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SuzannaVenom Public Chat Channel
Date: December 1, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
SuzannaVenom Public Chat Channel
You’re not over it. You’re here posting. You’re here posting about a form of manipulation, and you seem to want to win. You’re not over it.
There are three parts to an apology….. ….saying you’re sorry ….saying it won’t happen again ….and making amends for the behavior
Ex….I broke your favorite glass on purpose. I’m sorry. I know it was your favorite. I will never do that again. I’m going to go out and find a match for it.
He apologizes, but you never feel satisfied. My guess is that it’s because you don’t feel listened to. He’s sorry you fought….but maybe he doesn’t reallllly understand why. So when he apologizes, it’s not specific as to your reason…because you’re not being heard.
But that didn’t seem to matter to him because you’re under the impression that he feels absolved of whatever sin he committed this time. Even if he’s not entirely sure what that sin was.
And because you’re the way you are, you probably never made him really listen….to hear and understand the problem. You got your apology, and that felt like a win….at least for awhile.
But…it’s no longer a win for you to get the apology. And now you’ve found this new way to win.
So. Will you eventually answer his call? Or will you block him and be done with this madness thst seems to escalate over time.
I hope you’re safe. It worries me that there’s talk of police and that he’s rapid dialing you.
It should freak you out more that not only did your husband also cheat but he doesn't pull out when he does.
I wouldn’t call it permission to do it again if OP goes back, but it would empower him to do worse because he will think he has complete control.
I think I saw a post here about a woman who had bought sex toys and kept it secret from her husband who found out later on his own. This husband was talking about how he felt kind of bad about it and wanted advice if confronting her was a good idea. Almost all the comments called him insecure and that it was none of his business what her wife did in her private time and how everybody does have a private life. And the people who did ask him to confront her told him that he should ask her if they could incorporate the sex toys in their bedroom activities.
In this post, however, I see people talking about how it is not insecure to not want your partner to watch porn and how he gives off a loser vibe. Most people here are telling her to reconsider her relationship because it is okay to have these boundaries and she should leave if that makes her uncomfortable.
My point is shouldn't this guy have a personal life? Why does it matter? I'm not saying either is right or wrong. I'm just genuinely curious what differentiates this case than that one.
You don't have to broadcast what happened, but don't lie for other people.
Her sketchy behavior is her fault. It's not your responsibility to protect her from her actions.
Ahh, gotcha. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. It helps to actually hear someone say that to me, rather than thinking back and forth in my own head and overthinking things lol
Thank you! 😀
600 for someone you knew 3 months…girl bye. Delete this
It's not weird. Many people don't like texting, including myself. I know for a fact that I would worry about what a guy was thinking when I didn't text him for a long ( like a few days ) time.
you say their was issues with cheating issues before, was this on his part or your part?
Right here ☝️ – OP it should already be over.
Get therapy for the kids and everyone as a family. Be supportive of him.
Personally, yes, sex without climaxing is disappointing to me. And I wouldn't be with someone who doesn't fulfill my sexual needs.
But that doesn't mean that if my husband finishes early it's done and sex is over. He takes good care of me, so we both climax at least once when we're intimate.
OP is a troll.
But faulting me for having experienced her death says more about the people running than it would about me, I didn’t do anything wrong.
No, you didn't do anything wrong, however, your late gf's death is still a part of you….once you get closer to someone, it'll be completely normal to talk about what happened in the past.
I'm being 1000% honest, I did not post that
So you and your husband NEVER discussed past relationships and sexual partners before getting serious? Because it seems to me like that's when that discussion where you were honest about your past should have happened. It's nothing to be ashamed of (well, except for the revenge cheating but even that's understandable) but omitting it just contributes to his suspicions.
I only stated “jealousy” because that’s how she described it at the time. Or, more accurately, the “green eyed monster came out and I didn’t expect that.”
And yeah, me being combined drunk and horny at the time had me completely oblivious.
I’m guessing you’re referring to clitoral rubbing, which is masturbation. I find it nude to believe she didn’t know it was sexual to be honest because masturbation FEELS sexual so I honestly found that kind of weird, like you wouldn’t do that to begin with if it didn’t feel that way. Sounds like she lives in denial and guilt, and shame, which is super sad. I agree that she needs therapy, she also literally just needs to get away from her religious parents, decide what she wants to believe for herself. She probably hears her judgmental parents voice in her head and not her own. She needs to find her own inner voice and figure out what her religion means to her and if it’s worth keeping. “Is this something I was taught to believe and never challenged it, or is this something I genuinely believe because of an experience I’ve had?” You’re probably not going to be able to argue on normal logic with her either. I’m a Christian myself, but I chose it, I was fortunate enough to have two separate examples in my life, and at 13 I was given a choice whether I wanted to continue to go to church or not. My brothers chose not to, I chose to. She needs to learn the hot way that if she didn’t make a choice, it’s not her faith, she’s not bound by anything. If she never made a choice in what she has wanted as an individual, then why feel guilty? She might feel guilty because she feels she wronged the big man in the sky, or it might just be because that’s how her parents made her feel. She needs to figure that out, because from my personal experience it gives freedom. if it’s her parents, boo hoo, she doesn’t owe them anything. If it’s the first one and she has no intentions of challenging what beliefs she’s been force fed then she needs to learn healthy coping mechanisms and be kinder to herself. From a Christian standpoint, sin is unavoidable, you ask for forgiveness, you forgive yourself, and move on. So long as you don’t go out of your way to be a douche bag basically, and live as an example in Christ, you’re literally fine, and even if you fail to do that, grace exists. I don’t know what condemnation preaching goes on in her house to feel so distraught about it, but it’s super sad and I hope she can find relief regardless of her situation. Just be patient and kind toward her, tell her to be kind to herself as well. I would love an update if you’re willing to give us one later.
