday together… that shit is boring as hell. That is just existing together.

    Go back to dating each-other. Go out and have fun. And if you can't go out to have genuine fun anymore, then yeah… the relationship might be dead. But I cannot stress this enough… couples that survive, are ones who still go on dates.

    You both work from home… You need space and independence. If you share the same office, change that.

    You eat, sleep, drink, work, together… there is no space. You're dissolving into the same person. There is no differences anymore. That is a good way to dull the relationship.

    So, decide if you want to fix this… if you do. Shake things up. Time to be spontaneous again. Go out for drinks. Plan a fun date night. Just do something different than your routine.

  219. Well you showed your son who was more important didn’t you? And the fact that you stayed with him knowing how much it hurt your son. That’s not even mentioning the grooming aspect. Max was still essentially a kid but you should have known better. Shame on you.

  220. Gawd, the insecurity in this sub is rampant! The idea that you can reasonably “forbid” someone from doing anything is laughable! People are free to do what they want. Her wanting to maintain conract with anyone is not “disrespectful” but your thinking that you can set a “boundary” that she has to abide by certainly is. You cannot control people! You trust them or you don’t. Trust no one, and you’ll wind up alone. What are you afraid of? That she’ll leave you for the other guy? Nothing you do will prevent that! And “forbidding” contact will only accelerate that outcome. What are you guys going to do, put your women in burkas so no man ever sees her?

    Jeez, they should rename this sub r/insecurity_central.

  221. The dude is his barber. Not some super important relative you have to get their blessing from in order to get married.

    Let the guy have his space and you can have yours too when you get your hair done. It's healthy to do things independantly in a relationship. Not everything needs to be done as a tag team.

  222. Yeah… This sounds scary. I would have a serious talk with her about this, mentioning a medical evaluation.

  223. This is not about her toxic past OP.

    This is most definitely about her toxic present!

    Your love for her is leading you into a very bad place and is keeping you in this relationship, a relationship that is just so incredibly bad for you. If you took away your emotional feeling for her, what exactly is there here to keep?

    She is like everyone and yes, she has the capacity to heal and be great etc, etc, but why should she do at your expense?

    You are quite literally setting yourself on fire to keep her warm and what's worse, she is barely acknowledging the burning smell.

    So sorry OP, she is still incredibly toxic and it is slowly killing you.

  224. I understand how you feel but you don’t even live together. It’s his right to have a gun if he feels the need for it.

  225. I dunno… your post sort of comes across as if you both think he should automatically be included in things, and if he isn’t included then that means he’s being rejected? I wouldn’t say that’s true.

    Maybe he, and possibly you, expect too much from others. There’s more to friendships than saying “I like this thing, I expect you to let me partake in everything related to that thing”. That’s moving way too fast, especially with something as personal as a weekend away. There’s no way I’d expect people from work to invite me on a trip, unless I was really good friends with them already.

    My advice to your partner would be to start slow. Build bonds first. Start with just one person he can make friends with. Do casual things like hang out at a bar or cafe or whatever. Don’t make grand gestures like doing engineering works or expecting to go on mini vacations. Those things come with time and trust.

    I would advise him not to get disheartened and not to throw away potential friendships because of his feelings of rejection. Instead he should be patient and slow. Don’t force things.

    Finally, because of his senior position at work it’s best for him to focus on making friends outside of work, because in reality most people don’t want to hang around with their boss.

  226. Big dicks have little to do with women orgasming. Only 27% of women can orgasm through penetration alone, majority of women orgasm only through clitoral stimulation.

  227. Do you think she's bipolar ?

    That could explain why she's fine and nice one minute but then paranoid and down the next.

    I think technically bipolar makes you down not paranoid. But if she's really down she might get paranoid. I did when I was depressed. Paranoid no one wanted me around no matter what they said etc.

    She might just be crazy and batshjt.

    But she might be bipolar ?

  228. Do you think she's bipolar ?

    That could explain why she's fine and nice one minute but then paranoid and down the next.

    I think technically bipolar makes you down not paranoid. But if she's really down she might get paranoid. I did when I was depressed. Paranoid no one wanted me around no matter what they said etc.

    She might just be crazy and batshjt.

    But she might be bipolar ?

  229. Wrong sub, but NTA lol.

    This is something you never joke about. She said what she said and was completely serious until she saw her words had consequences. She can't un-ring that bell. You'll never trust her again.

    Take notes about this threat on something that records the date (i.e. notepad or a rod document) and break up with her. If you live in a 1-party consent jurisdiction, consider recording the breakup conversation and specifically mention the threat in the process to get her to implicate herself in the lie. This way you have evidence of it in case she follows through on the threat as retaliation for the breakup.

    I'm sorry you're going through this dude. Good luck.

  230. There’s enough warnings that she is either in love with him or intensely jealous of anyone that comes between her and him that would make me not interested in pursuing him any more.

    The fact that he dismisses ALL his exes as being “jealous” implies that he is blinkered to her manipulation and thinks it can’t possibly be her fault.

    The fact is, that it IS all her fault. She deliberately gave the WRONG advice to make things worse? Of course she did. She wants to spit you two up. Nothing less will do for her.

    You’re never going to convince him she’s toxic. He will always take her side and if you dare to criticise her, he will blame you for being jealous and spiteful.

    Honestly, you’re 30. You’re too old to be in this high school triangle. If you want a serious loving husband and father for your kids, HE IS NOT IT.

  231. I've had a free consultation (UK) my parents & his know what's going on & are all supportive. I have spoken to my parents & we can live with them until my son's free childcare kicks in. So I can save & then buy a house

  232. Just get tested,.drop his worthless ass, and move on hon.

    He is trash. Don't waste, time, energy, effort, or extend the opportunity for him to gaslight you.

    A man worth being with won't go looking elsewhere. He's garbage. Dump it and live healthier knowing you're not being mistreated.

  233. A teenager’s brain isn’t fully developed. Our brains fully mature mid to late 20’s. Her husband is 22, so it’s still not developed.

  234. Do not pay for the ring. It needs to be between the couple. Maybe give a generous wedding or even engagement gift to the couple but don't buy the ring.

  235. Nah, anyone starting bar fights because they assume they have blindly loyal backup is for the streets.

    We had a Kevin Hart sized friend in college that would always seem to mouth off and get into shit when there were 4-6 of us around to help… Until we let him catch a beating one night. Funny enough, he learned to just shut the fuck up after that.

  236. Not to mention you still have a mortgage (usually) and bills haha.

    A lot of this sounds like it can be summed up by critiquing this sentence:

    “Our plans, albeit idealistic, seemed solid.“

    So much of what OP wrote seems idealistic and not solid. People change, people don’t know what they want…it doesn’t make them a manipulator. Part of being in a mature relationship is having difficult convos and being realistic. Not planning your children’s en-suites and galavanting around the world, which are two massively incompatible things as noted by OP when he joked around about their theoretical children’s education.

    I dunno this is one of those posts I can’t wrap my head around because it feels written by someone I have nothing in common with and would personally judge as unrealistic and naive.

  237. To me, kids are either a full yes or a full no. If you're unsure, it should be a no. Check out the regretfulparents subreddit. So many people resent their kids and their spouses but feel trapped. I would much rather regret not having a kid than have one and regret it!

    You could have a kid that is disabled. You could have your wife die from birth complications. You could have an otherwise healthy kid turn out to be a sociopath who tortures you and your family for years. It's so risky all around and it does not just work out for the best like so many people assume!

