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Date: October 6, 2022
AmateurPub
It does! Or a child that needs more screen time supervision.
This is a tough one. Did y’all have a fight? Is she the silent treatment type? She might have moved on already and wants you to be the ‘bad guy’ and break up with her. You really need to set time aside when y’all can be together and have an open conversation about why her interactions with you have completely changed.
If it helps, you could write it down in a letter and hand it over for her to read. If you're worried you won't be able to say it right when you're on the spot.
Good luck.
I see people talking about postpartum psychosis and it very well could be that. Buuuut, has anyone in her family ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia?? I’ve heard of meds especially adhd meds triggering it in some people. My grandfather has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and certain meds send him over the edge and he thinks people are living underneath his house and flying down from the trees into his house. Also that he has worms in his gums. Now knowing what we know he’s on different meds and obviously he’s still a schizophrenic but it’s no where near as bad thank goodness. He even shots holes in his doors and underneath his house. I would definitely make sure she seeks help because it seems pretty bad. I would be afraid that she could hurt herself or you and your child. I’m not saying she would do that but if you care about everyone’s safety that’s the best thing to do. At this point you might have to have her involuntarily committed to be evaluated. It’s easy to think “oh they would never do that” and you’re probably right but she’s not herself and her believing such delusions could put everyone in serious danger if it ever turns violent.
Do not tell her while you’re living there. Get a job and move out and then figure it out. You need to be living somewhere where you don’t see her everyday.
But I've noticed a lot of men my age only want to date “for fun” or don't even know what they want.
Tons of 20 year olds still don't really know what they want, and they want to mainly focus on their education/career. This has little to do with gender. Keep in mind….lots of people your age also think they know what they want, just to change their mind over time. A lot happens in people's 20s.
I don't want to waste my time on immature men but I feel as though that's the only thing available to me.
There are plenty of guys your age who are on similar pages, it just takes a bit of time to find them. If you don't want to be married within the next 2-3 years, there are lots of guys who are interested in a serious relationship.
Most of the replies are telling him blab
Download some app like tinder idk, find someone that will be interesting to chat with, don't think too much about this.
I read your entire post. It is long and honestly most of it doesn’t matter. The part that does matter is 1- Your husband threw something & 2-Your husband yelled at you. It’s easy to want to give background and people can reason away that they are stressed, but I will tell you one thing…
This is domestic violence. DV does not have to always be physical like punching or hitting. It is abuse. I work with women in DV and been through it myself and I can tell you the one thing in common…all of us has told ourselves- “He would never hit me or the kids” …until he does. His behavior is not okay on any level. I know you may be sitting there thinking he would never and I will guarantee you, this is only the beginning. It could stay like this for years, but I am giving you my warning. A warning I wish someone would have given me. I stopped for a moment in my day to read your post and comment. Because, it is THAT important that someone tell you. This seems to me like poor emotional regulation & while I do not know you or your husband, I can say with certainty that it is not healthy. I am happy you recognize this & seems that you won’t tolerate it. I sincerely hope that your husband will go to therapy and seriously work on himself. Best of luck to you OP and sending many prayers for strength and courage for your situation.
thank you. your comment helped a lot. i managed to muster up the courage and give it to her in person! she didn't say much, but she didn't reject it or anything, so im quite pleased :]
You are acting as if it's your child alone. It's his child for god's sake, if he wants to get custody it's because it's his child? Not because he is angry and trying to spite you? You cannot be for real.
He is a doctor. He is choosing to be ignorant if you've had the conversation so many times.
They played you.
ALL THREE KNEW WASSUP!!! They’re gauging your reaction for some 3some fun and he’s enjoying fucking your wife. I would still set up divorce and still call their bluff.
Say hey I’m guessing (bf name) knows so I want in on the action and blindside her ass after you’ve had your fun with the papers.
Thanks for your cool advice :)! I could never show openly that I ‚control‘ or that I’m jealous. Way too prideful for that. I‘m just so afraid of that feeling. And to play this stupid role that everything is cool when in reality I‘m exploding from the inside with a smile on my face. I think it’s a problem because of all the problems we had in the past ( we were together 3 years as teenagers – I met someone new and left him for the new person , which was really very hot for him – now we had something going on 5 years later for 1 year but he said he couldn’t love me again and was a real asshole. he had something with other girls and „betrayed“ me . After this ‚revenge’ he is now so nice and completely different. Like maybe he needed to break me down so that „we are even“ now .. but it’s still in my mind that he said he couldn’t love me again in the past. This is what causes my anxiety. If I had reassurance I would not be that jealous I guess .. but I’m not 100 % sure if I can get it this time tho he’s so nice to me now ..
