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Model from: co
Languages: en,es
Birth Date: 2002-02-08
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityLatino
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureStudent
Date: October 11, 2022
She said she has a job. But maybe you are forgetting SNAP and HUD assistance.
get out of there asap.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say – you probably didn't do any of what he said you did. He just found the perfect opportunity to be abusive to you and claim that you deserve it and it's all your fault.
Even on the off chance that you did say those things (I'm betting you didn't) that does not give him permission to verbally abuse you the way he is as 'punishment'. He either works through what happened with you or he breaks up with you. Staying with you and wiping his feet on you everyday is not an option.
Be honest with yourself. What other ways has he shown himself to be abusive and/or controlling before this supposed situation happened?
The other way to read these (as somebody married for 36 years) is to bolster my gratitude at not having to go through this.
I’ve not deleted anything what are you in about
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Cut her off, you're obviously looking for validation here to keep being friends with this person.
Total disrespect to your GF to not tell her about this also, and to entertain more conversations with this person, makes you just as bad, you are not stupid you know what is going on here.
She sounds pretty inconsiderate to me. Imagine telling someone you want an exclusive relationship and getting them to admit they want one as well, just to immediately betray that exclusivity by saying they are going to an orgy that you won’t even be a part of.
She is a walking contradiction and only cares about her needs. Just be glad you saw her do this early before you actually started a relationship with her. She is NOT girlfriend material. Don’t let her be your gf or she will break your heart
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Yes, tell her you’re worried about her and ask how she is doing and if she would be willing to do couples therapy with you.
*I asked, “who is this” in a slightly mocking tone, although subtle. Really no malice behind it at all*
I am not understanding you at all, Op.
Most people communicate with words, yes?
You seem to use words to poke people in the eye without poking them in the eye.
For example : A SLIGHTLY mocking tone. But you choose the word “subtle” as a modifier.
And then you wrap up your chit response with “really no malice”. Dude~~~
BTW I have a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology.
Fight me.
I'm playing with you.
INFO: Have you tried tossing a few strands of your hair in some of this shower cleaner he used?
You don’t seem to understand how this could be upsetting, so we don’t need to continue. Thanks for your suggestion.
Respectfully, if you’re insinuating that she should stay home after this trip was planned to take care of you then I would say you’re out of your mind. You don’t need around the clock care and on top of that, you would be subjecting her to catch your sickness from being around you which is selfish. You need rest and to stay home. She should actually put some distance between you as of right now so you can recover.
Dancing with somebody else is not cheating. However, you can watch the distance, making sure that it it looks polite. Not because you’re doing anything wrong but because clearly the other girl wanted you. The other girl miss read, you may be because of the closeness.
When he comes near you? I don’t understand. Does he masturbate near you? Excuse poor grammar, English not native tongue
It would have been better to say nothing and then search his phone to see if he'd been unfaithful.
I get that, but a lot of people in this thread are hung up on that, and I don't think 7 is a lot.
I was a “late bloomer” in my school, and only had 3 by the age of 17. The popular and handsome/beautiful kids had waaaay more before we all graduated. And this was pre-smartphone era.
Honestly, before 20, relationships do feel disposable since both sides are growing and learning what they want, what is reasonable, what is not normal, etc. On another comment, OP is literally looking to jump into another relationship to get over this one. I think he still needs to grow up, and the only way for him to do it is through first-hand experience.
You’re right. I forgot that. Thank you!
It sounds like you only have two choices – either you decide to accept this, or leave the relationship, unfortunately.
It sounds like she will not give up on visiting him. I don't think a partner should be prevented from visiting a good friend, but to me the BDSM leash is much too far and crossed boundaries from a normal friendship.
I don't mean to minimize the status of your relationship, but if you have found this out only 3 months in, it may be best to reconsider since you have discovered a fundamental incompatibility quite early on.
His ex is also 24yo now they're both in the same age
There are a variety of feelings and behaviors in human nature that manifest themselves in different degrees in each individual, just the same way our physical traits are different and varied.
Some people don't develop any attraction or partnership feelings for someone else when they're genuinely in love. But other people DO develop them and they're equally genuinely in love. Finding other people attractive isn't indicative of not being genuinely in love.
Some of these people that develop a crush for someone else just stop there and don't change anything. Others cut contact with their crush. Others tell their partner they got a crush on someone else and haven't cheated at all and it's the truth. Others tell their partner the same thing but they've actually cheated and they know it.
So, what happened with OP's wife? Only she knows, and possibly her crush.
Can OP be absolutely certain his wife is telling the truth? Not without a lot of evidence, since there are a few extremely good liars.
Must OP “get over” his anger? No; he has no obligation. Even if her wife proves beyond reasonable doubt she's telling the full truth and OP works on his feelings of anger, it's possible he can't ever get rid of them, and his life with his wife will be suffering. There are some things that aren't reversible, and those things are different for each individual.
If you feel stuck, you probably should leave this relationship. You're probably just not a match and that's ok.
Trip is going to be long
I would ask a stranger to switch seats
You might as well just get used to taking care of the children alone. You will be in the future
This is good advice.
You’re being too understanding, if anything. He needs to start taking his meds and contributing to the family or you need to leave and file for child support.
Because you buy into “toxic masculinity.” You want him to be the strong one who never needs anything from you. You thought since he is older, he is going to protect and care for you, not the other way around.
Thrilled ?
He wants to help you, you're refusing his help…. Just tell him you want unbiased feedback from someone who doesn't know you, and that you appreciate his good intentions.
