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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
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Wandering a city at night is not safe. The presence of your BF doesn't keep you safe. And the fact he is not inclined to make you feel safe during these midnight walks he wants to go on, just makes him a jerk.
Stop going on these excursions.
Forget the homeless creepers for a second. You are being forced to go on walks at night with a man who gets annoyed by your feelings. And you are basically alone with this man at night. If not for the title identifying this person as “boyfriend”, would you agree to go on these walks? If your co-worker's husband called you up at 2AM to go for a walk….you wouldn't think twice, that's weird unsafe shit.
And even with this guy titled as “boyfriend”, skulking around the city parks and trails late at night is weird unsafe shit. Stop it. Go mall walking after work instead for the exercise. It's more public, more well lit, and there's often random events to see and chat about (performances, demonstrations, and music). If the BF shuts down this idea, start asking yourself why he is indifferent to how safe you feel, and why in the heck you are going off in the dark alone with him?
I'm sorry but Lily isn't in the wrong for literally any of what she's asked. Every single one of your friends, including you, lied and disrespected her because you felt like it was acceptable to cheat, Meghan thought it was acceptable to help you cheat, and your friends thought it was acceptable to hide it from Lily. Your past and current actions are showing her that you don't give a shit about her emotions, comfort, and trust, nor do you give a shit about the marriage.
Any well-adjusted person with genuine compassion and love toward their significant other would completely understand and cut contact with people that think it's ok behavior to help them hide betrayal. I've said this sooooo many times on this sub, but being cheated on is well-documented to cause trauma and ptsd. It's not a small mistake. It's something that can ruin someone's life, mental health, and relationships for them in general.
It's reasonable for her to still not want you to have contact with them, and you should understand that since you repeatedly did something that traumatizes people. If you can't keep yourself from doing things that your wife has requested after you cheated on her and betrayed her trust, then you need to be brave and actually divorce her so that she can find someone that fully loves her, instead of being with someone who cheats, secretly wants to end things consistently but doesn't, will probably cheat again, and wants to keep friends that actively participated in hurting her.
Your wife keeps taking you back after you do repeatedly show her that you lack compassion for her, and yet you still want to do something that you know would cause her pain. You may not want to hear it, but you're being incredibly selfish and from the sound of this post, you have been the entire relationship
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
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I’m sorry that happened, but it’s in the past. She’s trying to make things better for you by going to a different gym. Give things a try again at your old gym. You never know how you’ll really feel unless you try it
There is not much you can do except wait and telling him you will be there when he is ready. It is good that you are working on it, many he just need a bit of time
It can take two weeks or more to show up. This would be a question for your doctor. But yeah, one of y'all had sex with someone that had the STI. If it wasn't you, it had to have been her. You don't just get it randomly.
really makes me wonder how they made it all the way to marriage and baby
Huge life changes like having a new baby, a loss or gain of a job, a big move, an accident or illness, etc tend to bring out sides of people you've never seen before. It's really easy to on-line in that honeymoon phase for a while until you have to adult up and wake up to reality of the day to day work of being an adult. Especially with the added responsibility of a child on top. Some people don't adjust well at all.
Literally, the only thing you said about your husbands proposal was that he was shitfaced, you turned him down and the second one was “no grand”. Sounds like a fairytale, that i'm sure is still going on.
But this isn't about you. It's about the OP. And i stand by what i said about her situation.
Obviously it was “on purpose”, it’s not like she stumbled and fell into his mouth. Ask yourself this, if it was just a drunken mistake, it must’ve happened even if you were there as well right? And that’s not a very desirable trait is it. You just have to decide if it’s going to be a dealbreaker for you or not. Do you reckon this will happen again if she’s drunk and you’re not around?
Honestly? Date someone who is closer in age and life stage as you. This is going to be messy and challenging and nothing much is going to change anytime soon.
If getting together once a week or so isn’t working for you, then this just isn’t a good fit at this time. He doesn’t have more time available.
I agree completely see, i definitely always try to see both sides of the story and situation, and im not perfect and i know there is always something i can learn from things loved ones tell me, after the conversation i thought deeply about it and really tried to reflect on situations where this sort of advice may apply, but truly i do not see it fit. If anything this advice fits his situation perfectly, which is why i truly feel its projection. I mean it when i say I genuinely am trying to apply it to myself but i just do not see it fit at all, i even spoke to friends who im close with as well and they all said the same exact thing.
“I've never heard of a successful age gap relationship”… Hears about a successful age gap relationship… “Yea, yours doesn't matter”. ? You folks are hilarious.