  238. Yep. End the relationship so she can find someone who wants kids and you can find someone who doesn’t. Not fair to make her stay in a relationship where you know you won’t give her something she really wants.

  239. I think her reasons are all really valid. If you have such a problem with them not having the same last name as you, why don't you just change your last name to hers?

  240. She needs more therapy. And that’s coming from someone who is in a very similar situation to your girlfriend and has decided it’s finally time to go to therapy to get my self-image in order. It’s really difficult tbh, especially when you’re constantly bombarded with judgement, but as an adult you need to face the mistakes and regret of the past and find inside yourself to let it go and forgive yourself (not saying I’ve done this; hence the upcoming therapy).

  241. I spend most of my time working on the farm so that we aren’t speaking non-stop. But I’ll come in for coffee in the morning and suddenly it’s 2 hours later and I’m agitated and overwhelmed and we are STILL talking.

    For this, specifically? Set a timer. “I am giving myself 30 minutes for a break and then I have to get back to it.” And then when the timer goes, GO.

    I also second the Grey Rock Method that /u/no_more_hiding/ mentioned. See how many “hmmmm” and “huh” you can get away with. And if it's a criticism or suggestion you know is nonsense? “OK I'll think about that.” (And you will, for two seconds before you think about something else. If she casts it up to you later, you get to say, “you know, I thought about what you said, but then decided to do [thing that was right for you]”. Or say nothing at all.)

  242. Mine is full of makeup videos and.. I don’t follow it like any makeup. My feed is mostly hamsters and Guinea pigs and my friends. The discover page confuses the crap out of me

  243. this all sounds sus af, especially when combined together. He's downplaying your relationship bc he doesnt want ppl to ask questions? Wtf does that even mean?!

    I think you shouldnt ignore your gut. You know somethings off. Time to steal yourself against what that may be and decide how/when you want to find out.

  244. Info: in your culture is it normal for 22 year olds to be getting married? Are all your friends married?

  245. A person's sexual past has 0 impact on the dynamics of the relationship. The only reason why people care about how promiscuous their partner has been in the past is due to insecurities.

    If you are insecure, don't ask. Don't tell. If your relationship is perfect in your eyes and you both are happy, I can't imagine why you'd sabotage it by bringing up shit that is literally irrelevant in the present day.

  246. You can't make someone fall in love with you.

    Try to be better than you were before. If she's into you, she'll be into you. If not, it wasn't meant to be.

  247. I wish I made that money. That’s like almost 4x what I make and I am making a couple bucks more than most people with the same/similar jobs in my area.

  248. If you don't “see” mess you never will. What one person sees as messy another sees as comfy. I'd suggest with your higher household income, you get a once-a-week housekeeper.

  249. Why on earth would he assume youre cheating?

    Unless he has fidelity problems or you do in your past…

    you being pregnant with your 4th kid in the prime fertile years whilst having sex alot – vasectomy or no vasectomy – is not beyond super surprising.

    Your fear that he will accuse you of cheating is slightly worrisome. Are you okay? Is he normally an angry or unreasonable guy? Are you often scared of him?

    Im no medic – but i socially know lots of obstetricians and gynaecologists who all have “funny(?)” stories of vasectomies not working and surprise babies popping up.

    Your husband would have been told this when he had the procedure – hence his double-up pregnancy protection of condoms. (unless he is protecting you against something else with his condom use?)

    I think you're either a) overthinking this, and your husband who loves you and raises 4 kids and his whole life with you – will be horrified you thought this thought, and will want to help plan/explore what you guys want to do next.

    or b) i am slightly scared for you and your relationship dynamic if you being pregnant by your husband fills you with such dread.

    There are DNA test you can take whilst pregnant if this is an irrational fear you want to over-prove for your own anxiety. But likely this wont be an issue op. A good husband will jkust want to support you and help plan what you guys want to do with your final surprise pregnancy.

    good luck:)

  250. I had my Vasectomy nine years ago. If it suddenly didn’t work, I would literally be shocked, but I wouldn’t accuse my partner of lying. As a white guy, if the baby came out, black or Asian… I might have a few follow up questions.?

  251. boyfriend (24M) ignored my boundary/saying no

    what to do

    Bye bye boyfriend.

    isn’t the first time that something like this has happened

    And that goes at least double.

    he’s really my only friend

    He's not your friend – friends also respect boundaries.

  252. You’re going to have to get comfortable with saying no, because this is hurting yourself and her.

    I suggest sitting down together at a time where you aren’t about to have sex and telling her “I really enjoy our time together, but I’m finding that I’m forcing myself to say yes when I’m not feeling comfortable. This isn’t your fault and I don’t blame you for it, but could we discuss ways to make me feel more comfortable and enthusiastic about sex?”

    Hear out her feelings on the topic. I also suggest discussing if there are any particular acts that you aren’t comfortable with.

    I suggest as a way forward that you set “practice rounds” where you set up a time for her to initiate and for you to refuse. As in, you sit down together and say “alright, tonight, I’m going to refuse your advances to practice saying no” and then do it. It’ll help you get over the initial awkwardness without having to deal with her feelings of rejection.

    Eventually, start saying no when you feel uncomfortable. You’ll like find that you sex life when you are eager to consent will get better.

    If she refuses to hear you out or guilts you about wanting to set boundaries and say no, this isn’t a healthy relationship.

    I wish you all the best!

  253. I didn’t bleed either, it didn’t hurt as much as it was uncomfortable really. No one believed me either when I said I didn’t bleed or cry from pain. My hymen broke when I was 7 cause I was always riding bikes.

  254. I really wish you left right after you learned he was an alcoholic. Why are woment taught love can fix anything and anyone?

    Leave this man asap. You don't deserve this, you're too kind for him. He's too selfish to be in a relationship.

  255. There are many sources/ repeated use going back, as far as I can tell, to the early 12 century in writings from the Germanic tribes. It's also in the Bible, Leviticus 12:1-8

  256. Friendly tip,if people don't like you despite you saying you're nice, you're probably not that nice,and a nice person would never do that to someone they consider a friend

  257. It's perfectly fine to have preferences as to what you're attracted to. Not being sexually attracted to obese people with bad skin doesn't make you a bad person, nor does being attracted to people who are in shape.

    But trying to manipulate him into bed with you does. Either just ask him out openly and prepare to be rejected in turn if he isn't into you any more, or just give up the idea altogether.

    Pretending to be friends while booking a getaway with one bed to set up a sleeping together situation is creepy.

  258. Just put some pictures of you two together in her letterbox. Choose the pictures well so it’s clear it wasn’t a one-time mistake on his part.

    Make sure they’re pictures that can be seen by anyone on your social media.

    Alternatively, get a friend to give them to his wife’s neighbour. That way, there will be a face associated with this that won’t be yours.

  259. Please for the LOVE OF GOD DO NOT TELL HER. If you value your life, sanity, dignity… you wont do it. Its not safe for you or for her if you tell her. It could go a few ways, A: She doesnt believe you, and he is left to be able to retaliate against you. B: She does believe you and leaves and he now has it out for you AND possibly his wife for leaving with their child. C: she does believe you, but is too beaten and broken to do anything, and now he is out for you for interfering.

    In all of those situations you lose help from the police because his “buddies” will back him 110% and cross lines you never would have thought possible.

