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squirt for u [215 tokens remaining]
Date: October 6, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
squirt for u [215 tokens remaining]
This is what scares me. To be 100% level and honest. That's why I posted here. I didn't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. I scared of pushing her away and try to tell myself that I am what she wants.
She seems like she is very lonely and I don't think she has dealt with your father's passing either. She has gone from having you and your father in her every day life to having no one in a very short time. (was she a sahm for a long time?)
I would suggest that you maybe coax her to get some therapy (even if you go with the first few times).
Then also schedule 2 or 3 days a week where you or you and hubby spend some time with her (you can slowly take it down to less days over an extended amount of time, but take it slow). During this time do things that will help her get new Hobbies and friends. This will ultimately help her miss you less when you start cutting down the time you spend with her.
Definitely don't take her on honeymoon with you, maybe ask her to keep an eye on your flat and tell her the grandkids will miss her if she goes. It will make her feel needed and she will be more likely to stay without a fight (if you have pets, that's a great reason for her to pets it because “you don't trust anyone else with your pets as much as you trust her”.
That’s too bad
Says that to him spending time with me is the same as if he didnt. But he likes my company.
OK, so then clearly, spending time with you is NOT “the same as if he didn't”.
Now he's going to accuse you of fucking the couch.
I've been sewing for a long long time. Since working in the costume department in my college theater. Alterations are hot if you don't know what you're doing. Explain to your husband (or pass this comment on to him) that it will legit be a long time before you have the skills to do this. It would literally be easier to make him new clothes just for practice before you attempt this.
Sending them to a local alterations shop will be much faster and surprisingly cheap, and they'll do an excellent job. Even with my background I'd do that before attempting this myself.
He doesn't know what to do to make you feel less upset.
He probably hasn't had relationships where he could actually positively correct his mistake or help make the person feel better.
Abusive parents / siblings whose method of dealing with when they are upset is to punish him could do that conditioning where he expects to be punished for upsetting you (to make you feel better..). It's fucked up, but it's what it can be with sadistic people.
Now you're probably not a sadist, and seeing him hurt himself upsets you even more still. He's going to take a while to learn that, i suppose.
You could spend time in a relationship teaching him what is expected to do when you are upset.
Or if you're going to brake up, do give him feedback though. That people want to be made to feel better when they are upset, and he needs to learn how, not for him to simply punish himself as that doesn't do them good.
She was getting paid? Doubtful. She's likely lying to cover her ass after getting found out. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. You were going through shit, it happens. If she was that unhappy, she could've left then. Every day since that happened she's been actively deceiving you and lying to you. She only admits it because there's video evidence and you found it. Leave. This ain't the one.
I can understand that you doubt him. He should’ve told you as soon as he knew but he knew you wouldn’t approuve. i’m sure this co worher had sex with this woman where was you bf when they did?
I think you should ask him some questions. He could tell the truth but he could also lie so you have to be on the look out for any red flags in the future.
How is it emotionally abusive? It seems to me like he actually wants a divorce.
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Nah. That would have been great advice after the toilet. Now that she's played surprise games there's a need for disgust. Not at the urine itself but at her lack of respect for consent. Even if OP is open to it, indulging her before properly establishing that her behavior was unacceptable just opens the door to more disrespect. Once she understands that she seriously screwed up, then a discussion can be had.
Yeah, you're right there, on all points in the first part. I'm really confused why the bathing suit part bothers me, I know logically that its just normal swim wear like you said. But I'm struggling to get past the idea of a guy I don't know being in that proximity with my partner in that setting. Today is going to be spent figuring out why that bothers me when in reality, it isn't a big deal. I think my brain can't get past the fact that I don't know the guys true intentions? I'd trust my partner's intentions for sure…
Again, super solid point. To me, I view being invited more as an acknowledgement that he knows me and my partner are in a committed relationship than being lumped into one entity though. I guess context is important here for me, if I knew he knew that she was in a serious relationship, then I'd be way more comfortable.
And I REALLY appreciate the level headed and super thoughtful responses! It always feels good to have a conversation that doesn't feel like a competition, but instead feels like 2 people sharing thier input.
These people don't know what they are talking about. He could have walked. He totally could have decided to leave. But you can't waste your life with someone who only tries to meet
So many red flags on both sides. Just go home and leave this relationship behind, you're both extremely toxic.
Man I’ve been an ER nurse for 15 years and i legit Didn’t think of this ?
By calling someone else pathetic, you implicitly saying something about yourself.
Why? What reason you have for not wanting to sleep with someone who's slept with a lot of people?
You are probably not aware that you are emulating a misogynictic person, but that's what you are doing. Women can be misogynists too.
People are weird creatures and sometimes need space. It may not be you he’s ghosting since he isn’t talking with friends either. Just give him time and I hope you can get your things back.
It's fine for you to feel that a 22 year old is too old for you, and I think age gaps in your late teens to early twenties do feel much larger, because so much development takes place during that time. There is nothing morally wrong with dating a consenting adult where there's a four year gap. People are vastly different, and there are plenty of 18 year olds out there who have life experience that puts them closer to someone in their early twenties in terms of maturity.
Again, it's fine for you to have a boundary/preference for who you date, but it's very strange that you would suggest there is a moral issue with someone else not adhering to your personal boundary.
Pregnant? The other girl’s actually his wife they have 3 kids together
It's pretty gross that he's 33 and wanted to date you thinking you were ~2/3 his age. Also gross that his limit is 6 years younger than him. Someone who should be a decently-established adult wanting to date someone just out of college and stay at that age range seems predatory as hell.
He expects it because you keep doing it.
If you realised your sisters worth you would have cut this creep out of your life the moment you found out your husband was a predator.
