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Braelyn, y.o.
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Date: November 1, 2022
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When dealing with an introvert, I find that it's easier to relate it to someone who has arachnophobia. They are simply absolutely terrified of spiders. You can't just make the fear “go away,” and it doesn't matter if they rationally understand completely that spiders are generally harmless to human beings and there's no real reason to fear them. When they see a spider, they are absolutely terrified. It's part of their personality and psychology, part of who they inherently are. With a lot of time and careful conditioning, it is possible for a person to partially or completely overcome such a phobia, just as it is possible for an introvert to be able to adapt to being around large crowds. But just dragging them into the middle of an unfamiliar crowd is akin to tossing a tarantula on an arachnophobe.
You bring up to your BF that you would prefer him to be more comfortable around crowds is like telling a guy with acrophobia (fear of heights) that would prefer to be able to go with him on an airplane and travel overseas. You are, in essence, telling him that he is not good enough to make you happy, because of his inherent psychological discomfort at the thought of being in an undesirable situation. You're not just “telling him how you feel”–you're telling him that he's not man enough to make you happy, and that is a serious blow to anyone's ego.
If you love him, and you want to be with him, then you need to learn to accept that part of him, just as he will have to learn to accept you, for all of your own flaws and quirks.
Perhaps, instead of telling him, “I wish that you were more outgoing,” you could instead say something along the lines of, “I understand and accept that you are not comfortable in crowds of strangers, but I would still like you to enjoy meeting with my family and friends. Is there anything that I can do–or that we can do together–that might make such situations less stressful and more pleasant for you, so that we can both be happy?”
I came here to write up a very similar view as to what I read. But yours sums it up perfectly. OP your boyfriend is not a good partner.
Well, no one is going to be able to tell you why your uncle reacted the way he did, because we aren't mind readers.
You can either try to talk to him about it, or you can just let it go.