    In none of these situations would it be safe for you.

    Your best bet would be to THINK RATIONALLY and avoid avoid avoid. And potentially move if youre able to.

  260. Agreed. Also seem to be horrified by someone crying in public. It’s really not that unusual. I’d probably cry in public if I found out my ex was getting married even though I’m no longer in love with him. OP seems invalidating af

  261. Yeah sure but not everyone wants to marry someone who cries over everything and is emotionally immature and can’t process feelings without bursting into tears like a baby.

  262. “We” didn’t break shit. YOU made a string of poor choices and some of them more than once. You’ve hurt her deeply many times.

    If you really care about her, disappear and leave her alone. Work on yourself and try to be a better human before you consider dating anyone else. But leave this poor woman alone. Forever. Let her grieve the loss of the future she thought she had with you and let her move on and be happy with someone who treats her well.

  263. Thank you. I do want more open communication, I don’t want to be left guessing or be told after its too late that I messed up. I’m not perfect and am sometimes oblivious, but it’s something I’m working on. To be told I’m denied the little bridge in communication of “hey, I’m feeling anxious can you talk about something?” is difficult to hear. Because it would, in my mind, kick start the cold engine that is my brain. I’m not a magic robot for sure, but I want to do better.

  264. it said he already tried therapy. But as one of my therapist said, you can't get help if you don't wan it.

    The kid clearly needs it, but I don't think therapist can do miracles if the patiente doesn't coperate at least a tiny bit.

  265. But how do I stop it from happening in the first place? The chances are given after the initial cheating

  266. Why exactly does he want her to attend this sleepover? Is he just looking for an excuse to argue and be mean? He is creating an argument out of thin air because he wants to.

    The sleepover is not more important than visiting her grandparents in another state. It doesn't matter how often she sees them, they live far away and you already had the trip scheduled. The obvious decision is that she cannot go to the sleepover since (a) you'll be far away and if something happens, you cannot come back immediately, (b) there was already a family trip planned.

    Once my sister was at a friend's house and they were running, she fell and opened her skin right below her eye; my dad had to run to get her and take her to a hospital with a well known plastics department with on-call doctors, otherwise she would have been left with a scar on her face. It was not life or death, but she could have a scar if some random ER person had done the stitches. My dad is a doctor so he knows about this stuff.

  267. How long have you guys been dating? Like how many dates have you been on? I wouldn’t be comfortable bringing anyone into my house until 3rd date or so at least. Maybe he has roommates that are very messy and he doesn’t want you to see that. Or could be that he is still living at his parents, and doesn’t want you to know

  268. on a gap year from it which I have chosen not to work

    And you think your husband is going to find that in any way attractive?

  269. I listened to it earlier this afternoon driving home from the park with my three kids- i have two three year olds (twin boys) and a two year old (daughter.) My daughter started head banging for the first time ever. ?

  270. Sounds like your roommates rather than husband and wife if he never wants to spend any time with you.

  271. Seriously! What is your obsession with this?! We were sure because it’s almost ALWAYS the case. ??

    I think it’s fucking telling that you are more concerned with sticking it to everyone about being wrong about the age gap rather than being concerned about a terrible dad throwing his kid out like a damn dog who peed on the carpet. What is wrong with you?

    Do better.

  272. 2 moths isn’t long enough to be believing in marriage promises and swearing it was love. I’m guessing you’re probably just grieving the wound from the divorce that this thing tore back open. As for the white thing; I wouldn’t put too much weight on it. Being a person of colour in a white place is complicated. I wouldn’t take it personally and let her deal with her conflicting feelings. As for her quitting. That’s why you don’t date at work!!! Now just follow her lead and move on quickly. It was to months, you need to walk this one off for sure.

  273. He actually aggressively raped you. You need to file a report against him let alone ghost him right out if your life permanently. What a POS.

  274. Answer: you DONT forgive him. you DO report it to the police. OP, even if you don’t feel “raped”, he will absolutely do this again to another women who will likely feel differently. Stop him now.

  275. My mom remarried 3 years after I got married. Legally and genetically, I could marry one of my step brothers. Anyone who is judging you isn’t worth listening to.

  276. She’s already cheating on you. They don’t have to get physical to be called and affair and it’s clear to me that they’re in an emotional affair at least. Time to walk away.

  277. I would tell him to come alone or watch it live. It is already stressful for you with the two parents attending – him bringing his girlfriend would be too much. Tell him you don’t need all that stress because you have to perform

  278. yeah thats ick and gross and feels dehumanising to me.

    i definitely wouldn't be with a partner who did this. super ick:/

    nb: but ick to the point that i wouldn't even try “changing” or explaining to him.

    that's a hot no line to quite alot of people i think. you don't have to be with someone who does this, most guys wont.

  279. Asking someone to immediately respond to texts while they’re studying for an extremely important exam otherwise they get the sadsies is really overbearing and clingy AF.

    He needs to get a grip. And if he can’t, then you gotta let him go.

  280. Hmmmm what else do you call it when you intentionally lead someone along for a period of time knowing full well that if you tell them the truth that it will end the relationship?

  281. It was great! We were fucking for a few months and decided to part ways because she wanted to find something more serious. Turns out she was coming out of a LTR and just wanted something casual for a bit. Thanks for asking!

  282. Im in my 40s and happily married, and I still have friends that do this. Mostly in group chats with guys I sometimes play golf or go fishing with. It's a bit cringey (did I use it right? Oh god, am I being cringey right now by asking?)

    Anyways it's just guys being immature. Most of us still act like teenagers when we can get away with it. Usually, if it bothers someone that we care about its not a problem to cut it out.

  283. You just say you can’t get past it and that it’s over. Block out his voice and don’t let him speak over you. It might help to think and speak to him like he is a stranger who has pissed you off.

  284. Dude, he was r@ped. He didn’t cheat and then the R@pist tried to baby trap him. He was blackout drunk and she was sober because she doesn’t drink according to op. And men have be so brainwashed by society into thinking they can’t be r@ped that they believe they cheated when they wher SA’ed. I’ve seen it so many times and it’s just swept away because he’s a guy.

  285. Honestly, not even withstanding the cheating aspect, your relationship sounds toxic and exhausting. You've only been married 4 years, you've had several talks about separation in that short time, then you actually did separate. Then you read her diary, which is a huge invasion of privacy. People here will try to retroactively justify it because you found something, but the reality is you didn't know you would when you snooped. Now on top of that you don't trust her. This relationship is dead. Why bother keeping it on life support?

  286. Divorce your cheating wife. Go to a lawyer and start the divorce process. Get a DNA test on the kids. She doesn’t love you. Look up sunk cost fallacy and understand how it applies to you.

  287. I have two boyfriends who will spend as much time making me cum before sex as needed. 30-45 minutes sometimes.

    And get this… sometimes I cum and then I don’t want to have sex…. and nobody bats an eye.

  288. He thinks he's in a relationship with you. He will carry on being annoying in this way until you have a very frank conversation with him. You need to let him know that his behaviour is not ok.

  289. Some men are very shy and introverted and scared to ask. This doesn't have to mean he doesn't like you.

    If he doesn't ask you, the only way is getting active and doing so yourself. If he doesn't want to, he will tell you.

  290. Yeah no. I’m Australian. The c-bomb might not be such a shocking word to casually hear but it is zero ok for my partner to call me that. Not as an insult and not as a “mates” nickname. It’s just not appropriate.

