I'll tell you this, you don't end up in a leadership role by accident. You don't end up ambitious by accident. The conceptualization that you want to build and have things for yourself is something I'm certain you've been told and accepted.
Now I'm going to describe a person. They don't listen to you, they know what they want and they go get it, they do not take no for an answer. If you were to guess, which gender better describes this stereotype?
Your husband cheated on you and is lying about it. Knowing that, do you want to stay married to him, or not?
You may want undeniable proof of his infidelity before deciding to leave him, but it's likely you won't get that. You know what the reality of the situation is. Now it's just up to you to decide what you want. You can absolutely make the choice to stay married, but do it with open eyes, knowing you cannot trust your husband and that he will likely do this to you again and again. Only you can decide if other aspects of the relationship are worth that.
The only reason you might need proof of his cheating is if you are financially dependent on him and will be seeking alimony in divorce proceedings. If that's the case, a divorce lawyer will be able to best advise you on next steps.
If you want to stay together you need to start being more assertive and planning activities. What do you want to do with him that would make you happy? Going on dates? Ask him. Contact him. “What are you doing Friday night? Lets go skating and then dinner. Great. What time can you pick me up?” If can't do it, and he says he'd like to do it, get him to choose the alternative activity and time and place.
Make definite plans in definitely timeframes. Don't let him fluff you around. Don't say “Whenever you're free”. Make a time. If he continues to fluff you around he's just not that interested. If he was really interested, he'd make an effort to make it work. At least you'll know then.
Don't let him belittle you. Tell him that you do not like being mimicked, its offensive, and you'd like him to stop.
I'm going to be direct with you she is simply using you you're paying for everything you help around the house while all she has to do is give a few kisses and not even have sex and trust me it's not that she wants you to commit to have sex no it's to commit so that she is insured for life you' LL be taking care of her expenses and even cook and clean while she does nothing so just BREAK UP with this woman and focus on yourself for a while and then try to meet a woman that will have the same thinking as you specifically when it comes to sex not exactly the same but you have to be on the same page and have similar sexual drive
You should break up with him. You’ve been emotionally cheating and drove your boyfriend to the point of invading privacy only for him to actually find proof. You’ve caused actual trauma and that poor guys is gonna struggle with his next partner because of you. Let him go.
I absolutely understand the depression thing. However, when you have a partner that you want to be intimate with it's pretty important that your genitals are cleaned regularly. They're going to smell no matter what she says.
The age gap is literally the issue because it's a) the whole reason he won't invite you and b) the distance between your ages is not going to change. How long you're willing to put up with being a secret is something only you can answer.
I chose to have the rhinoplasty at the same time. I had constant sinus infections because my left nostril was almost closed at the top. Antibiotics were barely working anymore and my doctor told me to look into septoplasty and I decided to get a rhinoplasty at the same time. My insurance covered the septoplasty and I paid out of pocket for the rhinoplasty.
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Of course this was cheating. You don’t “accidentally” cheat. He knew wtf he was doing. Can’t have sex if you’re not very hot, he was aroused. He was aware. Then he lied at first. All of his decisions were poor. He ruined the 2 of youz.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
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I'm not sadist and it discomforts me to see pain in anal vids. I've assisted in bdsm with my partner, where she is clearly enjoying things like wax play.
Causing your partner pain for your pleasure is a strange line with abuse, respect, and love. How are they compatible?
What you said regarding the numbing gel and him not wanting you to prepare for anal is a red flag or stop sign in my books.
Do what you feel good about, not just neutral or willing to tolerate. Communicate that clearly to him.
He can have his porn fantasy, but don't let him cross your boundaries.
just walk away, don't say anything to them, let your lawyer speak to his lawyer and move forward and live your best life.. if you can sue her in court for saying you attacked her do that as well. never look back.
Cheating sucks and it’s personally devastating and traumatic. Been there. But There’s plenty of things in life that we experience that are worse. Like your mom cutting off communication with you because you still see your dad and his affair partner.
Just how messed up was your childhood?! To sleep with your sisters therapist? After unloading your childhood on her? That's beyond weird. The therapist could/should get in trouble. If all you'd done was accidentally meet at a party, that'd be one thing, but being part of your sister's recovery puts you in a professional relationship. Lines were crossed. Your sister has a lot to work through. I suggest you let her and tell her you are there when/if she wants to talk about this new trauma. You both broke her trust, you can't undo this
I don’t know if this has been said yet but asking your kids to keep secrets for him is a huge red flag, and just makes this whole thing a lot more creepy than it already is.
Thank you, I really can't see any other end to this. He's always the victim no matter what. I can simply be silent and it turns into him thinking I'm upset no matter how much I explain that I'm not.
None of your symptoms/behavior is your fault and never a reason for her to treat you this way. Never is there any reason to treat a person like that. Run my friend, RUN!!!
None of your symptoms/behavior is your fault and never a reason for her to treat you this way. Never is there any reason to treat a person like that. Run my friend, RUN!!!