I was wondering as well. This seems like a self validation post or something. Would’ve made more sense in r/offmychest or something.
Makes sense why he doesn’t true you.. your cheating again… tbh he should of broke it off the first time with you and dumped you but he was an idiot and didn’t, doing something right for once in your life and end it with him so you can have all your fun with every guy that gives you attention
We were not together/official he did not ask me out when that happened. He found out about after I was his girlfriend and after I had already broke it off.
It's not anymore. The apologies become redundant without change or showing remorse. I'm walking away from this one.
If it was just a fleeting thought then why did he get so worked up about it.
Probably because:
I was likely visibly triggered
He thought you two were close enough he could be honest with you and trust you not to be judgmental. You were completely judgemental.
Plus, he only told you about it, he didn't ask or suggest doing anything.
You’re both incredibly young. I wouldn’t rush it, especially since you’re having second thoughts. And I understand how you want to to focus on your carreer first. Especially since you have plenty of time to start a family given your age.
Straight man here… Not going to lie when I was younger I use to love taking my girlfriends to gay bars. I'd let them enjoy themselves I'd appear to be just a friend cause I wasn't up her ass so I would drink for free as guys bought me drinks.
“Really don't know what to do.” Actually you really do know what to do. Admit it to yourself. Best wishes.
Nope nope nope.
Lying to spare feelings? Look up the pleaser attachment style and maybe go from there with how to communicate and be communicated with? “How We Love” goes into this pretty well.
You are not ready to be married. You want to be a son, not a husband.
This is totally a shitty thing to do to you. Communication is key so get it out of the way and carry on but make sure you get a sincere apology
I don't know why you're feeling guilty. You need to tell him. He probably doesn't even know, and no one wants to kiss a sewer mouth. Just tell him kindly.
Keeping his wife’s memory alive is not pushing grief on to his daughter. There’s not being wrong with having picture around the house. You don’t have to have a certain place. So what if he talked to a picture people do that all the time. Gf breaking pictures and yelling at a child because she is asking about her own family is ridiculous. Sounds like she just wants the memory erased complete
You want to keep a “friend” around that sleeps with your ex? Get away from both of them. Trust and respect is gone. He would do it again.
Yeah it’s her discussion i am not getting involved but it’s just feels uncomfortable
hey there, give him a really very hot time. Tell him you want to bring male strippers, matter of fact go and do so. Give him a taste of his medicine and rub it in his face till he begs you crying for forgivnes Show him who holds the power.. You can do it
You would think that, and yet I've personally seen multiple women do exactly that. To friends of mine, and females I know(not friends with though) have done it. It's even in the public eye like Brittany Renner taking advantage of PJ Washington and getting child support from him. And my friends wish they got off with $250 a month for child support. One is paying something like $500-$700 a month when he's also got 50% custody.
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It means you're a rebound, your consistent and you allow it.
You’re not responsible. You didn’t make him upset. He is just pissy because you’re doing what you want and he can’t control you.
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absolutely. but rehoming without even attempting to train the dog is just bad advice. Not only is it traumatic for the dog, that’s just one unwanted more dog that needs a home.
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I wish he had handled it better but as someone who has been taken to dinner for business, I understand why he felt like he could not ask to bring a guest. Hopefully you can celebrate next Christmas. Sorry that happened. ❤️
You can check messages 🙂 I'm not comfortable posting it here as I think it'll be obvious for anyone around us
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I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I believe that him faking being sick to avoid taking care of you in any way shows a lot about who he is as a person.
I had something similar happen to me. I was diagnosed with Ménière's disease years ago. It's not something that will kill you, but especially the first year or so was really rough for me. I was dating this girl, and whenever I told her I'd had another vertigo attack, it turned out she was feeling terrible with something worse. The first couple times I gave her the benefit of the doubt, even tho it seemed weird and it always disappeared quickly, but after the third and a friend telling me he had bumped into her when she was supposedly in bed feeling miserable, not anymore.
What I'm getting into with this is that lying like that doesn't bode well for partnership. Anyone can get into a car accident, get a disease or go through something that requires needing help – would you expect him to step up in any of those scenarios? Could you trust him to give you the help you'd need?
Tell us you have never been sexually assaulted without telling us you have never been sexually assaulted..
Your husband sounds amazing; I'm so happy you found someone who appreciates and loves you.