GTFO before you get hurt, cause she's gonna fuck him behind your back, if she hasn't already.
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Seriously, what the fuck did I just read lol
You have been a shitty father for 2 years because
He chose to put his wife before his child. No matter how shitty/manipulative/jealous the wife is (and she's absolutely terrible), a good father would not let that stop him from parenting his own daughter.
He'd either shut it down or leave. But no, OP would rather leave his daughter wondering what she did so wrong that her dad doesn't even care about her birthday anymore.
Cards are cheap and he didn't even give her one of those.
And his wife should never be a stepparent to anyone's child. She shouldn't even be around children if she's this callous.
I’m sorry but if you don’t want a vanilla marriage why did you marry this guy? He’s never gotten you off and you decided that he was good enough to marry as is. Did you expect him to magically start caring at some point? Why did you say yes to a proposal from someone that’s never gotten you off? Why did you say yes at the wedding? You say you don’t want this but the time to get serious about this was long ago. There’s lots and lots of advice I could give but this guy doesn’t care, if he doesn’t care my advice doesn’t matter.
There is no way you are cuddling like that and you don’t like him
I’m gonna give her the benefit of doubt and say she probably is just stressed out with the babies and is therefore just expecting you to deal with it. But can’t think what the consequences and the impact is on you.
Can you ask her mum for some advice on how to deal with it, and if she can help you out with nightshift? Also, I’m interested to know the logic behind you needing to be awake all night. That’s just not sustainable.
This is a super delicate and volatile situation. Tread carefully, speak truthfully on the impact it is having on you, and just let her know your emotions
That is certainly part of it, however it's more like this: if you don't want to get eaten by a bear, don't go out into the forest.
Do you really love someone after 3 months and not seeing each other in person?
just communicate and communicate tats the best way to traverse thru relationship..
It sounds like you've already tried. Repeatedly. He simply doesn't care, and has made it clear he prefers to masturbate. I think it's time to either accept the sexless and loveless relationship, or move on and let him and his hand have a wonderful life together.
Jesus christ let's take a step back here…
That was my question. I’ve never gone through fertility issues or ivf , but I know they are intense and rigorous, I don’t know if you have to go through any pre counseling. But I imagine if you terminated this pregnancy, at this point for husbands change of heart. Then wanted to try in a year or 2 you would have to find a new doctor and they may be reluctant to work with you. Plus all the money wasted.
At least ask! Not a gift, but a loan, until your next pay check. Or anyone else, really.
They do deserve a fist to the face /maybe
Leave. Him.
Don't change for anyone. Never change for a stupid replaceable man who offers you nothing. He is a controlling shitbag and you deserve so so much better. There is a reason no woman his age wants him. He has shown you who he is, BELIEVE HIM.
And no, people don't change. He isn't going to get better, he is going to get worse.
Why do you need so many naps during the day? You have a child that needs minding.
And you literally said you were talking to your son so how was he not present for this condescending little jab towards your wife?
Happy for your mother! She’s establishing boundaries that will help her heal and move on with her life and that included zero tolerance for what your father did to her with anyone
But don’t say you didn’t make a choice, you definitely did by “not choosing”, she just honoured your decision
You can only control yourself. She is making this decision not you. You have chosen to not cut anyone out. She has chosen to cut you out. Never let her convince you that you caused her actions. She caused her actions. You choose to have as many people in your life as you can. And that is a very honorable decision. Good luck.
Letting me down easily? If that were the case then why didn't he just say that he doesn't want to hookup anymore?
No I have not heard a single thing from them since last Wednesday.
I have said that alright. But I have a feeling she thinks that I could easily be the person in her dreams even though reality shows I’m not.
Wanting and expecting privacy does is a completely reasonable boundary, and it does not mean he's hiding something from you. You've previously demonstrated that you can and will cross that boundary by going through his stuff, so I can't say I blame him for keeping this info from you now.
Going through his phone would not “make you feel more connected to him.” What it would do is temporarily ease the anxiety caused by your OCD, and then it would come back again stronger in the future and you'd just keep going through his stuff over and over again and continue to violate his privacy.
You say this is a “need” of yours. If so, then it's certainly not a “need” that very many partners would find reasonable or be willing to accommodate. The solution here is for you to seek out a therapist specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for OCD and get treatment, not to violate your bf's privacy.
