What a mess. You can’t seriously promise to not fall in love with somebody. And you expect from a person to keep this word. This isn’t how feelings work. I have seen several decades on this planet, but the concept of a STR with a fixed end date is new for me. The second you enter such a relationship you will ask yourself what happens after the deadline. I don’t think you did anything wrong whatsoever. Regarding him I have my suspicions. My advice would be: take a step back from him. Find some space to think and to breathe. And no, you have nothing to apologize for.
Take your cues from her. Let her grieve as she needs to. Maybe drop off a meal or two or some groceries if they don’t feel like being out. A wanted pregnancy ending hurts even at the earliest stages. Let her talk. And remember to ask after her partner too, many people forget that they are grieving too.
Miscarriage grief is one of the least talked about things in pregnancy and you can feel very alone. People (including medical professionals) talk about the stats, but not the emotional impact that can be made worse by the hormones dropping. Let her (and her partner) quietly know it’s ok to grieve and work through it.
Dude its your relationship, no one is forcing you.. take a stand and let them know how much you care for her and vice versa. They shouldn't be the reason or the cause of you to break up with her. Let them know they have no right to judge her and your relationship, and if they care about you and respect you then theyd accept her and willing to do that for you
Does she generally have a thing for drama? Sounds like she’s craving attention and maybe she hasn’t learned how to do it a healthier, more mature way. Did she have a rough childhood?
I’d try to talk to her about it and dig deeper – maybe there’s a reason for why she acts like this.
And if she’s not willing to communicate with you maybe this relationship isn’t what you need…
I wouldn’t call you lazy, it’s takes some time getting into the routine. I think it’s good that you’ve tried so many different avenues of moving your body, but it might be useful to try to stick to one to get in the habit. I got really into weightlifting because if read so much about how increasing your muscle mass can improve your overall health. I also just like feeling strong, lots of things have been so much lighter.
I completely understand that he wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I am have an issue that I had this discussion with him multiple times that I don't like and feel hurt when he makes these comments. I would a hundred percent be fine if it wasn't when I was very hot or trying to be sexy.
Yeah, unfortunately you can't control how he'll take stuff and can only control your own stuff. To me, when partners have use I statements like when I feel x when this behavior happens then I kinda go oh gosh, that's not at all what I intended to do in our relationship. Again though the dudes got to see it as a problem to change it though. Meaning he might not see this as problematic behavior until some boundaries or consequences are in motion. Definitely would recommend couples counseling or therapy. Both are pretty beneficial
From my perspective it was a joint discussion and decision to start a family and get married and the apartment came from joint savings although I made less money than him so mostly his savings. He and I agreed that a diamond is not our style (I don't really wear much jewellery) and I was keen to invest the money (I negotiated the ring budget if he would let me invest the money instead)
He’s tried, and if he brings it up then dumps her, that’s being unnecessarily shitty to her. Obviously he’s tried close to a dozen times to discuss this if he’s run the gambit on ways to bring it up and is now banned. It’s time to accept she doesn’t want to hear it and instead go the ‘we’ve grown apart’ than ‘you’re fat’ route when they inevitably break up.
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If you can't open your mouth to talk to him about this, then show him this post. Maybe suggest MC because I bet that he has things about you that he can't stand. Just saying, this is a two-way street.
Haha absolutely not. I was being actively stalked at my house and uni after leaving an abusive relationship. At one point he was riding his motorbike up and down my block at 1am. He called me 70 times in one hour. He came into the studio at my uni and started screaming at me. I called the cops and they said “there's nothing we can do unless you have recent bruises”. I ended up having security assigned to me at the uni. So no, cops are absolutely useless if you need help.
Also, your breadwinner comment is gross. She’s doing a job. You’re doing a job. Your opinions are equal.
I think that was his point. She is saying that because she is the primary caretaker, she is the only one who gets to have an opinion. He is saying that he is working for their family and contributes as well, so he also get an opinion on how they parent their child.
You are correct. Inheritance, even if you online in a marital property state, is not on the table for divorce. She just has to keep it separate from her marital assets and not comingle it.
She can confirm with an attorney, but no trust necessary. Just a regular account suffices in her name only.
