Ooof man I'm so sorry. I have endometriosis and thankfully I have a loving and understanding partner who always helps and asks what I need on my bad period days (all of them lol). He is understanding and sweet about it. That being said- your partner sounds like he is SEVERELY lacking in empathy and doesn't respect you for saying that to you. If it were me, because I'm petty? I'd buy a tens unit off Amazon and hook that mfer up to it to show him how bad my cramps can get. Then at the worst setting, tell him would you like to go to work and pretend it's not happening, since you believe I'm not in this much pain?
In all seriousness though, you deserve so much better babe. You need someone who loves and supports you through sickness and health and bad period pain. I'm so sorry. I would think about the future of your relationship.
Hi so you did a dumb dumb. And it’s ok because you are young and can fix it. You chose to change your entire life outlook for one person. What you should do is find the right person that fits your life outlook and doesn’t make you change it.
Then I would just go ahead with that. I understand that it's not what you would have wanted but again, I think that it would probably hurt him. Like I said, it's not so much about the ring as what it means.
You get no support because you haven't been paying attention or listening for like decades. This is entirely on you. Google walkaway wife syndrome. She didn't just wake up one day and decide she was done. This was a long time coming.
You know that you need to it. Stop going in circles, you have your plan now please execute that plan. You are not your abusers mother, and he is a grown ass man. I understand how trapped you feel but it is incredibly infuriating to watch someone you care about torture themselves in a cycle like this, and people close to you will need to set boundaries with you if you stay in it.
It sounds like your describing a narcissist. These people only see everything in relation to themselves. They are always the victim in any situation which then allows them to validate their anger and mistreatment of others.
They constantly seek to twist every situation to make themselves the victim. They have no sense of responsibility for anything. And are unable to critically self assess. They are generally minpulative liars, emotional abusive to others, and need to be the center of attention. They also desire to feel superior to others.
People like this can be extremely dangerous and very harmful to family members and friends.
The best thing for you to do is cut off all contact you can't help them and they will turn on you and take pleasure at any bad that happens to you.
The things he said they are running in my head on a loop. If he honestly thinks that then that is a horrible manipulation in marrying me. If he doesn't think that but said it in anger, then what a cruel way to hurt your wife. I can't think of anyway what he said was something I can ignore.
This used to happen to me whilst I was a teen going out with an older teen, he was hell bent on getting me pregnant and would do exactly the same things you have said here.
Nothing changed, I did end up pregnant but miscarried luckily.
You need to leave him, I swear nothing will get better and he is sexually assaulting you.
What exactly are you exactly looking for? Having an emotional affair with another woman and eventually cheat on your wife?.
You said you are happily married why rock the boat?
Is there something missing in your relationship with your wife? If so talk with her before ruining your marriage wth someone you haven’t even met and you don’t know if you’re even compatible with.
Modern couples typically have both people working, though. And it's pretty draconian to say the person earning less must do more chores.
Variables that come into play about who does which chores are things like physical ability, working from home/or not, shift work/or not, preference or aptitude for certain chores and who is the primary caregiver of any children.
What kind of help are you looking for? Do you think there are some magic words that will suddenly make her realize how stupid and destructive she's being?
Yep so so so many posts about different colored eyes or appearance making the dad question paternity and the mother at a loss on what to dowhen the answer is quite obvious. Rage bait? Idk but sick of them.
The emotion I’m worst and managing is when something had a predictable outcome, and someone else did something (not even something bad or malicious) and now I don’t get the thing I was looking forward to. There’s anger and frustration and disappointment and it’s easy to unload that on the person who did the thing. Therapy (not just for this but etc) has helped. It still bothers me but I’ve gotten better about just saying “oh no” and taking a walk instead of getting mad at the someone else.
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My mom and I have always had a very close relationship. She tells me everything, I am her only daughter, her confidant since I was a small child (telling me everything from financial troubles to have issues with my dad/brothers, etc). Her pride has always been that I have always been very mature for my age, being able to cook, clean, take care of my brother with ASD, being homeschooled, being active in my church, etc. So much so that people have always mistaken me for being 10+ years older then I was since I was 13-14 or so.
Please keep in mind I grew up in the fundamentalist world, think Duggars, IBLP, Bill Gothard, Quiver-full,etc. Te vibe is ultra conservative, long skirts and hair, no TV and only select music, homeschooling, tons of kids and such. I have 6 brothers, for example. All homeschooled k-12.
I have always been extremely good at toeing the line between being compliant and being a silent rebel. Always did and said the right thing so as to not be in trouble and have privileges restricted but always questioning everything and pushing boundaries as far as I could.
I went to college, got my AAS, work in healthcare. I moved out by myself (HUGE upset) and am financially independent. Lived on my own for years, and am fully self sufficient.
I have slowly distanced myself from my fundamentalist background, I have lost almost all the friends I had growing up, as we were friends by necessity not really choice in most cases. We have rather just grown apart or it is because I left and they stayed. Even leaving my church, I just slowly phased out, giving up responsibilities in college due to being busy and slowly showing up less and less. Again, Im an excellent “quiet rebel”.
I met my BF right before Covid hit. We get along great, he is calm where I am anxious, absolutely hilarious and makes me feel like Im home whenever I’m with him. I can honestly say he is the love of my life.
My mom had never liked him, feels like he doesn’t have his priorities straight (he is successful in his career and also fully self sufficient) because he likes sports too much. Doesn’t like his friends, who she has never met she just picks apart any story I tell her to find an issue with them. They have been super kind and welcoming to me. She just “doesn’t like him” but is never really able to give me a solid reason. My dad and my brothers/in laws love him.
I told them we were moving in together in a few months. My dad told me he would prefer if we got married first but that it was ultimately my choice. My mon lost it, storming out of the house and then storming back in to tell me to get out. So I left and have heard nothing for days.
She texted me this AM saying we need to meet so we can talk before I make the “biggest mistake of my life”. Honestly I’m so emotionally exhausted. I’m tired, sad and numb. I fluctuate between trying to not cry and panic to just staring off and shutting down and trying to think of nothing at all.
I know I’m too old for this, I know I should be far past these growing pains and that I should just move on and cut her off. But I cant, who is she going have if Im gone? Her life is so hot with my brother having medical issues and I have always been there to help amongst other things. I’m her support and feel so selfish. I do NOT want to talk to her but know I have to.
What the hell am I supposed to say? What would you say?
How would I say it. I feel that most things in life don’t bother me or, I don’t think I react to strongly. So naturally as it comes to me, I don’t have a second thought since I didn’t feel much beyond “a normal day.” Idk if that even translates any good
A lot of abusers can be the perfect bf/gf for years before showing their true colors. If you don’t have children i would make sure you don’t get pregnant, because that could trap you there longer.
Right? Like maybe the thing they can’t get past is that she expects him to change things and be a mature ass adult but he’s been with the same woman since he’s 19 and maybe needs a fresh start because at 19 you’re just not the person you’re going to become- your brain isn’t even fully developed yet. 6 years isn’t an objectively big gal but it sure as hell is when one of you is still a teenager.
Unfortunately it does cause me pain , I beat myself up about it quite a lot . Thank you for the advice , I think I’ll just have to suck it up and wait until we aren’t in close proximity anymore . Time and new surroundings will hopefully heal my heart
Let me try to understand the scenario your laying out. You’re saying if someone is in your home, you would want your boyfriend to say “call the police while I stand right here and look at this man?”
The man that broke into his home? And you’re saying to ignore the evolutionary response that takes over rational thought in order to survive?
I’m just trying to understand where you’re coming from here because I don’t fully get it.
Trauma is terrible. I have had my own fight with trauma. But there has to be a line that you draw where actual survival is more important than protecting someone from their own trauma.
Telling men not to attack other men in their own home because it might trigger a response just sounds like it will lead to harmful results in the end.
She could have just been curious. But even if she was interested, she seems to have taken the hint. Don’t love the “if it’s a girl it’s not cheating” thing because it itself is vaguely queer phobic but no need to be weird about it if she never brings it up again.
Break up with him. People will only treat you how you allow them to. Dont allow someone to treat you like you are not worthy of love. Staying in a relationship where you dont feel Valued will only drain you.
Call him on his bullshit, express needs and boundaries. And follow through. It is really powerful to calmly and clearly say to someone “What you said/did is not ok. You can never take that back. You are going to have to work to rebuild my confidence/ trust in you”
Tell him “I dont feel valued in this relationship. I am only going to put as mucb effort in as you do.” Then follow through.
But eventually all roads lead to Rome. Break up with him.
Right, and he asked you in a civil way. Did he call you a pedo? Maybe you'll realize one day that you upset your husband when calling him a pedo. Or not. Do you not understand the severity of that? Do you care about your husband's feelings? Obviously not. Try apologizing and maybe let this one go. Maybe he'll give in.
Not only did she lie to your husband, she is lying to her son. Kid has a family out there he’ll never know about. She runs the risk of him possibly bringing home their half sibling as a SO. “Oh no his father in law to be is his bio dad!”
Not only did she lie to your husband, she is lying to her son. Kid has a family out there he’ll never know about. She runs the risk of him possibly bringing home their half sibling as a SO. “Oh no his father in law to be is his bio dad!”
Not only did she lie to your husband, she is lying to her son. Kid has a family out there he’ll never know about. She runs the risk of him possibly bringing home their half sibling as a SO. “Oh no his father in law to be is his bio dad!”
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My girlfriend considers cheating and playing FIFA on the same level of disrespect. She says that I do not spend enough time with her and prefers to sleep and play FIFA, she considered this worst than cheating on her, what should I do?
Dude… you were not a side piece. I dont know what you were. The janitor from a random hotel would get more attention from her rather than to give it to you.
If I'd come to you and read these exactly words you wrote what would you say? ” Nah youre just imagining it”?.
Like cmon man… move on have have some critical and logical thinking. My words might be harsh but this ridiculous.
I’m also a married bisexual person with very little experience with the same sex. I have an abnormally high sex drive but I’m not interested in other people. Are you sure you really want to be with her? Is there something lacking in your sex life? Are you a frequent consumer of porn?
I'm not saying that they were rhe problem in a relationship, but their obviously was one and starting a new one with a lie definitely isn't the right foot. This scenario seems like she was hiding it.
You can’t focus on taking care of others unless you take care of your emotions first. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can put it on your child and all that. That means you need to at least confront him, and I do suggest breaking it off completely. I’m just sorry you’re grieving two people at once and let me know if you need to talk or anything 🙁
It’s not yellow, It’s a big a** red flag in my opinion. Being 38 is already a huge age gap, and he lies about 10 years on top of that.
Ooof man I'm so sorry. I have endometriosis and thankfully I have a loving and understanding partner who always helps and asks what I need on my bad period days (all of them lol). He is understanding and sweet about it. That being said- your partner sounds like he is SEVERELY lacking in empathy and doesn't respect you for saying that to you. If it were me, because I'm petty? I'd buy a tens unit off Amazon and hook that mfer up to it to show him how bad my cramps can get. Then at the worst setting, tell him would you like to go to work and pretend it's not happening, since you believe I'm not in this much pain?
In all seriousness though, you deserve so much better babe. You need someone who loves and supports you through sickness and health and bad period pain. I'm so sorry. I would think about the future of your relationship.
Hi so you did a dumb dumb. And it’s ok because you are young and can fix it. You chose to change your entire life outlook for one person. What you should do is find the right person that fits your life outlook and doesn’t make you change it.
Yep, she's just a warm hole.
As an Australian with a nurse for a mother, probably Australia. 🙁
Xanax and klonopin are anxiolytics, not antidepressants. People with anxiety often have depression, perhaps that's why you have linked them
Then I would just go ahead with that. I understand that it's not what you would have wanted but again, I think that it would probably hurt him. Like I said, it's not so much about the ring as what it means.
