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Date: October 10, 2022
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How equal are things in the household now you are married? If she's busy, stressed and is starting to resent all she does that is often a common reason for intimacy issues.
Tell him for his sake. He’ll repeat the same mistake in future relationships otherwise.
I don’t really see what therapy can do that I can’t without regular DBT. The best therapist I ever had after tens of bad therapists, would mostly listen and didn’t offer much in terms of input. Idk where people are going to get something out of it. In debt and it just takes away from being able to provide for my living expenses. I am still medicated and see a psych because it feels like that actually does something.
You're right, I do only have one life. I'm also just terrified of setting out on my own when we've been together for so long. I know that's normal too, but the fear is very hot to shake.
I also don't want to just jump straight into breakup mode if there might still be a chance for things to improve, but I suspect that's my naivete and stubbornness at play.
People who genuinely care about you will want to show you off. It sounds like this person has kept you hidden from everyone important in their life. That’s a very telling choice. You deserve to be treated more than just a dirty little secret. Don’t you want to be with someone who wants to be with you?
So why even raise this question if it’s what you want?
Man-Child
My first thought too. There is never really a perfect time to have a baby.
Op you need to decide now. Do you want children? Because you aren’t going to get them with this guy.
A week later she tells me she is feeling sad about the situation with Sean and that she isn’t sure if that decision was genuine or not because I set some of her trauma triggers off and when that happens she tends to agree and appease with whoever it is that she is arguing with. She also explains to me that she is afraid to tell her friends and family that she is no longer friends with Sean because they might think I’m abusing her based on her past abusive relationship. I tell her that I don’t care if she tells her friends or family about the situation with Sean and that I’ve also reached out to friends and family about the situation to ask for advice and make sure my concerns are rational.
I have another serious conversation with her and tell her I don’t want her to fear me or lie to me just to stay in the relationship. I explain that we need to go back to that decision and make sure it is genuine for both of our sakes. She explains how she still misses him and it’s going to take time for her to get over not every talking to him. But that’s she understands that he most likely does have feelings for her and that genuinely agrees to my boundary of her not being friends with him anymore. We all feel a lot better after that conversation until recently when I noticed something was bothering her.
Last night we talked about what was bothering her. She said that she found out from her mom that Sean had visited town and Sean had talked to her mom for a bit. My gf hasn’t told her mom yet that she has cut ties with Sean but we both know that eventually she is going to find out since Sean is like a son to her mom. My gf doesn’t know how her mom will react to her finding out out my gf is no longer friends with Sean. My gfs afraid that her mom will panic and have serious issues with me or that She will make my gf decide to stay with me or being supported by her family emotionally and financially (being disowned).
I didn’t know the mom and Sean were as close as they were until we talked last night about it last night. I told my gf that I trust maddi to explain the situation with Sean to her mom as she likes and that I will acept all those consequences and that if we were to Stay in the relationship that it would be best to tell her mom sooner rather then later even tho it is my gfs decision at the end of the day. She tells me that if the decision comes down to me or staying supported by her family that she will choose her family. I tell her that I understand and that if it came down to that then I’ll make sure she stays with her family since she already suffered being separated from them once and they pay for her college. She wants to become a doctor. She says she really wants to stay with me tho and I tell her that I do too but that she needs to be completely honest and think about if she wants to tell her mom about Sean and if so when.
We decided to not talk about it again until today. I really want to stay in this relationship I love her with all my heart and I know she loves me. But I want some advice on what things I should talk to her about today and if it sounds like im being abusive. The last thing I want any girl to feel towards me is fear especially my partner and I feel a little dirty because I set some of her triggers off and I feel like she might be fearful of me in some type of way. Any advice, insights or questions would be appreciated. Sorry this was so long.
I think you’ve already come up with some potential action plans in therapy/AA.
I think giving an ultimatum of “if you continue to drink we will break up” isn’t fair if it’s something she needs help to understand and learn to tolerate better, and ultimately will just push you both further from resolution.
Unfortunately this is not something you can do for her. She has to recognise she has a problem before she can take action to change it, and if she is in the denial stage there’s not much you can do to make her realise.
Whether you choose formal therapy or not, this conversation has to happen. Be open and honest with your communication, and only speak for yourself. Tell her how you feel when she overindulges and not what she appears to be like. Your experience may not be the same as her experience, and if she feels like she’s “just having fun” you can explain that it’s not fun for you to take responsibility for her safety during the night.
I hope you can resolve this, because left unchecked we all know what it could turn into, and it sounds like you don’t want to leave her you just need your boundaries respecting so you can continue to be happy together. Good luck.
Dude. Shame on you! How are you this dumb? $80K??? You will never see a dime of any money you have given her back. FFS, man. Stop any cards she has, change your banking passwords, and hit the eject button, or she will bankrupt you. Soon. And then she will move on to the next guy who is dumb enough to give her obscene amounts of money. Yeesh.