I don't need to read the post to tell you he's an asshole and doesn't deserve you. You are bearing a whole baby for him which can cause so many complications for you and hes complaining about a bit of baby chubb???? He belongs in the trash
I think maybe what I’m saying is I don’t want my partner to have a friend who they think “I want to/wish I could have sex with her but I’m in a relationship and I’m not a cheater”. I guess I’m okay with them saying “she’s attractive and if I were a single man I could see myself being with her”. I suppose that’s a natural part of attraction to people and we all have it. Do you think it’s unrealistic if my partner had a friend he wishes he could get with but doesn’t want to jeopardize the relationship with me? I guess there’s a difference between wishing you could be with someone and saying that you would be with someone.
I think your gf is testing boundaries both sexual and societal. The more you talk about it, the more she will challenge you. Her peers will do the work eventually. Either put up with this or just leave her.
You two started dating when you were 20. Lots of people just kind of roll with the momentum and societal pressure and assume they’ll have kids “some day” and many do. But some realize they actually don’t want kids at all.
It’s possible he’s in that boat and lacks the confidence and decency to tell you and instead just keeps kicking the can down the road on marriage and kids AND being abusive when you bring it up hoping YOU will make the decision to leave and then he is a victim, not the bad guy.
If you really want to keep putting energy into this relationship then I’d engage a couples counselor.
In the meantime, I’d work with an individual therapist because in response after response, your minimizing his abusive behaviors.
Your girlfriend doesn't trust you or respect your privacy. You don't have to feel what you feel; she objectively doesn't trust you and crosses your boundaries.
I'd assume that this is just the tip of the iceberg with her. Is it a problem if you ever do anything without her? I assume it is. You'll have to let us know.
Healthy relationships don't work without trust. The hard truth is she's never going to get better, because she needs to want to get better. She doesn't see it as an issue. So at some point you need to ask yourself if you want to online like this forever. If not, it's time to go. Good luck.
I give a ton of advice on this sub. If you’re being completely honest here that absolutely nothing realistically changed your feelings, then this is the very first time in literally years of giving advice that I’m entirely stumped. I’m sorry.
He made it seem like he didn’t want this girl at all though? He painted out to be this crazy chick who was obsessed with him when he was the one begging her to stay in his life but told me he wanted nothing to do with her
I feel fucked up because if he would’ve told me early on when her and i were dating that he felt a type of way i would have broke things off with her. They both mean alot to me but he’s been my bestfriend since young and he always told me a girl would never get between us
He even told me that when i talked to him about it
Yeah, your partner is probably pretty f****** disgusting.. just based on my extensive interactions with men of that age at the local American Legion and VFW. I bet if you sit back and actually recount all of the things that he has said over the years it's would probably make most of us here. Vomit
Well, all of what you just said is logical and reasonable. Problem is, his GF is not in a logical and reasonable mindset right now. You can't use logic to get her out of a position she didn't use logic to get into. I agree she needs separation from her friend, that might be the only thing that will clear up the GF's head on this.
I'd say in terms of what's in my house relatively yes. I am open to criticism if she has any but those have not been made known to me. I just bought the house last month so it's pretty new.
Is anyone living with you?
I will have a roommate that I've known for over a decade and teaches children for a living. He's only staying until he gets his own house.
Is your house clean enough for an infant?
Yes it is because it's a new house. No because I have boxes currently from moving. But I'm not trying to have the baby over right now but in a month.
Do you have any relatives who will be coming out and trying to do potentially harmful things like kissing the baby – risking infections?
Just my grandma in terms of holding the baby. I may have friends over but not to touch her. That being said, she is religious and her church people have been to her place and I've held my tongue.
What about Covid and other infectious diseases?
I am vaccinated and would want everyone around her to be so.
Are there people coming in and out of your house with frequency that could give something to your child?
No more than she would have people over. I can think of 12 people that may be over for any reason.
An infant is still developing its immune system, needs to have security, consistency, stability and of course safety. Can you promise us that you are offering all of that, and at your dwelling is on a par with where the child now is? If so, it should not be a problem.
