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Date: October 22, 2022
I agree with all this except that I don’t think the friend or fiancé had an obligation to fooling around or explain anything. Maybe they could have made it know they went on a date or two and he could ask fiancé about it. It’s not really any of his business. I’ve never asked about my wife’s past partners and visa versa. We don’t really think it’s relevant I suppose though neither of us are afraid of relating a story when relevant. Cheating and lying are things to be upset about but I don’t really think revealing some irrelevant part of your past is.
Yes, this is an unusual reaction to a spilt drink, imagine if it was something more serious. Would he hit you?
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Exactly if he’s more aware he would invest into more suitable things for their life .
Girl this is horrific. You sound so young and he’s so old, manipulative and disgusting. You need to get a fucking pair of balls and look after yourself, get this fucker out of your life.
whether it's arranged, random, or even the people get to pick who they date, the reality is that some people have red flags or even lots of yellow flags, and our friends who are dating them might see it but they think they can change the person.
your friend is basically banking on the idea of being able to change Raj. She likes him for his finances, education, looks, and social status. She doesn't like him that much for his personality, but she thinks she can change it or put up with it.
but it's clear that Raj is the more dominant personality, along with his way of thinking he's marrying down, and she's marrying up, then she isn't going to get her way.
they may come to love each other in the future and have a tolerating kind of marriage, or things might get worse. they might even get better. we have no way of knowing but if we judge based on his “best behavior effort” in the 1 week that he met her and her family, in which she's already crying about things being unfair to her, then things will get worse from there.
I don't understand why companies wants us to create bounds with our coworkers this way. It's a fucking job i don't want to be friends, at 5pm i say bye and go straight home with my wife. I don't want to go drink with people i already see at work, how many hours i have to be with them? More than with my wife? That's the reason i ended up creating my own company.
You are not mature enough to be in a relationship. I really feel for your gf, you are destroying her self esteem, she is taking the blame for your issues.
Says who?
I've never seen a shorter person and thought “Wow, what a loser”
I think you're putting things in your own way that are much less significant than they actually are
Nah fuck that
Having parents live! with you is having roommates. When people stay with you for a few days or a week or so at a time, they act as guests; when they stay with you for months, they become roommates.
Does your wife want to see her parents routinely, or does she want roommates? There's a big difference and the longer they stay, the less it's a visit and more having roommates.
I would never do this. I believe it can send the wrong message to the children. My first son's Father is pretty active in his life. Him spending the night for Christmas or vice versa would never work, because one: it would be unpleasant for me and my husband, and two: it would confuse my son. I know this because we spent a whole day together with all of us at his Dad's house (shooting range day, BBQ, games) and when it was time to leave my son asked if we could all move into his Dad's house or his Dad move into our house. We explained that we have separate homes and can spend time together, but we can't live! together.
I think a more appropriate alternative is alternating each year which house they wake up in for Christmas. Before my husband and I had children together, we invited my son's Father over for Christmas. He got there early before our kiddo woke up and he would place his presents under the tree. Our son really liked the surprise. Our house has more space for accommodating a crowd, so this worked for us. Now that my husband and I have children we feel it's more appropriate to celebrate with our own family. We all agreed to alternate each year spending Christmas Day or Christmas Eve with our son. This year we have Christmas Day..next year will be Christmas Eve. This works well for us because it respects personal boundaries and our respective (evolving) nuclear families.
He refuses to admit the therapy is at all for him though, it's all for me. But hey. I guess I'll take it for progress.
How are you expecting to progress when he won't admit that he has any share in fixing your issues? You realize if the counselor assigns any responsibility to him he's just going to quit, right? It's not progress for him to agree to go to therapy so YOU can be blamed for everything.
Your comments paint a really bleak picture. You never spend time together, his hygiene disgusts you, he refuses to work on your problems, he won't even admit there ARE any problems…if you two didn't have kids together, would you stay?
my girlfriend left me and i dont know what she wants
She wants to not be in a relationship with you.
Don't fall for that “getting back together” stuff. That is a way to prolong your misery. Accept the breakup, feel bad for a few days, and then move on.
If you’re not ready to parent & pay for a kid, you aren’t ready to be a parent, my dude.
Thank you for suggesting nice things. We generally go for a weekend trip on Saturdays but its been messy from past few Saturdays. I will try to make those plan more real next time if that new guy doesnt mess the things up.