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No one is calling it grooming. We're just saying it's a power dynamic that puts OP at a big disadvantage. She's babysitting his daughter while he fucks his ex, and she's still not leaving. That's the power he holds over her after taking 4 years of her twenties.
I have considered that. Am I just naive to think he is miserable without me?
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Thank you very much and that’s so nice of you to say. This is some budget hbo in here
Therapy
I have sensory issues. Brushing your tongue is important. Or use a tongue scraper. Otherwise it's just nasty. Soooo many of the bacteria and food particles stays on your tongue.
She’s probably using that as an excuse to not do it when it reality it’s because she knows her lie will blow up in her face. Wish cheaters would think about the damage they’d be doing to their family, husband/wife, and kids. So fucked up.
Be mature and just keep it to yourself.
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It is logical you just aren’t listening to what I’m saying and acting as if I’m a monster because of my mental health. Maybe try think about what I’m saying. Maybe you will understand this better. If somebody was depressed in the past you wouldn’t say they didn’t love their loved ones for withholding the information so why are you saying it about my diagnosis then?
I don’t deal with people who give me ultimatums. I deserve better than that.
You deserve better, too, OP.
I’m so confused why people are saying this because she was wearing shorts? I can’t really imagine how she flashed her vagina by lifting up her leg in shorts lol.
What I can understand she go to your bf for advice not her husband , as long as both they don’t cross the boundaries then I don’t see it’s weird .
He claims that she knows and is “cool with it” – provided he´s lying, I completely agree with you. It´s something I´m currently trying to find out.
All right, and so what does that change about OPs feelings on it? He should accept it cause ballet dancers do? Come on.
With that logic he should be okay with her swinging because “some couples do it”.
This is nonsense
Hockey rinks definitely don't have enough space for single sex dressing rooms.
Maybe some new ones do, but all the old ones barely have room to change and shower as it is.
I've played beer league hockey on a couple of teams with a woman. After the game they (the women) would usually get into the showers first and guys would just be a little self aware and not walk around hanging brain and be a little respectful. The one would usually be out of the room pretty quick when she was ready to go.
He wants an incubator, not a wife!!
Find a husband who's not a controlling, insecure, narcissistic asshole.
Lmao what the fuck is any of that? And the age difference? Jesus Christ. Block him and don't look back.
Was it because you were nature for your age and he was immature for his?
There is no reason why a 43-yo man should be attracted to a 20/21-yo girl. The only reason they go for young is because they are naive and easier to manipulate. As we can see is the case here.
This man groomed you, wasted 6 years of your youth, now still plays mind games and won't allow you to go on with your life. Now faith manipulation?
I’m annoyed because it isn’t actually a simple request.
He asked, she declined. He didn’t like that boundary or her autonomy to spend time with friends without checking in with him when she got home. He claims he’s fine with it, but here he is.
It’s disguised as a “simple request”, to make it appear so very simple that of course she should be okay with it.
She drew a boundary. He’s looking for phrasing and opinions to push the boundary, to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do, while using “safety” and “common courtesy” in his responses.
These are the types of things you find when someone is testing boundaries to see what their partner will accept. And OP is seeking assistance for subtly eroding or undermining the boundary as well as eroding her ability to set it at all, because if he can present it to us as no big deal, and swing the public opinion his way, then she may begin to question how reasonable her perfectly reasonable boundary actually is.
You need a lawyer who works in domestic disputes or family law. This is not how no contact orders are supposed to work; you don't get to harass someone and blow up their phone while they are forbidden from responding. A competent lawyer can use your girlfriend's repeated attempts to contact you to get the no contact order lifted.
That's the extent of my legal advice. My personal advice is that someone who does this should be your ex-girlfriend. Either your actions were deserving of the police being called on you and she deserves to be free of you, or she wrongly called the cops on you and you deserve to be free of her. Either way I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone where the cops were necessary to keep the peace.
Um no goodbye to her
Tell him that if he wants to sleep around he should at least have the balls to break up with you instead of asking for permission to be a cheater.
Cut bait.
Oh man, this is such a great comment. I was going to comment something along the same lines, but you just summed it up so concisely!
I just want to add OP, don't feel too guilty. Just having the urge and the temptation doesn't make you a bad person, you can't control that. What you can control is what you do with it, and you did the exact right thing. You snapped out of it and didn't indulge it. There's no need to feel guilty.