This isn't something I feel I can quantify in a reddit post. But I am more confident in what I have to offer than the mother. I have a whole house with a separate room for when she gets older. Currently, mom lives in an apartment and has to share a pretty small room with the baby. While the common rooms of her place are clean. If there is any critism of my ability to clean, I would also direct those back at the mother. Personally, her room and past places she's lived in were not clean places at all. To reiterate, I think I have a much better living situation, hands down. One that I do not object to the mother utilizing on “my days” with the baby.
I think you'll get sick or decline further if you are with this man. You should divorce and leave him. Online your best life away from him. I know you're concerned about your daughter but would you want her growing up and seeing how he treats you? She will internalize that and most likely allow the men in her life treat her the same when she grows up.
“I'm terrible at giving speeches! I freeze up so bad, and then I'd probably blurt out something embarrassing to cover it and I don't want to ruin your night with that!”
Why are you married to someone you can’t trust….? ill never understand people who marry and stay married to people they don’t trust. You are being controlling. And if he’s cheated before then he’s a piece of shit.
I appreciate you saying all of this. I am actively trying to reflect on if she has merit when she called me cheap. I feel like I have taken her on dates at least 1-2 times per month (its tough because I work Wed – Sunday and she works M-F and has to put her son to bed at 830 every night). I am unable to recall the last time we went out and she paid for my meal. I can't recall the last time she made a date night for us. I feel like she is gaslighting me and its very hot because I know she is 99% of the time very accurate in her memory while my memory is not. But when I ask her for clarification or examples she says “this is ridiculous I have already told you numerous times”. I'm just hurting badly. No deep seeded issue at hand, I just don't have a lot of money.
My advice is he decides (and you agree) what he thinks is fair for him to contribute to his mom and then that what he contributes , no more no less and if his mom wants to be responsible with it or go on vacation or not it is up to her but she is not going to get extra if she spent too much.
There are a lot of ways of doing that for example he can guesstimate how much money she spent on him (that was above and beyond what is expected to spend on a child)(like jump starting a business) and if she bought an annuity with that or invested it instead how much money she would be making?
For example he might decide to give her $500 or more per month for the rest of her life. But also it should be fair for his siblings if each sibling gave some per month that then mom would be doing well.
He’s using you, he does this because he using you. You need to tell your Mom everything and have her do it and block him on everything. He needs to leave, he’s a predator, you’re way too young for him, he’s manipulating you.
Not cheating. If it bothers you then tell her that it has been weighing on you. That’s an indicator that you care. She has no real right to be mad though, and you shouldn’t throw yourself on hot coals over it.
It's not that I don't think he loves me, its that I'm afraid the strain of dealing with me and my shit is finally waning on him and he's on his last straw with me, even though he constantly tells me he's not and that he still loves me, wants to marry me, understands that this is a “process that'll take time to go through and heal from”, etc.
It's not that I don't think he loves me, its that I'm afraid the strain of dealing with me and my shit is finally waning on him and he's on his last straw with me, even though he constantly tells me he's not and that he still loves me, wants to marry me, understands that this is a “process that'll take time to go through and heal from”, etc.
My friend who makes over twice what you do bought his ex fiancé a ring that cost $3000. H even thinks that’s too much in hindsight and he’s not someone stingy with money.
On the one hand, theoretically it’s an item she will wear every day for the rest of her life so in some sense it’s worth spending more money on than other jewelry (though in reality a lot of people won’t be married for that long). But I also think that expecting a more expensive ring for the sake of it/tradition rather than what qualities she actually likes in a ring is a bit of a red flag. But your comment about the Rolex isn’t much better – what exactly makes a Rolex any more of a practical purchase than something she will wear every day? Prestige? Resale value?
I think you both need to have some serious conversations about expectations, approaches to tradition and spending, etc. before getting engaged. I also think that if you do continue on with proposing, you should get an idea of the style of ring she likes, buy what you can afford that matches, and never tell her the cost. Or you could offer something like “if I buy this, we have a cheaper wedding.”
I doubt a lawyer would help very much here, unless your aim is to burn $10,000. Lawyers will take cases on contingency, but that contingency is winning a big payout. I doubt your friend has a lot of money or has made a lot of money, so I expect you'd have to pay out of pocket.
