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Date: October 21, 2022
Took me a moment to think on this. Absolutely weird of them to name the baby that. On this thought… definitely not defending. Ann, Joyce and Lynne are names that are common in my family. First or middle. Half my cousins have these names including my immediate family. You have Jr's. Me thinks, they were hoping you would love the idea of having a sister named after her big sister. Maybe thought you would be happy about it. Now… that is one way of looking at it. If the baby shared a middle name with you and they stated that, maybe a different outcome. This is going 2 ways honestly. He may be having this kid to make up for being a shitty parent in the past. That is his job to build that relationship with you. Plain and simple. Up to you if you want to build that with him. Stepmom…. not much context on her. All I know is she is having a girl and they both are naming the baby after you. Why are they naming the baby after you? So many things are going on right now. Especially emotions. So many thoughts. It's not just a name, it's your name. Does the baby have first and middle name as you as well? If you want to be angry with your dad, you have that right. If it's bothering you that badly, you have some choices to make. Talk to your dad and ask why. Why that name? If you don't want to talk to him about it, then don't. I hope things work out for you. I'm sensing more resentment for the past than being angry at him for the baby. He absolutely is a shitty parent. Just another way to look at things. Not saying this situation he put you is legit. He needs to give you a damn good reason for this. He also needs to hear you out too. Understand your feelings on this and give you validation. Good luck. Emotions are a bitch. Just make sure it's not going to affect you in the end.
What!!!! Your parents are friends with your boyfriends ex’s parents. What has that got to do with your boyfriend. How does this affect your relationship in any way whatsoever. What am I missing?
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Guys who intentionally date younger often do so either because they are intimidated by women their age (at best) / younger women are easier to manipulate (at worst or because they’re shallow.
None of that bodes well for the future and frankly I wouldn’t stick around in this situation. There are so many amazing people in the world; why tie yourself down to this schmuck?
I'd break up over this. How insulting.
Man Code for 'I chose an inappropriately young partner because women my own age wouldn't put up with my bullsh*t'. This is someone who gets off on belittling others and he just assumed that as someone with a still developing brain you'd tolerate it. Good for you for not being his doormat.
Maybe stop asking dumb questions?
Not why he wants it but what’s the purpose I guess ….
Also and I hate to say it but you need to be concerned about STD’s. You should go get checked. Sorry.
If there’s actually been no physical meetings and it’s been purely picture sharing then I think you might need to take a step back and take some deep breaths. Yes it was a violation because it was done behind your back, but it’s not something to end your marriage over, and your bf doesn’t have a “problem” to work through, his views on boundaries are just different than yours and that’s where ✨communication✨ comes in. Discuss it, maybe it’s something he can stop if it bothers you that badly. Or you might find out you’re fine with it if he stays anonymous and doesn’t flaunt it at you. He’s still the same person you’ve been with for seven years, nothing about that has changed
If after three years you don’t feel desirable, hell after a week, if he doesn’t make you feel wanted and sexy, nope! He’s gotta go. You deserve to feel like the sexiest person alive by your partner. You should walk in a room and feel his eyes on you. When that’s gone, we tend to believe we aren’t sexy or hot, it’s just how our minds work. “I know he loves me, I just need to lose weight or get into shape and he will desire me again”. That’s not okay, not in my opinion. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. I really hope you aren’t feeling down about yourself because he’s too blind to see how hard you are. You wear the exact costume you want and you rock that. Confidence is the hottest trait a person can have. Don’t let him take that.
So far I've read about all the things YOU have to do to make him more comfortable. What are the things HE does to work on his insecurities? This is not normal! It's not normal to immediately accuse your partner of shady/inappropriate behavior because they got off work later than expected. It's not normal to have to share your location every minute of every day. It's not normal to have to allow him to look through your phone. In my almost 5 years with my fiancé never once have I had to explain my whereabouts, give him my phone, or share my location. The concept of a “soulmate” is about more than just love. I call my fiancé my soulmate because his soul matches everything my soul needs to thrive. I would never be able to call someone who was so controlling and manipulative like your bf my “soulmate.” Yes relationships require work. But not just from one side, and not to cater to one person's insecurities. Things that need work in a relationship should be a team effort, like finding better ways to communicate your emotions, manage your finances, or so on, together. Frankly, you can't fix this man. He needs therapy to work through his issues.
Except with your attitude you won't. You admit you don't know anything about weed and yet you are judgemental over what you have as an image in your mind of what it does and how people act.
Thanks for this perspective. Yes, when I told him at the beginning of our relationship that I wasn't into the club scene because it was crowded and noisy, I just assumed it was clear I was speaking from personal experience. And also assumed that if he was concerned about how I knew what the club scene was like, he would have asked more questions about it. And then we never talked about it again until yesterday when he saw the pictures I was looking at.
During our argument yesterday, he did say that if he had known I had gone to a club 3 times, he would not have dated me. He said that if I had gone just once and was upfront about it and admitted my mistake, he probably could have dealt with it, but that knowing I had done it multiple times would have been a no-go.
I guess the thing is that, I realize I could have been been more upfront about my clubgoing history in the first place, but I actually don't feel like I did anything wrong by going to clubs in the first place – at least not the way I did it. Going out to a nondrinking event with a group of female friends isn't against my beliefs. Music and dancing aren't against my beliefs. While I usually dress even more conservatively, wearing a skirt slightly above the knee and a fitted, scoop-necked top is not counter to modesty expectations (the general guidelines for my church are no mid-thigh or higher miniskirts and no more than a hint of cleavage; plenty of women wear outfits like I wore to the club to church activities). I ultimately decided not to go to clubs anymore, but only because the noise and crowded conditions left me with a headache each time, not because I thought what I was doing was immoral.
So I do feel bad for misleading my BF, even if inadvertently, but it seems like he may be looking for a GF/wife who is even more conservative than I am.
So the foundation of your relationship is tainted with her having relations with her boss for 2 days that I am willing to be she remembers, but is lying to you. Now the question is are you ok with this and going to rug sweep or are you going to actually confront her and leave her before marriage.
I'd also not be surprised if his “friend” kept those photos. Nothing in this sounds professional, appropriate or healthy.
For OP's marriage or friendships. Like I can't imagine this not going sideways or someone ELSE having seen those nudes.
“I was so naive, I thought my wife would like me bonding with her friends by giving them all massages while hot. I thought it was a two birds one stone kind of deal. Why is she angry about me being hard with them?”
I refuse to believe she is anywhere near that dense. She is stupid, yes, but she enjoyed every bit of it. Her is getting trickled truth here. She slept with this guy or worse has been sleeping with him.
He was probably happy to have a good looking girl that saw her as less attractive so she was not in the game of dressing sexy, flirting etc.. And changing that will hurt him deep in his insecurities like jealousy, the fact that you may do better than him, guys will hit on you.
What he said and how said it was completely off the rails and you honestly should either smack his ass or just ghost him.
Now he has a point, a lot of your interactions with other are defined by the way you saw yourself. If you start dressing differently you probably will get support and validation because first people are supportive and you can even start to raise interest you did not previously. Baseline : you do it for you but it will have an impact in your relation with others.
Are you seeing someone? Because that change can be unsettling and you want it monitored so you don't go overboard because you start to be obsessed with attention.