Sounds like there was no getting to know each other before you became official or this wouldn't have happened. Dating around before becoming official with someone is needed because of these reasons. Now she cheated when she clearly wasn't even sure of you yet.
It’s almost like she left her watch at work.
Honesty, OP, if a temporary change in hairstyle can put you off of this guy you just weren't that into him to begin with. If your love for him was real his happiness would be more important than the superficiality of this haircut.
Thank you. Fucking hell. This is so hot!!
Dude that is ROUGH!! I am so sorry you are going through that. You don't deserve it!
My husband is happy to do a hair hold or a post puke clean up. (Hes a very happy helper tbh) Most of the time I just go “im good” I, however, have to go outside if he so much as complains about nausea. It's been a discussion about where we each draw the line with bodily functions. It shouldn't be a deal breaker imho unless the bare minimum is being done across the board.
Just tell her how you feel.
But I feel that she's gone too far by airing our dirty laundry
It's not her dirty laundry, it's yours.
when this should really be kept as a private matter between us.
Why? What reason does she have to keep it private? She has no obligation to preserve any privacy after you randomly asked her for sex. If anything, she's justified to tell everyone that knows you that you're the kind of person that will randomly proposition their friends for sex without any leadup whatsoever.
How long have you been together, and how old is your daughter?
Are you blind to the fact your husband is the problem here?
The deleting the messages would be a big red flag to me. No way – can you recover them ? what were they messaging on ? so many people on reddit can probably tell you how to recover them. You are not overreacting I would be so mad. OMG – Ian thinking he is having an EA and that is cheating. What is he saying now ?? He has crossed big time lines.
He'll most certainly need therapy anyway but staying in a toxic environment where he is constantly regarded as a paedophile will just cause the same issues to reoccur and traumatize him. Being accused constantly of the most heinous acts won't be fixed by therapy, he's going to forever go over and over the same issues and they'll keep coming up
Yeah, agreed. I think it is really hot to see things like this objectively when you're in the midst of it and emotionally invested.
As someone who has been in and seen many jealous/controlling relationships before, I have no interest in being that guy or with that girl.
She is the one who should tell her family. If she's stressed it was her own doing and not your responsibility.
I agree ! You need to come clean to your ex. Tell your fiancée yiu need her to do a polygraph test. Did she rape you? Was she really pregnant? Were you the father? Too many iffy questions here. Once you hv these, then talk to your ex. You may or may not get her back in relationship with you. But at least you know the real truth. Then deal on your engagement based on polygraph results.
Updateme!
Is there a reason you can't make plans with the other GF's?
Emdr therapy might be very helpful. It is for me.
The best way to respond to him is to ignore his personal questions. Do not entertain him. He does not own the company, you can always file a complaint about him if he’s taking it too personal on you.
I've had a stepdad for the last 20 years. He came into my life when I was 10, so I was older than both the kids here. Did we clash sometimes? Yeah absolutely. But he's my dad. I love him. I don't understand why young kids wouldn't now see you as family. I'm really sorry. You deserve to be seen as the Dad you are.
You should go on the trip, but without him. If he really wants to make up for it and step into a role of supporting you and your daughter, this is the way he can do that. By sending you and his wife on the trip without him. It takes care of his commitment to your daughter, and respects you sexually.
“I wouldn't want you to get in trouble,” could be interpreted to imply that you are willing, but only want to avoid problems with sister in law.
No matter what you say, to go as a group that includes him would be tacit acceptance of the overtures, and would only lead to further and more escalated transgressions in the future.
More so do anyone wondering why their body and back hurt… it’s probably because they have a heavy stubborn dog in their bed and they’re too scared the internet won’t approve … don’t sleep with the heavy dog. Put yourself first. Those downvoters and hater won’t feed you or pay your bills.
Double text. You have nothing to lose. He sounded interested.
This. The cute bank teller has smoked at him every time he goes to the window and now he thinks he’s a chick magnet, while she was just doing her job. Meanwhile, wife meets someone in the first week and leaves him.
Okay, this kind of thing is what I was alluding too in asking about other issues. Somebody that torn up by the one that got away is often a narc or sociopath and bringing it up as a method of controlling the other person. OP, take this as a gift. Spin it as him breaking up with you and you not being good enough for him and leave. This way he may just let you go without violence. Call family and friends and domestic violence resources for help getting out safely though. There are resources pinned at the top of r/relationship advice
Sorry, but even if you are horny as shit, why do you let someone rub bleach on your penis?! Do you do every shit to get laid?
Your gf's friend has a “block” about swiping but is OK with handling all the messaging?
“I have a fear of driving. I need someone else to open the door, but after that I'm fine with getting on the highway and merging and changing lanes!”
The reality is that your gf's friend needs to get the fuck over her “block” and run her own life. But you have no control over it, so you get to watch as “I'm just swiping for her!” becomes “OK I'm swiping and doing the initial talking!” to “OK I'm doing the swiping and initial talking and going a little further with the conversations!”
Playing stupid games.