Tell him! Also make sure you are tested for herpes as well. I can not stress this enough. Doctors will not test their patients for herpes because it was removed from the panel by the CDC. You can still ask to be tested.
I’m sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of difficult emotions and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. It's important to remember that it's not your fault that your partner cheated on you and you did not do anything to deserve this betrayal. It's also important to take care of yourself and seek support during this difficult time.
One thing you can do is to reach out to a close friend or family member and talk to them about what you're going through. It can be helpful to have someone to talk to who can provide support and understanding. You can also consider joining a support group for people who have experienced infidelity in their relationships. This can be a good way to connect with others who are dealing with similar issues and to get advice from people who have been in your situation.
It's also important to take care of your physical and emotional well-being during this time. This can mean making sure you're eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that you find enjoyable and relaxing. It can also be helpful to talk to a therapist who can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate this difficult situation.
In terms of your relationship with your partner, it's ultimately up to you to decide what you want to do. If you're able to forgive your partner and continue the relationship, it will be important to establish trust and open communication moving forward. If you don't think you can forgive your partner or continue the relationship, it may be best to end the relationship and move on.
In any case, it's important to give yourself time to process your feelings and to take care of yourself. It won't be easy, but with support and self-care, you will be able to get through this difficult time.
Drinking while upset is never the answer! Gotta find a better outlet for frustration. You’re still young tho so it’ll come with time hopefully.
As for your problem with gaining his trust back. I don’t have much advice since for me once trust is broken it can’t be repaired.
Now for the root of the problem. Your boyfriend is 28 at this age he should know how to reciprocate. Sounds like he may be a little childish in this aspect and he has to fix that on his own.
You should 100% play some games together with them! It will let you judge her character and if you seem sus then you need to talk about it with you bf.
One wonders how much more disinterest she's going to have to show before you recognize that this was probably just a flirting/oversharing situation that got a little out of control. People who lead with telling you all their problems are sending the signal that any “relationship” is going to be centered around them and (what they perceive as) their needs. So she wants to talk to you when she needs the specific thing you offer but when she doesn't need that she's not going to bother. You can't force a basically self-centered person to become reciprocal in giving. They're just too wrapped up in their own existence to be of service to anyone else. Maybe you can go back to just playing games with her, maybe not. But you're not wrong that she's not giving back. She may simply be incapable of it. Good luck.
everyone is entitled to boundaries and to decide who they want to date and who they don’t.
i, for instance, don’t date judgmental close-minded people who think my worth is solely defined by having had a sex life or relationship history prior to them.
also, “comes from a good family” and calls people she’s dated in the past “trashy” – let’s not call out the obvious class elephant in the room here why don’t we.
Let’s be real here: he had a thing for her in high school and didn’t like that she didn’t just give him what he wanted like his over privileged rich boy self was used to, and no one ever taught him how to deal with that.
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Sorry, but your wife is right and the problem is that she is probably anxious when you go visit him.
Even if you don't take the kids, as your wife, I would wonder if I died if you would let the man inside your home because you claim he is “supportive” and I would be very worried.
You are even lucky she married you. I would never marry someone who didn't cut off permanently a pedo family member or friend from their life.
I agree with you this is a possibility. I also do t really understand “I might want a divorce but that’s only thinking long term”, no a marriage works when both partners are committed for life, if you have put the ultimatum out there of divorce, it’s not coming from nowhere, it’s OP who put it out there.
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Well, you should have known you were going to get piled on in the comments, cause your a dude. They'll blame the guy for the girl cheating.
Anyway, you do way too much for her. Looks like an extremely one sided relationship. Not only can she not do the one thing you request, she runs to mommy about it. Is she a great girlfriend, or is she great as long as she gets her life catered to her. Thats what you need to ask yourself. Ship her back to her moms.