This is suspicious to me
It definitely is wrong to send someone else nudes while you're in a relationship.
Sounds as though folks might be jealous of your transformation.
Thank you
You get no support because you haven't been paying attention or listening for like decades. This is entirely on you. Google walkaway wife syndrome. She didn't just wake up one day and decide she was done. This was a long time coming.
Don't ruin your life at 20 man
UpdateMe!
You know that you need to it. Stop going in circles, you have your plan now please execute that plan. You are not your abusers mother, and he is a grown ass man. I understand how trapped you feel but it is incredibly infuriating to watch someone you care about torture themselves in a cycle like this, and people close to you will need to set boundaries with you if you stay in it.
It sounds like your describing a narcissist. These people only see everything in relation to themselves. They are always the victim in any situation which then allows them to validate their anger and mistreatment of others.
They constantly seek to twist every situation to make themselves the victim. They have no sense of responsibility for anything. And are unable to critically self assess. They are generally minpulative liars, emotional abusive to others, and need to be the center of attention. They also desire to feel superior to others.
People like this can be extremely dangerous and very harmful to family members and friends.
The best thing for you to do is cut off all contact you can't help them and they will turn on you and take pleasure at any bad that happens to you.
The things he said they are running in my head on a loop. If he honestly thinks that then that is a horrible manipulation in marrying me. If he doesn't think that but said it in anger, then what a cruel way to hurt your wife. I can't think of anyway what he said was something I can ignore.
This used to happen to me whilst I was a teen going out with an older teen, he was hell bent on getting me pregnant and would do exactly the same things you have said here.
Nothing changed, I did end up pregnant but miscarried luckily.
You need to leave him, I swear nothing will get better and he is sexually assaulting you.
You care about an open bar it seems.
It's an evolutionary trait
Curious to see the study that determined that
According to this, that girl has a gf and a bf, u keep mixing up the genders
What exactly are you exactly looking for? Having an emotional affair with another woman and eventually cheat on your wife?.
You said you are happily married why rock the boat?
Is there something missing in your relationship with your wife? If so talk with her before ruining your marriage wth someone you haven’t even met and you don’t know if you’re even compatible with.
Think about it.
Modern couples typically have both people working, though. And it's pretty draconian to say the person earning less must do more chores.
Variables that come into play about who does which chores are things like physical ability, working from home/or not, shift work/or not, preference or aptitude for certain chores and who is the primary caregiver of any children.
What kind of help are you looking for? Do you think there are some magic words that will suddenly make her realize how stupid and destructive she's being?
I donno
Good question
You need to set better boundaries with your mother. This is something for you and your husband to work out – getting her involved is inappropriate.
Troll bait. This same story keeps getting reposted here.
Yep so so so many posts about different colored eyes or appearance making the dad question paternity and the mother at a loss on what to dowhen the answer is quite obvious. Rage bait? Idk but sick of them.
The emotion I’m worst and managing is when something had a predictable outcome, and someone else did something (not even something bad or malicious) and now I don’t get the thing I was looking forward to. There’s anger and frustration and disappointment and it’s easy to unload that on the person who did the thing. Therapy (not just for this but etc) has helped. It still bothers me but I’ve gotten better about just saying “oh no” and taking a walk instead of getting mad at the someone else.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My mom and I have always had a very close relationship. She tells me everything, I am her only daughter, her confidant since I was a small child (telling me everything from financial troubles to have issues with my dad/brothers, etc). Her pride has always been that I have always been very mature for my age, being able to cook, clean, take care of my brother with ASD, being homeschooled, being active in my church, etc. So much so that people have always mistaken me for being 10+ years older then I was since I was 13-14 or so.
Please keep in mind I grew up in the fundamentalist world, think Duggars, IBLP, Bill Gothard, Quiver-full,etc. Te vibe is ultra conservative, long skirts and hair, no TV and only select music, homeschooling, tons of kids and such. I have 6 brothers, for example. All homeschooled k-12.
