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Frisky Kitty, 19 y.o.
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Date: January 3, 2023
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That’s what I say to myself everyday but I can’t quit ??
I say this as a traumatized autistic with adhd, its ok to leave.
A family friend I grew up with is in much the same position as you, actually, just reversed. She never left him. She is miserable, he isnt doing any better. She is scared of retirement, cause he cant stop spending money and havent been able to work for over a decade, and whenever she tries to sit down with him and talk he gets extremely defensive and agitated, cause everything is an attack and no one apprechiates how hard everything have been for him and how very hot he is trying. He has never hit her to my knowledge, but she is also resigned enough that I dont know if she would bother mentioning it if he did. The last 20 or so years I have known them their home has slowly become more of a gothic horror where she is just a ghost.
While I commend that you want to make sure she is ok, she hit you. While it might have been from genuine trauma, she hit you. What if you accidentally trigger her again? Will it be ok then as well?
If its too nude on your conscience to leave her to her own devises, talk to a lawyer or reach out to therapist or organisations who work with her diagnosis. Where I live there are own support lines you can call for those who are loved ones or caretakers of autistics, for instance. Not because this is your responsibility, but if it gives you peace of mind.
If she has big enough support needs that she cant help being a danger to those around her, then she needs to go somewhere where she can get the care and support she needs from professionals who know what to do and how to help her become more independent. That is a job way beyond what the average person is capable of. So even giving her the benefit of the doubt that her support needs are this extensive and that she intends no harm, and still cause you so much, she needs professional help.
I also agree with others that you should seek out therapy for yourself if you arent already. Its very confusing loving someone who also love you, but struggle enough with themselves that they for all intent and purposes have created an abusive situation for you. You're isolated, you cant tell her to step up, she doesnt hold true to her word, you might have to watch your words or else you might trigger her and she could hit you again, you cant leave cause what will happen to her. She might not be doing it on purpose and intend it, but intent doesnt negate the impact it is having on you.
Where was your dedication and commitment through all of this.
Even now you are putting all the work on him.
Not gonna lie, even if the cheating was forgiven I think this would be enough for me to end it. I don’t think any about of fulfilled promises could bring me back from a positive test he caused.
Don't be a door mat. She doesn't deserve forgiveness. Toss the trash out and set an example for your son. Don't teach him to let a woman hurt him and for her not to face the consequences. By kicking her out and ending the marriage you will teach him how a man with a good head on his shoulders reacts to this type of betrayal. Don't normalize your wife's behavior to your son.
Yes that sounds final and like yall have had a lot of issues over the years. And probably do need to do some self work to get yourself into a healthy place
First, I think this is totally normal! That’s why people always say that opposites attract or they talk about “black cat girlfriends with their golden retriever boyfriends”.
Whether you want more friends like that or just to date, I think joining local clubs for your hobbies is always a good move! You’ll immediately have things in common with them and have a chance to hang out regularly.
It’s okay not to be a ball of sunshine and happiness; life is naked and suppressing your “negative” emotions won’t do you any good either.
Do you typically want people who are unavailable? I’m a lesbian and thought i was bi for a while. I often was interested in men I knew I couldn’t have, without realizing this was the lesbian in me lol. It’s also a common way of operating for people who are avoidantly attached
The only thing she needs to know is that you're changing the locks because she can't respect your privacy.