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1. I do this all the time.

   My fiance knows that this behavior is due to trauma involving emotional and physical abuse as a kid to adulthood. The moment I hear certain tonal voice chabges and/or body language that makes me think someone is mad or upset, my immediate response is to gauge how bad by softly asking questions that can help me know when and where it would be safe for me to ask for a small change or for potential help.

   It is an ingrained response and while i am trying to break that habit, after 28 years of ingrain habit due to abuse, my fiance of 9 years (i am 36) is a saint because he allows me to ask my questions but also helps me work trhough why i felt the need to do so.

   You need to sit your wife down, explain to her that you are wanting to understand why she does communicate to you this way and that you would like for her to understand how it makes you feel and try to work it out from there.

   Please do not approach this with anger, you will not get anywhere. Come from love and understanding but also dont pressure her to try and change overnight. It is a process.

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2. I don’t think he’s cheating, I just know I didn’t deserve that

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