However, as /u/bestaflex says, it's a sign that your current relationship needs a change to meet your needs. Whatever you were craving from that guy you can get from your husband, you just need to change the context of your relationship. Have a chat with your husband and plan some changes, some date nights, some more quality time with each other and go from there! 🙂
Thank you 🙂 I’m usually pretty blunt too so I understand. This is just a tricky situation I haven’t dealt with before so I’ll probably take your advice
Larger age gaps aren’t as big an issue when both people are older 31/41 and 40/50 is a lot different than 21 and 30. It’s about life and relationship experience. It’s not a dig at younger people, but when someone is in their early 20s/late teens they most likely are naive in regard ti relationships and don’t see red flags as readily. So they tend to be easier to manipulate. Also you are still growing and changing, you have a lot of things to learn. The person you were a year ago is not the same person you are now, and definitely won’t be the same as you are when you are 30. I think the changes you are feeling about the relationship could be a result of that and you’ve grown out of the relationship.
Also, if you lack trust in your partner, no matter how much you like them it won’t work.
It's not possible to have an honest conversation with someone who is mentally ill like this.
Choose your friends wisely.
And I really hope she finds the perfect guy.
She could have taken the bus but choose not to.
Let time do its thing. A lot of us go thru this at the start of a relationship. The more you get to know her the less her past will affect you.
I think he’s just sensitive because of his sister. I told him I haven’t drank for 2 months.
I appreciate your perspective. We have had this talk about how he’s not in my head and he’s never gonna be able to think the way I think. And I do want to be better for him, which is why I have asked him to help me out socially. Embarrassment is subjective, and from my perspective I was just being myself; I get asked a question. I answer with full transparency. I definitely shared too much and maybe I was perceived as being angry (that’s something I struggle with in everyday life) and it was exacerbated by my lack of self control with alcohol. Sorry if my explanations were vague. I was trying to maintain some anonymity but it has gotten more attention than I anticipated
Given that you've met the parents already, and more importantly, you seem to be actively maintaining a relationship with them, I don't know that she's the right person to have casual sex with.
Block him, you're no one's back up plan
You are both 20 years old, and you see future with this girl?
Don't get me wrong but this is wrong. On-line your life, both of you. If it does not work it does not work. Communication is essential in any relationship but if certain things cannot be overlooked then best way to proceed is to go separate ways.
It is never a good idea to have one person suffer just because they are a pleasing person while the other person gets to have it their way. Compromise is everything.
Honestly, no it shouldn’t have. It’s his company, he can decide who he offers to sell to. However, husband should have told his wife.
Break up with him and block him so you don't get back to him.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But you need to decide if cheating is a deal breaker for you. If not, I strongly suggest couples counseling.
But cheating on you two years into the relationship, less than a month after you proposed is something to think long and very hot about. If my partner did that to me I’d have to wonder what else they’ve done and I would cut my losses.
We all deserve to be happy, secure and supported in our relationships. You shouldn’t settle for anything less
Thankyou so much for reading this I know it was really long. I am really glad you are of Mexican heritage also and were able to give me your opinion from your personal insight. This doesn't just happen when he drinks, he is like that all the time its just that when he gets drunk he adds the extra layer of violence into it, with the threats and stuff.
I agree with you 100% about them being exactly alike. They are really not good people. Yet for some reason I love him, and continue loving him. Every time I think about leaving for some reason it just comes into my head that I was in the wrong about everything and that it really is all my fault and that I would be making a big mistake.
I think framing it like “you’re making a choice not to put any effort into your appearance. If you want to get matches, you need to make better choices”.
Framing it as his choice to look the way he does rather than some kind of innate grotesqueness will allow him to hear your advice without getting insecure.
Yea maybe an insult to 12 year olds.
It's still an immature and unhealthy “boundary” to feel you have any right to control another person's interaction with others. Just because it's agreed upon doesn't mean that it's healthy.
Drop him.
Do you really want a life filled with not measuring up?
Why deal with this dumb drama?
Most teenagers are very insecure with the way their body looks. Nudes are a way to get reassurance and gain confidence. If you are naive and immature you won't think about the consequences it might have. She is a grown up now and realized that sharing nudes can be very risky. If you see each other regularly there is not really a need for them. That's my opinion. I'm not so comfortable anymore in sending pictures to my bf, because I realized that it's not save. I would even like to ask him to delete them, but I know that they are important to him.
completely agree with you thank you!:)
Not really a valid concern.
If you guys have been friends for 10 years, obviously you haven't annoyed HER too much with your bluntness.
Surely some of her friends must already know you too.
no, this is just a thin excuse.
