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Date: November 1, 2022
AmateurPub
I don’t think you should approach this as an accusation of him physically cheating. You can even say to him, “I’m not accusing you of having sex with other women” But you can tell him that, based on the things he has said to these women, you have an obvious and very reasonable concern that that is his intention. You don’t need additional proof of that.
If he denies even DMing these women when you’ve seen those messages with your own eyes, then he’s flat out lying. Even if he’s deleted the messages by then, you know what you saw. You don’t need proof. If that happens, I’d say to him, “You DMed those women, I’ve seen the messages, and now you’re not even being honest with me about what you’ve done, which basically says to me you don’t respect me enough to have a relationship with me anymore, so I think this is over. Good bye.”
Sounds like she needs to find an outlet for her need to nurture and be useful. Is there anything local that she could involve herself in? Charity work, church, animal shelter? Reading to elderly in care homes? I bet right now she feels lost and without purpose, that what she did had no value. And you are right to be concerned, she's vulnerable to getting sucked in while she is trying to find somewhere to fit in.
I think, as someone else has said, the answer here is to quietly downgrade/remove your sisters from your life. I get why you made a proclamation, I'm the same way, but the reality is those big statements which you know are going to cause a reaction come from a place of hurt and a place of wanting things to be “fixed”. Your mom can't fix it, neither can your dad and that's why they're upset, trying to convince you not your sisters (who they know they can't change).
The solution is to just stop giving these relationships more energy than you get in return. Stop going to the dinners unless they're convenient, stop buying nice gifts, stop begging to be brought in on plans. Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them (ie. “If a meal is planned without talking to me about my schedule I will not attend even if I am available.” or “I require at least 48 hours notice if you want me to attend a family meal.”).
If you plan to maintain a relationship with your parents it is going to be next to impossible to avoid your sisters completely. Have an honest conversation with yourself about what it is you want to achieve and figure out some realistic boundaries you can set which will allow for that.
You are 100% right, and a woman who thinks that ever talking to anyone live is cheating is not ready to be dating yet until she gets her trauma in check.
Got it. The way the first post was worded it sounded like he started talking about it right as soon as you two got together.
While I still find this strange, it's not nearly as sinister as I originally thought.
Jesus Christ, this is awful. I'm so sorry, OP.
This right her says it best. Major red flag, she’s condoning abuse and telling you, the victim, you should be trying harder. That is NOT OKAY.
Only reason I’ve not done this is cause the only reason I have her number is for the uni project which is now finished. I messaged her a bit afterwards and the convo went on for a while, but I’d feel a bit sleazy calling her (if that’s the right word) when she didn’t really give me her number for that reason, if you get what I mean?
I mean it was a quick and easy way for her to realize that your sense of humor is not compatible with hers. She didn’t find it funny and it revealed to her the two of you aren’t compatible.
No, it makes you look worse.