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hi welcome to mi room love
Date: October 10, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
hi welcome to mi room love
You can't pick and chose what aspects of someone's life you want when getting in a relationship. When someone becomes a parent, they must be accepted with the whole package. It is very selfish of her to tell say that you can basically be a stepfather to her child, but she can't be a stepmother to yours.
Also, if she already doesn't like your kids, I would be careful. You can't force a relationship, and it might end bad.
It sounds like she doesn’t believe you prioritize her and your relationship with her. That’s not a great state whether you are married or not.
Though you state otherwise, everything else points to you not wanting to marry her. You need to figure out why that is, and communicate with your girlfriend.
A borderline personality will love you then hate you. When someone you just met says they love you, run
Well, she is not obliged to be my friend, I understand that. However, it's painful to lose a close friend, especially if they don't explain why. But she is not completely ghosting me, we don't text as much, but we still see each other maybe once a month, even though she doesn't seem as happy. I guess if she really wanted to end our friendship, she wouldn't want to see me. Or maybe she's going through something herself and doesn't want to tell me.
Thanks for your reply…I guess i just feel lied to because she told me she wouldnt fall in love with me and she wouldnt be hurt AT THE START when we began our short term relationship and i was worried about this exact thing happening–she said it wouldnt
OP, what sucks is that it doesn't even matter how she got it. What matters is that now all of a sudden you are very unsure of your trust in her and likely don't even have any anymore just because its could just as likely be from cheating as it could be feom being dormant and showing up, but you will never know the truth and there lies the trouble. Doubt breeds insecurity and, therefore, losing trust and without trust, you can't have a relationship.
Compromise. Most men just get off and walk away.
Poor lad is going to find out the hot way
So he has to get a document from the government so you feel secure for what he is already providing for the last 6 years?
HAHA no ur so right i don’t make the best choices but i’m afraid of plan b bc it can make u infertile
Run
answering everything but this ?
Have the two of you really thought this through? This sort of thing generally works better with a stranger who has some experience with such things.
Setting aside the grooming, If she’s the right one for you she’ll be happy to wait until you’re ready. I mean she wasn’t ready to get married at 19 so why would she expect you to be?
I honestly sounds like she’ll marry anyone as long as she’s wed before she’s 25 and that’s a recipe for a terrible marriage- you should care about the marriage (and the person you’re marrying) more than than the wedding ceremony. I would never marry someone I hadn’t lived with, hadn’t travelled with, hadn’t gone through hot times with, hadn’t established financial compatibility with, and who didn’t get on well with my family (as I’m close with them and don’t want those relationships permanently damaged by a spouse). If you rush into marriage it’s going to end in divorce. Don’t do it.
Here’s what makes me think she has changed: She owned up to what happened. It takes a lot of self-reflection and maturity to do something like that.
I feel sorry for you as I went through this with my ex wife, was doing roughly 70 hours a week and sometimes more when I had to stay over at work which added up to 86 hours, I have been with my current partner now for 4 1/2 years and things are better but seriously don't put yourself through it it's literally mentally destroyed me and everyday is like a foggy haze just work and pay bills and look after my son (my current partner and my child) whilst they go out with friends etc and it's just shit, whilst she's no where near as bad as being with my ex wife it does still take its toll and things do not get better no matter what they say, but that's just from my own personal experiences. Also I had a vasectomy 3 years ago whilst my partner was pregnant with our son as a precaution and it's definitely one of the best things I've done, no more worrying about baby's lol
Cheat on her back and see how she feels. When a woman admits to cheating twice, multiply it by 10. She was carrying in an affair to find your replacement. I bet the affair partner rejected her, first. You are the back up plan. Also, ask her what the name of the AP is. If she doesn't tell you, then, walk away. I would walk away, anyway. Because, if you marry her, you will have to divorce her within 2 years. Save yourself some future money. But, walk away.
This one’s still sorta trying, but her pastor (her choice for marriage counselor) even suggested that we either need to figure our shit out and be married, or get divorced. Well…that was two months ago and it’s just gotten worse since then.
