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  1. This right here. She has the right to be in a relationship where she can post what she likes. And you have the right to be in a relationship where neither of you post very hot pics. You both have different values on this issue and may not be compatible.

    One response I’ve seen is to simply post a comment to her pic, like “lookin good baby”. Cheer her on and feel confident she is with you.

  2. Something is up with that. 5 years.. any talk of marriage? (if that’s the goal) He might be wasting your time honestly… just my opinion though

  3. It does change things but I suspect that post would be removed (minors).

    And yes, that's definitely not normal behaviour. It's a very hot one though, maybe it's not a homeless type shelter, maybe it's a shelter for people with learning difficulties or something? I don't know. And that's the thing, you didn't even ask for any details so even if you called cps I've no idea what you would say because you have no idea where the kid was sent. It's definitely a conundrum and I honestly have no idea what to suggest without more information.

  4. Hi OP, I feel for you. I want to mention two things off the bat that you did right from the start:

    Held a boundary at removing all pictures from the first 18 years of your life from your home. You knew your late wife since you were children. It is unreasonable to ask that you erase any evidence that those years happened or mattered.

    You compromised when your girlfriend expressed discomfort. You removed some, not all, photos. This should have been sufficient acknowledgement that her feelings matter to you as a current partner and that you’re willing to translate that into action.

    I do not know if the number of remaining photos would be considered excessive to a reasonable romantic partner/person in general given the info provided. If this is a concern, ask an honest friend for their take.

    I implore you to not let your ex gf back into your life, and to stop contacting her. Do this for your daughter if not for yourself.

    Breaking things when upset instead of talking out is abusive. Screaming at your daughter over an innocent question/project is abusive. Demanding that your daughter, who has known gf all of two years, must now consider her to be “mom” and never bring up the mother she lost before she got a chance to really know the person who gave birth to her is cruel, manipulative and unacceptable.

    Grief is tricky. It’s not linear. It’s not time-limited. It’s not something that needs to be “gotten over”, ever. This info provided is not enough for me to say that your way of remembering your late wife is holding you back from fulfilling romantic relationships or other things you might want to experience in life, because you were not the cause of this. There’s nothing in what you shared that causes me to believe your experience of grief is harmful.

    Focus on healing from this experience for yourself and your daughter. It is scary and heartbreaking to watch someone you love and trust turn into an abuser in the blink of an eye. You need to process this loss of another hoped-for future.

    I wish you strength, healing and luck. Give your daughter an extra hug.

  5. Sad that she reacted defensively. All she needed to tell you is the real reason why she’s not doing it anymore and the issue would instantly die there.

    I’m not a mind reader, so I can’t tell you what she’s thinking. My wildest guess is that she’s 29, “settled”, and just doesn’t want to bother that much anymore.

    Does it bother you? No? Then let her be.

    Is it really “grooming” anyway? It’s more of an aesthetical preference in my book. You can clean yourself thoroughly down there even if you never shave anything off. If she’s taking a shower every day and soaping up the bush properly, then everything’s fine.

  6. You felt embarrassed, sure, but did you need to leave, and not only that, expect your husband to leave with you?

    What is this, prom?

    He was wearing the same thing as you. Unless anyone made any comments whatsoever, I feel that this is quite an immature thing to get upset over and almost “storm” out of the party.

    The fact that you got upset that he stayed I just can't get.

    Should he have given you a heads up? Yeah I suppose so. But shit happens and sometimes things don't go according to play.

    Don't take yourself so seriously and just roll with it next time.

  7. u/whacky187, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  8. Maybe it is time to make things a bit clear. To me it sounds like she thinks she has nailed you down. You have brought her home, your family likes her – she has stopped making an effort. I know that her father is sick but I think it is better you tell her at least part of the truth before her father dies.

    The fact that your sex life is getting down – is maybe something to use – like I feel that there is not much interest of your side in this relationship and I have been wondering if we are just getting to be friends. You could see if this works as a bit of a wake up call. A second way to approce it would be to talk about health, junk food and cancer.

    Still if you do not discuss this before her father dies – you could find yourself married as do you like to kick her out after her father dies … That sounds seriously bad!

    Still you say she has been great – maybe see if she can return to her old self before you break up.

    Remember fundaments for relationships are honest, open, tolerant and KIND communication where you make clear your expectations to you, to her and to the relationship. This has to be followed up with decisions about behavior, joint projects and follow up. I know it sounds business like so I like to do this as dates – but still write things down.

