i mean yeah she's been with her family now for a couple of days and i already miss her terribly. like i want to spend all my time with her. i quess i'm just afraid of “leading her on” or something because i'm not sure if i'm like physically attracted to her if that makes sense?
“sorry honey but i'm going to meet a guy from tinder yes i'm in my 10% right now” well it has no right to be, i wouldn't be with someone like this. I'd probably still have it in the back of my head that this person is still looking for someone better than me. she gives you 100% or you break up with her and look for someone who gives you 100%.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm pretty sure your boyfriend just broke up with you because of the weight gain and not because he “doesn't trust you” after you gained weight.
You communicated your weight gain to your boyfriend as clearly as possible while you were still apart. He probably thought he would be ok with it, but then when you met in person, he discovered that he wasn't ok with it after all.
There is literally nothing more you could have done. Even if you had communicated actual numbers to him throughout your time apart, he would never have been able to imagine what the numbers would look on you and how he would eventually feel about them.
That really sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through that, but I don't think you should put your life on pause for a guy who may or may not want to get back together with you in the future (i.e. when or if you lose the weight).
Sorry but you are probably too little, too late. As you said, for her it was the last straw. People will only take so much, and so many empty promises. An ex once asked my mother how love could just so suddenly die. I loved her answer (I wasn't there at the time but she told me later). She said, “Love doesn't just suddenly die — but it can be slow-stomped to death.” That is what happened with you. Every time you gave her an empty promise you stomped on her love one more time. Eventually you stomped it to death.
Will she ever really trust you again? Likely not. Should she? Very hot to say — it's rare for people to truly change and stay that way.
How do you proceed? You keep your distance, do not apply one shred of pressure, and find other things to do in the meantime. If she comes around, great. If not, at least you have sat in the corner and sulked waiting for it to happen.
I understood what you wrote in your comment, I think you misunderstood what I meant. I replied that taking her in won't do any good. It doesn't matter who will agree to it, it's a terrible idea.
Your boyfriends mom, who I assume lives with him and sees his habits more frequently than you, is waving a marinara flag… and this, puzzles you??
You’ve said that she cares immensely for you and sees you as a daughter, why is it so odd for a mother to warn her daughter that a dude she’s involved with isn’t any good?
My guess is she knows her son won’t change and doesn’t want to see you waste your time when you have so much life ahead of you. To be honest, I wish someone had this talk with me before I married my ex. So many people told me during our divorce about his red flags and it felt disingenuous because they danced at our wedding and smiled in our faces but no one could be honest with me to save me the heartache.
You’re lucky OP, this woman does truly love and care about you. She loves you enough to let you go, be honest with you, and want the best for you. Let that sink in. I’d trust mom on this one and I’d really evaluate why you’d want to stay when his own mother doesn’t think there’s value in it. You deserve more than spending your time waiting for someone else to get their shit together.
No is really the only answer you need to give her. Never have I ever heard someone wanting to open a relationship to kiss other people…she can kiss you as much as she wants. Opening relationships never ends good, and to me this is a deal breaker.
Of course I'm annoyed? Especially if I'm trying to ask how he doesn't know and he just tells me my response/questions are stupid? More upset than anything really.
But how would you challenge someone to engage in a meaningfully conversation like you said? Even for something as basic as asking them to do something?
It’s a positive that you didn’t have a one night stand. But please don’t tell your husband. There are enough questionable decisions on your part that will haunt him and your marriage for a very long time. In my 35 years of conferences that end up in hotel bars, when someone stays alone for “one last drink“ the same thought bubble arises for everyone departing for the night: she’s hoping to get lucky. Now this may not have been your intention—but if your husband is half as naive as you, that will be a focus of wrath for him. And then play out what happened from there, it is no large leap for him to conclude that you intended to cheat all that evening & you simply chickened out at the last minute. So, I would advise only speaking with a counselor about this because you had a close call that was not an accident.