None of your symptoms/behavior is your fault and never a reason for her to treat you this way. Never is there any reason to treat a person like that. Run my friend, RUN!!!
It doesn’t have to be a specific condition. Basically it might have happened once for whatever reason and since then it’s been in his head. So, whenever you start foreplay he’ll get very hot but in his head he’s probably worried about not being hard for penetration. Have him go to the doctor either way. Most of the times it’s psychological / mental. He can get something like Cyalis and use it occasionally. This will accustom his mind that there’s nothing wrong – of course, assuming that there actually is nothing wrong.
Not much you can do but keep dating. keep looking for a partner that doesn't have that reaction.
There is a reason why guys are not usually cool with their partner having a best friend of the opposite sex. Same goes for men with female best friends. Almost every one knows of someone that got burned by their SO and their “best friend”. It's a stereotype for a reason.
That doesn't mean you are wrong for having the best friend you have or that there is anything there but a close friendship.
My best friend is female, and we have had to separate quite a bit due to respecting our respective partners. It's not that they are worried. It's more that we respect our partners enough to ensure they don't need to worry about it.
Slightly raised voice every once in awhile is something that can maybe be tolerated. Not calling names is an absolute boundary. And the fact that he did it in front of people really implies he doesn’t care.
If he can’t control it, then he needs anger management.
Idk, I've seen a lot of rescue videos where people bring in kittens to the family and their cat hates it. Eventually with time the older cat softens and accepts the new cat.
Not sure if it works the same with 2 adult cats though.
No. Either you trust her or you don't. If she would want to cheat on you, she would do that. There doesn't need to be a reunion party for her to be unfaithful.
I'll tell you this, you don't end up in a leadership role by accident. You don't end up ambitious by accident. The conceptualization that you want to build and have things for yourself is something I'm certain you've been told and accepted.
Now I'm going to describe a person. They don't listen to you, they know what they want and they go get it, they do not take no for an answer. If you were to guess, which gender better describes this stereotype?
Your husband cheated on you and is lying about it. Knowing that, do you want to stay married to him, or not?
You may want undeniable proof of his infidelity before deciding to leave him, but it's likely you won't get that. You know what the reality of the situation is. Now it's just up to you to decide what you want. You can absolutely make the choice to stay married, but do it with open eyes, knowing you cannot trust your husband and that he will likely do this to you again and again. Only you can decide if other aspects of the relationship are worth that.
The only reason you might need proof of his cheating is if you are financially dependent on him and will be seeking alimony in divorce proceedings. If that's the case, a divorce lawyer will be able to best advise you on next steps.
Good luck, OP, and take care.
If you want to stay together you need to start being more assertive and planning activities. What do you want to do with him that would make you happy? Going on dates? Ask him. Contact him. “What are you doing Friday night? Lets go skating and then dinner. Great. What time can you pick me up?” If can't do it, and he says he'd like to do it, get him to choose the alternative activity and time and place.
Make definite plans in definitely timeframes. Don't let him fluff you around. Don't say “Whenever you're free”. Make a time. If he continues to fluff you around he's just not that interested. If he was really interested, he'd make an effort to make it work. At least you'll know then.
Don't let him belittle you. Tell him that you do not like being mimicked, its offensive, and you'd like him to stop.
If she keeps playing with him like that…. might be Forensic Files where the Husband's go to play….
I'm going to be direct with you she is simply using you you're paying for everything you help around the house while all she has to do is give a few kisses and not even have sex and trust me it's not that she wants you to commit to have sex no it's to commit so that she is insured for life you' LL be taking care of her expenses and even cook and clean while she does nothing so just BREAK UP with this woman and focus on yourself for a while and then try to meet a woman that will have the same thinking as you specifically when it comes to sex not exactly the same but you have to be on the same page and have similar sexual drive
?
No, I’m not OP lol. I meant on behalf woman his age, we are good. We don’t wanna date him either.
You should break up with him. You’ve been emotionally cheating and drove your boyfriend to the point of invading privacy only for him to actually find proof. You’ve caused actual trauma and that poor guys is gonna struggle with his next partner because of you. Let him go.
I absolutely understand the depression thing. However, when you have a partner that you want to be intimate with it's pretty important that your genitals are cleaned regularly. They're going to smell no matter what she says.
Daily
Oh boy, that post history is…very sad. I hope things get better for her.
The age gap is literally the issue because it's a) the whole reason he won't invite you and b) the distance between your ages is not going to change. How long you're willing to put up with being a secret is something only you can answer.
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Your mom's ring?
Fuck him. If its a family heirloom of yours don't give it back.
Honestly, after property damage? Go pawn that shit for whatever you can get and spend it all on a nice dinner.
I chose to have the rhinoplasty at the same time. I had constant sinus infections because my left nostril was almost closed at the top. Antibiotics were barely working anymore and my doctor told me to look into septoplasty and I decided to get a rhinoplasty at the same time. My insurance covered the septoplasty and I paid out of pocket for the rhinoplasty.