I don’t understand, did you not read the last sentence? I’ll literally copy paste. “All I want to know is if it’s insensitive based on the circumstances to keep pushing the store for a refund since they lied and the reviews are saying it’s a scam or if I should listen to my bf and let it go and let the money go to waste on the ring that doesn’t fit since it was a present”. I literally just want to know if I’m in the right to be worried about this shady business or if I should just stop and take the L and let my finger turn green
Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I tried reaching to him about how it makes me feel. But he kept saying I was crazy to assume that, since I’m the one that nudged them to be close. But I was having a very hot time. Thank you so much for your advice. It was nice being heard.
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If my partner doesn’t back me up when their family treats me like that it’s a big red flag for me. It only gets worse from there tbh. My dads family all treat my mum terribly and she’s still here barely coping and my dad doesn’t do anything about it. Deep deep resentment has settled for years and I can feel it. She really hates him for it and nothings changed. I would stay away from anyone like that because stuff like that doesn’t change. Do with that what you will
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! This is exactly how I'm feeling and I can't understand why she just can't or won't understand that. Sucks I didn't stand my ground with her but from this point on I will and I will definitely be repeating single sentences. I just have to fight that annoying feeling of guilt bc she is my mom and know that is still not enough reason for her not to respect me or my wellbeing and wishes.
Pay the $1000. This is literally the dumbest problem to have for someone in your position. Going through all this hassle for pride, risking such an incredibly beneficial transaction/relationship.
Cutting the chord with your parents isn’t going to be easy. They are controlling and believe you owe this to them. My only advice is to tell them you love and value them but you are starting your own family / life now and you’d like them to be a part of it but only if and when they can see you as your own person vs their child. It will take time but stay firm. They’ll eventually adjust. Limit contact in the meantime.
She needs mental health help, and if that means he skip's the gym until she can get it, then yes, he needs to skip the gym. What a joke, that's what any supportive partner would do.
Wouldn't breaking up be a better alternative then? I obviously still love her, but I don't know how long I'd be able to emotionally handle a long distance relationship. Maybe in that case, we'll leave each other on a good note with no jealousy or very hot feelings.
Lock your doors, get some cameras, and follow the advice of other commenters here. Honestly making a social media post about this situation is a good idea because he could be saying things to anyone and everyone – including employers! You need to proactively protect yourself. He’s a threat in every way. And he knows where you live.
Yeah that’s definitely a good one. Cause if it’s only a space thing then I can be patient and wait till he is fully charged again and that we have made a balance. Cause 2 weeks after we had another talk it was so well balanced I didn’t feel like I missed any touch and that was start of January. So he is capable.
Yea so when we move in together we need to have it perfected, this balance. It doesn’t feel nice to get the blame for being rejected touch by your own bf for sure. I need to make it clear to him that I have needs and honestly my needs aren’t even that big. Just s cuddle before sleep and before getting up 1/2/3 times sx a week. A cuddle on the sofa every now and then. It’s not much I think?
I’m so sorry for your pain. In the beginning, you put one foot in front of the other. Then you start building a life. You join a recreational sport league or you volunteer. Join any group whose activities you enjoy. Ask people to have a meal or a beer. It takes effort to create a life but it will make future relationships so much better because no one can be your everything. It’s not sustainable. I’ve made friends at bookstores because I read. A lot. I have one friend who I met when I bought a piece of furniture from her place of work. We really hit it off and I was new to the area so I asked if she wanted to get lunch soon. Now we’re friends. I don’t suppose you are an alcoholic? Because that’s where I’ve made a lot of friends. AA. Lol. You will be okay. I’m really sorry that you are hurting.
There’s some good numbing sprays out there that help with PE. He could be depressed, self conscious, etc… about his ability to hold his load. That can make sex a nightmare for a man. Check out For Hims. Try to get him in to see a therapist. Now if he just genuinely doesn’t care about getting you off, that’s a totally different scenario.
I’m not spreading misinformation. I’ve been there done that. My child’s father had to sign legal documents saying my husband wasn’t the father and relinquished my husband of his responsibility. My technically still husband would have been forced to pay child support for a child that wasn’t his DNA be damned because we were married. The court system hasn’t caught up with the same sex marriage yet. Spouses are liable for children born in marriage.