You are deserving of a partner that accepts and honors your sexuality for what it is. There are people out there who will happily date you, and marry you, without sex being a big (or any) part of the relationship. You may come from a culture with a different narrative, but that culture doesn't override human nature at its core. You should never be forced or feel forced to have sex, and your partner should never want to force you, or make you feel bad, for not wanting to have sex. He is less than what you deserve. You are worth more than what he offers.
Philippines is probably the destination of choice for that. Thailand is all about the bar girls and lady boys (obviously those are not mutually exclusive).
OP, at the very best they gonna be hanging out with bar girls given his history. At the very best and that is a massive stretch.
Hi I don’t know if anyone else has said this but you not consenting to him finishing inside of you, him acknowledging that, and then STILL doing it can be considered sexual assault. Especially as he did it twice in the sense that he absolutely knows better and sucks so much he did it twice. I’m so sorry OP. Please consider your options like breaking up, getting a r*pe kit if you feel it is appropriate etc.
Just leave if you don’t want her anymore. This is fucking gross. You want to be the “hero” boyfriend but also get your rocks off on the side. It’s not fair to your gf, and it’s not fair to the women you plan on using and throwing away.
Okay, so you feel as if your hobbies are maybe judged by your wife or considered to be “too much” and that could potentially lead to her wanting to leave you? Or am I misunderstanding?
Yikes. She is just not the person ypu fell in love with. You definietely should break up. This is completely normal to break up, especially with how much ypu argue.
Did she want to change? Sure, it's her choice, but you do not need to spprove of that and do not need to stay with her. You do not owe her your love or affection. It is fine to be a bit selfush in life too.
Actions speak louder than words!!! You should be able to tell with how much pain your in. Remember, if she wanted to she would! Her words don’t mean shit if her actions don’t back them up. And guess what? You’re not married!! Right now is the EASIEST time to leave. You’re so unhappy and you haven’t even been together for a year… you’re ready to commit to a life of sadness and hurt? Why? Because you don’t want to be alone? She seems extremely insensitive, not having sex with you but talking about her sex life constantly and fawning over other dudes like man come on ???? that’s cheater energy right there. It’s be one thing if she was complimenting you and doing the stuff she says she would with you but Sexual people don’t become unsexual out of no where, eventually she’ll give into her temptations she’s clearly having. She’s pushing marriage for a reason, because she wants to trap you before you find out what a shitty person she is. And she’s not even doing a good job hiding it. the universe is blessing you and giving you all the signs before you’re actually stuck in a shitty marriage or shitty/expensive divorce. Leave now before she breaks your heart, you’re in a relationship to be loved not constant doubt and sadness. Being alone is so much better, it hurts but letting people treat you like shit will always do more damage and you don’t deserve that. You sound like a good man! Keep working on yourself and just enjoy life and the right person, who deserves your love, will come.
Marriage isn't supposed to change too much of a relationship, which is why if it's a good relationship, it'll be a good marriage. If it's a bad relationship, it'll be a bad marriage
I'm happily married myself and it's unfortunate seeing people's negative opinions on marriage just because they've seen some crappy ones. Though I hope if they met the right person, they would give it a chance
What I get is that you should not drink since you obviously lose all control and become a danger to all. Maybe put down the bottle well before you get to that point. The rest of your commentary is misogynistic conjecture cherry picked to make it seem like the words “in vino Veritas” were only recently spoken. Maybe you were raised to use alcohol to cover your bad behavior, but lots of people weren't.
This probably stems from either a poor or absentee type relationship with your own father. It's sometimes called “daddy issues” and unfortunately is something some older guys will take advantage of. So talk to a therapist about this so you don't spend your whole life chasing inappropriate male validation.
My dad taught me everything. When my husband and I bought our first house I was the one painting, putting in new faucets, fixing deck boards. My dad, the same man that taught me how to do those things, was outraged! “Your husband…”. Dude, my husband has a credit card and soft hands, I’ve got this. Also, why bother teaching me all these skills if I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for my husband to do it?
My ex tried to lose weight for me, her parents supported it too. Ended badly. Saw her recently and looked like she did it for herself this next time, I’m glad she happy now.