Does your state have revenge porn laws? I'd look into that and consider filing a police report. Distribution is distribution.
I appreciate your perspective but that sounds like a toxic trainer in general. A trainers job is to help you work out, is it not? You can be friendly with them but do not tell me texting someone darling or babe or sweetheart is normal. That is crossing a line.
>why does he still seem to push me away and makes me feel like we are actually just friends some days
Here's some possibilities:
– He's been hurt before and doesn't want to be hurt again
– Thinks it will make you more attracted to him
– Sees and likes other people too (polyamorous sort of)
– Afraid of commitment
– Isn't sure how he feels and isn't sure how to express it (not much experience with love)
– Doesn't really care about labels like 'what you are' or see what the big deal is.
– Doesn't like you that much
>How can i bring it up to him about asking what we are and bring up the I love you’s without making it super weird?
Just do it if you want to. For all we know, he could be waiting for you to do it.
Na. He's deciding how he can pull the wool over OP's eyes and pretend he chose her while still keeping his side hussy.
What a mess. You can’t seriously promise to not fall in love with somebody. And you expect from a person to keep this word. This isn’t how feelings work. I have seen several decades on this planet, but the concept of a STR with a fixed end date is new for me. The second you enter such a relationship you will ask yourself what happens after the deadline. I don’t think you did anything wrong whatsoever. Regarding him I have my suspicions. My advice would be: take a step back from him. Find some space to think and to breathe. And no, you have nothing to apologize for.
I mean you could just ask him, but if you make him a sandwich, try to make it something he like, see if his eyes light up
Take your cues from her. Let her grieve as she needs to. Maybe drop off a meal or two or some groceries if they don’t feel like being out. A wanted pregnancy ending hurts even at the earliest stages. Let her talk. And remember to ask after her partner too, many people forget that they are grieving too.
Miscarriage grief is one of the least talked about things in pregnancy and you can feel very alone. People (including medical professionals) talk about the stats, but not the emotional impact that can be made worse by the hormones dropping. Let her (and her partner) quietly know it’s ok to grieve and work through it.
Best of luck to you all.
3-4 times a week sounds exhausting to be honest. I think it just depends on the couple!
Dude its your relationship, no one is forcing you.. take a stand and let them know how much you care for her and vice versa. They shouldn't be the reason or the cause of you to break up with her. Let them know they have no right to judge her and your relationship, and if they care about you and respect you then theyd accept her and willing to do that for you
If your broken up, then it's time to take space from your ex, so you can move on with your life.
the school doesnt care about his behaviour and my parents doesnt really know about it that it happens at school
Being polygamous is a real thing. But it isn't for everyone. If it doesn't work for you than say that and move on.
Does she generally have a thing for drama? Sounds like she’s craving attention and maybe she hasn’t learned how to do it a healthier, more mature way. Did she have a rough childhood?
I’d try to talk to her about it and dig deeper – maybe there’s a reason for why she acts like this.
And if she’s not willing to communicate with you maybe this relationship isn’t what you need…
I wouldn’t call you lazy, it’s takes some time getting into the routine. I think it’s good that you’ve tried so many different avenues of moving your body, but it might be useful to try to stick to one to get in the habit. I got really into weightlifting because if read so much about how increasing your muscle mass can improve your overall health. I also just like feeling strong, lots of things have been so much lighter.
I love that you still try. It’d be cute if you weren’t so dumb :/ keep going though!! I believe you’ll figure it out!
I completely understand that he wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I am have an issue that I had this discussion with him multiple times that I don't like and feel hurt when he makes these comments. I would a hundred percent be fine if it wasn't when I was very hot or trying to be sexy.
He wants your kidney clearly
Yeah, unfortunately you can't control how he'll take stuff and can only control your own stuff. To me, when partners have use I statements like when I feel x when this behavior happens then I kinda go oh gosh, that's not at all what I intended to do in our relationship. Again though the dudes got to see it as a problem to change it though. Meaning he might not see this as problematic behavior until some boundaries or consequences are in motion. Definitely would recommend couples counseling or therapy. Both are pretty beneficial
Good thinking, I'm going to ask him this.