    Remember maybe you can change her – if not you have done your best.

    Difficult situation – do not envy you.

  9. I totally agree. I want to clarify that I do not think autism is a weird quirk. I was just trying to explain in the post, that I never said I was autistic to him. I just agreed that I related to quirks from a video we watched on TikTok. It was something like quirks that could actually be autism.. just some random video that someone made that they probably had no idea what they were talking about. But from that, my husband took that we think I am on the spectrum I guess.

  10. You are just one of her partners. She doesn't have that much time for you, because you are not the only one there. It's not nuclear physics and I am not sure why when she is lying to your face you assume best case scenario. If you confront her you can expect gaslighting or being called controlling. Well considering how naive you come off it will likely take you some tie until you come to the right conclusion.

    Honestly the correct choice is to confront her. Ask her more in detail on her activities in last days (essentailly giving her the chance to mention what you have seen, but do not letit slip you have seen her or suspect anything). Should she not mention it be straight forwards along with asking if this is the reason why she can't have more time for you (because it is let's not kid ourselves) and unless she is apologetic and change her behaviour break u with her. Alternatively simply breaking up without even unnecessary confrontation is fine too.

    Obviously it's not what you are going to do, even though you have cheated on before lesson seems to remain unlearnt.

  11. If you’re truly not cheating could it be that she is or is thinking about it and pushing it into you. I ask cause this is a common occurrence.

  12. that's right. does it even matter if it was drink talk? it still came out of his mouth.

    OP: Consider this: why does he say he needs you?

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  14. *I was going to text her but she was so beautiful I want to stand out and be mysterious*

    I think you are over thinking this, Op. BTW, she doesn't know you from Adam so already you are *mysterious*.

    Btw, Op? You already told her that you think she is beautiful so lets not say that again for awhile.

    From what I understand, young people tend to text a bit and learn about each other a little first. What do you do? What are you studying? What do you do for fun? Music, reading, movies, hobbies, and so forth. If the texting/conversation is going well, THEN you ask, I would like to take you out to…coffee, lunch etc, What do you think? Would you like to go out with me?

    This is my best advice, Op. Good luck!

  15. Common cause of UTIs: poor hygiene, not peeing after sex, more than one sexual partner for either participant. Recurrent UTIs are not normal.

  16. She is absolutely right, your reaction was completely unhinged and you physically assaulted her. You need therapy ASAP and she needs to dump you.

  17. This makes me feel sick. Poor dog doesn’t deserve this life of torture. No way should he go with you. Give him to anyone else. Anyone at all.

  18. That's pretty normal for first relationships honestly. I'd recommend talking to her about it and share why you're nervous, and that it isn't her. Then after that, just fight through your nervousness and force yourself to show her affection I'm public – it gets easier and more natrual the more you practice, like anything else.

  19. Your husband is a moron. And insecure and maybe many other words. You don’t define yourself by putting others around you down.

  20. Was in a relationship with a 23 m when i was 17 f. Looking back i see that his biggest attraction to me was his abilty to control me and taking advantage of my naivete. There was a reason he didn't date girls his age lol i wasn't even old enough to drink. Sounds like this girl wants to step back because she starting to see it. I did it at 19 and said bye bye bye.

  21. It sounds like he's like me. Lives for the party but hates that. Wants to do all his responsibilities, but NEEDS to escape them sometimes. And generally isn't coping well.

    That is only an observation by someone who sees something familiar.

    I never ever intend to go out for days. I never ever plan to get wrapped up in shit. I intend to be where I say I'll be when I say I'll be there.

    It's just I do get wrapped up and caught out. And I'm not prepared either.

    I don't want to plan a mad one, then my girlfriend may get mad.

    I don't need permission, I need acceptance. Maybe you could have insisted he book a hotel and stay out. You saw it coming but you believed the same optimistic crap he did.

    I don't have answers, mostly just commented to let you know you aren't alone. My girlfriend is in the same boat, and I don't mean to be, but I'm an arse.

  22. I disagree, if she wanted to do it to hurt then she would have done it right after the divorce. The mom waited until op became a full adult.

  23. if I dumped her she would be on the streets

    So???? They've had no issues using their parents, and now you for years…. they don't care about anyone else by themselves. They could have easily worked on themselves, paid their own bills….but they choose to NOT do that.

