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Date: October 24, 2022
Go to therapy. Get a male therapist and talk with him about it. Ultimately talking to a professional who will be well versed in how to make peace with yourself and recognize how to best help deal with the problems in your relationship is your best bet. I say a male for you, mainly because you're dealing with males, that's the perspective you're looking to understand and create a working relationship with.
I was in a situation like this, except we all lived in the same city, and the girl lived down the street from me. It lasted a good 3 year. And I bought the guy a car and basically funded his entire 2nd life, in hindsight.
When it all became clear, I cut him off; took everything back including the car he would let her drive with his children in it (I had no clue about). I started dating again. But the cut off was so severe he would stalked me on dating apps. So I had a lot of evidence and the same mindframe as you. Best part was, I knew who she was. BUT, I didn’t do it. The proximity was too close, and the potential of children being hurt was high. Plus she is kinda ghetto/hood.
They ended up getting married and a year after that she realized she fucked up. Everything he had and lost was because he was a cheating liar.
I find a good amount of joy when I see her glaring at me in public, in the car that he used to drive, as she realizes it’s the same license plate, it’s the same window hangings, and it wasn’t his. I was the other woman that funded your lifestyle and now you’re struggle with your choice to remain ignorant (awe, you poor thing).
Although my emotions were bruised – I lost nothing.
So fuck yah, tell her. Make a throw away account – and watch the joy fade from your main account. ?
Everyone who has sex in a bathroom stall in a gay club is super health conscious, right? ?
Get your escape plan ready – make sure all your important documents and sentimental items are safe (maybe take them to a friend's house). Decide what you're going to do about finances if you have a joint account. Gather any evidence you have (eg texts, photos) and go back to the police and say you'd like to press charges now. Do you have somewhere safe to stay?
When I left my abusive ex husband I didn't have things in place yet and it was more stressful than it needed to be. I was working my way up to it, but then one day I just couldn't face another night under the same roof. “Luckily” the things he'd done to me were so bad that the police took him away and ordered him to stay out of our city.
Are you part of a support group? Talking openly with other people who have been through the same thing is the best therapy imo. If you can't find a men's group advertised, you can try contacting the people who run groups for women and ask them to signpost you. My group was run by Women's Aid but the group leaders often talked about work they did with men's groups and they knew about all the resources available.
Feel free to pm me if you'd like any more info
She is using you buddy. Female here, it’s time for you to move on and find someone who deserves you. Once her debt is paid – you know it – she is outta there.
Yikes. It’s a living creature that you’ve committed to and that depends on you. In these situations, always pick the innocent living being who have you no ultimatums and trusts you over the awful living being who asked you to get rid of a whole other being to please them. People who do this are not worthwhile.
you really arent in the wrong its just a classic tale of “its fine when the woman does it”
That’s the worst thing I’ve heard in a long time. She is basically destroying herself and you want to be destroyed by her too? Well good luck with that
I’m going with troll at this point. The messages to each other are way too close in time. I wouldn’t suspect multiple drug addicts (or former drug addicts) check Reddit (and reply) whenever a notification pops up.
There's your answer. If he did indeed spoil his exes, it means he can give thoughtful and/or expensive gifts, he just doesn't want to. He's ten years your senior and has you jumping through hoots and doubting yourself for… what, exactly? He doesn't sound like a catch. Cut your losses and move on, he doesn't care about you as much as you care about him.
that gay shit – you sounding homophobic. anal is not stictly gay shit and pegging is specifically a heterosexual thing.
Yeah, stress plays a role and so does physical health. Exercise and quitting smoking, very noticeably, improved my sex drive and firmness. I'm 36 and don't use pills. Work out everyday, eat healthier, and stopped smoking cigs and drinking alcohol. The difference is night and day.
It is important information for those giving advice.
Yes the fuck she does. He should’ve discussed that with her. Wouldn’t you think if your gf said no and you only have your ex to help you’d tell her beforehand. The fact that he didn’t is shady.
