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Date: December 10, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
SEX [3702 tokens remaining]
How could you trust her? She’s doing some of shittiest things you could do to your partner. You wouldn’t be posting here if you trusted her as well. Trust doesn’t mean be blindly naive to the glaring red flashing lights telling you not to proceed. This isn’t the type of person you want to marry.
Your girlfriend is either
1.) naïve as fuck, the type that’ll get herself brainwashed by a cult leader and think she’s fucking Jesus so it’s okay that she’s cheating
2.) or she’s manipulative and just wants your okay so she doesn’t look bad when you find out she’s fucking dudes left and right.
Why the fuck would you want to stay? Who the fuck hands the phone to the guy she’s trying to cheat with? Gtfo before she gives you an sti or tricks you into raising some kid that isn’t yours.
Not safe anyways
I completely agree. You can still put in effort when you are working through trauma. He was asking for effort, and not much else it seems. The fact this has been the situation for years is what put him over the boiling point. At some point it switched from being about coping with the traumatic event to not pushing to make effort and show you care in the ways you could do. No one is going to want to on-line their entire life like that.
If she refuses to get help and refuses to let you help her then you would have everything you need to walk away
But right now your just looking for an excuse not to be the bad guy in dumping your partner who’s just given her body to give you children and who has no safety net since your happy for her to clean your house it but not actually own it
When you have a family, you sometimes have to put your own happiness at the back fo a while, it’s not all about you
He’ll never get that money.
It would cost him significantly more time AND money, to try and squeeze anything out of her, and any lawyer will tell him it’s not worth spending that much to try and squeeze water out of a rock.
I don’t hear in your post what you want. Forget about his contradictory messages. What do YOU want?
Do that.
It sounds like you have been through a lot. I understand that heartbreak can be an incredibly painful experience, but engaging in such risky and potentially dangerous behaviors is not the best way to cope with it. Moving forward, I advise that you take time for yourself—whether through hobbies or therapy—to help process those experiences and emotions in the healthiest way possible. Additionally, seeking out social support from friends may also prove beneficial as well.
She just told you this new information out if the blue? If so, prepare to learn as soon as she's decided to keep the baby that she had sex with him, multiple times and you're not the father
In some cultures, not even the kids are more important than your spouse, because if the spouse is neglected, the marriage becomes loveless and is doomed to fail and the family unit is lost.
Why is his head not on a stick right now? Sometimes you gotta be the nightmare wife and tell him that if he does something like this again he's done.
She has to be a good candidate for reconciliation, and she is failing already.
The meetup during your planned trip is an extra level of disrespect to you.
So, your mental health will suffer, and that will affect your daughter.
It is better to be two good coparents instead of one miserable unit.
Contact a lawyer and tell the APs significant other if there is one.
That’s ironic. I’m actually 1. An atheist and 2. pretty far left where I’m from. Like, the end game should be nobody having to work for food, healthcare, or any necessity type of far left. Although idk where you’re from, so that might be considered conservative there
I’m just also morally rigid. Right and wrong for me is a matter of what helps people and what hurts people. Right should be applauded, wrong should be brought to justice and/or punished.
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6 months in? Yea he’s failed the respectful boyfriend test. Dump him. He’s clearly not listening to you and he will continue this disrespect of you and not to mention he keeps looking at these other women which shows he has a wandering eye.
You realize you got a last minute invite to a banquet? Somebody dropped out and they needed a seat to fill a seat. I'm curious how much the banquet is?
You met these people 3 weeks ago, you barely know them. It's also a work event so you can't really loosen up at all. Is there a girl from work you're hoping for or is going to be there?
You made plans with your girl so go have fun, surprise her and take her to a cool after-hours club just the two of you. All you're doing is hyping an event in your head that is not going to be that exciting, do you do this often?
I accepted this shitty behavior and excuses for over 2 decades. All I got for accepting it was a bunch of repeated std's. I really believed his lies and thought I loved him enough he'd change for me. It never gets better. He'll always tell you that you're the issue. I wasted a lot of years I'll never get back. There is absolutely NO excuse for cheating.
That does sound confusing! Especially because it just sort of… happened without any prelude or sense of anticipation. But it also sounds like you had fun and got a good story out of it (waking up hot in a skate park is hilarious).
People can have sex with each other, and still maintain a happy, platonic friendship. Gay people have been doing it for decades. As long as you two are both on the same page, you'll be fine. For the future, try to keep a condom with you, just in case.
I think you should sit down with him and have an honest conversation about why he doesn't want kids. His reasoning might not be related to your brother, it could be something else. Either way, it would be good to know where his head is at and if he's totally against having kids. Hopefully things will work out for you OP!
Also, if he's against kids because of your brother, that's just super messed up.
Oops, missed the NB part. Sorry. But the sentiment stands — OP needs to get over herself.