Agreed
This place gives the absolute worst advice for women, OP lose weight going from XL to XXXL isn’t just a shift in your schedule being a full time student and working. There is obviously something else going on
So I said stop a couple of times and readjusted myself. Then it just kept escalating and getting more painful. I kept saying stop and at some point I started crying
Yes, sadly he did say stop multiple times and she ignored it.
I think you're the side piece.
I noted that, too. OP shouldn't have acted that way about a crusty old man's outdated opinion and it could have been laughed off or at least discussed privately. That said, you're the only other person to mention that. She sounds like bad news, too.
Damn, cheaters will really say anything, huh? She fucked another guy, of course she cheated. Of course, you're allowed to be upset about her cheating on you. She sounds manipulative as hell and she likes to fuck other dudes and then give excuses for why it's not her fault. Break up with her. You don't deserve this bullshit.
(23F, 44M)
NO.
It will be very hot to advise without context.
You have to tell her for her sake, or for yours? It was a white lie and has no bearing on your future together. Leave it in the past and don't mention it again. It's really no big deal at all.
Its really complicated, but long story short i got a chance to move to a bigger city and get a better job, and decided to take it, and i knew long distance won't work, our previous break ups were messy and i wanted to avoid that feeling and hurting her, at first i wished that she will move on quickly and find happiness in someone else, she begged me to stay and wanted to talk but i decided i will be “manly” and keep my decision, but when she actually moved on at least a bit i felt that i can't pet her go, i never could. We went through a lot in this relationship, because its the first one for both of us, and we have learned and grown together with each problem. I'm just a moron that Has problems with his own feelings and sometimes i'm very lost.
Wow, it really sucks to hear that your parents are such horrible people. They are being abusive, oppresive, selfish assholes that need a good kick to wake up. It hurts so much to learn that the people who gave us life, taught us everything, people that we inately trusted and loved from birth, are the bad guys. It was a great day when i finally stood up to my dad. He decided having me in his life was worth keeping his opinions to himself finally. You shouldnt be taking this, love is love, the heart wants what the heart wants and you will on-line with ths regret and wonder of “what if” if you listen to them. The fact that her family are accepting of you and your religious beliefs shows that your family are, sadly, in the wrong. Would everyone else of your religion believe the same as your parents? No, because you do not, you love who she is not what she believes. You should be threatening to cut your parents off from your life because of their prejudice and controlling behaviour! You are the one “making a choice” which means you have the power in this situation, your family may be scared that they will lose you, they may feel that your shared beliefs bond you together, but that is not true, it is respect and love that bond a family strongly and they are not showing you either right now. I feel your pain, because you do also love your family and would like both your girlfriend and family in your life, together. I would hope that at least one person in your family has true heart and can see the problem here as well. If you could talk to them on their own and gain their support that would be good. If i was you I would make it clear that i dont want to lose anyone, that im dissapointed and hurt by their behaviour and will choose a life with a new, accepting and open-minded family if i have to.
Don’t ask questions you won’t like the answers to. This is an entirely normal thing to fantasise about. The whole point of a fantasy is that it’s not your day-to-day reality. Wanting to veto what’s on his mind while he jerks off? That’s very controlling of you.
Your partner doesn’t really love you. You can double talk and avoid the issue all you want but that’s the truth. People want to make the people they love happy. The only one your partner wants to be happy is Mark. They are in love with Mark. Mark is gay so the two of them need you since she is straight to complete the dynamic.
They want Mark to on-line with you and help with the children.
No they want to parent the children with Mark leaving you with no say in your children’s lives just like you have no say and value now. You don’t have a relationship. You never really did. Your just the stand in for what Mark doesn’t want to do in the relationship.
Frankly it’s well past time to leave this toxic mess. It’s time to find someone that is emotionally available and can actually love you.
If he can't consider to stop watching porn to make you comfortable, then he's probably not the right one for you. Imo porn is ok if in moderation, but if a serious romantic partner asked, the answer is to stop because for it to not be more important than her, I would have to put her above it.
Dan, would where you stand and probably be happy to meet your partner
No, it's both of you.
No, it's both of you.
No, it's both of you.
Look you allowed yourself to get so drunk that another dude was in your bed with his hands on your boobs. You don't really know what all happened. You smallish scale cheated. Being drunk is not an accuse unless you were drugged in some way. Now you learn your lessons- don't allow yourself to be in these positions. Your best friend and you have crossed a line to where now any dude you date will probably not be ok with him going forward.
Cheating is not always evil and suoer intentional. Sometimes people let allow situations that shouldn't have happened. Leave your ex alone. He is not ok with this. And he has that right. What you did is not ok.