Hey, OP. So here is the thing: When I read the post, I originally was somewhat understanding of your partner. As someone who has consumed a lot of hentai in her teenage years, bukkake is something I always associated as misogynistic, as it was usually shown as something done to women to humiliate them/”mark them”/treat them as objects and not as a part of any sort of loving sexual (group) encounter. So while I find sex jokes super funny normally, this one would have disturbed me a bit. This was why originally, I wanted to comment something about sitting down with your partner and talking to him about what associations he has with that word, based on his porn consumption.
But then I read your comments.
Now he says that if I love him I’ll make an effort to change, but I have changed. Somedays I don’t even feel like myself.
Before he wouldn’t tell me that he expected me to change because I loved him, he would say that he expected me to respect him more. Now he openly says to me that he did expect a change and that I’m the reason he’s so bitter all the time.
I used to be happy before I met him, I was on cloud nine, I did my makeup and hair and felt good about myself. These days I hide in a hoodie and sometimes I don’t even brush my hair. I try not to talk to anyone because I don’t want people to know how anxious I am or to tell whether or not I’ve been crying. It’s very hot to be around others.
OP, you are in an abusive relationship. This is zero percent about a joke, tasteless or not. This man isn't in love with you, as you are. At best, he is seeing you as a project; as a doll he wants to change to his liking; not a partner who is his equal, but someone he has to change to suit him.
But I am certain that this isn't the best case. If it would be the best case, he wouldn't talk about you “disrespecting” him and you wouldn't feel like someone who has to hide under a hoodie. You are hiding your body, you are supposed to hide your personality and change it to whatever he pleases and you hide your tears from others.
This man doesn't want a partner. A partner is a teammate – someone whose happiness, needs and desires are as important to you as your own, because you are equals and if your partner is unhappy, so are you. But he doesn't want that. He wants someone who acts like he wants to – a tool, a marionette, a shell. Someone who “respects” him, and I suspect that the reason why he tells you that you don't do that is because to him “respect” means “obedience”. By still having a personality, by expressing yourself, by not acting within the parameters he wants you to act, you aren't obedient. Not a puppet, but still a person.
OP, you wrote in your comments that you are miserable. That's because you aren't free anymore. You are a captive, in an abusive relationship, forced and manipulated to dim your light to please this man.
I read what you wrote about him manipulating you by saying that “if [you] want to throw the towel “on our love” that he won’t feel sorry for [you]”. Don't you realize what this is? This is manipulation – he doesn't want to sit down with you and talk it out, he straight up goes to manipulating you, wanting you to grovel before him and apologizing for being “inconsiderate, selfish and rude” and beg him to stay with you. This is a manipulation tactic – he wants you to feel so bad that you don't just obey more from now on and change more to suit him, but that you also believe that you're all those bad things and thus are so grateful that he is staying with you, never believing that another man would look at “rude, selfish, inconsierate” you.
You are in a very bad relationship there and you need to realize that. He might have been charming the first year, but that was a facade. Now that he feels he has you trapped, he can be himself. This is the man he really is – a horrible person. Please think about what you would tell a friend or daughter if she would tell you what you wrote about. Would you really tell her to stay? Or would you tell her to run?
OP, please run. Please see this man for the horrible person he is. This isn't about a joke. This is about you getting dragged down deeper and deeper into a very bad place, until he has sapped all your confidence and strength and you don't feel like you can escape anymore. Please get out.
She never shamed me for it after, usually apologized but “didn’t have any good practical joke ideas.” I always told her that it’s not funny, and it’d been better to not make a joke at all if the “punchline” was to cause someone stress, fear, anxiety or outright panic.
i just thought that it's normal for me to pay for most stuff since we are living in his apartment, this is why i feel embarrassed about asking to split everything
You would’ve never known had she not told you. Imagine the courage that took and now you are all me me me me me me me me me
I’m pro choice BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT no you’re not.
I hope she finds a supportive and understanding partner. (It ain’t you.)
Well, ask her about the edibles. Maybe she doesn't think it's “doing weed” if she eats it instead of smoking it. Curious to hear what she would say to that.
You need a better man
If a person has an unreasonable trigger (i.e. because her boyfriend is chatting with others on a HAM radio), then she either:
Needs to get PROFESSIONAL help to overcome the trigger OR; Break up with you because she's not ready for a relationship.
It's not your responsibility to walk around her unreasonable triggers, it's not your responsibility to give up your hobbies, and it's not your responsibility to comfort her.
If she's not familiar with HAM radio, invite her to join in. However, if it really is a trigger (and she's not being dramatic) then she just needs to get help.
I was kindve thinking this wasn't a huge deal until you explained your wife's reaction to you cutting hours.
At worst, this is her pushing back on you cutting hours so she can continue cheating if this is what she's doing all along.
Not so much better case scenario, she's using you as her golden ticket to remaining leisurely all day everyday.
Regardless. Your wife seems to be pretty messed up. And imma be honest, considering she's closer to my generation than yours, she will absolutely call you controlling and gaslight you in every way possible at the mere mention of her cutting off this friend.
And it doesn't even sound like you know this guy well at all? Like their backstory and how they're friends and whatnot. All ik is that this is riddled with red flags. Sorry broski.
Uhm is your mom Angela from 90 Day Fiance…
He’s dipping it in & you’re working long hours for it?
not when the person is immensely toxic and filled with jealousy. Lmao, for OP's sake, I hope this was written by an AI
Lots of people take their wives names too! Pretty common
can you explain how you think I emotionally cheated on him? The breakup was long coming and he knew I wanted different things in life
omg I'm such a great friend I go shopping with them stfu.
Politics deals with governing. Now I'm 100% sure she made many statements about government policy related to race. Do you really think she made all these radical statements and was like, “and I don't think the government should do anything thing about it.” Come on you know she supports a bunch of policies to fix racial injustice.
omg I'm such a great friend I go shopping with them stfu.