I shouldn’t of said anything and shouldn’t of said why I wasn’t interested…
You're not to loose at all. I've had a 9lb 4oz baby come out of there, and my boyfriend says it's just normal, I don't do any pelvic floor exercises. Your boyfriend is just an arsehole with a limp dick
Your right thats what he said but he told me he told them welive together and the do ask about me but idk for sure. I haven't seen anyone he works with since November and so all I have is his word which isn't making me feel very confident. But he could have told everyone we broke up for all I know and I know some of his coworkers are older with kids close to our age and daughters who are single whom he mentioned in the past they tried to set him up with?
But it’s not just about you. You are in a relationship in which you need to take the other persons wants and needs into account. If you cannot do that then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Also the attention bit is tied to the previous comment you made, not this one, where you said “you never gave her space”. Read what I said. We weren't seeing each other sometimes for weeks. Texting would dry up a little bit too, if that's not space (albeit not purposefully made) than I don't know what is.
Dump his dumb ass
“We were lovers now we can't be friends”
Cut him off completely, it's not fair on him, on you and especially on your new/future partners
Casually tell her that you like her. “You know, I like you”. Might work
Maybe do it over video chat. You have been apart a long time. It might make it easier on you both
exactly what i came to comment ^
I mean the way to go about talking to him is small, in the way of not knowing how to bring it up. The issue is definitely an issue.
They are mandatory reporters in English speaking countries and it may be able to help your situation (which sounds really bad by the way).
He needs help. He isn't coping. You need to make it clear that you won't tolerate it and he needs to get professional help.
i mean yeah she's been with her family now for a couple of days and i already miss her terribly. like i want to spend all my time with her. i quess i'm just afraid of “leading her on” or something because i'm not sure if i'm like physically attracted to her if that makes sense?
“sorry honey but i'm going to meet a guy from tinder yes i'm in my 10% right now” well it has no right to be, i wouldn't be with someone like this. I'd probably still have it in the back of my head that this person is still looking for someone better than me. she gives you 100% or you break up with her and look for someone who gives you 100%.
F
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm pretty sure your boyfriend just broke up with you because of the weight gain and not because he “doesn't trust you” after you gained weight.
You communicated your weight gain to your boyfriend as clearly as possible while you were still apart. He probably thought he would be ok with it, but then when you met in person, he discovered that he wasn't ok with it after all.
There is literally nothing more you could have done. Even if you had communicated actual numbers to him throughout your time apart, he would never have been able to imagine what the numbers would look on you and how he would eventually feel about them.
That really sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through that, but I don't think you should put your life on pause for a guy who may or may not want to get back together with you in the future (i.e. when or if you lose the weight).
Sorry but you are probably too little, too late. As you said, for her it was the last straw. People will only take so much, and so many empty promises. An ex once asked my mother how love could just so suddenly die. I loved her answer (I wasn't there at the time but she told me later). She said, “Love doesn't just suddenly die — but it can be slow-stomped to death.” That is what happened with you. Every time you gave her an empty promise you stomped on her love one more time. Eventually you stomped it to death.
Will she ever really trust you again? Likely not. Should she? Very hot to say — it's rare for people to truly change and stay that way.
How do you proceed? You keep your distance, do not apply one shred of pressure, and find other things to do in the meantime. If she comes around, great. If not, at least you have sat in the corner and sulked waiting for it to happen.
He's greedy and utterly selfish. Not someone you should be sharing anything with.
I understood what you wrote in your comment, I think you misunderstood what I meant. I replied that taking her in won't do any good. It doesn't matter who will agree to it, it's a terrible idea.
Your boyfriends mom, who I assume lives with him and sees his habits more frequently than you, is waving a marinara flag… and this, puzzles you??
You’ve said that she cares immensely for you and sees you as a daughter, why is it so odd for a mother to warn her daughter that a dude she’s involved with isn’t any good?
My guess is she knows her son won’t change and doesn’t want to see you waste your time when you have so much life ahead of you. To be honest, I wish someone had this talk with me before I married my ex. So many people told me during our divorce about his red flags and it felt disingenuous because they danced at our wedding and smiled in our faces but no one could be honest with me to save me the heartache.