You're talking about warning your uncle so he can come up with a lie to tell your boyfriend. That's manipulation.
You need to address the root of the problem: your dad's opinion of your boyfriend. You need to sit down with him and have a conversation and if his comment was not warranted then your father needs to apologize to your boyfriend.
Difficult to tell. If he is married, then that is a very hot no. Unless you like that sort of frivolous thing. If he is single and you enjoy the pleasure of his company, then go for it. Since he is a senior in your company, if you want to ride on merit, don’t diddle where you work. If it fits and you want to try it, go for it. If it does work, there is a likelihood that you are not the first. Do some research and see how they faired. If all systems say go, go. The probabilities of all systems saying go are .095%. Not good odds.
Another option: don't wrap her gifts, but set them up. Get her a wonderful silk sheet set and put it on the bed. Get her throw pillows and put them on the furniture.
100% this. And – above all – less stress and more free time!!
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It's worth it to talk to somebody about it such as a therapist. It's a waste of oxygen to talk to your family about it because you'll never get the response you're looking for.
It’s okay to feel uncomfortable able something like this, but that doesn’t mean that it’s okay to use your discomfort to influence your partner’s behavior when he isn’t doing anything wrong. It sounds like in spite of their past relationship, he’s been very respectful of you while still maintaining a platonic friendship with her. I personally am still very close friends with multiple guys who I was FWBs with before they started dating people – it can work without issue as long as everyone involved is respectful of the relationship.
If this is something that’s consuming a lot of your thought/upsetting to you, it might not hurt to talk it through with someone like a therapist who would be qualified to help you process and work through the discomfort your experiencing.
Individual & marriage counseling. Also, rule out mental health issues like anxiety, adhd, borderline & depression. She might be overwhelmed with work, stressed with working with kids & coming home to kids. She might be sick of you too so she’s snippy. Why is she not confident? Make sure you’re appreciating her, telling her & showing it. Make sure she experiences success & you point it out to her. Thank her for being a great mom & doing little things like the laundry. Have just an hour a night to sit & talk (not argue). Plan out the next day as a team. Do something that brings you together & strengthens your relationship.
Thank you for thanking the time to write this. I’ll take this into consideration. Have a nice day.
I’m sorry but he is cheating. I hope you will open your eyes and not believe any of his lies/gaslighting once you tell him you’re breaking up. You deserve better OP. Don’t waste your love on a guy like this.
In my view, that is not a long term relationship, especially at that age. By your own accounting you've had a longer “relationship” with him than the previous person.
Maybe rethinking this with a mind not set on getting the answer you WANT instead of the answer you NEED will help you determine if your cousin is right.
BTW, the cousin is right.
No, no reason to stay in a one sided relationship.
If anyone else, other than OP’s father had hurt OP’s mother – broken her relationship, erased the future she thought she had, forced her to start over with a life she never planned for or wanted – everybody, including OP would hate that person.
Mother wouldn’t be expected to forgive. And anyone who minimized her hurt by continuing to enjoy a relationship with the person who hurt her would be accused of being just as guilty of hurting her as the offender.
There would be no discussion here.
The fact that OP thinks that he can continue a relationship with his father without that feeling like an absolute betrayal to his mother is naive and insensitive. She is entitled to her feelings – with or without therapy, which is nobody’s business and doesn’t always help. The world telling her to just get over it can go fuck the fuck off. What she is saying to OP is that she can no longer tolerate OP’s acceptance of his father’s actions when they caused her such pain. OP maintaining a relationship with his father is unquestioningly condoning his father’s actions.
The fact that she’s been patient all this time speaks to her strength. But she has to set boundaries for herself for her own mental health. Father didn’t sell her prized book collection while she was away for the weekend. He broke a solemn vow and hurt her. She’s not telling OP he has to choose. She’s telling him that she needs to stand up for herself. God knows no one else will.
You need to be honest. That you are committed to her but it's way too early to be discussing marriage because you're just not there yet. You can't force a relationship to be where you want it to be if the other party isn't ready.
is this from experience or your opinion?
