alexyferrer chat

Date: September 23, 2022

7 thoughts on “alexyferrer

  1. This isn't going to be the most popular opinion here, considering the amount of comments here dunking on your ex.

    I think you did the right thing. You need time to process and to decide on when you're willing to forgive.

    However I don't think you should walk away totally, or at least not to the extent of totally shutting down what happens after you decide if you can ever see her as a partner in your life.

    Here's my take. Peer pressure is an absolute bitch. It's pervasive, manipulative and an absolute nightmare in every scenario it's present. There are people who are immune to it, and some who are strong enough to overcome it but those people arent the most common.

    She has shown that she is neither of those, but that's not so much of a character flaw, as it is human nature.

    What exactly were her options? Tell them to stop? She did, and they kept going

    Tell HR? That's a salon. I doubt that function exists

    Quit the job? Sure, but that has other strings attached. I'm not sure exactly how the entire salon industry works, but it's probably smaller than you believe and word travels.

    It's sort of like being in an closed echo chamber. If you're surrounded by a opinion, even if it's contrary to your own, eventually it'll wear you down and make sense.

    None of this is an excuse for her actions, but it is a reason for clarity

    You already know all the bad, dumb shit that she did.

    Let me highlight the opposite.

    She called you, she realized that she fucked up. Depending on how you want to look at this, either she had a moment or someone clarified what a dumbass she is. The fact that she did reach out is a positive

    She told the truth and faced the consequence to her friends. And family. According to you, she didn't lie. She told the truth to everyone and took the shit. There was no self preservation instinct for her, no need to reason, justify or convince others. She knew she fucked up, she faced the music. That takes so much more strength than most people realize.

    If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. I'll reclarify my points here.

    You're not wrong. You did the right thing. You are ALLOWED and SUPPOSED to feel the hurt, the betrayal, the anger and the exhilaration of watching her realize that she fucked up. You're not a bad person, nor lessor because you wanted her to know what she threw away. You are allowed to have this. And you are allowed to own this.

    She is wrong. There's no other way around it. She has told you the reasons, and what she's going to do to solve the issues but at the end, she is still wrong.

    She has apologized but it's up to you to decide when that apology, if ever, will matter to you. That is your time, not anyone else's. 3 months, 6 months, whatever. It's up to you to decide all of this.

    At the end of the day, the only advice they I can give is that people are allowed to make mistakes, but not everyone deserves to be forgiven. It's up to you to take a look and see if the contrition that she will have is appropriate and genuine

    I won't wish you luck, because that's what what you need. But I do wish you clarity, because that is what you will want.

  2. Same, it doesn’t bother me but these are definitely not my people. I haven’t really made any close friends in grad school, and probably won’t in my career either. It’s fine.

    I do think having had a bunch of shitty jobs before going back to school is lowkey a bit of a cheat code. Maybe just being older too. I’m just way less stressed out about everything than my peers and I think it’s because I have no external pressure, haven’t spent my whole life dreaming of being here, and have worked a lot harder for less money.

  3. I think he's less shy than he is afraid of getting too involved with a co-worker. Or maybe he's afraid of getting involved with anyone. Like you, he may still be testing the waters on that dating app.

    Clearly he already knows you are interested, since you matched his dating profile. But oblique suggestions about wanting to cuddle “someone,” followed by rejections when you asked him to clarify whether he meant cuddling with you, lead me to believe that at most he is looking for a hookup partner or an live sexting partner,and not much more. Honestly, is someone this enigmatic worth the effort? I personally wouldn't risk dating someone I had to see every weekday in any case, but YMMV.

  4. Tell her you got back together with an ex or that you were seeing another woman behind her back.

    She'll hate you but she won't suffer a hit to her self esteem.

    I'm kind of icked out by your preference but I admire the way you handled it

  5. If you lived your ex, you wouldn’t have cheated. Leave her alone as she deserves better than you. Yta

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *