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Date: October 23, 2022
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A question like “is this worth breaking up over” is easiest answered by asking yourself this: what if this behavior never stops, and by staying together you have to spend the next 50-60 years enduring it? Are you prepared to on-line the literal rest of your life with someone who does this to you?
I won’t even get into what is normal or what I personally would put up with or what I think you should or shouldn’t, because only you know what you will and won’t accept, but if the idea of choosing someone who could very possibly stay this way forever isn’t palatable, you already know whether it’s worth it or not.
Me when your mom
OP, look at your post history, my god.
Dont be so dismissive
Thank Merlin. Someone mentioned this.
why do you have to quit your job?
You are 48 and gave a kid, she has 2 kids. Why do you feel the need to have another one?
Let's say that Ethnicity and religion of the other person is a huge taboo thing in the family.
I would tell him I can't afford it and maybe next year, that as he can see by my work schedule I have been working nude to pay off debts so had I had known I'd need to save for this, I would have done so starting months prior
Either he offers to pay your way or he doesn't. You can do your own thing. He should have let you know sooner you would need to spend x amount, some people may have that in their savings but not everybody does especially with the cost of living – and some may have it saved but need it for bills.
I wouldn't feel bad about it either. Hopefully you can make other, more affordable plans for that time or you can enjoy the time to yourself 🙂
The thing is, you think she drugged you. Regardless of how long you knew each other. Regardless of her motives and insecurities. Regardless of how you think you maybe played into / forced her somehow by changing. None of it matters all that much, against the idea that she drugged you. It's a huge line to cross. Not one that is ever going to be okay. It's illegal, immoral, abusive potential assault and then some. Even if she did it only to look at your phone, she drugged you. WTF. If you were a girl, the whole sub would be going nuts at you. IMAO, get yourself some better boundaries. Do not even begin to pretend this is okay. This is not okay. Do not normalise it. Don't second guess it. Don't internalise it. Walk away. Block everything. If you have evidence, press charges. Explain to friends and block any who try to trivialise it. Be an ally sometime to women who get drugged. Do not set the bar on your own self-worth so frigging low. Ever. I know without knowing you at all that you're worth more, not least because everyanyone is.
Ya I know bro it ain’t right
This is disgusting and ableist
Hmmm.. you sound like you are looking for a domme. She would let you know in no time and ultimately put you on your knees in front of her. Look into it, if you have a need to worship a girl. Be careful what you wish for.
I don't force feed them! I just can't differentiate if I'm doing it on my own accord or what
I would say, “great happy you had a good time.” You're in a relationship, not you are mine you cannot go anywhere near other women or bars entrap relationship. And if you are like that, then your gf should run. If you don't trust your gf then thats a you issue. Nothing wrong with going out and having fun. As long as you are both trusting of one another. But it sounds like you don't like your gf to go to bars or get drunk, esp if their gay ones? And if that is a deal breaker, find a gf who dont go to bars or go out.
I think I need therapy.
Absolutely, yes.
Um. It’s called living life and following your dreams? Abandoned? She would have had more than enough notice this was happening. This takes extreme strategic planning to hike safely.
What happens if you, your dad your stepmom and your half sister are all out together and they need to introduce you to someone? Are they gonna say oh this is my daughter Lily and this is my other daughter Lily? This is the stupidest thing I've ever fucking heard of. You should tell your dad flat out that until he can find an original name for his 2nd daughter that his 1st daughter wishes to have no contact with him. The fact that he agreed to this is beyond ridiculous.
I question like 90% of them, like I get denial is a thing but at a certain point you have to have some sort of common sense
This is an “OG GOAT” reply!
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The people excusing this by using culture and “girls mature faster than boys.”… telling.
Yeah, when I was in the rooms, I HATED celebration meetings- my own or anyone else’s; it’s just nasty sheet cake and platitudes.
How is a couple of hours together “too much” when you’ve been dating for 5 years?
It’s once a year, I’d expect to go to whole day events once a year that I wouldn’t enjoy if they were important to my partner’s family. Being in a relationship means doing stuff you don’t want to sometimes, this is not a big ask at all.
Honestly your situation doesn’t sound all that unique to me, sorry. I’ve been on the other end and it’s so heartbreaking. I’ve never felt so beaten down, unloved, and straight up disliked as when my rather emotionless parter would come down on me for expressing emotions during an argument- aka a time that is understandably emotionally heightened. Some women use tears to manipulate. I’m sure some men do, too. But to just automatically assume your WIFE that you’ve been with for a DECADE, who you also know is actually capable of expressing her emotions and does so all the time, is just so sad. It’s not nude to imagine where you’re coming from- deal with your own abilities to process your emotions first.
The saddest part though, she did exactly what you asked for. Even after you crushed her she’s still trying to make you happy.
Jfc dump him! He raped you! He’s not going to change! He doesn’t give a shot about you or what you want. You need to go get the morning after pill immediately and don’t go back to him. Call a friend if you can or your parents but do not stay with any longer!
Then she can pay for it. She doesn't even want a marriage in truth, and be doesn't care. Why should he commit a ton of money and time to a “fake” wedding that he doesn't want or care about?
I hate pointing this out, but if gender roles were swapped here nobody would have any issue. It's annoying. She doesn't want his name, doesn't want kids, and doesn't want to share assets. She has a fantasy of the big day and the white dress, but doesn't want anything else that comes with it. If she wants this, I don't see a problem with her footing the bill.
I'm having a nude time too. If it's real, her entire family might be abusive.. for her to be so blind and accepting of this level of horror.
That's all abuse
Yeah, I'm not sure why your GF is okay with this behavior.
I would tell your GF that this is your decision. Your girlfriend might be trying to be nice but she'd doing it at her own expense.
I think you need to find the joy in the small things that are around you. Shared experiences with your husband. Go hiking, picnics in remote places etc. I'm not sure the party scene will do anything to make you feel fulfilled.
This man spiked your drink. That's a crime. It doesn't matter if the pill worked or not, what he did is horrible and malicious.
What do you mean by 'he wanted to see your reaction'? Did he actually want something to happen to you?
Dump his dangerous ass right now.
Your child, possibly, a sure bet, let's not kid ourselves. Women (and men) often form outside relationships before exiting an existing relationship.
Two key thoughts. You need to diplomatically ask for a paternity test. And that ask has to be a non-negotiable ask.
Secondly, you need to prepare yourself for that answer, whatever that is. You should understand the possible legal pickle you're in.
The second he develops a way to carry the fetus in his body we can talk
Have your phone recording and leave your drink somewhere, then “disappear” somewhere. Check the video when you come back.
wow yeah I mean this is such an over the top, sexist response. You're the problem here – expecting the people in your life to ask your permission before they talk to each other
Hire that cleaning lady, stop trying with him, hire a babysitter to watch your baby when you need a break, get an attorney and file for divorce.
Yup . Very stupid
Healthy relationships are built on trust. She completely blew that out of the water. For a year and a half she has lied to you every day by not telling you the truth. She has been conning you out of your money since the first day.
She'll never repay you. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and get clear of her. Or she will con you out of more money. She seems to be very good at it.
You're a doormat, he knows that. He knows he can get anything and everything from you and he doesn't give a damn about you. He's using you. Kick him out, block him everywhere and don't give a second thought about him. You need to heal from him, perhaps take in a lodger to help with the rent?
Yep and wakes up at 12 very nice seeing another person you're cooking for and providing for waking up at 12 and having no intention to grow up because that is their norm
I’m not about to take relationship advice from someone who won’t hold his wife’s hand lol go work out your own mental health issues before projecting on me.
Absolutely not. No way in hell would my husband go stay in the same hotel room with another woman. I trust him, but im also human and know shit tends to happen on business trips with alcohol involved and judgement being obscured.
That's a dumb take. I remember an old thread about the same with gender reversed (the guy hated his wife's long hair and prefered when she had a pixie cut), and I remembered people were respectful of his preferences and gave him advice. Like, yeah, he can keep his pedo stache, you do you and we live in a free country I guess, but it all comes back on which level you want to make it work with your partner and their own preferences, throughout your compatibility. She has the right to be revulsed by a pedo stache juste as any man has the right to not like body hair.
Is there a particular reason you can't be the one to propose? Or communicate…
I mean why would you date a person you poured your heart out to that then went and had sex with someone else. And then chose to be either you after she had some fun. Have some self respect and dump her.
Hell this would have been MORE acceptable in the 1800s! Can't speak to Alabama, lol
No, as I said at the top, you’re nuts.
Going tit for tat is super petty and immature.
I don't advise it, but if that's where you're at, who am I to lecture anyone else.
Lmao. If you can believe it, I didn’t think it was so strange a year and a half ago. Bc I was in a 6 year relationship that was so vanilla that I had no clue what people were and weren’t doing. Now I find it bizarre. But I just wanted to know what people thought.