Seeing you out with another woman that she doesn’t know
So many people have said this, trying to justify the GF, and I just don't get it. Is OP supposed to provide a file of every woman he encounters regularly? Unless he had told his GF that his coworkers were all male, I don't see how him interacting with another woman is shocking. They were having lunch, not doing shots in a dark bar. Keeping tabs on who your partner interacts with is super weird, borderline controlling behavior.
Stand up for your wife. Perspective: Amy was kindly invited to your home. Your wife was nothing but kind to her. She hit on you. With your wife right under the same roof. She KNOWS it is inappropriate because she is not a baby. Your home and marriage should be a place where your wife feels secure and protected. Amy is not a good person or friend. Time to cut her lose. Your history does not give her a permit to disrespect your wife. Make it up to your wife. Never ever let this happen again. Imagine if it was the other way around and one of her friends did this in your home or anywhere yet they knew that you were married
You encourage her to get professional help from a therapist.
It's obvious that you aren't a mental health specialist of any kind. You don't have the training, education, or experience, and you sure aren't objective of the whole situation. Right now, you can't help her beyond encouraging her to get help.
If she get's help, you can ask how best to support her.
But honestly this is all sorts of weird. Unless she isn't telling you the whole truth, she wasn't SA'ed herself.
Very helpful! Thank you!
You encourage her to get professional help from a therapist.
It's obvious that you aren't a mental health specialist of any kind. You don't have the training, education, or experience, and you sure aren't objective of the whole situation. Right now, you can't help her beyond encouraging her to get help.
If she get's help, you can ask how best to support her.
But honestly this is all sorts of weird. Unless she isn't telling you the whole truth, she wasn't SA'ed herself.
Yeah this here.
Like if you’re in a scene with a bunch of stoners and then refuse a joint, you won’t pass the vibe check, sorry. OP it sounds like ya don’t pass the vibe check, sorry.
I’m a professional following a very similar path as you, OP. If you’re a surgeon you ESPECIALLY need to learn when to turn that shit off and be more relaxed. It sounds like you want to, you just struggle with relaxing and letting loose a little.
You can play both roles, you just need to learn how to balance the two.
Why is this what you deserve? Why are you accepting this behaviour?
He is supposed to be your partner. It should always be US vs. The problem.
Honey, you deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that, you are worthy.
A good therapist can help you determine if this relationship truly serves your needs or not.
Ooof, I felt that comment
You tell her that you don’t want to know, because her exploits and experiences with other people are her past, this relationship is her current, and hopefully future, and it is disrespectful for her to talk about them without 1. Your consent, and 2. the consent of the other people involved.
Now in saying that, you also have to follow the same rules, or you are going to be a hypocrite.
Also it is okay for her (or you) to say things like “I enjoyed doing this before, would you like to” or “sorry but I don’t like that” as these reference past experiences, but there is no discussion or details involved.
Recently he cut the girl off and told me he did it for me, because based on his forgiving nature, he would eventually forget what his friends did to him. I feel that he should have done it before I suggested he cut them off. I do feel that he's making an effort for me but I really do question how real is it.
I would say you deserve that communication. If they know you exist, why not a brief introduction, “Hey, guys, this is my gf OP.” I obviously don’t know him but I don’t think I would believe him (or anyone) who SAID their friends knew they were in a relationship if the person was hidden. Words speaks. Actions show. jmo
No, these things don’t just matter less. That woman your partner slept with was either cheating or in an open polyamorous relationship. Now, as you get older you might realize your preference towards polyamory, but that does not equal sleeping around while your partner isn’t watching. Polyamory is a continuous conversation.
I think you should consider leaving this person or putting up a naked boundary. “I am not comfortable with this conversation about getting older being a reason to cheat or explore other partners. If I find you still discussing this with myself or others I will leave. If you don’t like that I will not engage in this lifestyle with you, you can also leave. There is no reason to settle for less than we want.”
Sometimes people just need a stranger to weigh in on something to reaffirm and help them in their decision.
Not to mention, her parents suck, so she might be lacking any kind of support network that reddit might be able to help with short-term.
That is beyond deplorable. I’m so sorry that happened.
That is beyond deplorable. I’m so sorry that happened.
Especially if you knew your wife was hanging out inside sober bc she is pregnant.
Hold that line!
You’re not important enough to her.
Make yourself a bigger priority.
I brought that up because the extravagance of the gift makes it harder for me to say “No thank you” to her.
Just because it’s not MY money doesn’t mean I would be okay with it going to waste.
if a person is a stupid – it’s still their fault
watch I Love You Man. your post is the plot
Ah yes “learning to trust women again”. Do you trust men then? I assure there are as many terrible men as there are women. Just, because you can't trust some men does not make you distrustful of men in general, I presume. You simply need to filter people out, whether it comes to friendship or love.
Judge people based on their actions rather than words. Granted words can constitute actions. If for example your partner defends you in public in argument this is an action performed by words.
However, if she explains sth to you and there is disparity behind her alleged intentions and actual actions, you need to trust actions. Finally, when you do notice red flags, it might be better to leave before you get overly attached (granted you shouldn't overreact to every negative situation either).