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Room for on-line sex video chat Top01
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Languages: zh,en
Birth Date: 1999-10-20
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityAsian
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureStudent
Date: November 16, 2022
I made that mistake as well. Didn't expect to see OPs dick lol. His a cheater and a groomer RUN!
I'm thinking of deleting my posts anyways because some twat posted my posts to tiktok so now if she finds this account idk what I'll do
More than 14 drinks in a week (2 beers per day, on average) is considered a HEAVY drinker. He's drinking more than DOUBLE what a HEAVY drinker drinks.
There's no way he can stop any time he wants. If he's so sure he can quit (and he very well might believe that, btw) then ask him to quit for one month. ZERO alcohol for 30 days. Personally, I doubt he'd even agree to try.
I think you should suggest that he talk to a professional alcohol counselor for a few sessions.
If he's not willing to do one or both of these things, simply to give YOU peace of mind, then that pretty much tells you everything you need to know here. Do you really want to raise your kids around a person with such an addiction?
Where is his lack of commitment? You've been dating for 7 years, and you're saving for a house. If that isn't commitment, I don't know what is.
Lots of marriages don't last 7 years.
Maybe she's just being a normal teenager and wants to kiss a lot of people. His feelings aren't her problem, especially since they aren't together
Op was more invested than she was. That's a bummer and it happens but she's a teenager doing teenage stuff
She is old enough to know better. Go to surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. Best to monitor communication s between them. Could turn into a affair
Nothing is ever good with her. One day she is the happiest and tells me that I make her so happy, and the next day she tells me that I make her miserable.
Independent, if you are in a relationship with an untreated pwBPD, you may be doing her more harm than good. I say this because whatever you do will be hurtful to her much of the time. For example, a comment or action that pleases her on one day may greatly offend her when repeated a week later.
Moreover, she often will perceive you as being hurtful when you DO something and hurtful when you DON'T do it. In this way, you often are damned if you do and damned if you don't.
This conundrum is due to the position of her two great fears — abandonment and engulfment — at opposite ends of the very same spectrum. This means you often find yourself in a lose/lose situation because, as you back away from one fear to avoid triggering it, you will start triggering the fear at the other end of that same spectrum.
Your predicament, Independent, is that the solution to calming her abandonment fear (drawing close and being intimate) is the very action that triggers her engulfment fear. Likewise, the solution to calming her engulfment fear (moving back away to give her breathing space) is the very action that triggers her abandonment fear.
Consequently, as you move close to comfort her and assure her of your love, you eventually will start triggering her engulfment fear, making her feel like she's being suffocated and controlled by you. A pwBPD usually craves intimacy like nearly all other adults — but she cannot tolerate it for very long.
Because she has a weak sense of self-identity, she easily becomes very enmeshed in your strong personality during sustained periods of closeness and intimacy. This is why her sense of personal boundaries is so weak that she has difficulty seeing where HER feelings and problems stop and YOURS begin. Yet, as you back away to give her breathing space, you often will find that you've started triggering her abandonment fear.
In my 15 years of experience with my BPD exW, I found that there is no midpoints solution (between “too close” and “too far away”) where you can safely stand to avoid triggering those two fears. Until a pwBPD learns how to better regulate her own emotions and tame her two fears, that Goldilocks position will not exist. This is why a relationship with an untreated pwBPD typically is characterized by a repeating cycle of push-you-away and pull-you-back.
Indeed, even if you are sitting perfectly still and not saying a word, a pwBPD who is experiencing hurtful feelings will project those feelings onto you. Her subconscious does this to protect her fragile ego from seeing too much of reality — and to externalize the pain, getting it outside her body.
Because that projection occurs entirely at the subconscious level, she will consciously be convinced that the painful feeling or hurtful thought is coming from you. This is why an untreated pwBPD usually BELIEVES the false accusations coming out of her mouth (at the moment she is saying them).
Hence, as long as you remain in a relationship with an untreated pwBPD, you often will find yourself hurting her — i.e., triggering her engulfment fear as you draw near, triggering her abandonment fear as you draw back, and triggering her anger even when you are sitting still and saying absolutely nothing.
She told me in the beginning that I make her feel really special, that she never had this “spark” with anyone else. Are you saying this is not true?
If she is a pwBPD who has dated other BFs, it very likely is not true. But she likely BELIEVED it to be true when she said it to you. During the honeymoon period of every close relationship, an untreated pwBPD experiences feelings so intense that she is convinced that her new partner is her “soulmate,” i.e., the nearly perfect man who has arrived to rescue her from unhappiness. Hence, she usually idolizes each partner at the beginning of each relationship.
In this way, the infatuation holds her two fears — abandonment and engulfment — completely at bay. Yet, when this infatuation starts to fade (typically after about 4 to 6 months), both fears return in full strength and — as I noted above — it is impossible for you to avoid triggering both of them frequently.
I think it’s wrong to leave somebody just because they are a little bit sick. Don’t you agree?
Independent, the issue is not whether you should walk away from a person who is “a little bit sick.” Rather, the issue is whether you will be doing more harm than good by staying in an unstable relationship with a woman who may have the emotional development of a 4-year-old.
That is, the issue is whether you're trying to have a BF/GF relationship with a woman who is only capable of having a parent/child relationship with you. This is why it is important to see your own psychologist (i.e., one who has never treated her) to obtain a professional opinion on what you're dealing with.
I suggest that, while you're waiting for an appointment, you take a look at the r/BPDlovedones sub. There you will find hundreds of members sharing their experiences of living with — or walking away from — their BPD partners. In the right-hand column of that sub, you also will find a list of good books and links pointing to live resources.
Moreover, Reddit's biggest BPD resource targeted to the abused partners is the r/BPDWiki. If you have any further questions for me, Independent, please feel free to contact me here in your post or in a PM.
I once had an ex I stayed friends with after a break up, leave me in a car for 30 mins so she could pick up some weed. I was patient enough and started laying on the horn because she was taking too long. Chewed her out when she got back and couldn’t figure out why I was so upset. I’m a pretty patient guy but 10-15 mins should be the limit with no update.
All my friends moved out of state a long time ago. So really no, all I have is my mom who is disabled and taking care of my niece full time and even she lives an hour away.