From my perspective it was a joint discussion and decision to start a family and get married and the apartment came from joint savings although I made less money than him so mostly his savings. He and I agreed that a diamond is not our style (I don't really wear much jewellery) and I was keen to invest the money (I negotiated the ring budget if he would let me invest the money instead)
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I’m glad it seems you guys have found a system that works for you guys OP 🙂
You dont know what to do??? Stop And saVe your marriage. or admit you have a real problem.
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Thank fucking Zeus someone said it. I hate how gullible people are. Well said, and you were actually upvoted. Christmas miracle
Trans or not, natural bodies are beautiful and a trans body would provide even more of a learning opportunity for the little ones.
He’s tried, and if he brings it up then dumps her, that’s being unnecessarily shitty to her. Obviously he’s tried close to a dozen times to discuss this if he’s run the gambit on ways to bring it up and is now banned. It’s time to accept she doesn’t want to hear it and instead go the ‘we’ve grown apart’ than ‘you’re fat’ route when they inevitably break up.
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If you can't open your mouth to talk to him about this, then show him this post. Maybe suggest MC because I bet that he has things about you that he can't stand. Just saying, this is a two-way street.
ITS YOUR HOUSE! You don't have to ask her to move back. If you've been out for a couple of weeks, you can pretend like you were on a break.
GET A LAWYER NOW
Now I am sad. Because I read the book, or thought I did, and thought it was good, or thought I thought it was good.
It was strange… thank you for that info it is an odd thing to mention and experience.
Fair point.
Totally disagree
People do things all the time their partners think them incapable of. It doesn't necessarily mean he thinks she's trying to trap him.
Haha absolutely not. I was being actively stalked at my house and uni after leaving an abusive relationship. At one point he was riding his motorbike up and down my block at 1am. He called me 70 times in one hour. He came into the studio at my uni and started screaming at me. I called the cops and they said “there's nothing we can do unless you have recent bruises”. I ended up having security assigned to me at the uni. So no, cops are absolutely useless if you need help.
So the baby daddy options are rapist or rapist apologist? Yeah, no, abort that baby.
Ahem, break up.
Also, your breadwinner comment is gross. She’s doing a job. You’re doing a job. Your opinions are equal.
I think that was his point. She is saying that because she is the primary caretaker, she is the only one who gets to have an opinion. He is saying that he is working for their family and contributes as well, so he also get an opinion on how they parent their child.
Yes.
She's not distraught that she did it, she's distraught you found out.
I have to agree with you on this.
This! She's distraught that you found out, not because she hurt you!
Yo just break up
Do you really think the two of you make a good match? There seem to be a lot of complications.
You are correct. Inheritance, even if you online in a marital property state, is not on the table for divorce. She just has to keep it separate from her marital assets and not comingle it.
She can confirm with an attorney, but no trust necessary. Just a regular account suffices in her name only.
Right?
I don't need to read the post to tell you he's an asshole and doesn't deserve you. You are bearing a whole baby for him which can cause so many complications for you and hes complaining about a bit of baby chubb???? He belongs in the trash
I would ask him when he plans on losing HIS weight!! Fight fire with fire when they are being an AH.
I think maybe what I’m saying is I don’t want my partner to have a friend who they think “I want to/wish I could have sex with her but I’m in a relationship and I’m not a cheater”. I guess I’m okay with them saying “she’s attractive and if I were a single man I could see myself being with her”. I suppose that’s a natural part of attraction to people and we all have it. Do you think it’s unrealistic if my partner had a friend he wishes he could get with but doesn’t want to jeopardize the relationship with me? I guess there’s a difference between wishing you could be with someone and saying that you would be with someone.
I think your gf is testing boundaries both sexual and societal. The more you talk about it, the more she will challenge you. Her peers will do the work eventually. Either put up with this or just leave her.
You two started dating when you were 20. Lots of people just kind of roll with the momentum and societal pressure and assume they’ll have kids “some day” and many do. But some realize they actually don’t want kids at all.
It’s possible he’s in that boat and lacks the confidence and decency to tell you and instead just keeps kicking the can down the road on marriage and kids AND being abusive when you bring it up hoping YOU will make the decision to leave and then he is a victim, not the bad guy.