  24. That changes my opinion. If he talks like that to people like service workers, then there is truly a bigger issue. I truly feel that people who mistreat people like service workers/wait staff/etc and/or animals are not good people at heart. If he truly is like this with service workers, then I take it all back. You have a legit reason to be concerned that he is hiding deeper anger issues that will one day be directed at you… and, in my random opinion (without really knowing the person) he's not a good person deep down inside.

  25. Honestly, this isn't something YOU can fix… SHE has to fix it. I know for her it's been six years but for you it all new. So she lied by omission, hid and rug swept her cheating but that doesn't mean she's dealt with it. Now that it's out and you know about it how is she dealing with fixing herself and making herself a safe partner for you? You can be trying to change things about yourself to fix this while she stands around wringing her hands and saying “Opps, sorry.” She's got to realize she's hurt you deeply, something in her allowed her to do that and needs to be addressed and she needs to figure out how to earn your trust back. You should both start by reading “How to help your spouse heal from your affair” by MacDonald. She likely needs some therapy also. Good luck.

  26. Thank you. I am going to try to talk to him about the counseling and reason with him about staying because of my job. I do love him. He has been trying. I think if he stayed, we could work it out.

  27. You should pair the shitty treatment memories with affirmations of your worth. You deserved the good moments. You did not deserve the really bad ones. You're worthy of love that doesn't have that level of shit to wade through to get to a few moments of happiness, and once you're ready, you'll find exactly that. You need to make sure you're healed and grown into the person you need to be to give that happiness a solid place in your life when you come across it. And to get there, you need to grieve and heal from this.

    Pain is always hot to on-line through. But it's important to remember getting past grief and pain is a process. You can wish it would suddenly stop or go away, but the only instant solution is ignoring it, and that's more harmful than helpful.

    I know it hurts. I know it sucks. But this too shall pass. It will take time and effort, but eventually it will lessen and pass into the background of your life, just like everything else you've survived up to this point.

  28. His self worth is based on you being the less skilled, less handy, all around lesser person, when it's obvious it's the other way around.

  29. From what I'm understanding, he's shown no interest in you outside of causal conversation. Why do you want to pursue someone who hasn't shown any interest?

    You also said you think he likes one of your friends. Move on and find someone who is interested in you. By the way, him not replying for a few hours isn't bad. He has classes, homework, studying, etc.

  30. I just ordered one diffuser on Amazon but might get another for the upper floor. We have 3 litter boxes right now, one of them is HUGE and they seem to prefer that one. Might get another big one if that could help?

  31. Bro if you’re even on the fence about this then you got like no self respect , this person did this to hurt you . Get her out your like asap

  32. I’d confront her immediately. And if she’s physically cheated, end it permanently. If not, talk about it and figure out your next steps. And for god’s sake, stop apologizing for trusting your gut and catching her in her infidelity.

  33. Then we need a game plan. Do you have a go bag or an extra set of keys to go while he's sleeping? I really think you need to lie about the dog, give it away and say it ran away or died.

  34. His brain doesn’t seem to register that it’s uncalled for or he wouldn’t be literally abusing his dog.

  35. If he's a little aloof I can understand, because he's insulting his pancakes, I guess he meant to insult himself and didn't realize how he's also insulting you, I mean it's really really bad if he didn't apologize excessively after that I wouldn't like trust him

  36. So my wife just started talking to this new guy she met from work and I noticed that they’ve been texting almost every day. I confronted her about it when I first caught on and she has always just downplayed it and being the social girl that she is, says that she is just making new friends and trying to change up things in her lifestyle – to be more independent. She could be validly downplaying it though because she has always been and is still, a very loyal partner. We have been together 6 years and have always been very solid.

    The issue is that the other night I went through her texts because I had to know what these two were talking about all the time, and aside from the flirty and overly friendly relationship they are building, I noticed that something wasn’t right.

    Follow me here because this may get confusing… To preface, we are both iOS users. Now, on an iPhone, if you delete the most recent text in a conversation from the Messages app, then in the list where you see all your various chats, it will still show the time stamp of the deleted message, but the text preview will show the text contents of the message before that.. but if the last text was a reaction, for example ‘XX loved “”’, then it will show that message along with the timestamp in the list of all messages…

    So, I noticed that the last text between my wife and this guy, was him reacting to her text, and it was timestamped “Yesterday”, but their last text in the actual chat was dated Wednesday (not yesterday) and I also could not find the message that the guy reacted to.. so basically, it was deleted. I have seen this many times before and it is literal proof that the text was deleted.