At this point it’s kind of on you as well for staying with trash…
She has an underdeveloped or undeveloped theory of mind. She believes everyone knows what she knows and vice versa. Not unusual in neurodivergent folks.
or, bear with me, instead of the wife being somehow mentally ill, perhaps it's that the guy who says stuff like “my wife doesn't make sense” instead of “i don't understand my wife” asks her to clarify things in a way that makes her immediately feel stupid and go on the defensive?
You haven't refuted any point because you can't. You know you're wrong- the truth is, it was inevitable. So you can be strong about it or you can be weak, he chose weak.
Ummm and obviously you aren't. So, I'll ask again why you allow yourself to be taken advantage of 100%
Would she be happy with you showing up long enough to say hi to everyone else and then leaving after 20 minutes?
Exactly
So what would she do if she were single?
So what should I say cause I guess she’s feeling like she wasn’t enough
Ask for full custody, then negotiate down to 3 nights.
Ask for full custody, then negotiate down to 3 nights.
I understand how frustrating travel is and being on your phone everyday is also frustrating.
Are you not her fiancée??? You should be some kind of focus in her life, no?
The last time I asked her if something was wrong she got very upset and told me nothing was and said if I'm feeling something is wrong then maybe its on my end.
aww, fuck. She's cheating. I am sorry. Someone who loved you would not treat you like that. Unless you yelled at her or accused her of something her response should have been about your concern.
Are you the one initiating texts and/or calls? If so, You could also try no contact, see how that goes. If she doesn't contact you for a day or two you have your answer.
Hmm I'm trying to understand how dating an unavailable coworker is good for you. Especially with how it's effecting you with the idealizing and such. Did she elaborate?
If you're old enough, you could order your own DNA test through a lab. Send yours in and your parents. Otherwise, just talk to your mom, don't accuse. Don't let a 23andme test blow up your relationship with your parents and your life.
No the bathroom!!!
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. You did nothing wrong, and your girlfriend is an absolute garbage human being.
No words will make this better. I'm so angry and sad for what you've experienced. Assault is assault. It doesn't matter who does it to who, it's assault. You didn't consent, you were taken advantage of, and then the person who was supposed to love you kicked you when you were being vulnerable. That's truly awful, and I desperately want you to know it isn't your fault.
What your girlfriend did was incredibly shitty. If nothing else, be glad that you aren't with a terrible shitty person like that anymore.
Please consider therapy. It can be very helpful, and you've been through some very real trauma. Talking to a professional could help.
Please take care of yourself, OP, and please don't carry any guilt over this. You did nothing wrong.
I read your information and some of your posts, and I'm feeling you are not ready for a relationship. You're very insecure with yourself, and with his sexuality. He's “pansexual”, so he gets turned on by a lot of things. Just because he's pansexual does not mean he'll act on it.
Pets are family too, barring they attacked the kid, I would not get rid of them.
I totally get not wanting to throw away nearly 5 years. But how many more are you throwing away (for both you and your girlfriend) by not ending something that isn’t going somewhere?
Your girlfriend deserves to have someone that is totally committed to her. She shouldn’t have to be second place or be exposed to potential STIs from partners she doesn’t know about.
You deserve to explore your new feelings. Perhaps your company would be open to more than one work trip a year.
And if you haven't already, OP, remove her from all the social media you have her on and block her number.
Out of sight, out of mind.
That's not at all what I implied. What was implied and I think should be understood, is fraudulent crimes that have been paid for (ie prison sentence) is not a substantial enough reason to keep grandchildren away. Most everyone is involved in, has been involved in, or knows someone not completely on the “up and up”. Bffr….. seems to me like cry babies come to reddit just to find a reason to complain. This man deserves to have his father in his life…. fuck your wife's Karen moves bro….. and the kids and grandfather deserve to know each other. What was implied was “I can understand her feeling that way over a pedo or violent offense, not fraud”…. if that was a reason worthy enough…. most people wouldn't know their grandparents or great grandparents. If your family is squeaky clean….. show the proof. Cause you'd be 1 in a million. You take the whole car away for a speeding ticket? Nope…. you pay the price and move on. Same-Same. This country was founded on fraudulent behavior and if you think not…. Google some ?…… you might be surprised and hurt by how much truth the American school system kept out of your indoctrination…. oops I mean education
I'll just say this isn't my first post in this subreddit, but today I have a specific focus.
The way you talk about this man… i bet he didn’t cry when he saw you walk down the aisle either. He sounds like a real winner…
Perfect, he opened the door by saying he doesn’t want to date you anymore, now you step through it and say, “OK, bye” to this ginormous, abusive loser.