  291. So. I know many things on reddit are made up, and there's an equal chance that this post, too, is fake. But what gives it away in your opinion?

  292. This guy is not a veterinarian. He may work at a vet’s office but he is not one. Dude is a liar, let him go.

  293. I’m a marathon runner. What you’re going through sucks. Not having a spouse be supportive of a healthy life style and something that your passionate about isn’t fun. What distances are you running 5k, half marathons etc? Is there anything you can do to support his hobbies?

    I’m also wondering if you have lost weight and are to him, not the same person who he married.

  294. Eh, to each their own on this one. I've had friends and my girlfriend cheer at races but it was never make or break. Running NYC is not as much of an imposition for spectators because there's so much to do before and after the race, and the tracking app is decent enough that you shouldn't miss a runner when they go by. Whereas a smaller marathon is just a really long run with not very much to do. I'd hate for my girlfriend to sit around forever waiting for me to run by and then have nothing to do after.

  295. So you have decided to actively destroy your relationship? That is how most open relationship convos end up. I guess if you were to break up otherwise, it is worth giving a shot, but you should be ready for likely consequences.

  296. He doesn't have to be interested in “your” interests. If you're expecting him to come to all of your races this may be the problem. He should not feel obligated to partake in your interests they are yours and not his, he doesn't have to like what you like. It sounds like he doesn't care about you doing them but that he may dread it because you expect him to attend. I had a partner who loved to throw concerts at clubs/bars and coffee shops. It didn't bother me that he liked to do those things but I do not like to hang out in bars or clubs. It became a problem because he wanted to me to become absorbed in his hobbies. He wanted me to help him make flyers and attend every show. I did not want to go, I did not want to make flyers I had my own interests I wanted to spend my time on and it was unfair that he would guilt trip me and demand that I be involved in something I had no interest in being apart of. I was miserable. We broke up and that wasn't the main reason for why I left him but it was a part of it

  297. Your brother is a racist POS.

    If you break up with you BF then racism wins.

    Your brother can cry like the little bitch he is.

  298. Yes, but it may be awkward since it is in the basement…….

    Just kidding we have more than enough room for her. It is almost set up for her. I even gave her resources if she wanted to start sending me things or if she needed to get out sooner. The only problem is legal with her age.

  299. It’s ok if our partners aren’t interested in all of our passions. I find baseball boring, but my husband loves it. I go to a game here and there, but mainly he goes solo (and trades his two tickets for one upgraded seat). I love making art and doing craft shows, but he would be bored to tears hanging out in a booth with me for several hours at a time. Then there are things we both enjoy, like hockey, or shows we like to binge together. It all works out in the end.

    My best advice is to A) enjoy your own company, B) not try to force interest he simply doesn’t share, and C) work together with him to find things you can do that you both love.

    I have a partner who ran for years, and loved competing in races. I probably sounded a lot like your spouse – early mornings, standing around waiting to see him finish, experiencing my lack of enthusiasm in the face of his runner’s high – and it was boring as hell to me. I can tell you that, for me, I did get frustrated when he put soooo many hours into running but was too tired to save any of that time or energy for me and the kids. Making family plans had to revolve around running and races often, and sometimes it felt a lot like running was more important than us. NOT his intention, by the way, but it was sometimes my perception.

    Communicate with your husband. Find out the root reasons he doesn’t share your joy. Maybe he (like me) has physical limitations that prevent his from participating, and that makes him feel sad, frustrated, or even a little resentful because his body holds him back. Maybe he feels you get really excited about running, but don’t have that level of energy about him. Maybe you have races or running schedules that tend to interfere with weekend plans with him. Maybe he feels he’s pulling more weight around the house because your energy is spent more on running. Or maybe he simply doesn’t get the attraction for your passion for running. You won’t know until you invest time and energy into communicating with him.

  300. I am sure you have learned that there is nothing you can do to make someone feel less insecure. Insecurity like you describe has nothing to do with you or your actions and everything to do with how he feels about himself. That is why if you did absolutely everything he told you to do and always reacted exactly like he wanted you to, it would not be enough. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It had nothing to do with his girlfriend before you or the girlfriend he has after you. It is all about how he feels about himself.

    Since it sounds like he is willing to go to therapy and try and heal, then maybe you guys have a chance. But not if you give in to his demands. You need to set parameters or ground rules. Things you do that you both realize are innocent, like side hugging a friend, but he still has a problem with? The answer isn’t that you stop doing it. It is that he figures out a way he can get over it. And you stop looking for ways to point out the discrepancies in behavior. If you ask where he met a friend and he says “Hooters” don’t point out to him he would have a problem if the tables were turned. That just draws attention to the issue., if you do something comparable and he gets upset – tell him you did nothing wrong and if he needs to leave and go get himself calmed down you will see him when he is over it and there will be no further discussion about it. Assuming you aren’t doing anything he is right to be upset about, give him the space he needs to adjust his thinking but don’t go along with him being irrational.

  301. He’s also not modeling a healthy parent/child relationship if he is also refusing to talk to his son.

  302. Dump friend and boyfriend. He’s too old to have such poor emotional regulation and you can’t be with his potential, only who he is right now. An adult who lashes out when distressed.

    Get a partner who can deal with internal stress without humiliating you both.

  303. You have a long ass talk and go get help. I had something similar but not verbal abuse. I jaded walking on eggshells, to the Point I wanted to leave. We talked, went to get some couples help and it made a would of difference. We are still together and it helped in other ways also.

  304. Your husband is 42 years old?! I would not be with a man that gave me the silent treatment as a “punishment” wtf is that?!? He needs to grow up and you need to remove you and your son from that toxic environment

  305. Jfc, it was joke. Lighten up hun, take things with a grain of salt of you will, I highly doubt your vagene looke like two fucked up flapjacks,…. I swtg people of every aspect are getting way fucking softer.

  306. Your free time. Not working. How many hours per week playing fifa? How many hours a week spent with her? Btw spent with her means doing things that aren’t watching tv or sleeping.

    Her equating the two could be either insane or reasonable (albeit still extreme) depending on your behavior.

  307. Sounds like he's getting pressure from somewhere to produce an heir. You've been married 3 years and no kids yet, my guess is his parents are up his ass about it. He's horny is also probably playing a big part. You are readily accessible due to the unfortunate forced marriage.

    Get on birth control immediately.

    Go slow with dating him. What you don't want is to get pregnant thinking you are both falling for each other only to find out his only interest was planting a baby in you to shut his family up and then he completely ignores you and the child, just playing superdad when the family come around for appearances.

    Question whether or not what you are feeling is legitimate or is it more like a Stockholm Syndrome situation. You don't have to go back to hating him, but be cautious about what you are really feeling and whether he feels the same way or is love-bombing as a means to an end. Be very aware of if he diverts the conversations away from the topic, talks in circles, uses a lot of word salad. If you can't get straight answers to straight questions. Don't trust him.

  308. Sounds like he's getting pressure from somewhere to produce an heir. You've been married 3 years and no kids yet, my guess is his parents are up his ass about it. He's horny is also probably playing a big part. You are readily accessible due to the unfortunate forced marriage.

    Get on birth control immediately.

    Go slow with dating him. What you don't want is to get pregnant thinking you are both falling for each other only to find out his only interest was planting a baby in you to shut his family up and then he completely ignores you and the child, just playing superdad when the family come around for appearances.