Now I can breathe and love my nose, win-win!
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Of course this was cheating. You don’t “accidentally” cheat. He knew wtf he was doing. Can’t have sex if you’re not very hot, he was aroused. He was aware. Then he lied at first. All of his decisions were poor. He ruined the 2 of youz.
If she had an issue with the commute she should have brought this up when you chose the location of the house you just purchased.
You can’t possibly share every expense without one feeling taken advantage of.
Is she the higher salary putting in more for expenses?
Why did you marry your wife if you hate how she is, i highly doubt she just started crying over everything after you got married
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I'm not sadist and it discomforts me to see pain in anal vids. I've assisted in bdsm with my partner, where she is clearly enjoying things like wax play.
Causing your partner pain for your pleasure is a strange line with abuse, respect, and love. How are they compatible?
What you said regarding the numbing gel and him not wanting you to prepare for anal is a red flag or stop sign in my books.
Do what you feel good about, not just neutral or willing to tolerate. Communicate that clearly to him.
He can have his porn fantasy, but don't let him cross your boundaries.
No, he's a typical run-of-the-mill older guy that didn't ever really care about his partner's feelings. She only just realized it.
That's why he dated someone so much younger.
just walk away, don't say anything to them, let your lawyer speak to his lawyer and move forward and live your best life.. if you can sue her in court for saying you attacked her do that as well. never look back.
Therapy Something else is going on here
Get the tattoo. Lose the jerk boyfriend. Your outlook will improve
Cheating sucks and it’s personally devastating and traumatic. Been there. But There’s plenty of things in life that we experience that are worse. Like your mom cutting off communication with you because you still see your dad and his affair partner.
Just how messed up was your childhood?! To sleep with your sisters therapist? After unloading your childhood on her? That's beyond weird. The therapist could/should get in trouble. If all you'd done was accidentally meet at a party, that'd be one thing, but being part of your sister's recovery puts you in a professional relationship. Lines were crossed. Your sister has a lot to work through. I suggest you let her and tell her you are there when/if she wants to talk about this new trauma. You both broke her trust, you can't undo this
I don’t know if this has been said yet but asking your kids to keep secrets for him is a huge red flag, and just makes this whole thing a lot more creepy than it already is.
It sounds like she’s ashamed of going back to him and wanted to talk to you about it
I hope you’re not going to date her again. It would be the second time she’s left this ex and dated you right after. Seems bad for everyone involved
Thank you, I really can't see any other end to this. He's always the victim no matter what. I can simply be silent and it turns into him thinking I'm upset no matter how much I explain that I'm not.
None of your symptoms/behavior is your fault and never a reason for her to treat you this way. Never is there any reason to treat a person like that. Run my friend, RUN!!!
None of your symptoms/behavior is your fault and never a reason for her to treat you this way. Never is there any reason to treat a person like that. Run my friend, RUN!!!
None of your symptoms/behavior is your fault and never a reason for her to treat you this way. Never is there any reason to treat a person like that. Run my friend, RUN!!!
It doesn’t have to be a specific condition. Basically it might have happened once for whatever reason and since then it’s been in his head. So, whenever you start foreplay he’ll get very hot but in his head he’s probably worried about not being hard for penetration. Have him go to the doctor either way. Most of the times it’s psychological / mental. He can get something like Cyalis and use it occasionally. This will accustom his mind that there’s nothing wrong – of course, assuming that there actually is nothing wrong.
she did it right in front of you…could you ever trust her alone…i couldn’t…lots of luck…but you know
Bro, get your shit together and move on.
Not much you can do but keep dating. keep looking for a partner that doesn't have that reaction.
There is a reason why guys are not usually cool with their partner having a best friend of the opposite sex. Same goes for men with female best friends. Almost every one knows of someone that got burned by their SO and their “best friend”. It's a stereotype for a reason.
That doesn't mean you are wrong for having the best friend you have or that there is anything there but a close friendship.
My best friend is female, and we have had to separate quite a bit due to respecting our respective partners. It's not that they are worried. It's more that we respect our partners enough to ensure they don't need to worry about it.
It is what it is.
Seems like she isn't over him.
He already told you it’s not.
Slightly raised voice every once in awhile is something that can maybe be tolerated. Not calling names is an absolute boundary. And the fact that he did it in front of people really implies he doesn’t care.
If he can’t control it, then he needs anger management.
Idk, I've seen a lot of rescue videos where people bring in kittens to the family and their cat hates it. Eventually with time the older cat softens and accepts the new cat.
Not sure if it works the same with 2 adult cats though.
No. Either you trust her or you don't. If she would want to cheat on you, she would do that. There doesn't need to be a reunion party for her to be unfaithful.
…So…what's your excuse for not making a move.
Tell Bob he is being a little girl
Just FYI, any article that uses “as many as X” is about as reliable as “the rhythm method”
If my 19yo gf sat on her dads lap for an “hour”…what am I saying I’d be gone after a min or so of that shit wtf did I just read