You're being gaslit in to thinking you did something wrong. She crossed a boundary. You broke up with her. It's her actions that caused this.
Lol my account is named after a Daft Punk song (a good one btw)
I appreciate a bit of humour, it’s been a dark comments section lol but that’s the way the cookie crumbles
I’ve seen this story a few months ago ?
Check out DARVO. I bet it describes his behaviour to a T. Along with gaslighting.
The pastor is probably aware and/or simply preaching a version of his interpretation of Christianity that puts women at a disadvantage even when men are abusive and cheaters.
Either way, you don't need proof of an affair or other children to leave him. He has proven himself untrustworthy, disrespectful and abusive.
I'd get a divorce lawyer and a new solo therapist ASAP. No more couples counselling and no more people associated with your Church.
I'd also confront the woman and ask for a DNA test for her children. Say it under the guise of wanting to ensure you understand his financial commitments for child support so you're aware of what you can expect to be entitled to. Make out like you already know and she will cave to protect her marriage.
Either she tells you the truth or runs to your husband who confronts you. If so, you ask why this woman would be speaking to him and why is he so angry about you going behind his back if there's nothing going on (use those exact words because I guarantee this will be what he says). Surely they can both prove their innocence?
Next tell him you won't rest without proof and then threaten to divorce him without it. Then actually divorce him either way.
He’s already making things awkward and obviously will not take a hint. 1st send a text to everyone who has allowed him to use their devices to contact you. Let them know this is unwanted. “Hey, just a reminder that Guy has my contact information and I will respond to him if I choose to”
Next, let him know you’ve done it and that you’re serious “Hey guy. I’m only interested in cordial contact with you. If you can’t keep contact between us minimal, I will be blocking communication. I’ve already let whomever know not to allow you to reach out through them. I’m doing this because the way you behave right now makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t want to talk about it and would like it to stop now”.
Lastly, be prepared to advocate for yourself. Reach out to management at work and administration at school if he handles it poorly. You have the right to on-line without his constant advances.
Have you told him everything you wrote about how your past experience with your hair, how it’s giving you anxiety knowing he doesn’t like it and interfering with your mental health?
If not, you should.
Regardless of the outcome of that conversation, you shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t accepts you for who you are physically and emotionally. If he suddenly doesn’t like you because of your hair, there could be other reasons behind.
You have to first love yourself, everything else is secondary. If you like your hair a certain way you should feel the freedom of having it like that, it shouldn’t depend on someone else liking it. If at the end, he is not completely in with you having your hair, however you want, you might want to tell him that it’s best if you take a break. In that break, he will realize whether he loves you for who you are or for how you look.
As a straight guy with a bi wife who feels the same way I think I can take a stab at answering this.
The way I see it, I want my wife to be fulfilled. I can’t provide what she would get from women; that’s a side of her sexuality that I just am not equipped to cater to, and I’d hate to think she gave up half of her sexual orientation forever because she married a guy. If she needs some time with that side of her sexuality that’s understandable and I want to be supportive. That being said, I am a guy so I feel like I am more than equipped to fulfill that side of her sexuality and would feel pretty damn offended if she needed another dude.
So my understanding with her has always been “I’m ok if you need some time with another woman.” It hasn’t come up yet, she always responds that we’re married and she’s not interested in a sex life that doesn’t involve me but she would be open to a threesome if I wanted to sometime. (I’m on the fence about opening Pandora’s box there, but it’s nice to know it’s an option.)
Why? Because she didn't lie when OP asked? Save this judgement for when it actually applies, or it means nothing.
Wrap up this divorce ASAP while she’s still in love it’s your best opportunity for a fair result.
You're actually sick in the head. You're a groomer and a predator. I have a very hot time believing this happened when he was over 18.
Trust me, I really regret it.
Let’s see if OP would agree to a prenup
You can Google, if you like being ass-fucked, you know.
Not my job to educate you. Ask your momma.
You changed universes. The version of you who got transported to your original reality is really confused about her bf not knowing they were dating for a year.
So true.That made me start singing 'The Offspring.'
omg please stop letting him do this to you stop driving there. Not only is is rude and disrespectful of your time it’s just weird as hell. He seems incredibly immature and it seems like he just doesn’t care stop trying with him dave yourself a world of hurt.
All of your concerns may be valid but men, in general, are absolute crap at communicating what they're feeling. They either can't, don't want to or don't know how.