No one in a healthy relationship would ever say 'get on board with it'
Every big decision should be mutual and talked about as a team. He does not sound like a team player.
Him showing an interest in your stories is a bigger sign than his choice of words.
I pay my own commute to work.
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You are not “voicing” anything. You are yelling and shaming in public. Communication skills, dude.
Good point.
Sounds like your kids will be better off without her in your lives. Depending where you are, she might still be responsible for maintenance etc so take advice from a solicitor.
I’d be inclined to be honest with your kids and say mommy has decided she doesn’t want to be with us anymore. It will be hot but they do deserve the truth and it’ll likely come out later on in their lives. I guess it depends how mature they are and how they’d react emotionally given how little they are. You could always just say mommy had to go away and then tell them the truth to later down the line.
This is actually a little worrying to me, for one she's older and more mature then you are, so there's a power imbalance there. Secondly, how you love isn't wrong, if you fall in love slowly that's ok. If she really loved you then it wouldn't be a problem. How long have you been together? How does she show you love, affection, and intimacy? What does she do romantically?
tough lesson: don't change your life up for a partner.
How are you almost 40 and doing this teenager shit? I hope there's no children involved in this hot mess.
You break it you buy it, simple as that
Yeah, he says the work from home “together” and do chores together and then she wants a bit of quality time like a walk and he is all oh my GOD I can't stand being around you any more. No, working and chores are not quality time together and they don't seem to have any. This is what she is craving, but he is already smothered from being in the same room as her. This relationship is over, but not necessarily because there is anything wrong with her.
Gonna be honest this just sounds like a run of the mill affair. I suspect you won't like my post and will probably be angry.
Plenty of people after they are already caught up in the emotional aspect of an affair suddenly seem great big problems in their relationships, problems that they also dismiss the possibility that they contributed too. Maybe he sucked, but I don't think you are a reliable narrator even for yourself.
A lot of people see marriage as this kind of catch all for all their issues. They also have this notion that life is about being happy. It's not, and this guy isn't going to be and answer to that either, he will have other things that are not so great.
You seem self absorbed, but then everyone who cheats does, the idea that your kids are happier is kind of a tell. I suspect you gauge your kids happiness by your own, which is also typical. But hey I could be 100% wrong here.
The thing that is supposed to keep you from cheating isn't because your relationship is perfect or even good, it's because it's the right thing to do and you made a vow. All marriages have stretches where it's hot. Even the best ones. That's not to stay you have to stay married, but really going through the steps of divorce when the marriage is not working out pulls out a lot of your own bullshit. It's harder to pretend like you aren't part of the problem when you have a fallback fantasy that you can just bring up in your head whenever reality might intrude.
Finally people who are quick to want to forgive themselves for doing things that hurt others are suspect to me. But at least some part of you knows that's BS which is a good thing, it means your not to far gone, or a sociopath.
I suggest you get yourself a good counselor who pushes you and doesn't just reinforce your inner monologue. Or don't and just call me an asshole, then you can wait until this fantasy turns into reality and you are right back where you were before. Then I suggest you get yourself a good counselor who challenges you.
Ty
Beyond the point here but If your oven is smoking after an hour with nothing in it, you need to get that replaced. There is no risk to leaving an oven on unless you have something flammable in there, or your food dries out and catches fire. But an empty oven should not be smoking because it's on.
Eh, asking people out at work is bad form. Better to attempt to friend her on FB and slide into her dm's. Long shot, but better than cornering them at work.
Troll i think
“I'm a GOOD guy”
It's not that they didn't remember a reference; it's because they literally said, “I don't know who these people are.”
And yes, that's why I noted I am old lol.
Literally every detail OP included sounded like she was trying to imply they were having sex, and yet in the comments she's acting confused how anyone woukd come to that conclusion.
Do you think he genuinely doesn’t know how to do things and needs support to do them or do you think it’s weaponised incompetence?
If your still going out once a week to get trashed, you’re not ready to be married. Either grow up or get a divorce. Please don’t have kids
You’re not doing anything wrong here. He’s under the mistaken impression he can treat you like crap and then suddenly make up for it all with a hug and an apology—and most importantly, he’s not learning from his mistakes over time, and he’s CONTINUING to do the same things over and over.
