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♡ ELI ♡, 18 y.o.
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Date: September 27, 2022
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It's called a midlife crisis.
I’m sorry that happened, but it’s in the past. She’s trying to make things better for you by going to a different gym. Give things a try again at your old gym. You never know how you’ll really feel unless you try it
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Had buddies in college get jumped doing stupid s*** like this.
Getting mugged is probably the best case scenario here.
Going to be honest, if a friend of mine at 30 was dating a 21 year old then we wouldn't be friends anymore.
You think most people who live in a city filled with countless homeless people would disagree?
I lived In a blue dot city. So progressive. Especially with all the tents and pan handlers on every corner. Couldn't walk down the road with my GF without people crowding us begging for money and trying to get her to open her purse.
Oh and working on traffic systems during that time meant working on the side of the road. Getting stuck with a fucking needle was a lot of fun and having to get rushed to the hospital to make sure I was OK was even better.
But ya. Philosophy. Give me a break.
You need a big change in your life that isn't about romance. You should look into getting a job or going to school. You're youngest is 17, your job as a stay-at-home-parent is over and you're at a crossroads of your life and you know your daily routine is going to have to change. But how?
You sound like you're considering leaving your husband over one conversation, a few texts and some fantasies. You say you don't even necessarily want to get with this ex because he's married but that you should leave your husband anyway. That might be ground for breaking up a 2-year relationship, but your marriage of 24 years should be able to withstand some doubts and missteps. Do you actually want to go be single? Or are you punishing yourself because you know that your conversations with the ex and the fantasies are a betrayal and you don't know what to do with those feelings of guilt?
My two cents, I think you should funnel that energy into finding a day job or volunteer position or school studies, something that is fulfilling and interesting to you. And then you should also focus on reinvigorating your romantic relationships. Facing down an empty nest leads a lot of people to divorce. You need to redefine your relationship in this new context so that you don't drift away from each other.
My last relationship ultimately ended because of me not ending friendships that existed many years prior to even knowing of my now exs existence. She knew of these friends and constantly tried to get me to cut contact, every time she attempted I just asked “why would you get into a relationship with me knowing these are some of my best friends?”.
If you are in your 30s and this is how you act then damn do you ever have some growing up to do. Your insecurities and jealousy are not cute and they don't make you a boss bitch, they make you look pathetic and lame. Your boyfriend is going to grow to resent you, when the last spark of his friendship fades and there is no more chance of reviving the friendship, he will blame you, and it is you who deserves to be blamed. You are gross.
Divorce darling divorce
I am going to make up a story about your post. It may or may not be true. But this is what I think after reading your post.
You fell in love because you allowed yourself to be venerable. You fell in love because you knew deep down inside of you it would not last. You fell in love because you opened up to a guy who refuses to be attached, but knows how to create attachments in others-you this time. Yes you have been manipulated. He's a master at that game. In showing affection and feigning love without attachment or becoming attached. It's a very, very old game. Read Les Liaisons dangereuses if you want to read a novel about this game. Or watch the movie. I recommend the novel for you though. You will get more from it.
He was not taking you on as a challenge, he was manipulating you because he could. As he would any other who is venerable. But his emotions were detached from his actions, otherwise he would not be able to leave you and be with others so easily. He has his “commitments” to others he is likely also playing games with. It's just a game. His emotions are not real, otherwise he would want to be with you. Everything else is just an excuse. I'm sorry.
But now you. Here is YOU in my story: I decided to have a NSA arrangement with a man to help me work through some fears and issues I had about sex that have made me anxious about dating.
You finally broke down barriers in yourself. Reread the second paragraph of my comment. Here's the point: You used him too. You used him to finally feel something that you could not feel before. And you used him knowing he would leave you and you would not have to be committed to him. Too many deal breakers. That's ok. What he did and what you did. That's all ok. You needed that. It was a kind of therapy for you. Well done. The question now for you is Now what? Now that you have begun to work through the fears and issues you had about sex and dating: now what? You have to answer that one.
Just don't be sad. And don't see him again unless you really feel strong enough to do so. Move forwards. I hope my story does not anger you. It may not be accurate, but it's what I thought reading your post. You decide. Best to you.
Well it didn’t take her long to line up another guy. Pack her shit and throw her out.
INFO: What is wrong with you?!
Ok so listen, here is my take on kids, you didn’t ask for this but here goes:
When I met my husband we were 25 and 35. He had gotten divorced 2 years earlier. He did not want to be married again and did not want a child. Fine. I wasn’t sure, on the fence personally. Through therapy I had a few realizations. Goals like travelling, owning a home, marriage, children, they’re fine but they’re fantasies. We’re all looking for someone who shares the exact same fantasies for the future that we do, and honestly that’s pretty unrealistic. Every individual has their own set of life circumstances that impact those fantasies. Your idea of life won’t look anywhere close to what your partner’s will, even if they’re the same end goals like marriage or home ownership.
Instead of “I want X” x being a VERY specific thing like children, why not be “I want to be happy with you”? This was how my husband and I went into it. We want to be happy, and whatever that will look like, we will chase it down. Happy together means agreeing on things as they come up, allowing for people to change their minds, discussing new fantasies for the future as they develop. Life changes so fast, you experience things and suddenly everything shifts. My husband and I went on vacation…he changed his mind on marriage. We had a serious, traumatic death in our family…we both changed our minds on a child. Right now we have one, we don’t want another. HOWEVER…we don’t know for sure. We just know that right now we are happy, and in the future if another child will make us happy then we will do that.
Goal: happy. Not illusions. You don’t even know if you can have kids or if it’s affordable or how many or if there’s fertility issues or if the birth is traumatic. ANY number of things can happen. Happy together is goal number one.
It looks like the problem is solved. Case closed.
Stupid women enable stupid men by pairing up with them. This 100% wasn't the first time he's been like this, and she knows it. He fits rules 1 and 2 and so she ignored the red flags.
probably best to talk to her about it soon. don’t let her imagination run wild. she probably start asking and talking to her friends about it already. so you are better off nipping this in the butt sooner rather than later. she may thinks it belong to other girls.
She is really unwell. I think she should be inpatient for awhile until she regains control over her emotions.