    Question whether or not what you are feeling is legitimate or is it more like a Stockholm Syndrome situation. You don't have to go back to hating him, but be cautious about what you are really feeling and whether he feels the same way or is love-bombing as a means to an end. Be very aware of if he diverts the conversations away from the topic, talks in circles, uses a lot of word salad. If you can't get straight answers to straight questions. Don't trust him.

  309. I don’t even know. He’s not acting crazy outside of what he did at his office but does still insist he did nothing wrong and can’t understand why the other job “took back” their offer (that they never made in the first place)

  310. He's doing it to tie you up and keep tabs on you. If you're on FaceTime with him, you can't be going places and doing things without him.

    Just be straight with him. “Hey, I'm not interested in being on FaceTime while you play with your friends as I have other things I can be doing so I'm going to hang up now. Talk to you later!” I bet you any money he will get angry. I'm 99.99% sure it's a control thing.

    Also, just because a guy likes to FaceTime, text, chat or call a lot, doesn't mean you have to even if you don't mind. It's good to set the boundary at the very start that you have your own life and aren't going to be available to him every second of every day. Even if you aren't doing anything but reading a book or watching Netflix, time alone is essential for growth and self-discovery.

  311. A former colleague of mine was informed of a management change impacting who he'd be reporting to. He proceeded to go on a rant saying how much of a f'ing idiot the new manager is, how incompetent the whole team is, listed off every person with all their alleged flaws, etc.

    Needless to say, he was fired very quickly after that. Most teams have no interest in managing attitudes like that.

  312. Guaranteed, someone definitely got a video or some other to the new company. He must’ve been bragging too. So the ex-job knew who to send the evidence to.

  313. Read the book Cheating in a Nutshell. It describes what you are going through and is the best book on the subject. You can get a thorough understanding of biological effects of cheating you are experiencing and risk management for decisions you are facing.

    I would recommend you to cut your losses and cut your tormentor out of your life. You need to heal but it’s hot to do when you are constantly triggered by her presence.

  314. He's not going to miss his mortgage. What makes you think that? Op even noted they have savings and family they can talk to.

    His credit rating isn't trashed and he's looking for a job at the best time in modern history.

    Look at it from that lens, this is literally the best time to be looking. he's going to be working soon so he can keep paying his fair share.

    Op really made him sound like a loser in the post so maybe that is where your opinion of him is coming from?

  315. If it’s a tight enough industry and he mentioned where his new job is in the rant they absolutely would’ve told the new job

  316. It's okay if she doesn't like me but what hurts me is she values her male friend more than that she can't even lift my phone.

  317. I know right? My boyfriend and I have been looking at rings. Good thing I saw this or I was gonna make him my husband!

    He plays Lost Ark and Rocket League on like… a daily basis.

  318. I mean… she could also say that wearing socks is the same as cheating. Or using salt, or using a comb. The thing is, words mean things – no amount of crazy bull from her will change the fact that those things are not like cheating xD

    What would you do if she told you wearing socks is like cheating? Would you ever discuss this further? I would not. I would consider her quite insane, and reasons are only for reasonable people. I dunno what you can do here, other than just disengage from the crazy.

  319. I am just curious here. A lot of people says she needs to divorce him and run away.

    Divorce is expensive, how would it make her situation better? She has a low income salary, struggle to keep herself a float. He has nothing, i guess no savings the way she made me think about it.

    He made a stupid mistake, maybe his old job had him stressed and he hated his boss. He made a very poor call, he burned his bridges and now he got burned while doing it. No one here disagrees on that.

    I just feel that he might need some support, hopefully someone can get through to him and help him understand that he made a stupid mistake.

    He has to own up to this mistake and learn from it. Maybe he has some serious mental issues.

    To immediately just divorce him for being this stupid, not the best move.

    If he does not want to work on himself and try to improve his mental capacity and he does not realise he made a stupid mistake, sure, cut him lose before he sinks your ship too.

  320. He honestly doesn’t sound worth your time. This is more than just about your birthday. He treats you like crap. You deserve better dump him and move on

  321. Dump him coz he sounds, at the very least, rude as hell.

    However, I do wonder what “dressing better” means to you? In a more fashionable way, finding out your style or what exactly and how does it relate to your dysmorphia? You might want to explore that on your own and it would be better to have someone a lot more caring accompany you in that journey.

  322. “Rhythm method” is a flipping poor way of BC. You’re correct. I assume she just really wants to get pregnant.

  323. Look, him and people around him have been calling me delusional for this decision.

    I also think a relationship of 6 years shouldn't end from things that can be solved. Of course cheating is the break point but sometimes I believe maybe they're really really just friends? Or is he just testing the grounds? I'm confused

  324. This guy is a selfish jerk.

    Was nasty to you, but your life and others at risk by driving drunk and abandoned you to find your own way home…block his number and move on to a decent person.

  325. I am so sorry for your loss. You lost someone you loved, too, and that's painful and hot on its own, but the added layer of supporting your parent makes it even harder. First and foremost, it's a kindness you're showing to your dad both at work and at home. Grief is overwhelming, and him not having to worry about the business right now is a gift that I'm sure he is incredibly grateful for. It's been one week, that's a drop in the bucket. If it continued at this level for several months your dad might need to talk with a professional, but one week is nothing. You're a good daughter and it sounds like you love your family who loves you back. Your girlfriend is being the asshole here. Partnerships are never 50/50. They ebb and flow. Sometimes 70/30 for one, then 80/20 for the other and back and forth. Right now, you need 80, and she's upset at only getting 20 for one week. You have doubled your work responsibilities and your family support and still managed to come home to her nightly and even thanked her and acknowledged this is hard on her. It's not unreasonable to expect her to be supportive right now while you navigate this challenge. And even if her family is not the same as yours, she should at least have empathy for you and yours, especially if otherwise she has always liked them. Maybe seeing your dad will bring up painful things for her and that's something she should be honest about, but picking a fight because you've been busy for a week after you lost your grandmother is really shitty. These things happen, and you should be able to count on one another for support. If the tables were turned, would you have picked a fight with her? Probably not. I would be reexamining my relationship over this. It's pretty significant.

  326. I agree he shouldn't have to “ask” for your permission. But he should at least be willing to notify and discuss it with you.

  327. It sounds like this relationship hasn’t been healthy for you two. I think you need to take some time dot yourself

  328. You are looking for an excuse to save something, that she herself doesn’t want.

    She’s not fighting to get you back. She wants a life that isn’t with you.

    It’s self respect time. You misjudged a lot of things you thought about your life and relationship. Therapy would be wise.

    Her lack of ambition to file a divorce is meaningless. Not a sign of hope.

    It’s time for you to file and end it.

  329. If he is self harming you need to tell his parents and if necessary (like he’s texting or calling you mid-harm), call 911. This is far beyond any normal person’s pay grade.

    It happens a LOT (people saying they can’t break up with a partner bc that partner threatens suicide or self harm) – you can’t break up with him and have it be a calm and accepted experience because he is holding you emotionally hostage with these threats. You know this is how it’s gonna go, you have to do it anyway, so prepare for it and prepare his support system, and then get it done.

  330. Thank you! This is truly inspiring. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately and people are noticing changes in me. Hopefully this helps my future relationships.

  331. I’d say there needs to be a compromise. it sounds like she’s having some kind of burn out or mental health break, but it doesn’t mean she can just up and abandon her family. she needs an exact date of when she’ll return and she can’t just randomly decide she wants to stay longer.