But it will though that's the point your missing rhe fact that most likely the husband will expect some level of help or expect an emotional bond between her and said child and if she still supports him and asks not to be involved with the child's life and not participate with parenting choices most likely what will happen is that she will look like the bad guy so yes it does directly impact her yes she can't change what has happened but she has every right to feel the way she does
God people replying to this need to learn to read… She's not taking off her WEDDING ring to go out clubbing. She's just recently stopped wearing her ENGAGEMENT ring, which is fairly normal. She still wears her wedding ring. And on that note, I think a plain wedding band makes it seem more obvious that she's married and not just engaged.
Crazy and just super lame LOL
STEM=hot
The only mistake you can make here is to father a child you don't want and won't love. Children deserve to be loved unequivocally by their parents and you can't do that. It's ok, but knowing how you feel, you can't have kids, and honestly you might consider a vasectomy if you believe you want a child free life.
You need to tell her no, and let her break up with you. Really, whether or not you wanted children should have been discussed years ago, so you didn't end up in this pickle to begin with. I think the only fair thing to both of you is to tell her straight up, with no waffling and no “maybe someday” that you don't like kids, don't want kids and if she wants them you need to break up so each of you can find a compatible partner. If you need a month to decide, you already know the answer is no and you're stalling for time. Don't bring a child into this world to save a relationship, because there's a solid chance you resent it and them and it absolutely devastates the kid. Just rip off the band aid.
Reading the responses from others makes me think I should wait and be by myself for a bit.
If I do decide to initiate things, I will absolutely NOT be pulling this shit again. You're 100% spot on about building trust up from the bottom.
Thanks for your candor.
I'm so sorry that happened to you =/ I'm not sure if talking to him abt it would do much bc I feel like he'd deny it but I also don't wanna jump immediately to dump him. This is a toughie, if you do choose to stay w him please do so w extreme caution
yeah that's probably what i'm gonna end up doing
He's not “too nice”. He likes attention.
Explain that your feelings to her, if she’s receptive then she’s a friend, if she’s not then she’s not a friend. You’re getting to the age that you realize that some “friendships” aren’t worth it and sometimes we grow out of being friends as our priorities change.
Also keeps a lot of abusive parents from abusing their children, asshat.
You’ve already left. You are in a safe place and when you go back for your things etc you can have someone accompany you. Or you can ask for your things to be packed up for you.
If it will make things easier, position it as a trial seperation and have your things brought to you for this period. Then don’t go back.
The grass isn’t greener. Hookups aren’t all that. Other girls aren’t all that. Been there done all that. What happens if breakup does come is just regret for tossing away someone you love for something so stupid and frivolous as hookups. It’s also not as easy as you think it is to go on dates. You feel good right now because your with a girl that is hyping you up and supporting you.
What are your motives for telling him? You clearly couldn’t care less when you were actively cheating with her. Is this self serving again cuz you’re trying to break them up for your own desires? Don’t act like you’re not a huge POS in this story as well. If she’ll cheat with you, she’ll cheat on you.
I think you're both being pretty gross here.
Isn't that the truth!
Yeah this is basically an emotional affair. Beyond any confessions of “feelings” or not, the fact that he's sharing details of his day to day life with her over you is how it starts and one of the big red flags of how it develops – he's putting her in front of you in that way, when you're supposed to be partners seeing each other through your daily struggles and ups and downs. You can have other friends when married but IMHO your spouse should be your “best friend” and it really feels like he's putting her before you in every way. This needs to stop before it falls over the edge into a romantic affair – if it hasn't already – and really the only way to stop it is going to be him making a choice: you or her.
I have some childhood trauma yeah. Wasn’t sure if trauma that was unrelated to dating could affect my feelings in my current one but i guess it’s not far off?
This shit reminds me that a ton of redditors are immature 12 year olds.
you break up, that's what you do. You deserve someone who is kind, not this … person.
It doesn't fall on you to tell anyone anything. That's their buisness. You should tell your friend to be honest with this person and communicate that.
To add to this, if you suspect it is not the first time, then ask for proof of the other nights she went to “see a play in London”. Bank statements, booking confirmations. Proof of messages with her friend organising it (if the friens even exists).
Regarding the lease, I'm sure landlords will be understanding of a breakup, especially if you say that you cannot afford it alone.
I would be collecting as much evidence/tricky questions as I could and slowly dripping it out, giving her as much chance to be honest/be caught in a lie as possible. She sounds shady as fuck and you probably shouldn't have told her ahead of time.
“I'm not holding you back, dear. I'm not stopping you from spending as much as you want on your new car.”
Please tell me you don't have a joint bank account.
He’s showing his true colors while you’re actively grieving your parents who you lost in a traumatic and unexpected way. A good husband would try to make this time as stress free as possible for you, seems like he’s determined to do the opposite.
Even if the house was half yours, he’s not entitled to a damn thing from the loss of your parents.
