Are the photos prominently displayed? Or does he just have an album or a few random photos in a box? Does he seem especially attached?
Sorry for the inquisition lol but just trying to sort out what’s going on. As a married person my best guess is 1) those photos were expensive and it feels weird to toss them and 2) they may include precious family portraits of everyone dressed up, maybe of people who have passed.
But the bottom line is you’re not comfortable with this. Is it the tangible reminder that he had a serious relationship before you?
It seems that you're missing the overall point of accompanying a spouse to a work event – as your role is to be a supportive as possible – and to make your spouse look good in front of his management and coworkers. And whether or not you have fun should be a much lower priority.
I've been on both sides of this, as my wife has been wonderful at my work events, and I do my best to reciprocate at her events. And the part that really turnds out to be fun is talking about all the characters at the event after is over.
The best thing you can do now it to totally shift gears, and to do whatever you can to cater to what your boyfriend wants – and needs, at this event.
His explanation of things makes it sound like she raped him. Is this what happened?
Because he has worded this to be all her actions while he was too drunk to say no and all he did was go back to hers and drink too much.
Which either means she raped him. Or he has not owned up to his part in all of this because he isnt showing proper remorse or honesty for what happened.
Fact is he went back to a womans place. And i have been on multiple anti depressants and got blotto plenty of times and guess what? I never, ever cheated on my partner. So that excuse is frankly insulting.
You dont accidentally cheat. He put himself in a situatiom with another woman that youd already asked him not to while he was sober. So what then?
If you think you can get over this then great but personally id be telling him to pack his bags.
I know I’m gonna get downvoted but this whole omg it’s huge age gap, must stop. It makes us, women, seemed vulnerable, stupid, and like we don’t have our own right of self-determination. She’s not a baby, she’s 24. A grown woman with a job (probably) and a mind of her own. Many people are unable to see red flags and some of them are old af.
Her mental health will only continue to decline if she’s relying on you for her happiness. She is not stable enough to be in a relationship right now, she needs time to address her trauma before she is ready to be in any type of relationship. This is an extremely unhealthy relationship, and will cause long-term damage if you forgive the cheating based off of her mental health.
She cheated on you, this is a deal breaker for 99.90% of relationships, she cheated with a guy you despise. There’s a reason for that, think about why she would choose him. She wasn’t thinking of you, your feelings, your mental health or her loyalty to her relationship. She put herself first and got what she wanted to make herself happy. You now need to show her the same treatment and put yourself first. Prioritize your well-being before your own mental health starts declining.
Being in a loving relationship means you aren’t walking on eggshells worrying that your partner will commit suicide. It means you aren’t getting cheated on and manipulated. It means you feel the same amount of support back from your partner, they need to be able to help you too. You deserve to find someone you can also rely on for a bad day, or to vent to. Not just worrying about someone else’s bad day and burying your feelings. Show yourself some respect, if it was your son would you want him in this relationship?
I can tell you that this would wear me down. You have described your anxiety and neediness in other comments. She can’t be your everything. Nobody can. I strongly suggest therapy to help with anxiety. It’s important that you create a life outside of this marriage too. Join a local sports group or a chess club. A place where you will meet people with common interests. You may drive her away if you don’t.
Mt gf had an umbrella with her and we don't have another one. The valid reason was that there was no point me getting soaked when I could've been preparing food for us
Got it, thank you!
Are the photos prominently displayed? Or does he just have an album or a few random photos in a box? Does he seem especially attached?
Sorry for the inquisition lol but just trying to sort out what’s going on. As a married person my best guess is 1) those photos were expensive and it feels weird to toss them and 2) they may include precious family portraits of everyone dressed up, maybe of people who have passed.
But the bottom line is you’re not comfortable with this. Is it the tangible reminder that he had a serious relationship before you?
It seems that you're missing the overall point of accompanying a spouse to a work event – as your role is to be a supportive as possible – and to make your spouse look good in front of his management and coworkers. And whether or not you have fun should be a much lower priority.
I've been on both sides of this, as my wife has been wonderful at my work events, and I do my best to reciprocate at her events. And the part that really turnds out to be fun is talking about all the characters at the event after is over.
The best thing you can do now it to totally shift gears, and to do whatever you can to cater to what your boyfriend wants – and needs, at this event.
Ok so first things first.
His explanation of things makes it sound like she raped him. Is this what happened?
Because he has worded this to be all her actions while he was too drunk to say no and all he did was go back to hers and drink too much.
Which either means she raped him. Or he has not owned up to his part in all of this because he isnt showing proper remorse or honesty for what happened.
Fact is he went back to a womans place. And i have been on multiple anti depressants and got blotto plenty of times and guess what? I never, ever cheated on my partner. So that excuse is frankly insulting.
You dont accidentally cheat. He put himself in a situatiom with another woman that youd already asked him not to while he was sober. So what then?
If you think you can get over this then great but personally id be telling him to pack his bags.
I know I’m gonna get downvoted but this whole omg it’s huge age gap, must stop. It makes us, women, seemed vulnerable, stupid, and like we don’t have our own right of self-determination. She’s not a baby, she’s 24. A grown woman with a job (probably) and a mind of her own. Many people are unable to see red flags and some of them are old af.
Her mental health will only continue to decline if she’s relying on you for her happiness. She is not stable enough to be in a relationship right now, she needs time to address her trauma before she is ready to be in any type of relationship. This is an extremely unhealthy relationship, and will cause long-term damage if you forgive the cheating based off of her mental health.
She cheated on you, this is a deal breaker for 99.90% of relationships, she cheated with a guy you despise. There’s a reason for that, think about why she would choose him. She wasn’t thinking of you, your feelings, your mental health or her loyalty to her relationship. She put herself first and got what she wanted to make herself happy. You now need to show her the same treatment and put yourself first. Prioritize your well-being before your own mental health starts declining.
Being in a loving relationship means you aren’t walking on eggshells worrying that your partner will commit suicide. It means you aren’t getting cheated on and manipulated. It means you feel the same amount of support back from your partner, they need to be able to help you too. You deserve to find someone you can also rely on for a bad day, or to vent to. Not just worrying about someone else’s bad day and burying your feelings. Show yourself some respect, if it was your son would you want him in this relationship?
That is really good advice, thank you
cheating, she is cheating
I can tell you that this would wear me down. You have described your anxiety and neediness in other comments. She can’t be your everything. Nobody can. I strongly suggest therapy to help with anxiety. It’s important that you create a life outside of this marriage too. Join a local sports group or a chess club. A place where you will meet people with common interests. You may drive her away if you don’t.
Mt gf had an umbrella with her and we don't have another one. The valid reason was that there was no point me getting soaked when I could've been preparing food for us