  332. Very wrong take. OP isn’t putting anyone at risk, only the creep is. She isn’t responsible for his actions and should be able to consider what is best for her. It’s not okay to put the actions of creeps on the people they victimize, as much as we can applaud the survivors who do have the support and ability to step forward to try and hold the creeps accountable.

  333. Nope. If he wants to save together, then the money needs to go into a joint account and not just an account he has access to.

  334. Don’t do it. You could open a joint savings instead or just keep your half of the savings in your name, but under no circumstances should you just hand the money over to him unless you’re BOTH switching to a joint finance system where you have equal access to ALL the money. The second that money goes into his savings, it becomes his money and if something goes wrong between you, you will have no recourse to get any of it back. It’s a huge financial risk to take considering you’re not married, so in the eyes of the law all of your property is separate unless specifically jointly listed (like a joint bank account).

  335. Those are the actions of a pimp. Contribute what you want to the house, but honestly, if he's going down the Tate road to assholism, an intervention may be required.

  336. You have some reading comprehension issues my friend. It was clear that the immense risk and no benefit statement applies to MEN not women.

    Prenups are regularly invalidated in court. Again, there is absolutely no doubt that women have every single advantage in marriage and use it to financially ruin men. Even the ones that don't deserve it.

  337. myself as a poly person, i hate interacting with others on reddit who are for the sole reason that they think everyone should do it; i understand that monogamy is very important to people, you should never have to put yourself in those situations because its unhealthy and can cause so much destruction

    i hope you heal and know that youre doing good for yourself, i can see how strong you are and i really am rooting for your happiness in your life!

  338. Does she have issues with privacy and control ? I also unreasonably hide everything I do because I grew up with an abusive parent who gave me no privacy for anything and I’d get punished for writing something privately or not being willing to show that (even if there’s nothing shameful about that content)

  339. Sudden reason? It’s an issue that OP has bc he did not think his wife would NOT accept his request.

  340. For clarification, I do trust my GF as she is irl. What my brain doesn’t seem to trust is the version of my gf that my anxiety makes up in my head. Whenever I have this anxiety, my brain imagines my gf saying, doing, and acting in ways that she doesn’t/never would, and that’s the version of her I seem to not trust/get upset over. I hate these feelings because I understand that it’s my fault, i just don’t understand what to do to stop

  341. You weren’t together and you weren’t exclusive. She didn’t do anything wrong. Neither did your friend. The only possible wrong here is neither of them telling you about it until now. And that’s more so on the friend than the girlfriend.

  342. Sage advice. Focus on yourself right now. Get that awesome grade on your exam. Celebrate with your girlfriends.

    Dump the loser later.

  343. “I don't want to come out of this perceived as the young naive girl getting taken advantage of by the older guy.”

    sorry too late

  344. does this relationship make you happy? are you happy with her? i don’t have any real advice- just ask yourself if this is what you want to deal with the rest of your life.

  345. You don’t bring it up lmao. It’s an absurd “renegotiation” of core values.

    Whether folks want to admit it or not asking to be poly is akin to asking for a divorce.

  346. I don’t know what you want to hear by posting in this sub. You’re obviously going to get told that the relationship isnt real, he doesnt respect you etc etc. they make up their own minds about the relationship without even knowing you or him. Of course everyone here WONT take you seriously either because your

  347. People who reject you for being who you are, looks and everything, have no place in your life or in your head. Good luck with therapy !

  348. So talk to him about it. 1-2 years is a very short period of time and if you're expecting a proposal around then, he needs to be made aware.

  349. Your ex is right for protecting her children. You have to understand that your own child saw an adult drink alcohol which can be a door opening for your own child to drink in her future and also get addicted on it. Because you normalised that behaviour in her life…. because having a glass is not a big deal right? Don't normalise drinking in front of your kids. You don't have them all the time so you can do that little action to protect them from future habits that you know how easy it is to loose control of! When they get older you can discuss things but until then you don't know what effect small habits like that have on their perception.

  350. I think breaking up isn't enough, you should start a condiment war. Take a cup of ketchup with your breakfast to assert dominance, spread mustard over his favourite t-shirt, invest all disposable income to fill your basement with ketchup bottles. There can be only one victor in a condiment war and it is time to make sure it will be you.

    In all seriousness though, maybe there's some stressors on the relationship. When I notice myself or others getting hung up on small things it's usually just a sign that something isn't going well, maybe there's unspoken issues or someone is overworked and not themselves. It's helpful to sit down, apologize for getting annoyed over something to small and find out if either of you has something weighing on them. For me it's often that I am exhausted or overwhelmed and acknowledging that and moving to fix it, even if it just means I spend an evening on my own to recover a bit. 🙂

  351. Op I honestly think there is room to compromise easily. You may need some professional help to discuss it and narrow the gap the obvious answer to me would be for her to let you have a go in the mornings when you are more energetic and aroused. Also for her to let you pleasure her without expecting in return. I can appreciate she may see it as a chore for you and maybe something that you may grow to resent. What is very evident is how much you care about your wife and how much you want to make her happy. I don’t know if you have considered some light BDSM where you tie her up and pleasure her. If she sees you take a dominate position like that she may have less concern that it is a chore for you. Then perhaps once in a while she spends the days pleasuring you it doesn’t have to be equal return but may be once 4 – 6 weeks she treats you that would ease her guilt and something you can look forward to. There is loads of middle ground with this and completely solvable especially considering how much both of you want to make each other happy.

    Best of luck Op

  352. Ohhhhh the coworker’s husband knew what he was doing. And him leaving is kinda of the proof of that. This is a giant “fuck you” to his (soon to be ex) wife.

    Girl, that man gave you great sex and showed you your husband’s hypocrisy. I would offer him a drink. But I’m a petty bitch.

  353. Team meetings often include references to sex, detailed description of dates which often go into nsfw details and a lot of objectification of men, including men at the workplace and our clients. There are also references and a lot of talk about penises at which everyone giggles like we're in middle or high school.

    This has hostile work environment written all over it. It’s unprofessional and can be considered sexual harassment. Does this company have an HR department ? And does this department ignore or participate in these inappropriate discussions ? Does your manager participate in these discussions ?

    Objectifying people that work at that company is inexcusable. It’s sexual harassment, and it’s inappropriate in a work environment. As a woman in tech, who has witnessed what you are experiencing but against women, I’m angry on your behalf. No person – regardless of gender or gender presentation – should experience this.

    a small company with about 25 employees. 80% of the team are women, which includes 100% of the managerial team and CEO.

    Something tells me that these inappropriate discussions are the reason for this.

    If I were you, I’d be looking for another job, even though the current economic environment makes job hunting difficult. You can bring your concerns to your manager, skip-level manager and HR department (if there is one), but if this is as ingrained in the culture as it seems, something tells me you won’t be safe there.

  354. There are instances where people's attraction and love for their partner doesn't change after they come out, and instead they reconsider their sexuality or just go with “straight with an exception”. Sexuality can be fluid like that, even if it's not the most likely response. It's easy to understand why someone might hope for an outcome where their relationship won't be affected too much, even if that hope might be a bit naive.

    I agree with you though, there's nothing transphobic about breaking up with a trans partner who figured out their identity after the relationship started. If OP isn't attracted to women, it's understandable she wouldn't be okay with dating one.