So you want to be treated like a child? Do you have no self-respect? He completely disregarded your free will by physically imposing his will on you and removed your choice.
Why does that make you feel safe? You had to negotiate for your things. If your boss did that, would you be okay with it?
Do you think your boyfriend would except this behaviour against him? If you decided some random day that he wasn’t going to work, would he be okay? No.
Adults make their own decisions. He physically stopped you from going. That is a crime.
He said that I was free to go if I could stand up and walk through the flat to the room to get my stuff and prove that I’m not in pain
He NEVER gets to decide by force. You were free to go at ANY time. Pain or not.
You weigh the risks and decide. You decided your job was more important than your foot. But it was your decision. Bad or good.
He doesn’t have to like it. You get to choose, whether it’s a good decision or bad decision.
There also has to be a genocide for it to be actually called a genocide.
I’ve known also known a handful of people who have lost loved ones due to the virus. And as someone with family who works in hospitals, talking like this is like spitting on their faces for them giving you their expertise and actually doing their job.
LOL
She's not a child she doesn't owe you any of that.
I am not trying to help his girlfriend actually. It is to help myself LOL to give myself some sanity from all the mess this boy has made in my life
Tell him! Also make sure you are tested for herpes as well. I can not stress this enough. Doctors will not test their patients for herpes because it was removed from the panel by the CDC. You can still ask to be tested.
I’m sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of difficult emotions and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. It's important to remember that it's not your fault that your partner cheated on you and you did not do anything to deserve this betrayal. It's also important to take care of yourself and seek support during this difficult time.
One thing you can do is to reach out to a close friend or family member and talk to them about what you're going through. It can be helpful to have someone to talk to who can provide support and understanding. You can also consider joining a support group for people who have experienced infidelity in their relationships. This can be a good way to connect with others who are dealing with similar issues and to get advice from people who have been in your situation.
It's also important to take care of your physical and emotional well-being during this time. This can mean making sure you're eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that you find enjoyable and relaxing. It can also be helpful to talk to a therapist who can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate this difficult situation.
In terms of your relationship with your partner, it's ultimately up to you to decide what you want to do. If you're able to forgive your partner and continue the relationship, it will be important to establish trust and open communication moving forward. If you don't think you can forgive your partner or continue the relationship, it may be best to end the relationship and move on.
In any case, it's important to give yourself time to process your feelings and to take care of yourself. It won't be easy, but with support and self-care, you will be able to get through this difficult time.
Is your ex sleeping with your lawyer? That’s terrible advice.
If you haven’t figured it out after 4 years, then you have your answer.
Oh. You're poor partner.
Drinking while upset is never the answer! Gotta find a better outlet for frustration. You’re still young tho so it’ll come with time hopefully.
As for your problem with gaining his trust back. I don’t have much advice since for me once trust is broken it can’t be repaired.
Now for the root of the problem. Your boyfriend is 28 at this age he should know how to reciprocate. Sounds like he may be a little childish in this aspect and he has to fix that on his own.
Hope this helps. Good luck
You should 100% play some games together with them! It will let you judge her character and if you seem sus then you need to talk about it with you bf.
One wonders how much more disinterest she's going to have to show before you recognize that this was probably just a flirting/oversharing situation that got a little out of control. People who lead with telling you all their problems are sending the signal that any “relationship” is going to be centered around them and (what they perceive as) their needs. So she wants to talk to you when she needs the specific thing you offer but when she doesn't need that she's not going to bother. You can't force a basically self-centered person to become reciprocal in giving. They're just too wrapped up in their own existence to be of service to anyone else. Maybe you can go back to just playing games with her, maybe not. But you're not wrong that she's not giving back. She may simply be incapable of it. Good luck.
everyone is entitled to boundaries and to decide who they want to date and who they don’t.
i, for instance, don’t date judgmental close-minded people who think my worth is solely defined by having had a sex life or relationship history prior to them.
also, “comes from a good family” and calls people she’s dated in the past “trashy” – let’s not call out the obvious class elephant in the room here why don’t we.
