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Emilia, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 4, 2022
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He’s not angry with you. He’s angry with another woman (likely his mother) who was mean to him. When he’s triggered you take her place. Yes, he needs therapy but forcing him won’t work.
Nope. Don't buy into it. Get out, live your life, don't accumulate any more emotional damage. He may even not have any intention of divorcing his wife, just having you as his mistress for as long as he can milk it.
If you want to make sure, ask him to show you the copy of the papers that were filed with the court. Then you'll know if he actually is trying to get a divorce.
The circle of financial abuse means you are the one who suffers from his parents inability to maintain their finances. I doubt they actually have the funds to cover their bills. Your boyfriend covers for them. You have become his ability to compensate for that income loss and you are enabling him by agreeing to pay, by not putting your foot down. People who are comfortable don't change. You are dating. You have no obligation to him or his family. Instead of focusing on his mom, focus on him.
He needs to put his foot down to her, but won't until he feels what she's doing. Be careful to not make it so he can turn it back on you to blame. Such as don't “accidentally” forget your card, but rather, if you can, say you gave it to a family member who needed it for an emergency, someone you trust, and give it to them. That way you're doing something he does, and clearly find acceptable. If he pushes back on you saying it's not fine so why do it, well this was an “emergency” situation. Once, opposed to monthly.
See what happens when he's tight. Though personally I wouldn't stay with someone who is so comfortable being financially exploited. You can't save for a future if you're subsidizing someone's bad finances.
A good pot of greens is wonderful on a cold winter afternoon.
Yeah, I really didn't feel this needed to be said because it seemed so obvious but it's good to mention it for sure.
Oh on I was not seeing it that way thanks
I guess I’m old fashioned but I don’t understand giving up your life for an live relationship that is long distance. Sure, you text, talk and FaceTime, but you are missing out on so much. What are your long term plans? Do you want to get married or even on-line together or stay apart for another 4 years? Your sister is voicing what she sees as a problem because you are giving up real life people for an live! stranger. And unless you see each other frequently she is still a stranger. Do what you want but accept the consequences if you give up your sister.
What an incredibly strange and inappropriate metaphor
I'm the exception here I think but I don't feel 8 years is that crazy of a difference. The man may be more immature than a regular 30 year old, which might be why he is dating someone younger. I see a lot of couples with that age difference and it really depends on both people and their characters whether it's a grooming situation or not
When you are 30 you'll realize exactly why everyone is trying to say it.
You don't notice red flags because you are 22 and don't have a fully formed frontal lobe. that's why a 30 year old dude is trying to hit you up
That is what teenagers do right before they have an unwanted pregnancy.
And a staggering amount of adults. It always blows my mind whenever the pull out method is mentioned, how many people jump in to say “haha, yeah, that's how I became a parent!” Like, an unwanted pregnancy is not funny.
Report yourself.
I mean…all it means is at a particular place. It's not just workplaces.
No, I know who he is. We’ve facetimed, and he’s literally shown me his driver’s license. I should’ve said he rarely calls me, my bad.
You are a 26 year old MALE – I hope youre joking.
This sounds like such a mess and quite a lot of instability. Your ex is likely right – you two don’t belong together.
Fight becoming physical isn’t just “that big fight”, it’s something you cannot come back from and requires two individuals with anger issues and inability to control their emotions (that alone is more red flags than a communist party).
Secondly; you became so depressed you had to quit your job (all within a very short period of time)? This doesn’t sound like something a responsible adult would do – you’re too old for this shit.
Pull yourself together, get the help you need, and move on (file for that divorce).
Never let a man tell you twice he don't want you, never beg either or try to fix something he don't want to fix, just pack up and leave, and don't contact him till you want to dicuss divorce. Don't beg it will just make you look desperate to him
Oooof, get rid of him, yuck.
You seem paranoid, at least to the extent that I can't believe your story is an accurate depiction of reality.
But I do think it was best that you leave the relationship. You would do better with a more stable group of people.
What are you hoping to achieve with asking this question? Seriously, what are you hoping to get out of it? Especially when you asked him to rate you out of 10 right after asking a similare question hurt your feelings. What is your goal here?
Sounds modified. With what? Who knows. Detergent, weed killer, bleach- take a guess. These people are looking to stretch out their stash for cash, not looking to give you a healthy high.
I just know she would know exactly what I was up to. And potentially get upset.
You are definitely not the problem in this scenario. My thoughts are he’s emotionally abusive and telling you this purposefully to hurt you and make you feel not good enough so you don’t leave. Meanwhile, he cheats and talks to ppl behind your back. And you’re paying for everything and doing everything for his lazy ass.
First of all, this isn’t your fault, know that. And there’s nothing you can do to change him. He’s a jerk and you deserve better. My guess is he’s using your inexperience to manipulate you. Just ghost him, dudes like this aren’t even worth a conversation bc they turn everything around on you and use it to manipulate you.
I’m not sure if you’re ready for this plot twist but I’m actually the extroverted one believe it or not, Atleast relative to us. When I’m out I don’t really mind talking to people and I’m even pretty outgoing. I just don’t really look out for people to talk to or anything. She’s not outgoing she’s just very energetic and excitable and loud and what not. She tends to say things that are kinda cringy sometimes, or she’ll breakout into a song or something and I’m just like “what are you doing?”. I don’t really know how to explain this dynamic properly.
It didn’t turn into a huge fight thankfully, i mostly came here asking for advice because I wanted to reassure him that he could trust me. I think, as another commenter suggested, I’m gonna see if he’s open to going to therapy to work on his insecurities/trust issues but if it continues to be an issue in our relationship I will definitely have to reevaluate if I want to continue dating. I’m very glad you’re no longer in that relationship
Don’t allow her to dictate how this ends. She fucked around and now needs to find out what happens. No need to burn her but no reason you can’t “singe” her for breaching your trust. And I have no problem with telling her that you snooped, if she wants to make it a big deal just response with “you cheated, do you think these are comparable?”