UGH gross. The fact that he is comparing you to them is absolutely vomit-inducing.
Also I wouldn't want to hear my boyfriend is supporting any of his ex's for any reason. He needs to let them move on and get help elsewhere, but it sure does sound like he likes that they come running back. I would want to know he is 100% invested in our current relationship and not 70% me, 20% Ex #1, 10% Ex #2.
Eh, what are your priorities?
If push comes to shove, what will you prioritize? Your relationship with your parents? Your relationship with your boyfriend? Your right to make your own decisions about your life? The security that your parents approval would give you?
Answer this, and you'll know what to do. You're the only one who knows how much you value your family's approval. You're the only one who knows how much you value your relationship with your boyfriend.
Yes, in an ideal world you could have both. But if you cannot have both, what will you choose?
If your parents can't be convinced to like this man, are you interested in trying to find a partner that's more in line with their expectations?
What do you even want in a relationship? Some people need their partner to be an equal when it comes to how much money they bring home. Some people don't care either way, and value other aspects of a relationship more. Some people strongly prefer to be the breadwinner. Which one are you?
OPPROBRIUM! Haven’t seen that word in a very hot minute. Your insight on his dad seeing him as a child is a salient one. That’s something all parents have to contend with as they navigate a changing relationship with their adult kids.
No she refuses to, tells me she’s completely fine and doesn’t want to talk about. I tried to tell her that her actions made me feel a way but she continued to say all I was doing was blaming her. So she told me to shut the fuck up and not talk about it.
Honestly he doesn't want kids with you. The whole push it back for a house. That's a ploy to have you hit that expiration date. You need to reconsider your marriage, if having a child or children is really important to you in life. I'd suggest get with a divorce attorney and start figuring it out, if you want kids.
Not sure what you expected marrying a stranger at 22
Not sure what you expected marrying a stranger at 22
Desperate to get your hands on property and money that never belonged to you?
She doesn't know it's you right?
It’s been 6 years, it’s ultimatum time.
Do not terminate if you want this baby. But plan to be a single mother.
You can hide stuff in the trash easily
Source: me secretly eating some takeout at home and I don’t want people to know.
Yes, but she may not be kind to you as you will be having her relive whatever trauma you possibly caused her.
My fiancé got mad and said “so, I make more then twice your salary, what you make in 5 years, I’ll make in one , you work harder physically , not mentally. and anyone can do your job”
Your brother clearly isn't innocent….but as a fellow teacher….why would you want to be with someone with this attitude?
Sure, you probably think it's great because given another statement of his, teachers should make banks due to high demand, but if someone looks down on others…. okay.
I’m sure it would be easy to leave. If I refuse sex he threatens to leave so if I just refused sex I’m sure he’d just dump me himself. I really just want him to treat me better. He’s good to me sometimes. And honestly I’ve become numb and desensitized to this situation. I made this post mostly for other people’s opinion and I’m realizing it’s a lot worse than I thought. I know I’ve become groomed and manipulated into thinking it’s normal or not a bit deal.
It’s funnier to leave it lol
Feels like he’s trying to manipulate you into breaking up with him so he doesn’t have to
Ugh talk about disgusting. Tell your family, who knows what kind of young pedo things your uncle is into. And block delete this girl out of your life, she’s toxic AF.
Don’t bother asking her if she wants a divorce. Tell her you’re getting one. Get a good lawyer and push for 50% custody, but be prepared for her to play games with your custody arrangements. She’s already demonstrated that she wants to estrange you from the child; expect that to continue. Meanwhile, your kid is going to need you in his life as a counterbalance to his mom. The kid is her new “partner” now, which is a horribly unhealthy thing to do to a child.
Yea no you aren't at fault here. I communicated to my boyfriend that valentines didn't really matter to me, so I didn't expect anything. She absolutely should have communicated it.
Really man? She's been asking you to try so many times that she is now done. Even if you try now, after she explicitly said it wouldn't change anything for her, won't make the marriage ending her fault.