We used to meet for coffee 4-5 times a week but that number has gone down too. I am also jealous of her male friends which makes us fight more. Even I warned her about the guy that takes to her at night that he has crush on her but she doesn't understand. So now the guy has crush on her and they are talking till 12:30, fuck. Again i am not trusting her…
Doesn't really sound like there's anything here to save. Clearly, you're not compatible, and I'd have dropped his ass when I caught him cheating. People need to realise cheating isn't just physical, betraying your trust with other women over the Internet is still cheating.
It is an ultimatum. It's going to sound like an ultimatum for the same reason my cat sounds like a cat.
You're worth more than that, my man. Cut your losses here, the only day you're wasting is tomorrow.
First of all you need to have a conversation with him about this. You can't read his mind and he can't read yours. It's all about communication. Also I find it to be absolute bullshit that in my opinion, he's pretty much checked out of the relationship and wants you to be the one to break up with him by putting you through this. If he's that unhappy he needs to man up and do something about it
You sound unhinged.
Thanks.
Throw that woman out my guy and go get yourself a real one
Continue to go on dates! You can go out for dinner and any fun places/activities in your area, or have fun date nights in, cook dinner together, have a game night, spa nights, find a new hobby you can do together. I keep a list of fun things to do in my phone so there’s always options, and I love making date nights a priority ?
I think your bf isn't wrong for getting insecure since you attempted to leave him. He probably was really worried why you would, and wanted some answers. It's a violation of privacy and shows he doesn't trust you, and I'm not okay with that aspect of looking through phones. But he did find proof that you were emotionally cheating on him.
I think you should break up with him properly this time, and not date this new/old guy. Switching relationships like that is really unhealthy. You need time after a relationship. You need to breath and reflect. Don't just jump right back into one. It doesn't matter which side you were on. You need that time to look back.
average child support is 430$ for the usa. While I'm European and USA college costs are something foreign for me, Having 75k$+intrest is a good start.
I recommend you do the activities you miss, from sports to travel, with groups and leave her home. Include her by taking pics and videos, phoning while away. Then, assist her by doing things she needs/wants, such as going to a garden show in a wheel chair, or take her to get massage.
What you want to avoid is emotional affairs at work or play. When you're dissatisfied, it's all too easy to fall into that trap.
As a disabled person myself, I know it is possible and necessary to still enjoy pleasant activities. This will make your bond ever stronger. Good luck.
i don’t mean to be rude, but you being less attracted to her because she doesn’t want to do anal is gross tbh. i would ask her again and if she says no then DONT bring it up again… but if that’s a deal breaker for you then break up with her sooner than later. don’t waste her time.
Your boyfriend is a jerk and you should get out of that situation as soon as possible.
That would’ve inversely proportional not direct ??
“A while ago now” reread please. I’m 100% certain my pregnancy is from him
One of the definitions of an affair is sleeping with someone who isn't your long-term partner/spouse.
You're clearing dealing with some issues, whether it's mental or physical. When you do tell your husband about the affair, and he ends up leaving, you may want to do some soul searching to figure out why you needed to betray your partners trust the way you did.
Learn from this and do better moving forward. And don't try and convince or grovel for your husband to stay. Respect his decision and do your best to coparent.
12 inches in circumference or diameter?
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Honestly imagine saying to someone “your physical wellbeing is less important than my sexual pleasure” because that is what he is doing with both requests.
This is so sad. My husband and I are both 33 and he is honestly a great gift buyer for me. His mom is tricky to buy for so some years I pick up things for her. He frequently buys me small thoughtful gifts throughout the year as well. We also send each other suggestions for gifts for things we really want.
I try. 9 is always too late. She wants to go at 8, while the kids are up
Literally any way you ask is fine, so long as you don’t include the part about “missing” anal penetration from your ex.
Imagine breaking up a nice relationship because you want the govt. and religion your relationship. Stupid.
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Pretentious nonsense verging on word salad.
Everything said was true. Just let the poor guy go before you break his heart over some selfish nonsense.
Get a good lawyer, you are going to need it.
Put your best bib and Tucker on and go out a couple of times a week yourself. See how she reacts then.
He groomed you a young Asian girl…. Which he happens to have a fetish for.
You sound chock full o’ nuts too. You guys are perfect for each other.
UpdateMe!
no grow up
So, instead of saying, “No, X, I didn't cheat. But our relationship wasn't working for x, y, z reasons, so I think it was the right move,” you told her that you cheated when you didn't.