    OP, talk about this with her. Break-ups suck, especially when it's people growing apart through change, but I'm sure she will understand and respect your decision. Be gentle but firm and explain your reasons. Don't make promises about a friendship if you don't think you can emotionally handle keeping your ex in your life.

    A clean break is the kindest option for both of you.

  355. OP isn't selfish for not wanting to terminate a pregnancy she feels happy about. It's 100% her decision and “her body, her choice” goes both ways. You wouldn't shame a woman for choosing to abort an unwanted pregnancy, so shaming somebody for deciding to keep hers is really not okay and you know that. What are you hoping to accomplish here?

    Pregnant people get to decide what's best for them in regards to becoming a parent and yeah, it's a sucky situation if two people aren't in agreement over having a child but that's why responsible sex practices should be taken more seriously by men who choose to have sex with afab women. Nobody should be pressuring anyone to have an abortion against their will. That's sick. Men who decide to have sex with young women without considering the possible consequences have nobody but themselves to blame if they end up becoming a parent outside of their ideal scenario.

  356. Most men want sex. Most men don't want to be bad guys and break a vow to someone they care about. So the average guy doesn't want to cheat, but may want what the cheating offers : sex.

    Reports of male marital infidelity vary wildly – from 20-50%, depending on your source.

    Take that information and do with it what you like.

  357. Probably because now he's gonna start the transition with hormones and all and OP likes men not trans people. Pretty simple to understand

  358. OP has every right to end the relationship and if her fiance didn't see this as a highly possible, if not likely outcome, honestly she didn't think it through or there's a screw loose.

  359. Idk your girlfriend like.. AT ALL obviously.

    But me.. if I told someone about my trauma and they cried about it, I would probably check out of the relationship.

    Not because man cry equals bad. But because people being sympathetic/ empathetic over my experiences makes me uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY when it's still ongoing.

    Like ohh.. your sorry/ sad this is happening well good for you. I dont have time to be sad about it but it's great you get to have emotions because your not the one dealing with it I guess.

    Some people brought up maybe it's because she thought she had to comfort you instead.. that's also a possibility.

    None of this means you did anything wrong though

  360. Oh fuck.. I'm sorry man.

    In that case id suggest to just cut her off, move and maybe get a restraining order if that's possible? That way she still has to stay away from you.

  361. Either he was cheating using that phone or he had child porn on it, nothing else should get such a strong reaction unless something we don't know is going on between you 2 like physical abuse, but assuming everything is normal between you 2, you should definitely be thinking about leaving after that cause it's not going to be even slightly ok, think about it like this, he was so scared of you finding whatever it was out that he would rather destroy it in front of you than get caught red handed so he can at least argue that you have no proof and make you feel like the bad guy for pressing too hot

  362. I would hope he doesn't find out about this yet then cause this would be a deal breaker for me and I would no longer want to live together ?

  363. We do all that quite frequently. Apart from the lack of sex, our relationship is like that of a freshly fallen in love couple. I complement her constantly, but my worry is that the frequency of my complimenting might take away the meaning for her.

  364. As someone who has experienced DV, it’s really not. People make excuses for everything. If you’re really not comfortable in your situation, you’d leave

  365. To be honest, I couldn’t date someone who doesn’t have their license. I refuse to have the responsibility of driving everywhere on me causing wear and tear to my vehicle.

    I’m not judging that he doesn’t have his license (I didn’t get mine until I was 19 and my sister was nearly 30 before she got hers) but I have dated guys who didn’t have their license and it sucked. They only used me for rides.

    I wouldn’t waste my time driving all that way only to be told “I’m not ready yet”. It’s a waste of time and gas and I know that gas still hasn’t gone back down in a lot of places.

  366. Maybe he’s worried about genetics on his side, maybe he’s carrying a genetic disorder that would negatively affect his future biological children.

  367. Also I noticed he gets sexually aroused when I dress up looking youthful, looking like a teen.

    Let me assure you that no 41 y/o woman looks like a teenager. Sorry to disappoint.

  368. I've dealt with a lot of homophobic people in my life, and while there were certainly people who never came around – there were a great many who did. The problem with completely shutting them out is it confirms their world view – so there's NO hope.

    I could see how being pregnant and having your own kid would make you want to try to fix things.

  369. It might help if you confide the kind of mind warp that has happened to you earlier. I also recommend live therapy that doesn't require any transportation time and may be cheaper than standard. You have a lot of work to do.

    You're still fairly young, so don't feel any rush to make a new permanent relationship. Maybe this one works out, maybe not. There's no rush.

  370. Girl, please rethink this relationship. No 27 year old adult wants to date a teenager unless they’re a creep or a loser. He sounds like he’s both. I’m saying this as someone who dated a 27 year old at 19….it did not end well. He was using me (for drug money, incidentally), which your boyfriend is clearly doing too. I promise you, your life will be SO much better without him in it. Like, so much better.

  371. So essentially she could get her name on your properties, work through the early years of her career until her loans are paid and she’s making a lot, and then leave you, take half your property, and still keep all of the money she makes as a doctor?

    Nope. In the words of Hall and Oates, I can’t go for that. No can do. Your relationship has been too tumultuous for this, and the fact that she is so insistent on it seems problematic to me. You’ve been investing in these properties for nine years. You’ve been with her for two, and I assume she has not been paying toward them. They are yours.

    I wouldn’t even consider putting her name on anything until the years you have been married is the same as the number of years you owned the houses prior to marriage.

  372. That's pretty much exactly my point.

    Your mother's criticisms of your relationship are probably very real to her in the sense that they reflect her values, but if they don't actually reflect your values too, then they shouldn't play any role in your relationship.

    I can totally understand why your brother's message rattled you, but the same principle should apply here. If it turns out that your brother's issue with your boyfriend is very much his own issue and not something you have an issue with yourself, then your brother simply needs to accept your different preferences and make more of an effort to get to know your boyfriend and hopefully see his good sides

  373. I would say it really casually, almost like a throwaway. Don't make a big production of it. “Hey, mom, was talking to dad the other day and he said he thing he wants most is to get you back. ”

    Then to dad, ” hey dad, I told mom you wanted her back so you may want to chat with her about that. “

  374. He doesn't drink or smoke. He's always been clear about that. I've never tried to pressure him into anything either. I do want to drink occasionally I definitely don't feel that I need to to make friends though. I honestly don't want the type of friends I have to drink with. We have had many discussions on the topic of substance use and he's always told me where he stands and I've told him that I would like to socially drink occasionally. Our discussions never amount to much though he would always tell me if I drank he would leave. I'm not sure on his thought process on how using substances would bring me closer to someone. I tried to ask him more about what he was thinking but I don't think he really knows what he means.

  375. Sounds like a shopping addiction. Tell her you’d like to go over money together to make smarter choices so she can get what she wants and needs without being short on money. There’s plenty of financial classes live or even in person. There’s no shame In not knowing

  376. What an awful take, no one needs to have sex with their partner, and consent can be withdrawn at any point no matter what. But to rile up your partner to the extent the OP is describing, when you have no intent (again as he's describing she did not) for any sexual activity, is a withholding sex strategy which is absolutely abhorrent and wrong in any relationship. And that goes for relationships of between parties of any genders.

  377. If I were the daughters, I’d feel creeped out that my father is dating someone my age. So you can expect the daughters to feel a certain way about the relationship.