This is controlling Behavior. If he hasn't already he's going to start wanting to limit the clothing choices that you have and what you can wear outside of the home. How long you can be gone or where you can go, who you can be around or who you can be friends with. And if it's not happening already he'll start isolating you from your family. And if he doesn't go full bore controlling sliding into DV home life it's still a bad relationship
You can deny all you want, your gf and all of us reading are clearly not blind. Even without you admitting it your gf can see you’re attracted to her and that’s why she has a problem.
And the only person talking here like a rapist is yourself. People see attractive people everywhere all the time, we don’t feel the need to ‘handle’ anything. We acknowledge that and move on with our lives. And we certainly don’t try to get into a roommate situation with them.
And idk what advice you’re looking for. There’s no convincing your gf, because she’s right. Also I am looking at your ages and frankly she’s a smart woman to draw the line with your bs about living with this friend. Nobody needs this drama at this age
If you were planning to have children within the next year anyway I would highly recommend meeting with an OBGYN to discuss the risks of pregnancy with her specific health issues before terminating. Hope that you and the girlfriend have lots of support through this!
I have this happen recently too with myself. I think algorithms are extremely smart & effective and they know how to keep us glued to the screen. I wouldn't worry just yet. Maybe encourage some outdoor activities. When I go feed seagulls I get off my phone. Gotta distract the brain a bit. It's nude tho, I even use phone at work and in class. It's an addiction for sure.
I mean he'd actively use to post his ex almost daily, my boyfriend and I use to be classmates during that time and i had his social media handles so it's kinda weird for me in a way. I love being posted and shown off it brings me a sense of security in the relationship.
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Wandering a city at night is not safe. The presence of your BF doesn't keep you safe. And the fact he is not inclined to make you feel safe during these midnight walks he wants to go on, just makes him a jerk.
Stop going on these excursions.
Forget the homeless creepers for a second. You are being forced to go on walks at night with a man who gets annoyed by your feelings. And you are basically alone with this man at night. If not for the title identifying this person as “boyfriend”, would you agree to go on these walks? If your co-worker's husband called you up at 2AM to go for a walk….you wouldn't think twice, that's weird unsafe shit.
And even with this guy titled as “boyfriend”, skulking around the city parks and trails late at night is weird unsafe shit. Stop it. Go mall walking after work instead for the exercise. It's more public, more well lit, and there's often random events to see and chat about (performances, demonstrations, and music). If the BF shuts down this idea, start asking yourself why he is indifferent to how safe you feel, and why in the heck you are going off in the dark alone with him?
she’ll be housewife. of course that includes all the house chores
I'm sorry but Lily isn't in the wrong for literally any of what she's asked. Every single one of your friends, including you, lied and disrespected her because you felt like it was acceptable to cheat, Meghan thought it was acceptable to help you cheat, and your friends thought it was acceptable to hide it from Lily. Your past and current actions are showing her that you don't give a shit about her emotions, comfort, and trust, nor do you give a shit about the marriage.
Any well-adjusted person with genuine compassion and love toward their significant other would completely understand and cut contact with people that think it's ok behavior to help them hide betrayal. I've said this sooooo many times on this sub, but being cheated on is well-documented to cause trauma and ptsd. It's not a small mistake. It's something that can ruin someone's life, mental health, and relationships for them in general.
It's reasonable for her to still not want you to have contact with them, and you should understand that since you repeatedly did something that traumatizes people. If you can't keep yourself from doing things that your wife has requested after you cheated on her and betrayed her trust, then you need to be brave and actually divorce her so that she can find someone that fully loves her, instead of being with someone who cheats, secretly wants to end things consistently but doesn't, will probably cheat again, and wants to keep friends that actively participated in hurting her.
Your wife keeps taking you back after you do repeatedly show her that you lack compassion for her, and yet you still want to do something that you know would cause her pain. You may not want to hear it, but you're being incredibly selfish and from the sound of this post, you have been the entire relationship
She doesn’t really truly care about you if she doesn’t want you to go
Break up with her
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I’m sorry that happened, but it’s in the past. She’s trying to make things better for you by going to a different gym. Give things a try again at your old gym. You never know how you’ll really feel unless you try it
There is not much you can do except wait and telling him you will be there when he is ready. It is good that you are working on it, many he just need a bit of time
It can take two weeks or more to show up. This would be a question for your doctor. But yeah, one of y'all had sex with someone that had the STI. If it wasn't you, it had to have been her. You don't just get it randomly.
Thanks for the answer
And i agree with you
He’s a predator. Do not proceed. Don’t settle. Give it a few years and you’ll find a guy who actually like and will want to get married and have kids.
really makes me wonder how they made it all the way to marriage and baby
Huge life changes like having a new baby, a loss or gain of a job, a big move, an accident or illness, etc tend to bring out sides of people you've never seen before. It's really easy to on-line in that honeymoon phase for a while until you have to adult up and wake up to reality of the day to day work of being an adult. Especially with the added responsibility of a child on top. Some people don't adjust well at all.
