I think the problem here is the definition of “so far beyond what was necessary.”
In the moment, while he's sleepy, scared, and fighting for the lives of not only himself, but his girlfriend, it makes complete sense why at that second, where he was forced to react before thinking critically, that what he did felt necessary.
What if he has a gun on him somewhere? OP stopping, for even a split second, and letting up on the guy, could cost him, or, again, his girlfriend's life. What if the second guy comes back? OP needs to make sure he won't be stuck in a 2 v 1. We can't possibly know exactly how this fight went down, but OP had little time in a high stress situation.
I'm not saying the GF isn't allowed to be scared. She's had a terrible past. Sounds like you have too. Violence is a terrible thing to witness, whether it's for protection or not.
But I don't think we should necessarily jump to being concerned, or of conclusions about OP looking for violence. That just sounds like a bad faith argument to me. Lives were at stake, you should be able to give your life partner the benefit of the doubt.
Especially in a small group like yours, I could see it happening once or maybe twice. Not daily, weekly, or monthly; ever.
You know his personality otherwise so if you don’t think it’s malicious then we can only take your word for it. Is he older or not all there? Does he make easy mistakes all the time? If no, no, and no, then he logically has zero reason to be doing this unless he thinks you two are being playful and you find it funny, or he is in fact just an asshole.
What exactly have you said to him? I assure you I’m fully on your side here, and like I said I think you should talk to your boss and potentially HR. But maybe you haven’t been clear. I’m assuming you have been though.
I'm just going to say the thing that we try to avoid saying on this sub. You've only been married for a year, you just found out you're pregnant (presumably with the first child with him)… You have options concerning your marriage AND you have options concerning your pregnancy.
Someday you’ll find out why he isn’t with a woman his own age. Hopefully, you can still leave when you find out.
Just avoid or talk it out. If avoiding try:
So sorry, not feeling well, and don’t want to spread it! Can i make it up to you with dinner in a week? So sorry not to see the new place.
Well now you know. Once is a mistake. Twice is a pattern.
AND that audacity to blame you? NAH.
I think the problem here is the definition of “so far beyond what was necessary.”
In the moment, while he's sleepy, scared, and fighting for the lives of not only himself, but his girlfriend, it makes complete sense why at that second, where he was forced to react before thinking critically, that what he did felt necessary.
What if he has a gun on him somewhere? OP stopping, for even a split second, and letting up on the guy, could cost him, or, again, his girlfriend's life. What if the second guy comes back? OP needs to make sure he won't be stuck in a 2 v 1. We can't possibly know exactly how this fight went down, but OP had little time in a high stress situation.
I'm not saying the GF isn't allowed to be scared. She's had a terrible past. Sounds like you have too. Violence is a terrible thing to witness, whether it's for protection or not.
But I don't think we should necessarily jump to being concerned, or of conclusions about OP looking for violence. That just sounds like a bad faith argument to me. Lives were at stake, you should be able to give your life partner the benefit of the doubt.
She dumb and a how
Especially in a small group like yours, I could see it happening once or maybe twice. Not daily, weekly, or monthly; ever.
You know his personality otherwise so if you don’t think it’s malicious then we can only take your word for it. Is he older or not all there? Does he make easy mistakes all the time? If no, no, and no, then he logically has zero reason to be doing this unless he thinks you two are being playful and you find it funny, or he is in fact just an asshole.
What exactly have you said to him? I assure you I’m fully on your side here, and like I said I think you should talk to your boss and potentially HR. But maybe you haven’t been clear. I’m assuming you have been though.
Bro!! You have wife and stepsister in same package! You lucky bastard!!!
I'm just going to say the thing that we try to avoid saying on this sub. You've only been married for a year, you just found out you're pregnant (presumably with the first child with him)… You have options concerning your marriage AND you have options concerning your pregnancy.