One thing, as a bloke, I can say with absolute certainty is that if you keep prodding him with questions, enquiries, entreaties and pleas to discuss what is 'wrong', you are likely to see an emotional side of him that you would rather had remained hidden.
I'm pretty good at saying what's on my mind but sometimes I simply don't want to. Drives me nuts when my wife keeps going on about it. And 'by going on', I mean asking more than one question or making one comment. Pretty sure it drives her nuts too. Anyway, be inquisitive but don't interrogate him.
Naturally, my comments assume that his behaviour is not abusive in any way
I would suggest atleast going to the police, alot of places are adopting the idea of this being assault by failure to disclose
Your parents are in agreement?
She’s expressed that she never really got along with her parents. But as much as I don’t like them right now, I wouldn’t want her to cut off her parents for me.
I'm gonna focus on myself more and become the best. And the doctor she wouldn't be able to afford.
He is probably blowing his nose with out a tissue, just standing wherever in the bathroom, and getting blood spray on the nearest surface.
My 6 year old does this after a nose bleed, which happens a lot lately, and I find aerosolized blood spray on the mirror, counter, wall, etc. Sometimes several feet away from where she would be standing.
If he's hiding you, AND LYING JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DO…You are not in a relationship with him. You are young, why are you wasting your life with this guy?
You don't have to accept his anger because it's not about you. Like Don Miguel Ruiz in “The Four Agreements” says: “don't take anything personally”.
Your ex is furious because he can't control you anymore, because he isn't getting an emotional reaction from you he fantasized with, and because you are emotionally disengaged from him.
Everything you're doing is a SLAY! Hehehehe. Keep rocking!
Why are you not directing some of that anger towards your brother? He agreed to take care of the dogs and left dog waste all over the house. He's a crappy dog sitter.
No one is making you deal with the dog or the kids. You can choose to leave. Find someone who wasn't already a father when you were 11 years old.
“Grab yer pick prospector Patty….them’s gold in thar hills!”
Hopefully this statement fills in some of the blanks.
I don’t think you grasp what love is. I think you’re confusing security, tradition and simply what you’re used to, for love. She humiliated you, broke your trust and ruined your life together. You still thought it was a great idea to keep her around. Then she did it again, as if the point wasn’t illustrated enough. Well ofc she did, there were zero implications the first time she cheated, why would she stop? Ofc they have continued their affair, why else would she be texting him, especially under a different name. And deleting the texts. Jesus man, you are seriously blind. Get a grip, kick her out, and never look back.
And the thought of this kind of thing becoming the norm in your life, witnessed by your kids, is not heart wrenching?
You're not married, you can get out. The cancellation fees are your investment in a safe future for you and your children.
Men should not be so shitty to people in the first place. It’s always women who get blamed for saying “he’s nice except…” instead of men who get who are held accountable for everything falling under that “except.”
What are you making NOW though? That degree value isn't doing you any good, and you're not in a position to use a potential pay increase as a bargaining chip. You're either unmotivated, or afraid that you're not skilled enough to make the good money (lack confidence), but either way, you're not making enough NOW, to demand more of your gf.
You want the traditional roles, and she's doing hers perfectly fine as the housekeeper, but you are NOT playing yours as the breadwinner and provider. You're making $14/hr and you expect her to respect your demand to step up around the house? She may barely respect you in general, based on your behavior and personality. You have a CS degree, but you're coming off dumb and dense AF. My advice to you is to start looking for one of those better paying jobs that's going to pay more money, or start doing more around the house. Also, encourage your gf and let her know that you appreciate her, and her efforts.
Moving away isn't the best decision for the kids. There are legal ways to keep her here with the kids. Although if I was in her position, there is no way I would want my children alone around this unknown child who had a traumatic upbringing. As far as the explanation for the divorce, my guess is he already knows why.
That sounds very reasonable! Thanks again.
And guess what. It’s also correct to say the Church of Islam when referring to the followers as a collective. Because once again, by the dictionary definition, it is a church
You know what? Its time to tell the kids that you guys are going on a little holiday (if you can afford it) . Tell him you need space. .what he is doing is not normal or healthy ok.
Wtf is he upset about?
Saying mommy is being stupid and using that as a justification for abandoning the kids is not OK!! You are terrified to speak to him. You need to remove yourself from this situation immediately.
He is a gaslighting narcissist. Read that again. Over and over .
1987 parental divorce trauma is bs. She’s old enough to have gained some critical thinking skills on her own and work through things. He knows he’s not happy. Maybe reach out and ask if he wants help then go from there. It’s naked to leave a manipulator. They are trappers. Best of luck.