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Date: November 7, 2022
AmateurPub
You can have fun at home. Play! Have fun. Be silly.
Hide notes for each other to find.
Find the worst show on tv and giggle through it.
Cook something together. Can’t cook well? That’s the fun part. Bonus points for watching a cooking show and trying to mimic their recipes with what you have on hand (you won’t, so it gets crazy)
Make something. It doesn’t have to be good. Go on a scavenger hunt through your home as if you are desperate to entertain a three year old. Pick up random items. Build a thing. Think crafty things like glue, popsicle sticks or bamboo skewers, balloons, plastic wrap or aluminum foil.
Be silly. Laugh. Find your inner child and play with your partner just because you can.
Many Times young people face serious problems In keeping conversation In a long term relationship. but I can help young people become super interesting in a long term relationship.
Ten years from now you won't care about this. But twenty years from now you might.
Nobody should be with only one person imho. You're missing out on life.
I don't know how to get over this because I couldn't accept it.
You’re only 23, you have so much life to live!, that shouldn’t be spending it with a liar that most likely broke up with you just to he could “experience what it was like to be with someone else” (which seems to be a pretty common excuse when cheating/taking a break in high school through adulthood relationships) I’m so sorry this happened. It’s nothing wrong with you, it’s all him, and there are plenty of people who are genuine and loving partners who would never do this to you.
Haha not at you she got kids dude
First of all, I'm really impressed with how you're looking at this whole thing and asking the right questions. Good self awareness.
My question for you is how much do you feel your past situation differs from mine?
Well long story short, this friend I made in the first week of college wasn't a nice person. She was constantly throwing me signals and occasionally flirting with me, but actually never wanted to go out with me. The way she said how she likes to keep her options open when I asked her about dating in general (not dating me), should've been my first red flag. Over time, I grew a bit obsessed over her and asked her out (never creeped her out or anything, managed to keep it to myself), she said she's not in the right mental space to date someone, but I knew from my friend that she was dating other people. After she said no, I slowly realised I was the guy on the hook and that nothing would ever happen between us because if it had to, it would already have. Plus I realised how she had been treating me like a backup, rarely initiating convos, but at the same time all touchy and flirty when we hung out, always talking about herself in convos, not asking much about me etc.
So I feel like your friend is objectively a slightly better person maybe…? I'm not sure, you can decide for yourself from what I've said above :).
Do you think a friendship recovers from this?
I'm sorry, I didn't quite get you. What exactly do you mean by “this”….?
OP You are not the wrong here, you have a medical condition and you put yourself in a medical procedure you didn't like just to fulfill his needs. Unfortunately he was not the right person for you, a real partner should have support you for the whole procedure, beyond PIV there are a lot of intimate activities you can do, but look like he just wanted to focus on one part of your relationship.
Please do not blame yourself, you had an issue and you worked through it, do not let all the progress you had made to go to waste , keep doing your treatment and if you feel the emotions for this breakup are too very hot to handle, consider some counseling seeing to work your grief.
You deserve someone who has enough emphaty to be at your side when things are hot, not someone who just leave because can't undestand your pain.
Im about to break up with my gf of 7 years for this reason. We are 51M/45F and we get maybe 4 or 5 hours a month in person together as we live! about 45 minutes away from each other and have kids/work/commitments. We used to see each other more when she worked near me and travelled together on vacations preCOVID. I also run my own business so know that it can be time consuming.
However, I can be flexible with my time to see my girl and I've unfortunately realized its just not a big enough priority for her and I need more time with the person I'm with. This has been discussed before so its not like it will blindside her.
At any rate you aren't wrong in your feelings and should really consider marrying someone who isn't aligned with what you want out of a relationship.
Hahahah I think this is a very funny question,
I never noticed. Moving around during spooning or while sitting on someone's lap is completely normal to get into a more comfortable position, so I always assumed people were just repositioning lightly when I felt a bit of movement.