You know how she texts, you've been hoping she would change all this time and thats the problem. You really can't rely on someone changing for you. You both were very young when you started dating and it's very unlikely you have a future together you both grow into adults.
You're sabotaging the relationship by expecting her to do what she has never done, and expecting her to do it just because you want her to do it.
I don't see anything wrong in her giving short answers on the day to day chats, you're not so interesting all of the time that it requires deep long texts. This almost sounds codependent, which is not surprising because of how young you started dating, and how much you rely on her emotionally.
You are both adults now so if you want to make it work, try couples counseling. They should give tools on how to communicate and maybe what to expect in a healthy relationship. And consider talking to a therapist about your family situation, growing up in a neglectful home can make it hot to see what a healthy relationship looks like.
You mean Ex boyfriend surely?
Nothing can fix this relationship. He is intimidating and bullying you and has committed criminal damage. ~Report him to the police.
Would you think it reasonable/sane to smash his TV or anyone elses tv if you got upset????
I would use the “5 why's” technique. Basically, don't interject your opinion, echo her statement, paraphrase the question in different ways, like “I understand that you feel that babies shouldn't be separated from their mothers. What about the separation feel cruel?” Usually within 5 iterations of this, most people are able to recognize that they are being nonsensical. She's got to be the one to recognize her hangups.
Honestly, it feels like she's dealing with post partum depression. Have you thought about working with a doula? Often times, a doctor or a clinical settings can be overwhelming and feel threatening. A doula might be a better option. They are experienced birthing counselors that assist with during and post birth. They tend to be less intimidating and might offer your wife a more nurturing setting.
Every thread. Might as well shut this sub down and have 1 post on it that just says: divorce them.
It’s honestly sounds like he’s both an idiot and a complete AH.
OP, from the outside looking in, it’s obvious to other people that the man you’re dating has a bad attitude and is also dumber than a tube of toothpaste. The first part (the attitude) will make it very difficult for you to teach, educate and guide him the way he needs (because of how hot thinking is for him). Please for your own sake break up with him and find someone else. Start over.
No but seriously, the fact that he’d do something to jeopardize your health and then brush your concerns off and not take it seriously is waayyy fucked up. You deserve better. Everyone deserves better than that, really.
I try not to dump. I save that for my best friend. She does the same to me and we always say “I’m gonna dump my issues, you can reply or ignore it or reply when you have the mental ability “ and go off.
Doesn't sound as if she is your gf anymore.
You’d be insane to pay anything related to this car, you’re insane if you allow her purchase to change her contribution to the household, if she can’t afford it on her own and keep paying her share, end it
He put himself on video. I'm sorry if it comes off as stupid. I just don't want to be conned
Damn that was perfect
She hasn't moved on.
You are not the slightest bit concerned about her, its all about what you want.
Guess what, pal. Keep it up and so far from having x number of children on your strict timetable, you may not even have a wife three years from now. What do your “Vietnamese and Nigerian traditions” say about that, oh mighty household overlord?
I pity your poor wife.
She was a part of his life until the end. Unfortunately, for her he was the number 1 person for a small part of her life. Some of the most important people in our lives aren't there for the whole journey. We don't love them less for not being here, and it doesn't make us love those that are still with us on the journey less either. It just is what it is and our jobs are always to support and love those in our lives with what they're dealing with, regardless of it's a lost love, the death of a child, or something minor that's causing distress. Death is a part of life and it's hot to accept sometimes, but those that are still here help balance out the shittyness of it all
That’s what I was thinking too. I’ve never been put in the situation but I’m pretty positive I wouldn’t accept a valentines gift or any gift from someone who I know has had romantic interest in me while I was in a relationship.
Why can’t you also go out with her? Is she stopping you from coming along?
there's nothing a man could be or do to be worth “working” through a porn addiction lol. he doesn't respect you in the slightest
Touching story. Rarely I see a post and the answer is clearly to break up. Crowds always cheer for break ups and I rarely ever agree on it, even in cheating situations.
But. You understand and accept each other.
Considering you accepted her polyamorous thing. You can’t take it back.
But considering the basic in 101 romantics you are asking for, she OWES that to you. To do with you what she does with the others. Loving and dirty stuff both equally. Non negotiable.
Just dont take away the poly thing…
Yes it's a normal thing. You are both very young and yet still different than when you were 18.
r/lostredditors this is fake
You say you can’t imagine doing it all on your own, but based on everything you’ve said, it sounds like you’re already doing it all on your own. It sounds more like you’re afraid to be alone.
What does your husband actually do for your child? How does he pull his own weight around the house?
Never stopped anyone from what?
If someone goes for your throat, if they know what they're saying is going to hurt you deeply, and they say it for the sake of hurting you they are a monster. Love doesn't do that, not even in anger.
You have no idea how long she’s “sat” on it. She could’ve changed her mind last week.
So you have decided to actively destroy your relationship? That is how most open relationship convos end up. I guess if you were to break up otherwise, it is worth giving a shot, but you should be ready for likely consequences.
That surprises me, because as a runner, you need more support during a longer race.
I've been thinking on this thread a bit and I think I see something here that we're not seeing because we only have OPs word on it. Your comment here helped me to kind of think about it in the way of what other support they're providing or asked to provide, not just on race day. At some point if you're running this many races (10 a year) and always ask for support there can be a selfish element to it. Perhaps her training schedule, maybe dietary and sleep changes, and unwillingness to contribute in other parts of the relationship (Sorry, we can't do what you want ever on Sundays, I have a long run to do and recover from) is causing a rift.
Or not, but I'm in this position right now as someone who bikes where the biking consumes parts of my life that I can't give to my spouse so I understand if that's a perspective.