If you really want to keep putting energy into this relationship then I’d engage a couples counselor.
In the meantime, I’d work with an individual therapist because in response after response, your minimizing his abusive behaviors.
Your girlfriend doesn't trust you or respect your privacy. You don't have to feel what you feel; she objectively doesn't trust you and crosses your boundaries.
I'd assume that this is just the tip of the iceberg with her. Is it a problem if you ever do anything without her? I assume it is. You'll have to let us know.
Healthy relationships don't work without trust. The hard truth is she's never going to get better, because she needs to want to get better. She doesn't see it as an issue. So at some point you need to ask yourself if you want to online like this forever. If not, it's time to go. Good luck.
I give a ton of advice on this sub. If you’re being completely honest here that absolutely nothing realistically changed your feelings, then this is the very first time in literally years of giving advice that I’m entirely stumped. I’m sorry.
He made it seem like he didn’t want this girl at all though? He painted out to be this crazy chick who was obsessed with him when he was the one begging her to stay in his life but told me he wanted nothing to do with her
I feel fucked up because if he would’ve told me early on when her and i were dating that he felt a type of way i would have broke things off with her. They both mean alot to me but he’s been my bestfriend since young and he always told me a girl would never get between us
He even told me that when i talked to him about it
Just go to sleep now, ok?
Yeah, your partner is probably pretty f****** disgusting.. just based on my extensive interactions with men of that age at the local American Legion and VFW. I bet if you sit back and actually recount all of the things that he has said over the years it's would probably make most of us here. Vomit
Well, all of what you just said is logical and reasonable. Problem is, his GF is not in a logical and reasonable mindset right now. You can't use logic to get her out of a position she didn't use logic to get into. I agree she needs separation from her friend, that might be the only thing that will clear up the GF's head on this.
Is your house completely childproof?
I'd say in terms of what's in my house relatively yes. I am open to criticism if she has any but those have not been made known to me. I just bought the house last month so it's pretty new.
Is anyone living with you?
I will have a roommate that I've known for over a decade and teaches children for a living. He's only staying until he gets his own house.
Is your house clean enough for an infant?
Yes it is because it's a new house. No because I have boxes currently from moving. But I'm not trying to have the baby over right now but in a month.
Do you have any relatives who will be coming out and trying to do potentially harmful things like kissing the baby – risking infections?
Just my grandma in terms of holding the baby. I may have friends over but not to touch her. That being said, she is religious and her church people have been to her place and I've held my tongue.
What about Covid and other infectious diseases?
I am vaccinated and would want everyone around her to be so.
Are there people coming in and out of your house with frequency that could give something to your child?
No more than she would have people over. I can think of 12 people that may be over for any reason.
An infant is still developing its immune system, needs to have security, consistency, stability and of course safety. Can you promise us that you are offering all of that, and at your dwelling is on a par with where the child now is? If so, it should not be a problem.
This isn't something I feel I can quantify in a reddit post. But I am more confident in what I have to offer than the mother. I have a whole house with a separate room for when she gets older. Currently, mom lives in an apartment and has to share a pretty small room with the baby. While the common rooms of her place are clean. If there is any critism of my ability to clean, I would also direct those back at the mother. Personally, her room and past places she's lived in were not clean places at all. To reiterate, I think I have a much better living situation, hands down. One that I do not object to the mother utilizing on “my days” with the baby.
Is this real life? Grow a fucking spine man.
Get a great divorce lawyer and let him host his family for 2.5 months on his own!
Your husband is a monster.
I think you'll get sick or decline further if you are with this man. You should divorce and leave him. Online your best life away from him. I know you're concerned about your daughter but would you want her growing up and seeing how he treats you? She will internalize that and most likely allow the men in her life treat her the same when she grows up.
“I'm terrible at giving speeches! I freeze up so bad, and then I'd probably blurt out something embarrassing to cover it and I don't want to ruin your night with that!”
Why are you married to someone you can’t trust….? ill never understand people who marry and stay married to people they don’t trust. You are being controlling. And if he’s cheated before then he’s a piece of shit.