This was before you were together. You don’t say how long they had been together when he sent those messages and you say you’ve only been together a short while.
Honestly just chill. Whether you have a body like hers or not, it’s your body he’s holding now.
Two things about most men: it takes a while for them to relax into a relationship to be that open and it can take a long time for them to get over a committed relationship if she ends it through no fault of his.
You need to look up “lovebombing” because it sounds like its happening here
Why are you posting this here before talking to your fiancé about it? You need to find out his side of the story and decide what you believe.
You are clueless.
Your friend studied with a girl who he also had a relationship with and your takeaway was 'wow it must be that simple! Let me ask that girl who's nice to me in study group if she wants to fuck me. I mean I'm sure that this is how it works. Why am I being called a creep??'
Lol
I also married an Eastern European woman and that's pretty much how we roll. We stick together even in sickness.
Shaun is a disgrace to us men. I'm sorry you found out, but be glad it was before the wedding.
right!? like idk why everyone is skipping over this
This. haha
This truth. It takes FOREVER for women to have an orgasm.
I'm not sure her instinct is valid, based on the fact that she admits that she is rife with trauma and insecurities.
No, keep commenting. It muffles the noise they're trying to make.
okay. everyone has boundaries, which are presumably established when you enter into a relationship. it’s just… obviously based in pure insecurity if you would consider a sexy photo shoot that was done FOR YOU, cheating. but to each their own. Fundamentally, this isn’t cheating.
Don't take away her agency like that. She's a adult. She could have said no.
He has always had bad oral hygiene. He should care for his oral health because establishing good oral hygiene and dietary habits have been proven to be essential to achieving and maintaining, overall physical and emotional well-being throughout life.
It's difficult and very expensive to go to a Dentist when the gums, teeth are already in a bad situation. It's not that very hot to brush teeth and go to the Dentist twice a year for an oral prophylaxis(cleaning).
He might lose his teeth if this continues, he will have more cavities and caboties will go deeper and can become larger that will hurt and he can have infections. Also his over all health can also be affected.
If he has Periodontitis, there is a high chance he will lose his teeth that are badly affected.
The solution to this is to talk to him again and tell him how serious this is. that he should try to ask his parents or anyone he trusts for loan and pay them back.
Btw, I hope you don't share food and kiss because the bacteria from his mouth can transfer to you too and you may have problems as well with your teeth and gums. I just know all of these because I studied Dentistry.
Promiscuous
demonstrating or implying an undiscriminating or unselective approach; indiscriminate or casual.
She had undiscriminating casual sex with basicly a stranger.
If that's Promiscuous, idk what is.
What a loser get out of there
Lmao how do yall fall for this creative writing
Do you have any hobbies or are you at college/uni or something?
Find a healthy partner and don't spend your life with a drug addict who doesn't know what to do in a few hours.
Decide knowing that your children's mental health will also be affected.
start therapy
The only crazy part is you're seemingly still interested in him
giving up on what?? you literally can’t stand him. not much to build on from there.
if a man wants to marry you he will budget and plan accordingly
my fiancé knew marriage was important to me and he started saving 3 months after we met and we got engaged on our 3 year anniversary
if your bf was truly struggling for money i would be more empathetic to his situation but you said he’s able to buy himself nice cars and other flashy things so it’s a matter of priorities
…. you’re not one of them, unfortunately.
idk if talking to him MORE will change his mind if you’ve already expressed that you want to get married.
maybe it’s time to reflect on your relationship and see if you’ve outgrown each other.
accept that it’s not going to happen, grieve for the future you wanted together and then start dating yourself. you guys have been together for a long time but you’re still fairly young.
who are you without your bf?
r/survivinginfidelity might help you there but I know I couldn't trust him again. I would be completely done after finding those texts.
I mean why did you panic though?
She sent you a friendly text after seeing you back home. You could’ve just told her you were back to get dental work done.
The whole apology text you sent just made it seem more like you blew her off.