Now you just left me wondering how often this has happened to me.
You both need therapy. He sounds controlling and jealous, and you sound like a rollover codependent. Stop rolling over and start standing up for yourself.
You should find someone you can actually meet up with and get to know, who isnt weird like either of those two dudes.
Please broke up with him. Spanking a child is bad enough but doing it in front of other people is a big red flag, like a massive one. I did get spanked when I was a child but never in front of other people, that amount of lack of control is not normal. He is very sweet and gentle to YOU but spanks his own autistic daughter like she is a wild animal who gets too close? He is love bombing you. His actions will change, his reactions will change, he will hurt you physically and mentally. Please just leave
Thank you for saying my feelings are valid. I do think he makes hurtful jokes because he does come from an entire family who makes rude jokes/ invalidates people. Not like that’s an excuse for him but I don’t think he truly has malicious intent always. He struggles to think before he speaks and immediately regrets certain things he says, the concerning thing to me is that these thoughts would even cross his mind to blurt out. It’s causing me to become resentful which I don’t like, but words hurt. And I very much so dwell on words, especially that of my loved ones.
Please leave I know it’s very hot trust me I do and it doesn’t get better and the longer you stay the harder it is to leave take the puppy and go
They just waited for an Uber my dude, it's not like he spent the night.
Plus she was communicative with you the entire time, a sign of absolute trust in my opinion.
Imo what she did is completely fine, if it was a female friend would it have been any different? Not really.
I wasn't able to anyway since I don't have his unit number. So oh well. His phone rings now. I'll talk to him at some point today probably
I asked Carla if she wouldn’t mind opting out of bathing while I was in the bath and she said “No”. She also called me transphobic for not wanting her there.The hotel and the trip has always been a dream for me to go there. I initially wanted a solo trip but asked friends to come. It’s been played for months. Carla was added the week before I’m going
You are in the right, but I'm curious what the fight was about to where your sister won't even let you hold the baby. That seems ridiculous if you still see her and have to interact with her in person.
Girl, get a photo of your mom with the ring and tell everyone on Social media it was yours to begin with.
I'd break up with her now, unless you're happy to just be a placeholder while she sees if she wants to pick back up with this guy
Stop being nosy. You're valuing your curiosity over your kid and your husband.
Is this worth being single, alone, and despised by everyone for the pain you're going to cause?
Im a man. I've paid for this service before. It was good.
You are right, there's a strong chance he's lying by omission but it happens.
OP I think both needs some couples counseling, looks like there is some resentment left from your rocky start, I get it not all the marriages begins with a “standar bf/gf” relationship, in my case I begin being FWB with my now wife ignoring making all the efforts to minimize my feelings for her because I was not in a position to be in a relationship at thar time, making her feel unloved. Last week we reach 9 years of a very happy marriage but I still feel a little guilty because of it.
I think the situation when she got pregnant ( and later miscarriage) was the lowest point of your relationship/ life shr was in an emotional turmoil and you basically dismissed all her feelings at that time, is comprensible that she thought that you didn't care about it bacause of how you behave , yes you told her I want kids but what you did when she got pregnant and lost the baby? Why she is so sure it wasn't yours? Actions speaks louder than words my friend and you sent opposite messages.
You had 6 years of a great relationship, maybe is time to close that chapter before start a new life together, if you need it tell her to postpone the wedding date to work on the issues and maybe try individual counseling to deal with your emotions right now.
This is super important: help her learn to tune out negative people and their influences on her thought process. If she looks good, if she's happy and healthy, and you can't get enough of her, then she needs to be self confident and NOT measure her beauty based on what her family or society tries to dictate.
He’s definitely in the closet
that man is so cringe
See is too old to be talking about a crush and sending pictures to a friend. That's something someone would do in high school, not in their 30s (and she has a BF AND he is right there!).
You have no idea what the therapist did or did not say. You weren't there to hear it. As this info was given to you by a lying liar that lies, why would you believe it?
