0 views
YummyJane Public Chat Channel
Date: November 25, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
YummyJane Public Chat Channel
Drunken minds speak sober thoughts.
You’ve been given a second chance at life.
Don’t waste it on a cheating scumbag.
That doesn't un-fuck the person she had an affair with, does it?
Uh he could have had a conversation with her about how this was a major boundary violation like a mature adult? And if that didn’t work he could have ended the relationship? There are so many ways this should have been handled before violence was even contemplated—and at that point he absolutely should have left either the room or the house to calm down. He is an adult and is responsible for regulating his emotions. And before anyone comes at me about this, of course she shouldn’t have hugged him, he established a boundary she ignored and that’s not cool. But that’s annoying at most and certainly doesn’t justify physical violence. The comments on this thread are low key scaring me because of how hot they’re ripping into OP for something as stupid as that and how little they focus on the fact that she thought he was going to hit her. This kind of “Well I shouldn’t have been violent but you provoked me!” is straight from every abuser’s playbook.
I have had to push someone away from me once for doing this. I wouldn’t have had to push him away if he had respected my body autonomy at all.
Pushing someone away is vastly different than trying to elbow someone, throwing things at them, and then moving to hit them. The point of pushing in the scenario you described is to get them away from you and enforce the boundary, not to hurt someone.
The best help you can give is to slink away into the shadows
I pictured Homer Simpson walking backwards hiding in the bushes ?
Everyone will eventually get a little stir crazy if they're around each other 24/7. Rather than approaching this like “I'm being exiled from my own house for X number of hours” maybe look at it as a chance to get out and do your own thing for a minute? You don't necessarily HAVE to do this on her schedule. If you find a hobby you like and there are days when you go do it just let her know the schedule, then it's win/win. You get some you time, she gets some private time, everyone is happy.
She's not a hero, but he's definitely a coward.
You wrote the worst possible post. Idk what the issue is…
John, your GF's strong abandonment fear — as well as her abusive and controlling behaviors — may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your GF, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.
First, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to validate her “victim” status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Second, you would not see her expressing her anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you or her parents).
Third, you are convinced she truly loves you. But you often see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you), frequently making you feel like you're “walking on eggshells.” Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.
John, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?