Let’s be real here: he had a thing for her in high school and didn’t like that she didn’t just give him what he wanted like his over privileged rich boy self was used to, and no one ever taught him how to deal with that.
Maybe he just got more responsible with time and understood that what he did before was dangerous
no. why do you need to meet your ex? that is history. stop being a weirdo and online your life with your wife, not some ex.
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Sorry, but your wife is right and the problem is that she is probably anxious when you go visit him.
Even if you don't take the kids, as your wife, I would wonder if I died if you would let the man inside your home because you claim he is “supportive” and I would be very worried.
You are even lucky she married you. I would never marry someone who didn't cut off permanently a pedo family member or friend from their life.
It wasn’t just emotional. And you know it. Sorry bro.
I agree with you this is a possibility. I also do t really understand “I might want a divorce but that’s only thinking long term”, no a marriage works when both partners are committed for life, if you have put the ultimatum out there of divorce, it’s not coming from nowhere, it’s OP who put it out there.
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Well, you should have known you were going to get piled on in the comments, cause your a dude. They'll blame the guy for the girl cheating.
Anyway, you do way too much for her. Looks like an extremely one sided relationship. Not only can she not do the one thing you request, she runs to mommy about it. Is she a great girlfriend, or is she great as long as she gets her life catered to her. Thats what you need to ask yourself. Ship her back to her moms.
I don’t understand, did you not read the last sentence? I’ll literally copy paste. “All I want to know is if it’s insensitive based on the circumstances to keep pushing the store for a refund since they lied and the reviews are saying it’s a scam or if I should listen to my bf and let it go and let the money go to waste on the ring that doesn’t fit since it was a present”. I literally just want to know if I’m in the right to be worried about this shady business or if I should just stop and take the L and let my finger turn green
Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I tried reaching to him about how it makes me feel. But he kept saying I was crazy to assume that, since I’m the one that nudged them to be close. But I was having a very hot time. Thank you so much for your advice. It was nice being heard.
Thanks. Didn't realize that was a thing.
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He's using u for company. Period. Just walk away and not raise 2 children. One being your “boyfriend” and his offspring
If my partner doesn’t back me up when their family treats me like that it’s a big red flag for me. It only gets worse from there tbh. My dads family all treat my mum terribly and she’s still here barely coping and my dad doesn’t do anything about it. Deep deep resentment has settled for years and I can feel it. She really hates him for it and nothings changed. I would stay away from anyone like that because stuff like that doesn’t change. Do with that what you will
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! This is exactly how I'm feeling and I can't understand why she just can't or won't understand that. Sucks I didn't stand my ground with her but from this point on I will and I will definitely be repeating single sentences. I just have to fight that annoying feeling of guilt bc she is my mom and know that is still not enough reason for her not to respect me or my wellbeing and wishes.
If you aren't going to help, then don't reply
well he don’t love or want you. so move on
Kinks are common enough for it to be pretty normal.
Watch out, maybe she has a kink for their partner snooping!
They go hand in hand
Pay the $1000. This is literally the dumbest problem to have for someone in your position. Going through all this hassle for pride, risking such an incredibly beneficial transaction/relationship.
Cutting the chord with your parents isn’t going to be easy. They are controlling and believe you owe this to them. My only advice is to tell them you love and value them but you are starting your own family / life now and you’d like them to be a part of it but only if and when they can see you as your own person vs their child. It will take time but stay firm. They’ll eventually adjust. Limit contact in the meantime.
BTW, u/mightymite88 posted this on the r/limerence sub. So OP may not have the time they thought to get their affairs in order for the divorce.
That's Lily Allen's song! “There's just one thing That's getting in the way When we go up to bed You're just no good It's such a shame…”
She needs mental health help, and if that means he skip's the gym until she can get it, then yes, he needs to skip the gym. What a joke, that's what any supportive partner would do.
and she may have been doing it as well as some of the comments said, breed me nice and deep.
