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Date: October 7, 2022
There's nothing wrong with feeling good when people compliment your cooking. It's a love language and if it helps you connect with people and comfort them, why not? You have a gift, and you are sharing it with the world.
Thank you so much for the advice!
Sounds like after 2 months you are considering leaving your wife? Because she's in a depression after a catastrophic tragedy hit her? Marriage is hot. Suck it up. Get your own therapist and man the fuck up because you know she'd do it for you.
I relate to all of this. I’m youngest and 59F; I was the scapegoat of the family for no reason other than I was an oopsie baby, mom had PPD, never parented me, and so as a 2 yo I would get into my older brothers model airplane stuff if he left it on a table for days on end. They all loved telling me I was switched at the hospital, or adopted just to make me cry.
And as an adult, I was always still “young and dumb” in their eyes. I realized they were making plans without consulting me, exactly like you describe…. As if they all just couldn’t be bothered to loop me in. In fact, that’s what I’m here in the comments to say OP. Demand to see Moms phone, go thru her texts and I’ll bet you that every single one of these dinners was discussed for at least 12 hrs before they bothered to mention it to you. No way do they plan last minute dinners for 13 people that start 2 hrs later!
I suggest you start new traditions with Mom and Dad. Doesn’t have to be on the official holiday, you could meet a week before or after Christmas, and the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It could be Sushi thanksgiving at a restaurant. Whatever would be enjoyable. Also, I’m betting your sisters are going to ask you for money someday and you have to write again and remind everyone about this story.
Dogs beg , do you want to date a dog?
Move on there is so much better out there
I appreciate it, thank you. I stayed with my ex husband for a year+ in therapy, and while yes, it wasn't “worth it” in the sense of being able to fix the relationship, I've never regret putting the work in and being able to walk away knowing that I took the steps I needed to take for myself. That's where I'm at now. It may not work, but, I would hurt a whole lot more if I left without giving myself and my wife the opportunity to try.
This is perfectly worded and so right, I would give you an award if I had one.
he definitely doesn't see you as an equal parent
The only thing that really bothers me is that he will still bring up his ex in conversation quite a bit. Not all the time, but maybe every couple days.
Please postpone your wedding. On this basis alone, he is not ready to get married to you. I know cost is an issue, but it's better than divorce. It's better than wondering if youll wake up one morning and he's left to try and find her to have one more chance…
Look at what you've written here
I told him it made me sad and I felt like he would rather be with her instead of me. Well he got intensely angry with me, saying I “tricked” him into saying that
He heard you say you were sad, and he chose to get angry rather than reassure you.
Any sensible person at this time would have said “…in a hypothetical world where she didn't cheat, I think we would have still been together because I'm a loyal person. But although her cheating has hurt me, in the end it feed me to meet you, and I'm so much happier now…” etc. But it sounds like he did not articulate this.
It feels as though he is so caught up in his own feelings that he is neglecting yours.