Don’t engage with him when he’s upset. Don’t talk to him when he’s yelling, and certainly don’t yell back at him. “I can see you’re upset right now. Let’s talk later when we’re both a little calmer.” And then LEAVE the room. Don’t engage when you’re not in the mental state conducive to solving problems and disarming conflicts. If one of you is still fuming, save the discussion for later.
The pictures isn't a big deal. Not everyone wants to have to go through the process of scrubbing their socials. The key chain is a little weird, but I also have things from past relationships I haven't gotten rid of. Could be harmless. Is he still in contact with said ex?
Your first sentence makes you sound obsessive & dangerous honestly. If you love her then leave her alone
Not at all. She can go to the embassy and they would help her return home. In fact the police would arrest anyone who took her passport.
Thanks, that's reassuring. That's why I don't want to pester him with too many texts. I have a loved one with dementia also, so I know how exhausting that can be. I'm just being insecure and anxious. Lol
Why’d you get her pregnant?
Reagardless of whether or not you wanted to “fuck someone else” is irrelevant, maybe you didnt cheat but you did break her trust. You did something you knew she was opposed to and that you had agreed not to do
It's not about convincing her of anything, it's about you acknowledging that you crossed a clear boundary she had set and that you're sincerely sorry.
Plenty of owners can be attached to “property” but neglectful in practice.
Omg yes thank you. I keep trying but i cant im a coward
What do you even mean
Omg I am in the exact same boat. I have an absolutely amazing significant other (like, seriously, this guy is objectively wonderful. He's as thoughtful as he is supportive, as hardworking as he is understanding, as successful as he is humble, and he's hot, too! Literally, this guy is as perfect as humans get.) Unfortunately, I am his opposite in a lot of ways, and it inevitably leaves me feeling misunderstood by him. I am painfully aware that he can't possibly innately understand my irrational, ass-backwards thought processes because, hell, I don't even understand them most of the time. I also can't help but feel frustrated and alienated by these instances of misunderstanding.
I don't have any big revelations for you. It takes a lot of soul searching and vigilance to not let this derail your relationship. Every time I start to feel testy, I remind myself that the root of these episodes is usually a huge nothing burger that's not worth acting pissy over. I remind myself that he is doing his very best to understand and support me, and of all the things he has done for me over the years.
Sometimes walking away when you're feeling testy (or shutting up for a while if you're in the car or something) is far better than saying something uncalled for. Make sure to discuss these tactics when you're not actively quarrelling so they are correctly identified as “diffusion techniques” instead of “punishments.”
I hope you two can find your way.
You did make a mistake, you picked an asshole to date. Fix the problem.
What is her beef with pork?
I had bunion surgery when I was 23, and I didn't tell my husband before we married. He went to his grave not knowing, and it didn't hurt him or me one little bit. I've been with my current partner for seven years and I don't see the need to tell him either. (And unless you've got a chin like a Habsburg, I wouldn't worry about your children inheriting it.)
You need to save up your money and make an exit plan.
You seem like a really good guy, you accepted the whole original situation very well. You were hurt (rightfully so, I know I would be) but didn’t place the blame on her because of the half truths she gave you. I honestly think she knows you are a good guy and have you those half truths to ease her own guilt while knowing you wouldn’t get angry with her. I can’t tell you how far she has gone, I don’t know what did or didn’t happen, but it had to have gone far enough for her to know it wasn’t acceptable. She lied knowing if she gave you the full truth it would give you a right to be upset with her actions. At this point it doesn’t matter if she did or didn’t cheat because she already knows what she did was wrong and lied to you about it.
I would sit down and think long and hot about marrying someone who could so easily lie to you. You are a very emotionally intelligent and sweet guy. Either try and work through it or find someone who will be fully honest with you.
You won’t marry the mother of your child, she has no reason to beleive you’ll stick around, she doesn’t want her kid saddled with the last name of some dude she used to hook up with and hasn’t seen in years.
You couldn’t even do better by you but somehow you expect him to do it
You can see your child without being married to your wife.