You’re lucky OP, this woman does truly love and care about you. She loves you enough to let you go, be honest with you, and want the best for you. Let that sink in. I’d trust mom on this one and I’d really evaluate why you’d want to stay when his own mother doesn’t think there’s value in it. You deserve more than spending your time waiting for someone else to get their shit together.
Let me take a wild guess who your father was rooting for on 1/6/2021…
No is really the only answer you need to give her. Never have I ever heard someone wanting to open a relationship to kiss other people…she can kiss you as much as she wants. Opening relationships never ends good, and to me this is a deal breaker.
Updateme!
Of course I'm annoyed? Especially if I'm trying to ask how he doesn't know and he just tells me my response/questions are stupid? More upset than anything really.
But how would you challenge someone to engage in a meaningfully conversation like you said? Even for something as basic as asking them to do something?
It’s a positive that you didn’t have a one night stand. But please don’t tell your husband. There are enough questionable decisions on your part that will haunt him and your marriage for a very long time. In my 35 years of conferences that end up in hotel bars, when someone stays alone for “one last drink“ the same thought bubble arises for everyone departing for the night: she’s hoping to get lucky. Now this may not have been your intention—but if your husband is half as naive as you, that will be a focus of wrath for him. And then play out what happened from there, it is no large leap for him to conclude that you intended to cheat all that evening & you simply chickened out at the last minute. So, I would advise only speaking with a counselor about this because you had a close call that was not an accident.
You are deserving of a partner that accepts and honors your sexuality for what it is. There are people out there who will happily date you, and marry you, without sex being a big (or any) part of the relationship. You may come from a culture with a different narrative, but that culture doesn't override human nature at its core. You should never be forced or feel forced to have sex, and your partner should never want to force you, or make you feel bad, for not wanting to have sex. He is less than what you deserve. You are worth more than what he offers.
No. Move on. Telling him won't change the fact that he's not interested in anything much with you.
I think you leave it exactly where it is. Solved. Nobody is upset. Writing a letter would just bring it back up. I wouldn’t
Philippines is probably the destination of choice for that. Thailand is all about the bar girls and lady boys (obviously those are not mutually exclusive).
OP, at the very best they gonna be hanging out with bar girls given his history. At the very best and that is a massive stretch.
We just have a lot in common, we’re a better couples than when she’s with my friend
He didn’t manipulate you but you really aren’t that smart to not talk to your own wife before involving lawyers
He meets those people later when an opportunity presents itself
Hi I don’t know if anyone else has said this but you not consenting to him finishing inside of you, him acknowledging that, and then STILL doing it can be considered sexual assault. Especially as he did it twice in the sense that he absolutely knows better and sucks so much he did it twice. I’m so sorry OP. Please consider your options like breaking up, getting a r*pe kit if you feel it is appropriate etc.
Maybe Jen is the best your friend can do, now that he is a paraplegic (or whatever). I would not rock the boat.
Just leave if you don’t want her anymore. This is fucking gross. You want to be the “hero” boyfriend but also get your rocks off on the side. It’s not fair to your gf, and it’s not fair to the women you plan on using and throwing away.
Where is she traveling? I could imagine in some places you may not want to walk around at bars with expensive jewelry on.
Okay, so you feel as if your hobbies are maybe judged by your wife or considered to be “too much” and that could potentially lead to her wanting to leave you? Or am I misunderstanding?
Yikes. She is just not the person ypu fell in love with. You definietely should break up. This is completely normal to break up, especially with how much ypu argue.
Did she want to change? Sure, it's her choice, but you do not need to spprove of that and do not need to stay with her. You do not owe her your love or affection. It is fine to be a bit selfush in life too.
Just leave her.
It means he has no idea how to describe what he is feeling but it seems good lol.