Mani, your GF's physically abusive behavior cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Mani, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
I’m not . ?
I want to hope this story is actually real, however I think it's bullshit.
Relationships already over
I've been with her and with girls in 23-33 and I know what is the difference. For example skin is less damaged and better in general, it's biology.
Why are you arguing so much? That is a much bigger issue than her hanging up and avoiding you during an argument.
I think it’s a bit odd how you’re perceiving “respect”. I wouldn’t say that hanging up on someone is always “disrespectful.” It can be a way to get out of an escalating situation. Can you give examples of what you’re saying when she hangs up on you?
(It’s also odd to say that things are better when she’s “respectful”. That sounds like your describing a naughty child and not a partner)
Honestly she sounded like it made her happy that she heard she is family, but I really fear it turns to gossip or anything like that
Smart. Maybe a free museum date
Why is the best man calling the shots? It’s your friend’s wedding, not the best man’s wedding.
If you were getting married and your best man said “Hey man I don’t like one of the guys you chose to be your groomsmen, I’m gonna kick him out” I think any groom would agree that’s disrespectful and a huge overreach.
If he wanted you to be there, he would’ve done something about it. He didn’t do anything about it and didn’t even have the decency to inform you.
This groom isn’t your friend, OP.
And on a slightly related note, the best man isn’t the groom’s friend either. Seriously, who does that?
he tells me that it would be wrong of him to turn down a free cruise
Why is it wrong to turn down a free cruise? You should view this as a blessing. Start planning your breakup and move during the 2 weeks he's gone.
The context, though, is it's February. Do you think she was running fans to bring cooler air into the car in February?
And a lot of this is academic, because of all the ways you can drain a car, the least likely one is using a cell phone charger, and since this OP, who is still desperate not to be the asshole here, won't say a peep about her using any other electronics, it's likely the only thing she did was charge her phone. I feel like if he thought he could with any chance at accuracy claim she was running radio, fans or anything else, he would to try to save face, because he's still active in the thread and has been strategically avoiding weighing in on the comments saying she might have run more than her phone.
Disagreeing about finances is the #2 reason couples divorce (with cheating being a very close #1).
So, I absolutely disagree that this isn't a big issue. It's absolutely a gigantic issue that needs to be decided before they get married.
The issue was addressed
He stole your last girlfriend, and you're still friends with him?
DO NOT STAY WITH THIS MAN. He is gaslighting you and it'll end up with you having an eating disorder. I've seen it before. Dump him.
Who was the band?
You need to leave. You can believe all you want but your heart will be no good if she murders you.
Let her get better, if possible. In the meantime stay away and stay safe. You will end up back together if it’s meant to be.
You're dating the world's dumbest 50-year-old.
Whether he’s straight or gay doesn’t matter. He’s cheating! Why is he still your boyfriend?
You both deserve to know, and be able to throw his dumbass to the kerb. It would have been poetic if you both confronted him together. His face would have been priceless.
Ya I agree, I definitely need to get tested just in case
I think it’s pretty clear that he gives people a weird vibe but it’s not related to his character or anything you need to worry about.
The tell for me was your dad. Presumably you’ve been present for the vast majority of the interactions between your father and partner and know your partner hasn’t actually done anything that you would need to worry about that would explain your dads view.
Just accept that you’ve got a great partner, and that he’ll need some social support and thats a price of admission.
Or just annoying, off key ? “Eccentric”. There was a guy who desperately wanted to be my friend a while back. He was nice but he made my skin crawl with his delivery. Just an off guy.
like i even read some things on this thread someone said im being abusive to you and i find that extremely upsetting. i know me breaking up with you was bad and i sincerely regret it and i was always available tot alk about it and you knew that, but i think the way you intentionally changed our ages to be the same and also not put any context is misleading
Just dump her. Why do you want to be with someone who is abusive?? You can do better.