I was thinking the same, I wonder if they only broke up when he moved out…….. or did she kick him out…
So if I was broke and couldn’t offer that then I couldn’t tell her it bothers me?
Well you're getting way too many down votes for a karma farm…lol…
Bro…if this is true, you got r4p3d…no bullshit. Same kind of thing has happened to me before…only I wasn't blacked tf out, so I was able to stop her.
I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope things can be fixed between you and your ex.
There is no advice to be given. That is something you have to hash out with your girlfriend. As long as you aren't married I'd say that your legal standing in the childs name is slim. Also since you are not married it is very likely that it is way more practical for your girlfriend as the kids mother to have the child have her name. She is likely to be the one who gets the kid to doctors appointments, brings and gets her to (pre-)school and so on.
Best advice is: Marry her and have one name for your whole new family – either hers or yours or a hyphenation.
INFO: does he just want to put them outside for the night? Or is he talking about getting rid of them?
Why isn't your boyfriend being rid of his problem cat?
It's his house.
calling someone a child when you're sitting on the internet passing judgement on them… interesting
Oh, hell no. Not after that comment. If he doesn't see what's wrong, then I don't see what you could say to him. I'm not for control or jealousy, but nope. You were having sex and Ellen is the name he came up with to talk dirty about? He has to see how wrong that is? Would he feel the same if you had done the same? He can do what he wants, but he can also deal with your feelings.
Mine’s posterous .
Probably break up with him. I had a girlfriend do the equivalent. I could clearly see she had no idea she did anything wrong, she had terrible social skills and was more self-involved than most people.
I didn’t break up with her over that, but she piled up a lot of the same crap in short order.
I broke up with her because she was sexist and insensitive.
Who you stay with is your choice.
I think you'd likely find at least 90% of men and women would actually agree that under 5 is small, doesn't mean a guy with under 5 is worthless though.
I think you should give him an ultimatum. Either he agrees to either see a judge or go along with your plans without complaint OR he steps up with helping out in planning (not just criticizing you do it). If he won’t do any of these, leave. He can either shut up, step up, elope, or break up. That’s it.
The way he’s handling this isn’t treating you as a partner at all and that doesn’t bode well for a marriage.
Hi, thanks for responding! I think we’re trying to find common ground and trying to find an acceptable compromise. But the issue is that in the interim, while he’s adjusting to this, I’m feeling really anxious and i kind of feel neglected. I recognise that i need to give him time, but i don’t know how to deal in the meantime.
We’ve been together physically for short periods. And we’re supposed to be meeting in a couple of weeks for a month.
And she should talk to her father and mention what SIL said, it's his money, it must feel dreadful having people scheming over your money while you are still alive…I also second the prenup
I’m just going to point out. He is an engineer. (I am one too). We have a nude time being human sometimes.
Literally, I have my husband, and a friend from childhood that lives on the other side of the country. Last time I made a friend, she turned into a stalker.
For your BIL, ego and pride can really get in the way when someone seems overly competent. From his POV, your husband is a high earner, does charity work, is a DIY master, and the list goes on. Your BIL probably won’t ask for help to get off of a sinking boat if he has to ask your husband.
And your parents might be picking up on BIL’s insecurity and are trying to speak kindly of him. Often we give attention to the squeaky wheel and ignore the people who quietly just get the job done. Never realizing that they need appreciation and acknowledgement as well.
Because we tend to have our heads in the clouds or hyper focus on a topic, engineers are well known for lacking social skills. Sometimes we see more of a friendship than is actually there, and we miss red flags all of the time.
Things you can do. Speak positively of your husband to your parents. Tell them of the cool things he does. If they hear about it, they will repeat it.
Otherwise, just love him. You and the kids will do more to give him a sense of community than anything else. He will always be overly passionate about some topics, and that will put some people off.
My only caution is that you both should work on open and clear communication. More often than not, engineers don’t seem to understand the importance of communication. I like to recommend “crucial conversations” as a great starting resource for improving communication. Especially for us engineers. It breaks down a lot of social situations into helpful step by step equations that are easier for an analytical mind to digest.
The two of you are in a sexual and romantic relationship, despite you both protesting it. The denial is clearly eating him alive. It sounds like he either has serious feelings for you, or is feeling extremely guilty over his sexual orientation. You both need to have a conversation. Get some counseling. It's okay, and you're both going to be okay. Being gay or bisexual isn't a bad thing, it's just another thing that is.
Lol wtf
GIRL!!!! BFFR. Yall like each other. The wife should have had convo with her husband and not you but yea you playing with fire.