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Date: October 15, 2022
So sorry this happened to you. Chances are this will end, it’s just a matter of how long it’ll take. Like the other commenter said, focus on yourself. It will take time to heal from this, do what you need to do. He’s given you no other choice honestly, so just make the best of it. If you really wanna push the optimistic narrative, he’s only made room for you to find new/better/loyal friends.
Also, I’m not making any excuses for Danny he’s a grown man who has made his choices. But likely he doesn’t realize he’s in an abusive relationship. This is how it starts and Tom’s now successfully eliminated someone from his circle. If this all plays out like it’s meant to, one day Danny will wake up to find he has no support circle outside of Tom. Danny has victimized you but he is/will be a victim of Tom’s abuse and manipulation as well. I hope he comes to his senses soon.
When/if he does, it’s up to you how you would want to move forward. Fairly certain he will likely try to return to the friendship. Wishing you the best OP!
Because piss gets trapped in the water trap /u-bend and it’s not hygenic. It splatters. (I still do it on occasion do)
Tell him you want him back! You’ve got nothing to lose!
Sounds like he wants you to conform to HIS idea of what a wife should be, and I will bet dollars to donuts that his ideas aren’t even on the same page as any man that you would want for a husband. As others have said, be yourself. No one is better qualified than you!
Please explain how I threw a tantrum when he yelled at me first.
that does not sound like a person you want to be with. if it were necessities itd be one thing but shouldve talked to u first either way. at the least to give u a heads up
His response was overly violent but your behavior was inappropriate too. When someone tells you not to touch them, don't violate their consent. He told you not to touch him and you did it anyway. Completely unacceptable. If he has never reacted like this before, then I would probably have a conversation with him about it and look into counseling. If he's been aggressive before, then I would view it as a problem that I wouldn't come back from. But if this was an isolated reaction to being touched against his express wishes, then you both need to go to counseling to deal with your refusal to respect boundaries and his extreme reaction.
I feel we are only hearing this from your point of view. I wonder if she’s one of those women ending up doing the majority of childcare, housework and working a regular job too? That can frustrate anyone and might be why she’s started resenting you. The getting drunk part does seem a bit inconsiderate with a small child without arranging it beforehand, eg would be fair if you both agree that you get one evening free to have some drinks and she in return gets another evening free to do whatever she wants.
Or maybe she is just a horrible person. Hot to know from knowing only one side of the story.
We have had a handful of ups and downs during the last 10 years on in and off relationship. I’ve never wanted to be this negative feeling towards him in any way. We have been there for each other for so long I don’t know any other way than being with him. He had mentioned wanting someone at his side with similar large goals dreams and ambitions. I’m one more to be a helper, motivator (as much as I can, but have stoped with him because I feel like I annoy him/burden). I’m the do it now do it today, don’t know what I’m going to be doing in the future. He is the goal dreamer, he struggles with the do it now.
He is just all I know. We have a house together, 3-fur babies together, finances together. We have separated in the past but come back to one another. Wether it’s for love or just comfort/safety I don’t know how to tell the difference.
Coming in after the second Edit: don't comfort her. Let her stew for a while and come to the realisation that she f'd up something fierce. She broke (the trust) in your marriage. It's up to her to start fixing it. Even if it requires two people fully invested in a relationship, the first couple of steps are up to her.
Understand that you're still being trickle truthed. You'll probably never get the whole picture. And while it hurts like a mo-fo, you've got 3 kids to think of. Kids that you can't trust your partner around anymore. If she's lying about this, what else is or has she been lying about the past decade?
Lawyer up, see what the options are and how much of a financial hit you'll take. Get your finances untangled in general. Get an STD check, just in case. Heck, if you feel that this is just the tip of the iceberg and her 'low libido' might actually mean 'I've been stepping out before': paternity checks on the kids.
Lol your homie did nothing wrong.
I don't think I could do that, personally, especially since there was another story here where the best friend lied and told OP that his partner cheated. Partner denied it, he banged the best friend and cheated on his partner for revenge, then the next morning, best friend was like, “Yeeeaahhh, I lied to get in your pants lol”
Gotta be careful with that sort of thing as well.
Hey let’s give this anniversary present that breaks our vows. Such a great idea.
We only know he said he likes her as she is, that doesn't seem so terrible?
Another story would be actually getting angry at her for trying to lose weight or trying to stop her from doing it.
In any case OP needs to do what feel best for her. If she wants to get in shape she has to go for it and he either is ok with this or he can be with someone else.
It is pretty straightforward…
I've always been monogamous [….] I just want to be someone's person.
he's now made it clear he isn't going to be with me unless I participate in a thruple, allow him to have his own separate relationship, or just let him go have one night stands when he wants.
I think you are trying very hot to make those two opposing desires work but its simply not going to. What each of you want conflicts with the other. I think you should save yourself the emotional damage and heartache by ending things rather than trying to stick it out and “see what happens”.
Also, he cheated. And its not bc he's polyamorous but bc he's a cheater. Sure, it wasnt overtly sexual…its still very clear that he was having an emotional affair with that woman. Considering how he's used polyamory and other relationship issues as an excuse to cheat, I highkey doubt that he would practice polyamory in an ethical manner. He doesnt respect you.
My advice would be to break up, heal, and then explore your interest in women if you want to.
Does your wife want a divorce? Because this is a great first step for many couples.
Hi hubby.
You're being cruel to your wife for no reason.
Your wife is the person who brought your son into the world, she takes care of you every day.
And you think you shouldn't take a moment to thank her for that and make her feel special?
I think that's pretty shameful.