I appreciate you saying all of this. I am actively trying to reflect on if she has merit when she called me cheap. I feel like I have taken her on dates at least 1-2 times per month (its tough because I work Wed – Sunday and she works M-F and has to put her son to bed at 830 every night). I am unable to recall the last time we went out and she paid for my meal. I can't recall the last time she made a date night for us. I feel like she is gaslighting me and its very hot because I know she is 99% of the time very accurate in her memory while my memory is not. But when I ask her for clarification or examples she says “this is ridiculous I have already told you numerous times”. I'm just hurting badly. No deep seeded issue at hand, I just don't have a lot of money.
Don't!! Go find someone your age to date!!
You have known her when she was 12!!
Are you and your husband still having sex?
My advice is he decides (and you agree) what he thinks is fair for him to contribute to his mom and then that what he contributes , no more no less and if his mom wants to be responsible with it or go on vacation or not it is up to her but she is not going to get extra if she spent too much.
There are a lot of ways of doing that for example he can guesstimate how much money she spent on him (that was above and beyond what is expected to spend on a child)(like jump starting a business) and if she bought an annuity with that or invested it instead how much money she would be making?
For example he might decide to give her $500 or more per month for the rest of her life. But also it should be fair for his siblings if each sibling gave some per month that then mom would be doing well.
He’s using you, he does this because he using you. You need to tell your Mom everything and have her do it and block him on everything. He needs to leave, he’s a predator, you’re way too young for him, he’s manipulating you.
Yeah I've had to switch medications. :/
If doctors caught wind of what OP's husband is doing they'd stop giving her meds too. His addiction can directly impact her own well being.
Yeah I've had to switch medications. :/
If doctors caught wind of what OP's husband is doing they'd stop giving her meds too. His addiction can directly impact her own well being.
Not cheating. If it bothers you then tell her that it has been weighing on you. That’s an indicator that you care. She has no real right to be mad though, and you shouldn’t throw yourself on hot coals over it.
It's not that I don't think he loves me, its that I'm afraid the strain of dealing with me and my shit is finally waning on him and he's on his last straw with me, even though he constantly tells me he's not and that he still loves me, wants to marry me, understands that this is a “process that'll take time to go through and heal from”, etc.
It's not that I don't think he loves me, its that I'm afraid the strain of dealing with me and my shit is finally waning on him and he's on his last straw with me, even though he constantly tells me he's not and that he still loves me, wants to marry me, understands that this is a “process that'll take time to go through and heal from”, etc.
Yoi should always ask. Don’t be paranoid
He’s controlling and insecure. His ego is more important to him than your comfort.
My friend who makes over twice what you do bought his ex fiancé a ring that cost $3000. H even thinks that’s too much in hindsight and he’s not someone stingy with money.
On the one hand, theoretically it’s an item she will wear every day for the rest of her life so in some sense it’s worth spending more money on than other jewelry (though in reality a lot of people won’t be married for that long). But I also think that expecting a more expensive ring for the sake of it/tradition rather than what qualities she actually likes in a ring is a bit of a red flag. But your comment about the Rolex isn’t much better – what exactly makes a Rolex any more of a practical purchase than something she will wear every day? Prestige? Resale value?
I think you both need to have some serious conversations about expectations, approaches to tradition and spending, etc. before getting engaged. I also think that if you do continue on with proposing, you should get an idea of the style of ring she likes, buy what you can afford that matches, and never tell her the cost. Or you could offer something like “if I buy this, we have a cheaper wedding.”
I doubt a lawyer would help very much here, unless your aim is to burn $10,000. Lawyers will take cases on contingency, but that contingency is winning a big payout. I doubt your friend has a lot of money or has made a lot of money, so I expect you'd have to pay out of pocket.
Does your state have revenge porn laws? I'd look into that and consider filing a police report. Distribution is distribution.
Did you not actually read any of the post or even the title at all?
It’s pretty sad. That’s why I don’t have many friends. Can’t stand the toxic “bro” environment
Did you not actually read any of the post or even the title at all?
As my mom says, it takes all kinds lol
I wouldn’t be able to get it out of my head
I appreciate your perspective but that sounds like a toxic trainer in general. A trainers job is to help you work out, is it not? You can be friendly with them but do not tell me texting someone darling or babe or sweetheart is normal. That is crossing a line.