Ugh no Just no
It doesn't matter, she is having an abortion.
Her choice, not yours. It's not a child, it's an embryo she is planning on removing.
Wouldn't breaking up be a better alternative then? I obviously still love her, but I don't know how long I'd be able to emotionally handle a long distance relationship. Maybe in that case, we'll leave each other on a good note with no jealousy or very hot feelings.
F*** what he says, he's manipulating you.
Lock your doors, get some cameras, and follow the advice of other commenters here. Honestly making a social media post about this situation is a good idea because he could be saying things to anyone and everyone – including employers! You need to proactively protect yourself. He’s a threat in every way. And he knows where you live.
Yeah that’s definitely a good one. Cause if it’s only a space thing then I can be patient and wait till he is fully charged again and that we have made a balance. Cause 2 weeks after we had another talk it was so well balanced I didn’t feel like I missed any touch and that was start of January. So he is capable.
Yea so when we move in together we need to have it perfected, this balance. It doesn’t feel nice to get the blame for being rejected touch by your own bf for sure. I need to make it clear to him that I have needs and honestly my needs aren’t even that big. Just s cuddle before sleep and before getting up 1/2/3 times sx a week. A cuddle on the sofa every now and then. It’s not much I think?
I’m so sorry for your pain. In the beginning, you put one foot in front of the other. Then you start building a life. You join a recreational sport league or you volunteer. Join any group whose activities you enjoy. Ask people to have a meal or a beer. It takes effort to create a life but it will make future relationships so much better because no one can be your everything. It’s not sustainable. I’ve made friends at bookstores because I read. A lot. I have one friend who I met when I bought a piece of furniture from her place of work. We really hit it off and I was new to the area so I asked if she wanted to get lunch soon. Now we’re friends. I don’t suppose you are an alcoholic? Because that’s where I’ve made a lot of friends. AA. Lol. You will be okay. I’m really sorry that you are hurting.
There’s some good numbing sprays out there that help with PE. He could be depressed, self conscious, etc… about his ability to hold his load. That can make sex a nightmare for a man. Check out For Hims. Try to get him in to see a therapist. Now if he just genuinely doesn’t care about getting you off, that’s a totally different scenario.
They are never actually perfect apart from whatever the one problem is.
Needed to hear this
I’m not spreading misinformation. I’ve been there done that. My child’s father had to sign legal documents saying my husband wasn’t the father and relinquished my husband of his responsibility. My technically still husband would have been forced to pay child support for a child that wasn’t his DNA be damned because we were married. The court system hasn’t caught up with the same sex marriage yet. Spouses are liable for children born in marriage.
So you want to be treated like a child? Do you have no self-respect? He completely disregarded your free will by physically imposing his will on you and removed your choice.
Why does that make you feel safe? You had to negotiate for your things. If your boss did that, would you be okay with it?
Do you think your boyfriend would except this behaviour against him? If you decided some random day that he wasn’t going to work, would he be okay? No.
Adults make their own decisions. He physically stopped you from going. That is a crime.
He said that I was free to go if I could stand up and walk through the flat to the room to get my stuff and prove that I’m not in pain
He NEVER gets to decide by force. You were free to go at ANY time. Pain or not.
You weigh the risks and decide. You decided your job was more important than your foot. But it was your decision. Bad or good.
He doesn’t have to like it. You get to choose, whether it’s a good decision or bad decision.
Honestly, the thing you should be reconsidering is your relationship, not your lease.
If you're scared to tell your partner about completely normal things, that's not healthy.
There also has to be a genocide for it to be actually called a genocide.
I’ve known also known a handful of people who have lost loved ones due to the virus. And as someone with family who works in hospitals, talking like this is like spitting on their faces for them giving you their expertise and actually doing their job.
?? This.
He is a terrible “partner.” Is this the kind of man you want your son to grow up to be?