Actions speak louder than words!!! You should be able to tell with how much pain your in. Remember, if she wanted to she would! Her words don’t mean shit if her actions don’t back them up. And guess what? You’re not married!! Right now is the EASIEST time to leave. You’re so unhappy and you haven’t even been together for a year… you’re ready to commit to a life of sadness and hurt? Why? Because you don’t want to be alone? She seems extremely insensitive, not having sex with you but talking about her sex life constantly and fawning over other dudes like man come on ???? that’s cheater energy right there. It’s be one thing if she was complimenting you and doing the stuff she says she would with you but Sexual people don’t become unsexual out of no where, eventually she’ll give into her temptations she’s clearly having. She’s pushing marriage for a reason, because she wants to trap you before you find out what a shitty person she is. And she’s not even doing a good job hiding it. the universe is blessing you and giving you all the signs before you’re actually stuck in a shitty marriage or shitty/expensive divorce. Leave now before she breaks your heart, you’re in a relationship to be loved not constant doubt and sadness. Being alone is so much better, it hurts but letting people treat you like shit will always do more damage and you don’t deserve that. You sound like a good man! Keep working on yourself and just enjoy life and the right person, who deserves your love, will come.
Marriage isn't supposed to change too much of a relationship, which is why if it's a good relationship, it'll be a good marriage. If it's a bad relationship, it'll be a bad marriage
I'm happily married myself and it's unfortunate seeing people's negative opinions on marriage just because they've seen some crappy ones. Though I hope if they met the right person, they would give it a chance
Never did I say women are never stupid or not responsible for their actions in certain situations.
What I get is that you should not drink since you obviously lose all control and become a danger to all. Maybe put down the bottle well before you get to that point. The rest of your commentary is misogynistic conjecture cherry picked to make it seem like the words “in vino Veritas” were only recently spoken. Maybe you were raised to use alcohol to cover your bad behavior, but lots of people weren't.
This probably stems from either a poor or absentee type relationship with your own father. It's sometimes called “daddy issues” and unfortunately is something some older guys will take advantage of. So talk to a therapist about this so you don't spend your whole life chasing inappropriate male validation.
My dad taught me everything. When my husband and I bought our first house I was the one painting, putting in new faucets, fixing deck boards. My dad, the same man that taught me how to do those things, was outraged! “Your husband…”. Dude, my husband has a credit card and soft hands, I’ve got this. Also, why bother teaching me all these skills if I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for my husband to do it?
Even if she does forgive you she will never forget the mother comment.
My mother once said “you’re just like your father” to younger me while she was also wine drunk because I was crying. 20 years later It still stings.
My ex tried to lose weight for me, her parents supported it too. Ended badly. Saw her recently and looked like she did it for herself this next time, I’m glad she happy now.
I shouldn’t of said anything and shouldn’t of said why I wasn’t interested…
Tell him to get a bigger dick!
WE are all cheering you on OP.
See? You are not alone.
We will all be there in spirit.
Go and celebrate with us, with your head held high.
Everybody stop judging her. Give her the damn advice she’s asked for.
You're not to loose at all. I've had a 9lb 4oz baby come out of there, and my boyfriend says it's just normal, I don't do any pelvic floor exercises. Your boyfriend is just an arsehole with a limp dick
Your right thats what he said but he told me he told them welive together and the do ask about me but idk for sure. I haven't seen anyone he works with since November and so all I have is his word which isn't making me feel very confident. But he could have told everyone we broke up for all I know and I know some of his coworkers are older with kids close to our age and daughters who are single whom he mentioned in the past they tried to set him up with?
He said he didn't mind so I don't see how it's bad?
You booked at one bed air bnb purposefully because you want to sleep with him.
You're an adult, friend. At some point you will need to decide if your partner is worth having to pay rent for yourself.
But it’s not just about you. You are in a relationship in which you need to take the other persons wants and needs into account. If you cannot do that then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
You're an adult, you don't need their permission or to convince them of anything.
Your boyfriend is not required to tell you every nuance of his day. You knew he was out with his friend, why is that not good enough?
Also the attention bit is tied to the previous comment you made, not this one, where you said “you never gave her space”. Read what I said. We weren't seeing each other sometimes for weeks. Texting would dry up a little bit too, if that's not space (albeit not purposefully made) than I don't know what is.