    Treat them how you would treat your own peers. Don’t expect them to warm up to you immediately, and definitely don’t expect them to want you in their lives. Aim for a polite and cordial relationship with them, and definitely don’t push them for more than they’re willing to give.

  378. Oh i didn't register that part when reading , if so that's not right from the side of the boyfriend.. But that still doesn't mean that OP is right. She said she had flicked him once and he felt really uncomfortable after that , so pretending to punch him was never a good idea after that.

    The age gap? They are 29 and 40. Not 21 and 40. I don't think the age gap is the problem in the relationship.

  379. Dated med student > married first year intern > divorced Specialist trainee . I'm 33F, and I spent 10 years around the medical world. Physician trainee blah blah.blah. You legit have NO life…..

  380. A partner that cares about you wouldn't be getting mad at you for not having sex with him, it's likely he isn't doing it in a way that you even can enjoy him – it sounds like he only cares about what he is getting out of it.

    You having to be worried about him being so mad at you for not wanting to be physically hurt by him even for sex IS physical and sexual abuse.

    Don't be embarassed for not being compatible with a guy that treats you like his plaything.

  381. I mean I get that she is moody after he fantasy of her has been crushed. But he absolutly didn't lie to her. Opinions can change. Consent can change.

    And the real problem isn't her being in a bad mood but her still trying to make him do it after he cleary expressed how uncomfortable he is with all of that

  382. While it might be better for her personal growth, you shouldn't be stuck in limbo waiting for her to “meet” other people and some day decide to get back with you.

    Needless to say if you break, it might be better if you do maintain close contacts with her. After all in this case you too should be able to move on.

    In the first place, you shouldn't make this decision unilaterly. Wait for what she says after a break, she might decide to discard those feelings and stay with you. It's not bad solution, as it is very much posdible for her to grow asva person while still being with you.

    She won't get full “experience” with other people, but value if that is rather superficial.

  383. My partner and I make almost the same and even we don't do 50/50, we do % of monthly take home.

    So if your take home is $2k and his is $6k (for example) then combined you bring home $8k and it would be a 25/75 split.

  384. She is “exploring her sexuality” and you shift your anger to guilting her for your living arrangement. (Which was fine before the porn, right?)

    If you have two brain tumors, you’d think that would be the most important focus of your life right now.

    Your priorities are a mess. You e got bigger problems than pornhub. Good luck.

  385. I wonder, have you expressed this concern directly to your brother? I mean, yeah, he should know that it's your wedding and it's important to you. But depending on what “hyper focused on life and work” actually means, he may not. And as a general rule, people aren't psychic and can't be expected to know things you don't explicitly tell them. (Maybe there's spectrum stuff or other things he can't necessarily help preventing him from grasping the social norms or something). All you can really do is make sure you're clear with him about what you need from him. And then adjust your relationship with him according to his behavior after the fact.

    I just want to remind you that your brother's presence at your wedding (or not) says a lot more about him than it does about you. You can't control what other people do. All you can control is yourself. You can't force him to make you a priority. But you can definitely adjust your expectations, and the amount of yourself that you're willing to invest, and set boundaries so that you aren't hurt or disappointed in the future. I hope that helps.

  386. I’m not understanding how this is a concern in such an early relationship — you’re not married, you barely know each other, and I’m assuming you don’t know how much is in her bank account.

    What makes you think it’s your responsibility to cover her bills, I’m not understanding? Do you two live together? Are you already sharing finances four months in?

    This is not a subject you should bring up at all because it’s just going to sound like deliberate ‘what-about-me-ism’. Don’t bring it up, and if she starts asking you to borrow money just tell her you don’t feel comfortable for that and you haven’t been dating long enough for the financial commitment of a married couple.

    If you’re the one paying for the dates multiple times in a row, tell her you understand she’s going through a rough time but your relationship preference revolves around equal financial effort in dating and you’re wondering what her expectations may be?

    But these are discussions only for when it happens. Bringing it up before is just going to make yourself sound a little selfish of

    Her: oh my god my dad is in the hospital. He almost died but his life is changed and he might die soon.

    Him: hey! I’m not paying your way through life!!!

    Kind of weird.

  387. She needs therapy. People who are nice because they are decent people or are put in an awkward spot ( which is what your friend does (puts them in awkward positions to where they’re nice to get her to go away faster)) doesn’t mean they want her.

    She needs serious therapy for her daddy issues.

  388. Then an hr later we talked privately about it and she’s not sorry, she’s not apologizing , She’s right i’m wrong, then starts to blame me for other bullshit things we’ve argued about in the past and that we’re dead and gone already. Just like bringing something up so I can be at blame for SOMETHING. How do I help her see that she disrespected me? I feel disrespected as hell.

    Why do you think she will listen to what you say?

    Don't ignore the huge red flag. She went behind your back, hid your dog's medication, she didn't apologise. Why bother?

  389. I adopted my daughter at birth. I love this little girl like she’s my own DNA.

    She knows she has a “tummy mommy” and a “tummy daddy”. I send them photos frequently. They’ve FaceTimed before and have an open invitation to do it again.

    Back in the day being adopted was treated like a shameful secret. We’re just open about it so she never feels blindsided or shame about it.

  390. I’ll spend the night once a week and we hangout those two days. I always go home the following day. This time she asked why don’t I stay the extra night because I’m only going home to sleep. She didn’t understand this

    What was the explanation? Why is she confused if she asked you?

  391. How am I ruining his life. If Claire didn’t cheat with me it’d be with somone else. At least now he knows his wife doesn’t love him.

  392. Step 1: care for yourself first. Step 2: breakup with him.. he’s not even trying to help himself so why would you?

  393. Lock your computer and your phone. When she demands access simply say “no, we’re not doing that. That’s not the kind of relationship I’m going to be in. So, no.” And just stand your ground. Let her rant, rave, scream, cry, threaten to break up, leave, or actually break up or leave. Let it all happen. The only thing you don’t do is let her in your phone or computer.

  394. Your brother regrets his decision.

    You remove your name, then when your father does, all investments go to the estate, and are divided equally among heirs.

    I am literally dealing with this right now with a family member who passed away last week. He intended to leave his investment assets to one person, but never got around to doing it, so now it's part of the estate and how investments are to be divided equally among the estate.

    Your brother wants your name off, so that when your dad passes, as siblings, you will have joint shares of the estate.

    If your name remains on, when your father passes, it will go to your and you alone.

  395. Not only are they scum, but the chances of them attacking OP next are way higher. Something like 100% of guys in prison for any sort of violence started on animals, then progressed to women close to them.

    It's like a gateway drug.

  396. He had some good medical arguments

    No, he didn't, he's just good at sounding plausible.

    Vasectomies are a magnitude less serious/impactful/prone to complications than tubal ligations. Thats just fact.

  397. No. Go home, and call a therapist.

    At this point, your obsessing is much worse than any infidelity.

    GO HOME.

  398. Yeah, there is a zero percent chance that she doesn't know she's hurting you every time she's bragging about all these other guys. This girl is for the streets.

  399. No but op needs to recognize and appreciate the sacrifice his wife made and consider how he can alleviate some burden from her.

  400. And that was “years” ago so…. probably teenagers.

    And they had a kid. Great mental prowess in this couple.

  401. Do you plan to check the phones of every woman you date? You should tell them up front and let them decide if they’re ok with it. It’s a boundary for most people.