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Ele^^, 19 y.o.
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Date: September 24, 2022
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Not really…but I already declined his proposal
It sounds like your husband believes that now that you're married he has the right to control you, and he doesn't care about your feelings or your needs.
You have told him you want to socialize, you have told him you are unhappy, and his reaction has been to get angry at you, instead of wanting to help you be happy and do the things you want to do. The problem is not that you haven't found the right words to talk to him. The problem is that he doesn't care what you have to say.
You should take the opportunity while he's out of town to work with a divorce lawyer. This is not going to get better. I know you don't want a divorce, you want your husband to change, but he's not going to change. The only way out of this situation is for you to change it, by leaving it.
If he promises to change so that you'll come back, and you believe him and come back, what will happen is that he will make it even harder for you to leave again. You will lose even more freedom. He'll make sure you don't have any more chances to talk to lawyers or make arrangements.
Please believe who he is and love yourself enough to get away from him.
You listed examples, not the full list of household work. Answering those few, when most tasks are not split 50/50 (because we do different amounts of each task) is not representative. So yes – you are asking for a complete breakdown.
I was doing my voluntary work, exercise, sleep before we met. She knew about it. Her attitude appeared to shift, once we moved in together (possibly because she was now thinking about the long term direction of our relationship according to her own life goals).
Also doing the time critical work and those that can be more easily done on flexible time (think: opening hours, appointments) IS relieving the most stressful things – that otherwise would be much harder to manage for her as a full-time worker. It's the difference of her having to take time off work to let the handyman or meter reader in – or being relaxed about it.
I was saying for the sake of argument, that you seem to imply, that I should spend a substantial amount of my time doing more of her share of household labor (which I would disagree with) – not that it would take the majority of my “excess” time.
I’m sorry. He is your husband and you should not be scared to talk to him. That really shows a breakdown in what your relationship should look like.
Tell him you’re making him an appointment if he isn’t doing it tonight, and then do it for him.
If you stay you will only kick yourself harder for staying. If you foresee yourself never getting over this now, what makes you think you will in a few more years, and by then you'd of wasted those years on him. 2 weeks might still be withing a time frame you can get the marriage annulled.
I would just send him the screenshot and block him but that’s just me
You keep mentioning that you want to be strong enough to stay, but you’re looking at things the wrong way. Leaving him and sticking to your dealbreakers would be the strongest thing you can do in this situation.
You’ve already said that cheating is a dealbreaker for you, but you’re still with him. You also said that you had to force him to tell you the truth and you still don’t believe him. If he’s done this before and didn’t tell you, how are you ever supposed to feel comfortable and believe that he won’t do it again?