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Date: October 29, 2022
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AmateurPub
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I know but it’s really hard because I do really love her. I don’t want this to happen and I’m trying my best to do it impartially. It’s just I can’t argue that it was a year ago and the fact that I’m only now saying something makes it so nude. I always feel really unconfident in my feelings so i don’t know if I wanna feel validated or just slightly better about it…
I'm past menopause and don't have discharge. I usually don't wear underwear but I always make sure the ones I wear are clean.
Personal preference is a thing, I guess?
Have you considered couples counseling?
Having a baby because you want to experience pregnancy and be a mother is kind of short sighted and selfish.
Let’s say you two stay together. You’ve got 3 kids between you. How will adding another impact what you can do/provide for the existing kids? Will you be able to give them all enough attention? How will you pay for them? What happens if you break up, will you still be able to provide for your own 2 kids?
I think you need to think hot about what you want and then revisit the conversation ASAP. And also talk about what happens if you get pregnant accidentally. He needs to know if you want another child so he has all the info on the table and can make choices himself.
To me this is a topic to discuss and align on before you ever have sex—right up front.
If I were a man and didn’t want more kids and my partner maybe did, I’d want to have a vasectomy so I didn’t get baby trapped. As a woman, I wouldn’t date a man who wanted (more) kids.
I'm surprised so many don't see it this way! Don't get involved with a single parent if you can't/won't accept all the parental responsibilities that come with it. The kids come first. Both of them should have ended this a long time ago imo.
Same here I thought I was the only weird one that thinks it's a green flag! To me it shows a lot of self awareness and maturity.
So let me get this right… after you found out he cheated on you the second time, you cheated on her?
I mean, I (and anyone else) don’t really know the dynamic of your relationship. It became more of a need for details when you said she’s free to do lots of things sexually, because that context is important. To me, that reads as though you’re essentially in an open relationship. Just need more clarity on that.
Either way, I want to look at this from both perspectives and opine accordingly. If you’re in a completely monogamous relationship, I don’t know if I’d necessarily define the action as cheating, but that’s nothing more than my opinion. Like I said in my first comment, it’s objectively inappropriate, so whether it’s “cheating” or not is just semantics.
I’d honestly love to know how the situation even happened. Why was she in nothing but panties? Why was she dancing with them? Why were they groping her? To be honest, the craziest thing here that you sort of glossed over is the fact that these two guys are people you said were your friends. Let’s ignore your feelings about her for a second; you good with your friends groping your girlfriend? You made no comment on your feelings towards them. That honestly to me is more problematic. I digress.
Let’s say you’re in an open relationship. Unless you communicated this boundary, maybe she thought she was acting perfectly fine given the nature of your relationship. To come back to your friends, did they think it was fine too?
You’ll have to clarify all of this, because I want to make sure I’m providing correct advice. As for “consequences,” that would logically be ending the relationship. Why? Because if this was truly an act that she knew was inappropriate, then not breaking up with her just tells her that she can cross boundaries whenever she wants, because she knows you’ll never do anything about it.
The worst part though is that she’s making you out to be in the wrong, which means she thinks she’s done nothing wrong (and maybe that’s the truth based on how you respond to my questions). You need to decide if she’s done something wrong based on your personal boundaries which ideally you’ve discussed. If she has, then don’t let her gaslight you.
On another note, alcohol is never an excuse. Don’t ever allow it to be used as one.
I'm sorry. I don't have advice but I relate powerfully to what you said here. I'm in the same boat, just about.
Counseling, maybe?