I’m not one to instantly jump to “divorce” with limited info. So instead I’ll say, from what you’ve said here, he’s showing his true colors and man it looks ugly to me. Spoiled, entitled, self centered.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I hope you get yourself in to therapy and take care of yourself. And I hope even though you on-line apart that you and your brother can lean on each other.
It sounds like you're his beard. He's using drugs and most likely sleeping with men behind your back. He didn't disable the security camera for the drug delivery but did to hide the arrival of someone else later. He's offering sex with you on-line. What else do you need to leave?
I kept waiting for this comment! If OP can prove an extramarital affair and coercion/manipulation of her children the stbx custody time with his kids can be reduced.
As a dude who is seven years in and going through a very similar scenario, gtfo while it's easy to. I moved across the country with this person, engaged, thought this was a sure thing – she's been reading new wave spirituality books and taking them in the wrong way – and getting into pseudoscience. The spirituality books were fine at first but then she has become more and more separated from reality and has been saying for a few months I need to be on the same spiritual plane as her. Anyways, she also started having fantasies of her yoga teacher – became more distant and has decided her new life goal is to on-line in the ever present moment of the now and give herself to the universe (her other dream is to now be poly and have six boyfriends) I can't even have a real discussion with her anymore. Well, and I won't be because we are breaking up. It sucks much much harder when you have built a life with someone and the longer you wait the harder it will be to get over it.
There's a lot there, I didn't read everything but there's a few observations….. first, you apologize way too much, then you expected him to apologize a bunch of times too. That's not realistic. If there's a misunderstanding, you apologize one time, talk about how to avoid the misunderstanding next time, then move on. Continuing to say things like (paraphrasing) “Fine I guess I won't do that anymore! I'm sorry!” aren't value-add statements. At one point you guys sent heart emojis and said goodnight, everything seemed fine, then apparently 12 hours later you were fighting again, did you edit something out? Again, it seemed like you were rehashing things that didn't need to be rehashed. I can understand why you didn't want to talk to him while he was playing video games. I can also understand why he thought multitasking was going to solve his problems (even though ultimately he'd just be doing 2 things half assed). You guys are long distance, when communicating, you have to really trust eachother. If you say “play video games and we'll talk later, have fun” he has to trust you mean it. But also you have to actually mean it. You could probably do better saying what you actually mean, guys are terrible mind readers (all people really), keep it short and sweet, and honest!
But like, how do I bring it up? She just got home. She was pretty drunk. Threw up on the side of the road for 15 minutes apparently. Said she's like, basically sober now. I said I'm not sure that's how that works. And she told me about her night. They went bar hopping. Like 12 different places. Had two drinks per place. I was like awhhh man that's a lot, you haven't drink like that in almost a year. You didn't go texting your ex you miss him again did you? And then laughed like I was joking and she was like hell naw that would be em baraasing. I ain't about that life
Then please explain it to me
I appreciate that, I’ve finally got the strength to leave and I’m going to follow through
I appreciate that, I’ve finally got the strength to leave and I’m going to follow through
I appreciate that, I’ve finally got the strength to leave and I’m going to follow through
100%
I’ve done plenty of things that I didn’t particularly enjoy but I was happy sharing that moment with the person I love
100%
I’ve done plenty of things that I didn’t particularly enjoy but I was happy sharing that moment with the person I love
100%
I’ve done plenty of things that I didn’t particularly enjoy but I was happy sharing that moment with the person I love
Same except I’m an identical twin and my brother in law has never got me and my sister confused.
She has confused a couple exs of mine as her boyfriend in the past but….
Thanks! I will look into this, how could I bring this up without sounding like an a hole
He lied and lied and lied..
Do you really want to stay with him?
He lied to you..what if he is cheating too..
You might want to get tested to be safe.
Go talk to a lawyer.
Pull all you can out if joint accounts and set into yours so you can cover bills fir you and the baby.
You seem to attach alot of feelings to intimate times with your boyfriend.
It may help you to think from a different perspective.
There is “love making” sex, that is intimate, passionate and intensely emotional connection within a loving relationship.
Then there is fucking, a physical fun time between consenting adults which revolves around physical pleasure. It's almost entirely separate from emotional connection (it'd still be cheating) and is not “love making”. It is more pleasure based, more experimenting, more toys, rougher, dirtier. Definitely not slow and passionate.
Now, if you use that framework on what you do with your boyfriend in the frame of “love making” most times but sometimes it could be fucking. example, a quickie, or drunken after night out fucking.
The fantasy would be of fucking, not of love making.
I hope this framework helps you separate how many people see sex in and out of relationships, and with or without the intimacy.
GF asks what gets you hot.
Choice A: say “I've always wondered what it would be like to have a threesome.”
OR
Choice B: I've always wondered what it would be like to have a threesome with your friends.
You don't see it?!