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Date: November 15, 2022
AmateurPub
this will likely be of little comfort but this is literally the plot to the iconic 2002 avril lavigne song “Sk8r Boi.” so, i mean, if all goes well you're gonna end up a super hot, famous, and rich rock star with a hard songwriter gf (or bf if you enjoy that) and your ex will be twisting with regret! hooray! for real tho best of luck OP, this sucks to go through
Well, it is a “get over it” situation, but it's never that easy. It's something that would probably require time, space, and therapy. For their relationship to continue she has to get over it in her own way.
Disregard your friends.
Your bf sounds smart AND sweet AND genuine.
Finish your degree.
Don't project your hang-ups on other people. It won't go well for you. If her views on sex are a deal-breaker for you, move on. You can't undo what she's already done.
This is him showing you that he has double standards and that he knows he isn't filling a need. Also the Jealousy. There are two ways to fix this. He either gets over it because he also is doing “worse” by watching porn. Your just listening to sexy audio. Or you both stop all of it… (My marriage has no solo porn viewing regardless of delivery method due to a mutual view of it as cheating and it works just fine for us.)
Now, if your BF is viewing things that you want to try in your bedroom and refusing you that is a red flag… Yes SA can cause you to not be very explorative/comfortable with anything but vanilla sex (perfectly ok and valid); however, if he is consuming non vanilla sex via porn then that is not the case… If you are not satisfied with vanilla and that's all he will give then you have a sexual compatibility issue. Also remember and realize that if he is consuming non vanilla porn content and masturbating to it then he is denying you that sexual freedom while pleasing himself with it. Further “You're not like those women”… What… of course your not a porn star… but you are his partner who has asked for specifics in the bedroom that he is consuming solo and he is refusing based on you not being a porn star???
Also, even with mine and my husbands view of solo porn consumption being cheating… If that's not a clearly defined and set boundary and standard for both parties in a relationship then it cant be classified that way…. Like if we thought porn was fine and my husband consumed it and I also consumed it, I cant 1. name call him, 2. shame him, 3. call it cheating when I consume the same thing. Regardless of delivery method. And Visa Versa…
Also the friend saying you knew his stance on porn in a relationship… Yes you knew his stance. You knew he regularly consumed porn that was at a level non vanilla; refused to act on what he was consuming with his willing partner; and continued to view non vanilla video porn… So you knew that he was OK with true “hard core” porn…
You should have mentioned the kids from the beginning.
They planned the trip together from the beginning. What did he think would happen with the kids if it wasn't take them along? Why should she be the one to plan what to do with them?
So tell your family that if she’s there you won’t be.
That she was a bully at HS and hasn’t changed.
Tell them that their reaction to her starting it all back again was hurtful, and because of that you will be going low contact with them.
Also warn them that if they try to force anything, you will leave and that you will go no contact.