So you gave this poor girl trust issues so that she'd leave you alone. YTA.
OP, people with emotional problems often can't see beyond themselves. They tend to be so wrapped up in their own struggles that they either don't know or don't care that other people have feelings too. It's great that your friend is in therapy. Hopefully with time they'll get better and then be better able to have equal friendships. But for now this relationship is really just all about 21 NB, because 21 NB is really all 21 NB cares about. They can't even comprehend that their actions create emotions in other people. So this is likely more a them problem than anything you're doing.
I'm finding a lot of people in this thread are pro-cheater and it's really surprising to me.
Completely agreed.
However, and like I said twice in my comment, I feel like coming clean is just to make the cheater feel less guilty. It causes pain and stress for the partner. If it was truly a stupid mistake (yeah it was twice but it could have been a short burst of stupidity) then I honestly would prefer my partner to just shut up, live! with the guilt and never do it again.
I’m not sticking up for the wife at all, I just don’t think life or relationships are that black and white.
9 comments but i only see 1. love reddit.
I'm on my mobile, so I just typed it poorly with union. I'm stating in the union field you'll see 100% equal pay. And if you think 2% isn't closely equal, I don't know what to tell you. You'll also see that the studies done don't compare apples to apples. They take a blanket scale of someone working at McDonald's vs a CEO. You can't lump every job together and divide it out.
TBH your partner seems a bit delusional in how they thought this was going to go….like hey, giant bombshell, but we’re good, full speed ahead, nothing changes for us and I want you to be complicit in lying to our family and friends until after the wedding. I applaud them for telling you now, at least before your married and not being ok with lying to you, also. I’m sorry for you both but you’re not into men and they will become a man. You’re no longer compatible. Good luck OP.
Wait what? Every time you two have a fight, she’s going to break that relationship boundary you both agreed to? She sounds like some one who’s brain never caught up to her biological age. I expect a 15 year old might pull that crap, but not a grown ass woman. You know what? Let the neighbor have her, she can be his toxic problem then.
I have never heard of someone using ovulation sticks to track their period. Ever. It really makes no sense. Period tracker apps or a simple calendar make a million times more sense.
Either she’s trying to get pregnant or she’s not really on birth control and trying to use the rhythm method. Either way, she isn’t trustworthy.
I didn’t take too long to be ok. I was lucky that it didn’t go further than it did. I stopped being friends with that person. I recommend you end the relationship with your “friend” too. It seems clear to me that they’re not a true friend of yours. I would treat this as a sexual assault in your mind and consider therapy if it feels like you’re having trouble processing it or moving past it.
My husband and I married in 2015, divorced 2017. And remarried for three years now as of 2019. We are more simple now. We know we love each other, there wasn’t infidelity but there was a not good relationship. I know who he is now, and his needs are. He knows mine. We are more direct with each other and try to communicate more clearly. We are happy, shared 50/50 evenly the whole separation and divorce. We stayed kind to each other. That was big. Stay kind is the biggest thing. Make it genuine. Work on yourself, for you. Even if it doesn’t work out, you win in the end. Gave love that last chance.
There needs to be a subreddit for Americans forgetting that other countries exist
She will be fuckibg guys abroad. She thrn will cone home to go on dates and fuck guys. She will stay over night from fucking guys.
What's the point being the 3rd wheel?
You're not a Plan A or B
She will cheat if you say no.
Walk away
I walked away from an ass like her.
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If she wasn't at work did she used PTO or just call out? If your country's paystubs show this – ie you used x hours of PTO this pay period or you only worked 32 hrs instead of 40 that would let you know. Unless the person she's with is the boss and is letting her skip work and still get paid. Basically you can get a lot from a paystub or hr depending on what business and laws exist.
ooooo true
Don’t stay with this man he had admitted he is just waiting for you to die, probably for money or convince of not having to be a single parent right now. Don’t stay with a man who hates you. What message does that send to your daughter.
I don’t see why she has to tell him anything. Just make the plans and go. Of course considering if they haven’t made plans already. Why not lunch, a walk, etc with a friend while he’s at work? I’m sure she takes a break for lunch. Why does she need to tell him if she’s on her own time?
Dude, it probably will and you should deal with that, you are not the victim here really – SHE is. Her intimate moments were stolen. She was violated. You were too, but think of it this way – you chose to have those pieces of shit for friends… you made that choice in the first place. You lying about this to her? That looks like you protecting them. You’re more worried about your relationship ending than the impact this would have on her if those photos/videos got out and that has been your mistake in every step of your reaction.