    So anyways, I confronted her about it and basically called her out saying I know she deleted the texts and she just keeps on denying it. I keep telling her that I know she did it and I’m not an idiot and I know how this shit works and I literally know she’s lying, and she still won’t admit it. We just went at it for more than a few hours and she still won’t budge.

    At this point I have no choice but to believe her and to just move past this, but for the life of me I just can’t get it off my mind. Why did she have to delete the texts, and how can she just keep lying to me, even though I literally know she did it. And I told her that over and over again.

    I know this is something so small and so childish and i probably sound fucking insane for doing all of this and looking this deeply into it, but unfortunately that’s just the kind of mind that I have and no matter what I do I can’t just move past it without an answer.

    I need some advice on what to do next and how to get her to admit this, even though she is extremely stubborn and adamant that she did not delete anything. She just gets really defensive and starts screaming every time we get back on the subject. All of it seems so suspicious to me.

    Final note is that through all of our conversations, she has reassured me (in the form of angrily screaming) that she has no interest and intentions with this guy, she is loyal to me and only me, and how all she wants is to just be successful together and start a family, etc. so all things that would normally make me feel way better about all of this, but the fact that I know she deleted the texts but won’t admit it just ruins all of it, and any trust I have for her.

    Please help because I really do not want this to ruin my relationship or make me any more crazy than it already has..

    tldr; Found out my wife deleted texts between her and her new male coworker friend, and she won’t admit to it even after I confronted her.

  37. I mean overall there’s a lot of similarities religion wise, you both could always go to synagogue one weekend and church the other? My gf is a different denomination than me and we will go to eachother’s church services together. It’s an interesting point of conversation too

  38. I know you deleted but just in case you check this later.

    I think maybe while you’re away set up something nice for her. Like a surprise flower delivery or an outing for her and a friend. Something to show you’re still thinking of her while you’re away so she doesn’t think you’re always leaving her and not prioritising her

  39. Hey man, first I want to say that's a pretty difficult position to be in. No easy way out of having to choose between two life-defining and life-changing relationships. Your decisions are going to change two lives in dramatic ways, and there is no right answer.

    I don't get a sense of how firm you are in your decision to take in your daughter. But wanted to suggest you take some time to fully process what this will mean for you and your daughter. She may experience some issues related to abandonment. Do some research on “Reactive Attachment Disorder”. These behaviors can be confusing and difficult to deal with. Knowing what to look out for and lining up trained therapists will make the transition much easier. Without it some of the behaviors may be misinterpreted as “bad kid” behavior.

    Also, how prepared are you to become a parent in general? If you have some good friends or family who you consider good parents, take them out to dinner and talk this through, get an idea of what your in for. There is no perfect manual on parenting kids, but it is a major life change, and going in with some prep can help lessen the shock.

    Your focus on your relationship with your wife will definitely change. If she does stick around you may want to meet with a couples counselor to have a moderator that can help walk through what the future looks like and what you both need moving forward while also accommodating the fact of a new child in the house. Establish what role she is wanting and willing to play.

    If she bails, that's understandable. Let her walk away with no judgement or pressure to stay. She did not sign up for that and made it clear what she wanted before she committed to marriage.

    Good luck sir. Life is a journey and kids challenging but amazing.

    Source: Parent of 5, three adopted with some attachment issues to sort out, married 29 years.

  40. So you’ve graduated from bangmaid to fully independent woman and he hates it.

    It sounds like a him problem. You are doing an amazing job! You sound like not only a kick-ass person, but a better partner than he deserved. His insecurities are his to deal with.

    What does he contribute to the relationship? Honestly?

  41. Well at such young age woman often want to experiment and stuff… It baffles me that so many still marry before even finishing college for one.

  42. What’s wrong with wearing earbuds in public? That makes zero sense. I have caught him flirting with other girls and called him out on it. Even his sister did as well when she was with us. His dad does it to his mother l the time. That was actually the second time I caught him flirting with her. It’s funny how he wanted to go to the store she works at and go to her line although it was already full of people and the other line was shorter then decided to catch an attitude with me in front of her. Naw that doesn’t fly.

  43. Same bestie, sameee. I’m not emotionally there anymore but I don’t wanna be rude about it. It sucks!!

  44. im not gonna deny the codependency issues, me and him both have them. it’s a real mental health issue so it shouldn’t be used as an insult, maybe you should grow up.

    I’m not saying i’m going to die during these two weeks, but if your SO was leaving and you had barely seen them all week, wouldn’t you want to spend the night with them before they went?

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