I have always been extremely good at toeing the line between being compliant and being a silent rebel. Always did and said the right thing so as to not be in trouble and have privileges restricted but always questioning everything and pushing boundaries as far as I could.
I went to college, got my AAS, work in healthcare. I moved out by myself (HUGE upset) and am financially independent. Lived on my own for years, and am fully self sufficient.
I have slowly distanced myself from my fundamentalist background, I have lost almost all the friends I had growing up, as we were friends by necessity not really choice in most cases. We have rather just grown apart or it is because I left and they stayed. Even leaving my church, I just slowly phased out, giving up responsibilities in college due to being busy and slowly showing up less and less. Again, Im an excellent “quiet rebel”.
I met my BF right before Covid hit. We get along great, he is calm where I am anxious, absolutely hilarious and makes me feel like Im home whenever I’m with him. I can honestly say he is the love of my life.
My mom had never liked him, feels like he doesn’t have his priorities straight (he is successful in his career and also fully self sufficient) because he likes sports too much. Doesn’t like his friends, who she has never met she just picks apart any story I tell her to find an issue with them. They have been super kind and welcoming to me. She just “doesn’t like him” but is never really able to give me a solid reason. My dad and my brothers/in laws love him.
I told them we were moving in together in a few months. My dad told me he would prefer if we got married first but that it was ultimately my choice. My mon lost it, storming out of the house and then storming back in to tell me to get out. So I left and have heard nothing for days.
She texted me this AM saying we need to meet so we can talk before I make the “biggest mistake of my life”. Honestly I’m so emotionally exhausted. I’m tired, sad and numb. I fluctuate between trying to not cry and panic to just staring off and shutting down and trying to think of nothing at all.
I know I’m too old for this, I know I should be far past these growing pains and that I should just move on and cut her off. But I cant, who is she going have if Im gone? Her life is so hot with my brother having medical issues and I have always been there to help amongst other things. I’m her support and feel so selfish. I do NOT want to talk to her but know I have to.
What the hell am I supposed to say? What would you say?
Sorry, I got distracted and forgot to say you should go ahead and call her rather than waiting for her to get home. Or go on over there yourself.
I don't know, you know the her, would you be able to straighten that out if they tried it?
I just got dumped on Friday because she (24f) wanted to sleep around. Don't let this fester.
How would I say it. I feel that most things in life don’t bother me or, I don’t think I react to strongly. So naturally as it comes to me, I don’t have a second thought since I didn’t feel much beyond “a normal day.” Idk if that even translates any good
Let her sort her own shit out and work on yourself. You got catfished, she is crazy or cheating. Sorry bro
I agree. Do the shoot. Is it frivolous? Maybe. Does it matter? No! Why can't you be frivolous a little in life?
Time is going to pass regardless, do something so you'll be able to look back and see when you put yourself first.
A lot of abusers can be the perfect bf/gf for years before showing their true colors. If you don’t have children i would make sure you don’t get pregnant, because that could trap you there longer.
I don’t remember my dads birthday off-hand. The only reason I recall my moms is because it’s literally a week after mine.
Some people just don’t have good memories for dates. I sucked at history class.
Calendars help.
Right? Like maybe the thing they can’t get past is that she expects him to change things and be a mature ass adult but he’s been with the same woman since he’s 19 and maybe needs a fresh start because at 19 you’re just not the person you’re going to become- your brain isn’t even fully developed yet. 6 years isn’t an objectively big gal but it sure as hell is when one of you is still a teenager.
Unfortunately it does cause me pain , I beat myself up about it quite a lot . Thank you for the advice , I think I’ll just have to suck it up and wait until we aren’t in close proximity anymore . Time and new surroundings will hopefully heal my heart
Nah it’s not. It actually sounds nice and thoughtful.
If it makes you feel special, just go with it.
If it bothers you, tell him the idea of superior genetics should have died with the Nazis.
Read the message out loud to him, then. ?
Let me try to understand the scenario your laying out. You’re saying if someone is in your home, you would want your boyfriend to say “call the police while I stand right here and look at this man?”
