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Trynstuff, 29 y.o.
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Date: January 11, 2023
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Clearly that's not true. Maybe he pretended to be cautious when you were around
She probably does feel that way, but it’s not logical
I never said that, though. I outright said I wasnt going to invade her space, id never disprespect her privacy. my issue is she kept using a phrase she knows is triggering. I dont think she was trying to hurt me and I never said she was an asshole once, its just difficult to gather my thoughts after that.
also I am in therapy dude.
You’ve got to help me, Rhonda, help me get her out of my heart.
Thank you. I spoke to him and we decided to end things. A long distance relationship is difficult.
Absolutely do not cheat. There's no justification for infidelity. Cheating with this coworker would be utterly cowardly and prolong the pain. Either go to individual counseling or, and this is probably the better option, get a divorce.
You can do so so so so so so much better than this clown. Please dump him and find yourself a grown man.
Do you really need someone else to confirm this for you?
Dude.
there was 1 time we were not talking to each other (my GF) because of a fight which was kinda her fault thats why I didnt talked to her that time, so I asked my colleagues whos more experienced in relationship than I am
There is a lot of room to grow up.
Leave. What's keeping you?
We were in a screaming match, and then she knocked a plate of food from my hands as I was walking, and then we got physical.
There are no hot and fast rules about anything. It is all about what works for you. My only concern is your nagging concern, you might want to explore that with your fiancé.
Why would you want to try and fix this? What about him is good enough to continue to be lied to & disrespected? He didn't even have enough decency to talk with women on his own phone. He used your laptop to tell other women how much he loved them. A woman he's been fucking way before you came along. He doesn't love any of you.
The only person here being selfish and not respecting their partner is your husband! Your wishes are equally as valid as his- and even more so, because you're the one whose body has to create the baby.
Your grief over the miscarriages and the death of your baby is super valid, and wanting to wait before trying again is an extremely understandable choice. Him trying to blame you for the miscarriage, and citing your stress from a fight HE initiated is, frankly, cruel.
He does not sound like a man who you should have a child with. Not now, not ever. He's not treating you as a person and partner. He's treating you like an incubation pod for his child. I would suggest taking a critical look at your relationship overall and asking yourself if this is the way you want to be treated in a marriage.
I promise there are men out there that will treat you like a real partner in life, who will value your opinions, and who would never ever blame their partner for a miscarriage (which are very common and was not your fault!). It's scary to make a change, but I'd bet money you'll be happier without him and all the guilt trips he's trying to pile on you!
You gotta love people who bring up polyamory AFTER they enter a (supposedly) mono relationship.
You have no obligation to accept this, and don’t let her gaslight you into thinking you’re insecure or less of a man.
Poly only seems to work when both sides are on board from day 1. You sound like you have way too much emotional currency invested in her to even entertain the thought.
Sorry bro. Welcome to the wasteland that is dating today.
“I didn’t think of it this way.”
Why would you? It doesn't seem like your wife's feelings and needs are at all important to you.
You force her to communicate HOW and WHEN you want her to instead of meeting her where she is. “my wife loves interior design” yet you didn't like how long she wanted to take so you let your mother ruin it. “I’m a great listener and I have patience.” You lie to yourself instead of facing the facts that by blocking her phone(YOUR OWN WIFE'S PHONE) you are acting like a bully devoid of both patience and listening. “She is withholding affection because she knows how much I live! her and to be near her.” You are not entitled to her tender feelings when you squash them under your dirty boots.
Your poor wife…
“I’m pretty and loyal and a genuinely sweet person”
“Or should I leave him and be 23 year old single mom of 2?”
I guess you want to hear what to tell him to make him realize he needs help, or how to tip-toe around his unpredictability, or to keep a journal or what not. This is not that answer, but please read it and reply.
I believe that you both love each other very much. I believe that you can’t see him in the same light as the stereotypic abusive/violent man. He probably doesn’t wear those white sleeveless T-shirts we see on TV characters who are violent and abusive, and probably speaks in a soft voice and is loving with all his interactions with you. You have every right to think that we are all exaggerating because we only know the bit about punching the wall. You may think that is a just one-time hiccup and that he is otherwise wonderful, supportive, patient, a great listener, and a generous lover, and all the things you ever dreamed of in a man.
I believe you, I really do.
But now to the current situation. Let me be clear: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You did not make him hit the wall. Unless you have mind control powers from a sci-fi movie, he makes his own choices and you make your own. You can own your own mistakes but he needs to own his own mistakes and not say “you made him do it” because you are not in the frigging X-men. That is immature.
You are still young and learning how to be an adult, learning how to own your mistakes and how to communicate effectively. But he is not young. If he hasn’t learned by now it means he won’t. He will not own his mistakes and do the work to change. Please do not attempt to change another person, that is also incredibly immature.
You met him when he was already supposed to be an adult. 32 year olds should not find a 22 year old attractive precisely because or the different emotional maturity. Maybe you kept growing, but he didn’t. This is who he is, you have had a few years now to get to know him. Am I wrong to guess that he blames his actions on others?
Adults also learn to not try to fix a partner, never date someone for their potential future self. Either you want all of him or you don’t. It is unfair to other people to accept them partially. And I hope you don’t want to be with someone who makes you cry and blames you for his actions.
I know you won’t leave him now, just please read self-help books about self-esteem. Even if you don’t leave him, do learn to love yourself unconditionally and to stand up for yourself.
You need to find temporary joy in something so you can just get through this. You need to work up at least one or two good smiles for her if you can manage that. Not the fake ones that look like you might be constipated. But it might also be a good idea to actually sit down with her and ask if you can talk about the photos. Let her know that you’re legitimately uncomfortable with the idea and you’re dreading it. See if she is open to asking the photographer to go easy on the awkward staged smile shots and try to get some good sneaky candid ones of y’all instead.
Just remember during the photo session, with every click of the camera your are like ? this much closer to having dinner, getting drunk, and saying GOOD THE FUCK BYE to all the people that are stressing you out. Just think, people tend to leave newlyweds the hell alone for at least a week or two after the wedding.
If anything, think about how sweet it’s going to be when all the stress is over, your new wife isn’t losing her mind over the wedding, and you get some god damn peace and quiet. That’s worth a smile or three!
To be steady and wants more. Fwb leads to feeling for one eventually
He is 100% trying to have an affair with you.
Never ever allow anyone to speak over you. If you allow it once, they keep doing it. A trick I learned from a kindergarten teacher has worked wonders for me both personally and professionally: the moment someone interrupts you, stop talking. Immediately get quiet and look at them. They will instantly realize that they stepped on the conversation, without you having to say anything. Even kids realize it. You just clearly set a frame where you are not going to speak if someone speaks over you. If they want to have a conversation, they will need to have one where both speakers are heard. Works every time.
Don’t start a relationship until he’s single. Men who will willingly cheat on one person would easily cheat on you.
I'm bi. I've tasted pussy, thank you. I'm also the owner of one. I've never tasted pee. Nor a salty pussy.
It’s her response, specifically her cavalier response to the event that indicates a drinking problem to me.
And a lot of times, people are really fucked up. Willingly.
Yeah no. To be clear I fully understand his point of view. I am not defending it but I do understand it. That being said it doesn’t seem worth it for you two to get back together at all.