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Victor, 26 y.o.
Location: Belarus
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Date: January 1, 2023
I don’t think there’s any coming back from this.
You're not answering my question. How long have you been getting help for trying to stop abusing your partner?
Saying “abuse is a spectrum” is invalidating to those who who experience it. All abuse is bad. Doesn't matter if you throw a tissue box or a knife. If you miss or hit. It's still you lashing out and risking the safety of those around you. You say you “rarely lash out” so why is it that you're able to stifle this aggression most of the time but not around your partner? I'm not trying to shame, I'm trying to get you to notice patterns about your behavior that you
Whatever you've gone through doesn't justify your behavior. I don't need to hear about your trauma to know that what you're doing isn't okay.
And yet it's not the breed you clearly thought it would be
Compromise, have him buy you a breast form like drag queens use and use it sometimes as a sex toy.
How do you mean suspicious ? I didn’t quite get that.
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I favour the approach where, “any interaction with another person you can’t confidently tell your partner about” becomes a vessel of physical or emotional cheating. People have various discrepancies when it comes to what is cheating, but the only opinion that matters here is your boyfriend’s. To me, and to my partner, that would be cheating. Tell your boyfriend, and let him tell you if it is.
Thank you for this response. I just had to apologise for the message where I essentially said the relationship made me miserable (implying because of her) and there was just no way I could leave it like that. It was miserable because my mental health was so bad. Nevertheless, I feel like it's possible that she may have wanted to test the waters to see if I had changed by being friends, to then lead to reconciliation. But I've thrown it all away and probably reduced her guilt and transferred it to me. This will torture me for some time.
I didnt think about it yet but I think you could be right that I was kinda happy to have this crush. And because of this I don’t want to give that up. I will definitely reflect this.
You should listen to your gut instinct. It's evolved to work like it does for a reason.
Don’t be subtle. Be honest and direct. Set boundaries – he either needs to get you off first, or to keep going after he finishes. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, then you need to start enforcing consequences.
I would point blank veto her moving in. It’s always going to be two on one and you will be third wheel in your own home. Money isn’t the biggest issue here.
Wtf response is that? She clearly has no respect for your feelings at all.
I think you need to distance yourself from this person and see if she takes the hint and starts to respect you a bit more.
If not, tell her you do not want to control her, so you need to end the relationship as you do not want her to control your feelings anymore with what you consider disrespectful behaviour.