The man that broke into his home? And you’re saying to ignore the evolutionary response that takes over rational thought in order to survive?
I’m just trying to understand where you’re coming from here because I don’t fully get it.
Trauma is terrible. I have had my own fight with trauma. But there has to be a line that you draw where actual survival is more important than protecting someone from their own trauma.
Telling men not to attack other men in their own home because it might trigger a response just sounds like it will lead to harmful results in the end.
She could have just been curious. But even if she was interested, she seems to have taken the hint. Don’t love the “if it’s a girl it’s not cheating” thing because it itself is vaguely queer phobic but no need to be weird about it if she never brings it up again.
I am sorry but it sounds like he likely has another relationship, possibly marriage somewhere else.
You have a few options
Break up with him. People will only treat you how you allow them to. Dont allow someone to treat you like you are not worthy of love. Staying in a relationship where you dont feel Valued will only drain you.
Call him on his bullshit, express needs and boundaries. And follow through. It is really powerful to calmly and clearly say to someone “What you said/did is not ok. You can never take that back. You are going to have to work to rebuild my confidence/ trust in you”
Tell him “I dont feel valued in this relationship. I am only going to put as mucb effort in as you do.” Then follow through.
But eventually all roads lead to Rome. Break up with him.
Right, and he asked you in a civil way. Did he call you a pedo? Maybe you'll realize one day that you upset your husband when calling him a pedo. Or not. Do you not understand the severity of that? Do you care about your husband's feelings? Obviously not. Try apologizing and maybe let this one go. Maybe he'll give in.
Just give him a pair of aviator glasses with the bridge to complete the look lol. ??
I’m with you, I couldn’t handle that.
Wait a sec.. ok now I'm done with you
You’d be doing both of us a favour. Be the bigger person.
Not only did she lie to your husband, she is lying to her son. Kid has a family out there he’ll never know about. She runs the risk of him possibly bringing home their half sibling as a SO. “Oh no his father in law to be is his bio dad!”
Not only did she lie to your husband, she is lying to her son. Kid has a family out there he’ll never know about. She runs the risk of him possibly bringing home their half sibling as a SO. “Oh no his father in law to be is his bio dad!”
Not only did she lie to your husband, she is lying to her son. Kid has a family out there he’ll never know about. She runs the risk of him possibly bringing home their half sibling as a SO. “Oh no his father in law to be is his bio dad!”
What’s the relevance of you moving down under?
Dude. Put your fucking foot down.
My son calls another man “Dada” and I'm absolutely losing my shit. That doesn't happen on accident, it is taught.
“You are not allowed in my home while I'm not there.”
Grow a fucking spine.
What’s the relevance of you moving down under?
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My girlfriend considers cheating and playing FIFA on the same level of disrespect. She says that I do not spend enough time with her and prefers to sleep and play FIFA, she considered this worst than cheating on her, what should I do?
This was actually the best outcome possible, leave it be.
Dude… you were not a side piece. I dont know what you were. The janitor from a random hotel would get more attention from her rather than to give it to you.
If I'd come to you and read these exactly words you wrote what would you say? ” Nah youre just imagining it”?.
Like cmon man… move on have have some critical and logical thinking. My words might be harsh but this ridiculous.
Pour your own dollop!
I’m also a married bisexual person with very little experience with the same sex. I have an abnormally high sex drive but I’m not interested in other people. Are you sure you really want to be with her? Is there something lacking in your sex life? Are you a frequent consumer of porn?
That's not your friend anymore. Fuck that negativity. I feel bad for her daughter.
I'm not saying that they were rhe problem in a relationship, but their obviously was one and starting a new one with a lie definitely isn't the right foot. This scenario seems like she was hiding it.
You can’t focus on taking care of others unless you take care of your emotions first. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can put it on your child and all that. That means you need to at least confront him, and I do suggest breaking it off completely. I’m just sorry you’re grieving two people at once and let me know if you need to talk or anything 🙁
If she doesn't want to stop, then give her space.