Literally, the only thing you said about your husbands proposal was that he was shitfaced, you turned him down and the second one was “no grand”. Sounds like a fairytale, that i'm sure is still going on.
But this isn't about you. It's about the OP. And i stand by what i said about her situation.
Yup he had awful timing lol I'm trying my best to handle everything thnx for caring i appreciate u❤❤
Nope, no way, not worth stepping out of your comfort zone for him or any man that age.
He doesn't sound like he is interested. Have you gone out on a date yet?
Obviously it was “on purpose”, it’s not like she stumbled and fell into his mouth. Ask yourself this, if it was just a drunken mistake, it must’ve happened even if you were there as well right? And that’s not a very desirable trait is it. You just have to decide if it’s going to be a dealbreaker for you or not. Do you reckon this will happen again if she’s drunk and you’re not around?
Honestly? Date someone who is closer in age and life stage as you. This is going to be messy and challenging and nothing much is going to change anytime soon.
If getting together once a week or so isn’t working for you, then this just isn’t a good fit at this time. He doesn’t have more time available.
I agree completely see, i definitely always try to see both sides of the story and situation, and im not perfect and i know there is always something i can learn from things loved ones tell me, after the conversation i thought deeply about it and really tried to reflect on situations where this sort of advice may apply, but truly i do not see it fit. If anything this advice fits his situation perfectly, which is why i truly feel its projection. I mean it when i say I genuinely am trying to apply it to myself but i just do not see it fit at all, i even spoke to friends who im close with as well and they all said the same exact thing.
“I've never heard of a successful age gap relationship”… Hears about a successful age gap relationship… “Yea, yours doesn't matter”. ? You folks are hilarious.
Definitely. But I would totally understand if he still never wanted to meet her or have any type of relationship with her.
Question has your wife gone to a psychologist? Have you guys been to couples counseling?
My mind went to absence seizure, but yeah. If he does have his phone, what the hell is he doing?
This is controlling Behavior. If he hasn't already he's going to start wanting to limit the clothing choices that you have and what you can wear outside of the home. How long you can be gone or where you can go, who you can be around or who you can be friends with. And if it's not happening already he'll start isolating you from your family. And if he doesn't go full bore controlling sliding into DV home life it's still a bad relationship
This is all completely reasonable and normal. My partner and I do the same.
Is English his mother tongue?
you aren't giving your oldest child enough attention it seems.
So is it a thing now when men hit 30 or have kids, they revert to being 7 yrs old again? Is this the new generational “thing”?
Isn't that illegal and you can actually report him for it?
I would confront him about it, keep the thing in case you can use it against him, and then dump him.
There is no reason for him to track you at all
It’s a short term solution to the long term problem of his controlling tendencies
If you could hunt him down you would have already not post on Reddit. Cmon. Your BABY leaves with him. Wow
You can deny all you want, your gf and all of us reading are clearly not blind. Even without you admitting it your gf can see you’re attracted to her and that’s why she has a problem.
And the only person talking here like a rapist is yourself. People see attractive people everywhere all the time, we don’t feel the need to ‘handle’ anything. We acknowledge that and move on with our lives. And we certainly don’t try to get into a roommate situation with them.
And idk what advice you’re looking for. There’s no convincing your gf, because she’s right. Also I am looking at your ages and frankly she’s a smart woman to draw the line with your bs about living with this friend. Nobody needs this drama at this age
With all those downvotes, seems like I'm not the only one who agrees lol.
Appreciated.
If you were planning to have children within the next year anyway I would highly recommend meeting with an OBGYN to discuss the risks of pregnancy with her specific health issues before terminating. Hope that you and the girlfriend have lots of support through this!
I have this happen recently too with myself. I think algorithms are extremely smart & effective and they know how to keep us glued to the screen. I wouldn't worry just yet. Maybe encourage some outdoor activities. When I go feed seagulls I get off my phone. Gotta distract the brain a bit. It's nude tho, I even use phone at work and in class. It's an addiction for sure.
Very good summary of scenarios that are more likely than the story presented to and by OP!
I mean he'd actively use to post his ex almost daily, my boyfriend and I use to be classmates during that time and i had his social media handles so it's kinda weird for me in a way. I love being posted and shown off it brings me a sense of security in the relationship.
with whom I've been for 7 months and am engaged,
You still barely know them and are already engaged. Dawg, slow down
You dont care about what they think but you continue to air it out to them? Get a fucking hobby lmao.
Viagra?