Nowhere does it say anything about it being sexualized by the husband.
If you ever plan to live! in that house with her, you listen to her opinion.
If you don't, you are making it clear that you don't see a future with her.
With that in mind, do as you wish because it's your money.
You deserve better. I’ve been in a similar situation and I can assure you he won’t change if he’s done this repeatedly. Do not allow him to manipulate you, which is what he did after you caught him cheating.
If I were you, I’d completely ghost him. Do you have somewhere else you can stay? Just leave. Don’t even mention his Tinder. Promise you’ll find someone who will treat you with respect.
If you ever plan to live in that house with her, you listen to her opinion.
If you don't, you are making it clear that you don't see a future with her.
With that in mind, do as you wish because it's your money.
Are you supposed to never interact with another male…ever? His insecurities will weigh you down bad if you let them.
Yikes, a 42-year-old who doesn't see the value of saving money is going to be a 70-year-old living under a bridge or relying on your carefully saved money.
I really like her so I'd definitely want to give her another chance. But I don't know how to bring it up considering she didn't offer to reschedule. She only said thank you for waiting and sorry for the delay.
A woman dies in childbirth every 90 seconds, with an estimated 2.8 million pregnant women and newborns die every year. Maternal health is declining world wild, including in some developed nations. So yes, pregnancy kills women more than mental illness kills men, and having a former or current partner choose to terminate a pregnancy is hardly the main reason driving men to suicide.
Open the window a crack unless you are in Alaska it isn't that cold
The irony of being told to use my brain by someone who failed to address or comprehend my actual comment…
You seem to be missing the main plot here:
Do you realize that your family will hate him for a reasonable reason?
Do you realize that your friends will be telling you to not get married and that you deserve better… because it is true?
If you know what they will say and WHY… why are you still in this relationship?
Many awful and fucked up people get married. Being engaged to someone isn't magic. NOTHING will change about their relationship after you marry.
Jack is about to be a constant person in your life so that there are tons of social events and other things you don't go to because Asshole is there.
What is your plan when 2 years from now this long term group has a giant Christmas Party and you find out you are the only person not invited because you and Jack don't get along? This is going to happen over and over again.
Call off the wedding. This is a bad bad road to head down.
How would asking him this make him happier? What do you plan on doing when he gives you an answer?
There were other ppl commenting that I was talking about lmao
I assumed that she said it because she didn't want to get asked out in the circumstances we were in at the time. If she said no after I asked her then I'd take it as a no but “not like that” as a response to “do you not want me to ask you out for a date” seemed to indicate yes but not like that. I may just be looking too far into it though and being hopeful can have a negative impact on perception. Either way I decided not to use the bet, if I do ask her out it'll be better not to put any unnecessary pressure that might put her in a tight spot.
Okay. So?
Sounds like a romance novel. You should become a writer.
You should probably just stay out of Josh's business. Also, you're “good friend” told you something with basically the only intent of it being to upset you. There's a lot to unpack here with that friendship, hopefully you realize it at some point.
He decided to toe that line of abusing an animal. I'm sorry his daughter has that type of father.
There isn’t really enough information to go off of.
Was he being aggressive, constantly complaining? That’s an issue. If he was just being quiet because he’s stressed out, that’s perfectly normal and fine.
This reads like Abc might have manipulated this situation. Do you know for sure she was pregnant? Because it really sounds like she found you in a vulnerable situation, took advantage of you, possibly lied about the pregnancy to get you on the hook, and now is trying to get her claws deeper into you.
Couldn’t agree more.
Dude you should of been HONEST and TRANSPARENT and told her everything from the beginning – as to why you’re breaking up with her, getting with best friends sister, etc.
Too Late now.
Your GFs reaction to a very understandable frustration is bizarre. You’re not being a selfish asshole for wanting to have alone time with your partner.
So your GF ruined your anniversary trip and when she asked you about it and you were honest with her she's now giving you the silent treatment?
and you are asking what YOU can do to make things right?
If she doesn't apologize soon and try to make things right, kick her ass out.
That will make things right.
She and her BF can both be single.
Men need to learn to make their “staring” about themselves and not their partners. Why marry someone who turns you off? Could you afford to get the girl with no belly fat? If you couldn’t, count your lucky starts this lady accepted you as a husband.
Come on, bro. What are you doing?
Get out of this bullshit relationship and find someone who actually wants you.